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fandom_radio2009-09-02 02:57 am
feline-royalty.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2009-09-02 02:57 am
Fandom Radio, Tuesday, September 1st
Tybalt: Thou art aware, rodents, that, while it might seem simple to storm into one's living quarters and snatch a man away, rarely does one do such to a Capulet with impunity?
Emma: Oh for...there are rats. Everywhere. I am being herded by fuzzy rats. This is the radio station? There is something deeply disturbing about this, and if I end up with fleas, I am going to be most displeased.
Tybalt: Thee, as well? I had been beginning to fear an epidemic of some nature, until I came to the realization that the squirrels were moving me with purpose toward this particular destination. Milady, next, they shall be shoving papers at thee. 'Tis the way of these villainous beasts.
Emma: Mr. Capulet. At least there is some semblance of civilization in this hole.
...Squirrel, you wave that at me one more time, we're going to find out if my powers can wreck havoc on the nervous systems of animals. *chittering* Better. Now, I do believe you mentioned papers, darling? I feel it prudent to embark on this as quickly as possible. The sooner we start, the sooner we're done.
Tybalt: While I've no great love for these vile creatures, I must allow thee that much. I've no desire to be carried here a second time tonight, should we choose to leave before reading their precious notes.
SCHOOL: Where There Are Introductions
Tybalt: In Classical Genre, the class hath found themselves presented with a reading list, before they explained the genres which best find their favour. I imagine the foods provided assisted with this activity in some manner, though Jon seemed more interested in appreciating that Professor Castle chose to continue his teaching career here than in the free snacks. In the class that focuses on comparing the more glaringly obvious differences between this island and the world beyond, Professor Sun lectured on how the concept of normalcy is hardly a constant between the two locales. The students were expected to introduce themselves, and they shared the most bizarre happenings they've come to know here with the class at large. Mine own strangest enounter has something to do with a penguin, I suspect. After the class, Professor Sun was present to speak to any who wished to further discuss these concepts of 'weirdness' that we all hear so very much about.
Emma: If you haven't figured out the 'weirdness' by now, darlings, come find me. Auntie Emma will be happy to explain it to you using little words.
Tybalt: Be succinct and keep thy sentences short. Too many syllables, I've found, have the unfortunate tendency to cause most residents of this island to demonstrate a distinct inability to comprehend even the most simple of concepts.
Emma: In Sex Through the Ages, which is looking to be a highly amusing class, Professors Kirk and Algren discuss prehistoric mating rituals. They gave a very stimulating lecture, and they had my fellow students talk about where they'd drag their 'lady loves' off to during introductions. Which is rather ridiculous, since some of us are not so desperate as to need to drag anyone anywhere.
Tybalt: And still others consider it a matter of sport.
Emma: Of course, such a thrilling lecture was followed by practice, and we hit each other with Nerf bats. Helen sulked at Leda and said she didn't want to play -- party pooper -- and Angela Montenegro and Tahiri agree this assignment is insane, and it was, but hit each other anyhow. Karla and I started a fight before agreeing to team up on McCoy -- hello, darling, I am most likely going to be home late. Obviously -- Although McCoy claimed that two-on-one was not fair. Jason didn't want to hit a girl, so he teamed with Tony Foster, and Alex and Bones thwap each other. My, that sounds dirty. You know boys, I won't be back until after radio is over. You have time.
Tybalt: Should any ladies listening this evening feel the need to participate in similar rounds of "thwapping," I insist they feel free to invite me, as well.
Emma: Don't worry, darling, we will. Seregil asks Jim where he'd hide a lover after conking her on the head, and Jim says he wouldn't have to hide her. Now that's ego. He asks Algren the same thing, and Algren says he'd go to the mountains. This clearly makes Algren the superior of the two hot teachers.
Tybalt: In the class that is decidedly focussed on World Wars and the Media, Professor Mitchell explained over tea how the 20th century saw not only the expansion of war, but of media as well. Students shared their own thoughts on the matter of war, Lady Dinah proved the astounding power of tea and ass-kissing in her quest to obtain a position as TA, and Lady Kate discussed animal transformations with the professor. Anyone Can Cook, a class with a name that I suspect was given simply to lull students such as myself into a false sense of security in a kitchen, included not only a lecture on the rules of the kitchen, but also a time set aside for students to prepare those dishes with which they already seem to have an intimate familiarity. Apparently today, all students did manage to succeed in their cooking endeavours, as Professor Tatou lived to tell the tale.
Tybalt: In the library today, Lady Anemone saw fit to bide her time by tinkering with a compac drive, in the pursuit of either knowledge or whatever shiny insides are housed within. Lady Azula sought her out, hoping to make use of the library's tomes in order to improve her comprehension of the English language. I've a secret for thee, Lady. The tongue they speak here is something I'd hardly consider English.
Emma: Right. Continuing on the theme of people with no lives, Anakin's moved his office hours to Tuesdays! Clearly, we're all thrilled. He's going over his class list and looking at the Risk board on his desk. You know, I hear it helps if you play the game. Sweets is wandering around -- what kind of name is that? -- and Anakin wants to know if he's lost. He says he's just trying to meet some of his new colleagues and explains he's the new guidance counselor. Oh god, darling, I'm sorry. He boggles at Anakin when he hears that many of students are fighter types -- yes, dear, they are. Isn't it adorable? -- and Sweets protests that violence doesn't solve anything. Really? I've found a strategic kick in the [BEEP] fixes many problems. Then Aeryn came by and was glad to see he hasn't forgotten about Risk. He can't forget about it if it's on his desk, darling. Visual aides, you see.
Tybalt: Sometimes, such things need be spelled out for a man, milady.
Emma: Only for the dim of wit, I think. A sharp soul such as yourself would have no need for such a prompt. Also in the teacher offices, Sweets is looking through a psychology journal in the guidance office, I think he'll need it, while Summer sets up an aquarium in her new office and goes over her syllabus and Fred is also fiddling with lesson plans in his office.
DORMS: Which Also Apparently Include Introductions
Tybalt: A group of fighters, led today by Zack Fair- whose family name suggests a nature far too mild for such activities- met behind the dorms in the afternoon. Lady Dinah felt the burning desire to explain the point of such meetings to Sir Jak, whilst Lady Triela saw fit to educate the lad on parts of herself with which he hath no prior experience. Lucky boy. The meeting was also attended by Lady Fiona, Lady Azula and her armour, Sir Ben, who helped himself to more than his share of the sweets provided, Lady Gabby, Lady Ino, and Lady Karla. Sir Ben and Lady Tahiri spoke of the class about Sex, and then they kissed. I must wonder, betwixt the sweets and the kissing, exactly what sort of Reserves group this island hath managed to organize. And how I might go about joining, myself.
Emma: If there were sweets and kissing on a regular basis, I might be forced to crash the party myself. Luckily, my self-preservation instinct saves me from inflicting myself with a bunch of bleeding hearts on a weekly basis.
Tybalt: A sound strategy, indeed. Sir Mat and Lady Aravis spoke of home and nobles, and both seemed comfortbale enough with the other that one might assume they were thinking of courting. Lady Kennedy and Lady Dinah took up the mantle of opposites scorned, and if a fight came of those differences, then I find myself sorry that I was not there to observe. Lady Ino continued the trend of activities ill-suited for a gathering of warriors by inviting Lady Triela to partake in ice cream with her. Perhaps slightly more fitting to the occasion, Lady Azula and Lady Triela shared a moment to express their displeasure at the return of classes. Also present at the meeting were Lady Aravis, Sir Lion-o, Sir Griff, and Sir Jason. Sir Jak, who apparently has the ability to conjure balls of flame, was the start of a multitude of individuals doing that which makes this week stand apart from all others in the school year. Introductions.
Tybalt: Sir Ben and Lady Tahiri each had high praise for something called the Jedi, whilst Lady Azula boasted her own proficiencies in battle. Lady Gabrielle's own talents run more in the vein of that of minstrels and poets, though she seemed more than willing to participate with those who deal with Rapiers and Broadswords. Lady Ino's talents seem rather explosive in nature, whilst Lady Karla appears to be a beginner in matters of physical combat. Perhaps Lady Kennedy's skills will help round out the selection of women who appear to have talents that run in the realm of dangerous. Further education seems to be in order, as is evidenced by Lady Ino's need to explain to Sir Mat the island's cruel and undesirable tendency to find itself overrun with vermin that are decidedly more threatening than squirrels armed with rum.
Emma: Still ongoing at these damned reserves, Triela was charming and offered her weapons experience to Mat if he wanted to learn. Say yes, Mat, I can promise you that Triela knows what she's doing. She then introduced herself as an assassin, demo expert and sniper. Triela, darling, I think the idea of being a secret operative, is keeping it secret. Just a thought. Aravis can use a curvy shiny sword, and Tweety advertises herself as a ninja...with...mind bullets? These rodents have the most incomprehensible notes, they're talking about her throwing bullets with her brain. Regardless, darling, you are not a ninja. The blonde and bouncy rather puts a damper on that designation. Still, Azula glomped her to ask for a sparring match. Lion-o apparently 'got buff' over the summer, and he shows off his sword. Is that dirty? I don't want to know. Karla asked Zack Fair if it's okay for her to be in the fighty reserve too, and Ino tells Zack Fair that she's better at being sneaky than face-to-face combat, then they talk about Zack's home. And Leto was there, which Lion-o was very happy about. Leto! I have a few cigars you should try, darling, I'm going to get you addicted eventually.
Tybalt: Might I suggest Cubans? I've a great fondness for them, myself.
Emma: You might, and I might have a few in my room. If Alex and McCoy are done when we get back, I say we raid my stash and head for the roof.
Tybalt: I must say, milady, thou art demonstrating a particular trend toward progressive thinking that I find most appealing.
Emma: I have been told that I have many appealing qualities.
Emma: Speaking of the dorms, Francine made it back to her dorm room, so nice to hear she didn't get lost . . . and is promptly 'tackleglomped' by Katchoo. Those are the squirrels' words, not mine. Andy commandeered the food and the TV in the third floor common room, which worked out well, when Claire introduced herself and offered to make him an omelette. Elle Bishop and Andy talked about their daddy issues, then showed off their powers to each other -- tacky, children -- and Claire and Elle Bishop swapped class schedules and pondered the meaning of life, the multiverse and everything, and if there are doubles of everyone out there. Chuck Bass and Elle Bishop made pleasantries, which the squirrels assure me is not dirty, and talked about how there's no place like home. Chuck Bass and Andy shared their mutual appreciation for herbal extracurriculars and BBQ flavored munchies. There's herbal extracurriculars here? And I didn't know about it? Now I'm sad. Sam Winchester gave Andy a weird look, but was nice to him as they introduced themselves. That's very sweet of you, darling. Claire noticed Sam Winchester's 'weirdiness' -- again, the squirrels, not me -- and offered him an omelette. Damn it, between talk of herbal options and omelettes, now I'm hungry. Jaime decided he and Andy should be friends and then they bonded over food. K-Mart met Andy and told him about her name and how zombies took over the Earth. Right. Your world sucks more than mine, at least. Diana and Samuel the talking kitty met Andy. Andy probably wasn't sure if he'd been smoking too much after the cat talked. Andy, darling, you're new. SQUIRRELS DO THE RADIO. Just deal with it, darling. Lastly, Elle Woods joined the party and met Andy, who suggested she could make shoes out of giant mutant alligators.
Tybalt: I imagine they would fetch a decent price on the black market, in fair Verona.
Emma: Blysse, Francine, Merlin, and Arthur are spotted in the Preserve. It was apparently very sudden, and startled the squirrel into falling off the branch and getting a concussion, and I am supposed to inform you all that this note had to be brought in by proxy-squirrel. Now I'm wondering if wounded squrriels go to the clinic. Really, darlings, you shouldn't be so shocked by what people get up to in the woods. We're at a boarding school, it's not like there's privacy for that sort of thing in the dorms.
Emma: Oh god, I'm talking to animals. I hate this place so much sometimes.
Tybalt: I've heard murmurs of such madness spreading, though it seems a vague possibility that such things might become more widespread. I suppose we ought to be thankful that thou art conversing with drunken squirrels, as opposed to mice, or perhaps ducks.
Emma: If I start singing with birds or dancing with the woodland creatures, just put me out of my misery.
Tybalt: I've my ways of ending the misery of a lovely lady such as thyself, Lady Emma. I daresay these ways are likely not what thou art referring to. This morning, Lady Azula woke up and dressed herself. *Pause* Yes, this constitues news. Perhaps she normally lacks the capacity to clothe herself without aid, and thus the population of the island at large ought to be sending thier congratulations her way. Lady Illyria composed an e-mail, meanwhile. In the afternoon, Lady Kate prepared herself for a date with Sir Eric Matthews, and they agreed on Pizza Planet as their dining destination. That is certainly... Romantic. I suppose. Lady Karla appears to have had troubles with a web of some sort in her room. Sir Ben appeared to assist her in her distress as she explained what she saw within the web to upset her so. Might I suggest that thou try Raid?
Emma: Karla, if your room is upsetting, you can come stay with me, darling. We still need to do our cartoon marathon with you as a girl and not a kitten.
Tybalt: Lady Maron found herself in her room studying a script, as she seems to have been drafted into participating in the play in town. I've little interest in such things, myself. The author of The Scottish Play holds little thrall over me. His plots are weak, and his characterization strikes me as doubly so. Lady Blysse and Blind Seer have returned from wherever their travels hath seen them, and t'would appear Lady Blysse hath been bless'd with a new roommate, Lady Angela Martin, who was distressed to learn that Blind Seer is no dog, but a wolf. Jason had no need for shirt nor modesty as he read Hustler with his door open. Lady Jennifer walters and Lady Elle seemed to apprecite the lack of both, at the very least. Jonas was also reading, and Lady Alex paid him a visit to assure him that this island does, in fact, require some measure of time to adapt to. This, o roommate of mine, is a sad understatement indeed. Lady Cyd paid him a visit bearing an offering of Mountain Dew, snacks, and Pizza. Alex Karev and Griff discussed the cat which was once Lady Fiona, who, as fate would have it, is lucky enough to be a cat no longer.
Emma: Yes, Angela, he's a wolf. You noticed. Don't worry, he's friendly-ish if you aren't a complete moron. And if you are a complete moron and annoy my Big Sister or her friend, we will have Words.
Tybalt: Lady Rose caught Lady Jaina speaking to the punching bag in what was possibly a fit of mental instability. More worrisome still might be the fact that they discussed what the punching bag might be like if it were to come to life. Please, ladies, do refrain from giving this island even more ideas. In the fifth floor common room this evening, Lady Elena found herself horrified at the sights which she stumbled upon while watching the television. Lady Layla-Who-Knows-Stuff denounced the Duggers family as 'freaky,' an assertation which Hurley and Sir Penguin were forced to agree with. On the roof, Lady Hayley was smoking, an activity which I shall be partaking in very shortly, indeed. *The sound of a match being struck*
Emma: God, stop that, you are giving me a nic fit.
Tybalt: I find myself more and more disinclined to patiently wait for these notes to finish before lighting a cigar. If thou wishes one, all thou must do is ask.
Emma: I'm not wasting a cigar in here. The ventilation sucks, and there's nothing worth drinking with it -- get that rum away from me, rodent. Ew. No. Not unless it's top shelf and you're going to scrub those paws before making me a margarita.
TOWN: In Which There Are PROBABLY Introductions. Somewhere.
Tybalt: Nick Knight was engaging in wanderlust in the streets when Geoffrey attacked him out of nowhere like a madman to force him into participating in that highly overrated play by that terribly unoriginal playwright. Later, Professor Knight made certain to recount the experience to his teaching buddy, Professor Durden, who shares his wine and speculates that such abductions are possibly the result of Professor Deadpool's crazed mind.
Emma: Everything is the result of Deadpool's crazed mind. Loki's lazing at the MHA, as one should on a Tuesday, and Cable's at Wellspring Arms. Didi opened T&C for her first time, and had a sale. Good for you, dear, initiative is a wonderful thing to have. Hope came in and introduced herself and they started talking about the personification of the days. Didi is the Tuesday girl who is happy she's not Monday. Didi, dear, lay off the sugar. Jaime comes in to be offered a free Squishy and a job as Didi's henchman as long as he doesn't have to wear a kilt. Right. Jaime, my minions usually only have to bring me coffee. Go talk to Layla.
Tybalt: She knoweth 'stuff.'
Emma: Hinata is tidying at Book Haven, Ino is rearranging the flowers in the window at Covent Garden, and Ellie pays the horses extra attention at the Gig. Oh god, it's all so cute. Mary has an extra pot of coffee out at the hotel and she and Tully catch up, and he invites her to go sailing. Geoffrey put up posters for the play, which was an entertaining show, and Lion-O is fielding "Boy, you got tall" comments at Cafe Fina.
Tybalt: We are in high school. He likely has to deal with such other matters as a deepened voice and the growth of hair in places where before, there was none.
Emma: Darling, we have to have two sex classes this semester, because people can't figure it out. I'm starting to think I should go around and hand out free condoms, just to explain the birds and the bees to some people.
Tybalt: If they cannot figure it out, I might be so bold as to suggest that they ought to reconsider reproducing in the first place.
Emma: What were we on? Oh yes. The quaint little town. There was a play! Which, we all knew, because Geoffrey put up the posters today. That's not very good advertising, you know, you might have wanted to do that sooner. People bought their tickets, and Geoffrey sold Danii one.
Tybalt: Geoffrey strikes me as a particularly busy man, selling tickets to a show that I can only describe as 'robbery,' so soon after abducting unsuspecting men from the streets.
Emma: Meanwhile, backstage, Tweety and Karla hug, and Tweets is all happy she is not the lead at Tony. Darling, you are an odd child. Jack Priest has Tony check his makeup, which the squirrels claim is not dirty, although it could be. Harper is checking costumes and Tweety checks on Priestly and they wonder where Edward is, since he's supposed to be playing Duncan. Sophie is meditating and then does Karla's makeup. She finds out Karla did something stupid and encourages her to confess. No, Karla. Don't confess to anything. We're pretty, and they can't prove a thing.
Tybalt: I find it to be more fun, that way.
Emma: Oh, it is. Robin-the-frog is excited and Sohpie stops by to make sure he's ready. He's a frog. I'm just going to pretend that idea makes sense. Maron tells Joan she was shanghai'd off the street to play a role, and Joan offers to help, but Maron is memorising her lines. You did a lovely job for an emergency stand-in, I suppose. Bravo.
Tybalt: Lady Sophie made an appearance to learn that Lady Maron was dragged into this sad excuse for great literature, and she was not best pleased. She was less upset to learn about the gentleman who was kidnapped off the streets to play his role, mind. The poor man, who apparently has been awarded with the new name of 'Henry Breedlove,' met with the leading lady, Lady Karla. They decided that they would get through this night, yet. Brave goals the both of them hath set for themselves.
Tybalt: In the audience, Lady Tahiri and Ben continued what they began at the reserves meeting earlier, by engaging in that courting ritual known across the land as 'teasing and flirting.' And then, of course, there was the show. Bah, Shakespeare. After the performance, the actors lined up to recieve their supposedly hard-earned congratulations. I am inclined to believe that, if people managed to sit through the entirety of the thing, then congratulations are well deserved. Lady Karla recieved such wishes, whilst Lady Sophie showed Geoffrey the power of a woman scorned by telling him her opinion on his kidnapping ways. Lady Maron recieved congratulations as well, before suggesting to Geoffrey that the next play they perform might best be written in English.
...
Tybalt: Come, now. I care not for the playwright, but still I feel the need to give protest. Shakespeare was a man of little talent, but his English is far more proper than anything I've yet to hear from the mouths of most of Fandom's residents.
Emma: Down at Caritas, Marshall is making bets with Tino. Why? Barney stops in to bet Marshall that he can't drink six beers in a row, and Marshall proves Barney right by coughing Beer all over Barney's suit. See? This is why I don't drink beer. That is disgusting. Jim comes in and a nervous Marshall gets him a beer.
Tybalt: At Lady Aphrodite's fine establishment in town, Lady Raven was merrily sampling the wares. I shall leave which wares she was sampling up to the minds and imaginations of those listening from home. It's more interesting that way, I daresay. Tim felt the need to count comics at the Android's Dungeon, while Oz, in a fit of shame over such a ridiculous name, no doubt, settled into the menial task of hanging shirts at Coyote Medicine. Gibbs was busying himself with the burden of paperwork, a task which Jack O'Neill felt the need to make a mockery of before introductions were made. I knew those would happen in this section of the notes at some point. At Cabot & Associates, Lady Fiona recieved a message of an unkind nature. Lady Kate and Eric went on their stunningly romantic date at Pizza Planet. The only thing that might improve the atmosphere such a date would be a proper kidnapping, such as the one that Geoffrey put Lady Maron through in his continued quest to force innocent persons to perform trite, ill-concieved shows on his stage.
Emma: Go Kate! Meet us on the roof after this, and I want to hear the details. Is he cute? Unless you're still busy, in which case, well done.
Tybalt: At The Magic Box, John Winchester partook in the enthralling task of balancing the books. Jack O'Neill was having issues keeping the fish from disappearing as he fished off the shore, though I find myself speculating as to whether the lack of fish was Fandom's doing, or simply a complete lack of skills as a fisherman. At the Chilly Boulder, Lady Rose and Dimitri discussed Russia. Lady Tara stopped by as well, presumably for dessert, though there was talk of the supposed villainy that is non-dairy ice-cream, as well as classes, which are equally villainous. At the Clinic, Bones- an unusual name, I must say- was demonstrating that he is well-afflicted with a severe case of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Much like the squirrels, perhaps. I believe that is the end of these notes.
Emma: About time. Shall we, good Capulet?
Tybalt: Let us away, milady. I've several fine cigars that have been patiently awaiting the touch of our lips, I intend to satisfy them thus.
Emma: Mmm. Somehow, I doubt that lack of satisfaction is ever an issue with you around. Good night, Fandom, and sweet dreams. Don't wait up.
[This broadcast written with the lovely![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
icecoldfrost. Mmm, delicious snark.]
Emma: Oh for...there are rats. Everywhere. I am being herded by fuzzy rats. This is the radio station? There is something deeply disturbing about this, and if I end up with fleas, I am going to be most displeased.
Tybalt: Thee, as well? I had been beginning to fear an epidemic of some nature, until I came to the realization that the squirrels were moving me with purpose toward this particular destination. Milady, next, they shall be shoving papers at thee. 'Tis the way of these villainous beasts.
Emma: Mr. Capulet. At least there is some semblance of civilization in this hole.
...Squirrel, you wave that at me one more time, we're going to find out if my powers can wreck havoc on the nervous systems of animals. *chittering* Better. Now, I do believe you mentioned papers, darling? I feel it prudent to embark on this as quickly as possible. The sooner we start, the sooner we're done.
Tybalt: While I've no great love for these vile creatures, I must allow thee that much. I've no desire to be carried here a second time tonight, should we choose to leave before reading their precious notes.
SCHOOL: Where There Are Introductions
Tybalt: In Classical Genre, the class hath found themselves presented with a reading list, before they explained the genres which best find their favour. I imagine the foods provided assisted with this activity in some manner, though Jon seemed more interested in appreciating that Professor Castle chose to continue his teaching career here than in the free snacks. In the class that focuses on comparing the more glaringly obvious differences between this island and the world beyond, Professor Sun lectured on how the concept of normalcy is hardly a constant between the two locales. The students were expected to introduce themselves, and they shared the most bizarre happenings they've come to know here with the class at large. Mine own strangest enounter has something to do with a penguin, I suspect. After the class, Professor Sun was present to speak to any who wished to further discuss these concepts of 'weirdness' that we all hear so very much about.
Emma: If you haven't figured out the 'weirdness' by now, darlings, come find me. Auntie Emma will be happy to explain it to you using little words.
Tybalt: Be succinct and keep thy sentences short. Too many syllables, I've found, have the unfortunate tendency to cause most residents of this island to demonstrate a distinct inability to comprehend even the most simple of concepts.
Emma: In Sex Through the Ages, which is looking to be a highly amusing class, Professors Kirk and Algren discuss prehistoric mating rituals. They gave a very stimulating lecture, and they had my fellow students talk about where they'd drag their 'lady loves' off to during introductions. Which is rather ridiculous, since some of us are not so desperate as to need to drag anyone anywhere.
Tybalt: And still others consider it a matter of sport.
Emma: Of course, such a thrilling lecture was followed by practice, and we hit each other with Nerf bats. Helen sulked at Leda and said she didn't want to play -- party pooper -- and Angela Montenegro and Tahiri agree this assignment is insane, and it was, but hit each other anyhow. Karla and I started a fight before agreeing to team up on McCoy -- hello, darling, I am most likely going to be home late. Obviously -- Although McCoy claimed that two-on-one was not fair. Jason didn't want to hit a girl, so he teamed with Tony Foster, and Alex and Bones thwap each other. My, that sounds dirty. You know boys, I won't be back until after radio is over. You have time.
Tybalt: Should any ladies listening this evening feel the need to participate in similar rounds of "thwapping," I insist they feel free to invite me, as well.
Emma: Don't worry, darling, we will. Seregil asks Jim where he'd hide a lover after conking her on the head, and Jim says he wouldn't have to hide her. Now that's ego. He asks Algren the same thing, and Algren says he'd go to the mountains. This clearly makes Algren the superior of the two hot teachers.
Tybalt: In the class that is decidedly focussed on World Wars and the Media, Professor Mitchell explained over tea how the 20th century saw not only the expansion of war, but of media as well. Students shared their own thoughts on the matter of war, Lady Dinah proved the astounding power of tea and ass-kissing in her quest to obtain a position as TA, and Lady Kate discussed animal transformations with the professor. Anyone Can Cook, a class with a name that I suspect was given simply to lull students such as myself into a false sense of security in a kitchen, included not only a lecture on the rules of the kitchen, but also a time set aside for students to prepare those dishes with which they already seem to have an intimate familiarity. Apparently today, all students did manage to succeed in their cooking endeavours, as Professor Tatou lived to tell the tale.
Tybalt: In the library today, Lady Anemone saw fit to bide her time by tinkering with a compac drive, in the pursuit of either knowledge or whatever shiny insides are housed within. Lady Azula sought her out, hoping to make use of the library's tomes in order to improve her comprehension of the English language. I've a secret for thee, Lady. The tongue they speak here is something I'd hardly consider English.
Emma: Right. Continuing on the theme of people with no lives, Anakin's moved his office hours to Tuesdays! Clearly, we're all thrilled. He's going over his class list and looking at the Risk board on his desk. You know, I hear it helps if you play the game. Sweets is wandering around -- what kind of name is that? -- and Anakin wants to know if he's lost. He says he's just trying to meet some of his new colleagues and explains he's the new guidance counselor. Oh god, darling, I'm sorry. He boggles at Anakin when he hears that many of students are fighter types -- yes, dear, they are. Isn't it adorable? -- and Sweets protests that violence doesn't solve anything. Really? I've found a strategic kick in the [BEEP] fixes many problems. Then Aeryn came by and was glad to see he hasn't forgotten about Risk. He can't forget about it if it's on his desk, darling. Visual aides, you see.
Tybalt: Sometimes, such things need be spelled out for a man, milady.
Emma: Only for the dim of wit, I think. A sharp soul such as yourself would have no need for such a prompt. Also in the teacher offices, Sweets is looking through a psychology journal in the guidance office, I think he'll need it, while Summer sets up an aquarium in her new office and goes over her syllabus and Fred is also fiddling with lesson plans in his office.
DORMS: Which Also Apparently Include Introductions
Tybalt: A group of fighters, led today by Zack Fair- whose family name suggests a nature far too mild for such activities- met behind the dorms in the afternoon. Lady Dinah felt the burning desire to explain the point of such meetings to Sir Jak, whilst Lady Triela saw fit to educate the lad on parts of herself with which he hath no prior experience. Lucky boy. The meeting was also attended by Lady Fiona, Lady Azula and her armour, Sir Ben, who helped himself to more than his share of the sweets provided, Lady Gabby, Lady Ino, and Lady Karla. Sir Ben and Lady Tahiri spoke of the class about Sex, and then they kissed. I must wonder, betwixt the sweets and the kissing, exactly what sort of Reserves group this island hath managed to organize. And how I might go about joining, myself.
Emma: If there were sweets and kissing on a regular basis, I might be forced to crash the party myself. Luckily, my self-preservation instinct saves me from inflicting myself with a bunch of bleeding hearts on a weekly basis.
Tybalt: A sound strategy, indeed. Sir Mat and Lady Aravis spoke of home and nobles, and both seemed comfortbale enough with the other that one might assume they were thinking of courting. Lady Kennedy and Lady Dinah took up the mantle of opposites scorned, and if a fight came of those differences, then I find myself sorry that I was not there to observe. Lady Ino continued the trend of activities ill-suited for a gathering of warriors by inviting Lady Triela to partake in ice cream with her. Perhaps slightly more fitting to the occasion, Lady Azula and Lady Triela shared a moment to express their displeasure at the return of classes. Also present at the meeting were Lady Aravis, Sir Lion-o, Sir Griff, and Sir Jason. Sir Jak, who apparently has the ability to conjure balls of flame, was the start of a multitude of individuals doing that which makes this week stand apart from all others in the school year. Introductions.
Tybalt: Sir Ben and Lady Tahiri each had high praise for something called the Jedi, whilst Lady Azula boasted her own proficiencies in battle. Lady Gabrielle's own talents run more in the vein of that of minstrels and poets, though she seemed more than willing to participate with those who deal with Rapiers and Broadswords. Lady Ino's talents seem rather explosive in nature, whilst Lady Karla appears to be a beginner in matters of physical combat. Perhaps Lady Kennedy's skills will help round out the selection of women who appear to have talents that run in the realm of dangerous. Further education seems to be in order, as is evidenced by Lady Ino's need to explain to Sir Mat the island's cruel and undesirable tendency to find itself overrun with vermin that are decidedly more threatening than squirrels armed with rum.
Emma: Still ongoing at these damned reserves, Triela was charming and offered her weapons experience to Mat if he wanted to learn. Say yes, Mat, I can promise you that Triela knows what she's doing. She then introduced herself as an assassin, demo expert and sniper. Triela, darling, I think the idea of being a secret operative, is keeping it secret. Just a thought. Aravis can use a curvy shiny sword, and Tweety advertises herself as a ninja...with...mind bullets? These rodents have the most incomprehensible notes, they're talking about her throwing bullets with her brain. Regardless, darling, you are not a ninja. The blonde and bouncy rather puts a damper on that designation. Still, Azula glomped her to ask for a sparring match. Lion-o apparently 'got buff' over the summer, and he shows off his sword. Is that dirty? I don't want to know. Karla asked Zack Fair if it's okay for her to be in the fighty reserve too, and Ino tells Zack Fair that she's better at being sneaky than face-to-face combat, then they talk about Zack's home. And Leto was there, which Lion-o was very happy about. Leto! I have a few cigars you should try, darling, I'm going to get you addicted eventually.
Tybalt: Might I suggest Cubans? I've a great fondness for them, myself.
Emma: You might, and I might have a few in my room. If Alex and McCoy are done when we get back, I say we raid my stash and head for the roof.
Tybalt: I must say, milady, thou art demonstrating a particular trend toward progressive thinking that I find most appealing.
Emma: I have been told that I have many appealing qualities.
Emma: Speaking of the dorms, Francine made it back to her dorm room, so nice to hear she didn't get lost . . . and is promptly 'tackleglomped' by Katchoo. Those are the squirrels' words, not mine. Andy commandeered the food and the TV in the third floor common room, which worked out well, when Claire introduced herself and offered to make him an omelette. Elle Bishop and Andy talked about their daddy issues, then showed off their powers to each other -- tacky, children -- and Claire and Elle Bishop swapped class schedules and pondered the meaning of life, the multiverse and everything, and if there are doubles of everyone out there. Chuck Bass and Elle Bishop made pleasantries, which the squirrels assure me is not dirty, and talked about how there's no place like home. Chuck Bass and Andy shared their mutual appreciation for herbal extracurriculars and BBQ flavored munchies. There's herbal extracurriculars here? And I didn't know about it? Now I'm sad. Sam Winchester gave Andy a weird look, but was nice to him as they introduced themselves. That's very sweet of you, darling. Claire noticed Sam Winchester's 'weirdiness' -- again, the squirrels, not me -- and offered him an omelette. Damn it, between talk of herbal options and omelettes, now I'm hungry. Jaime decided he and Andy should be friends and then they bonded over food. K-Mart met Andy and told him about her name and how zombies took over the Earth. Right. Your world sucks more than mine, at least. Diana and Samuel the talking kitty met Andy. Andy probably wasn't sure if he'd been smoking too much after the cat talked. Andy, darling, you're new. SQUIRRELS DO THE RADIO. Just deal with it, darling. Lastly, Elle Woods joined the party and met Andy, who suggested she could make shoes out of giant mutant alligators.
Tybalt: I imagine they would fetch a decent price on the black market, in fair Verona.
Emma: Blysse, Francine, Merlin, and Arthur are spotted in the Preserve. It was apparently very sudden, and startled the squirrel into falling off the branch and getting a concussion, and I am supposed to inform you all that this note had to be brought in by proxy-squirrel. Now I'm wondering if wounded squrriels go to the clinic. Really, darlings, you shouldn't be so shocked by what people get up to in the woods. We're at a boarding school, it's not like there's privacy for that sort of thing in the dorms.
Emma: Oh god, I'm talking to animals. I hate this place so much sometimes.
Tybalt: I've heard murmurs of such madness spreading, though it seems a vague possibility that such things might become more widespread. I suppose we ought to be thankful that thou art conversing with drunken squirrels, as opposed to mice, or perhaps ducks.
Emma: If I start singing with birds or dancing with the woodland creatures, just put me out of my misery.
Tybalt: I've my ways of ending the misery of a lovely lady such as thyself, Lady Emma. I daresay these ways are likely not what thou art referring to. This morning, Lady Azula woke up and dressed herself. *Pause* Yes, this constitues news. Perhaps she normally lacks the capacity to clothe herself without aid, and thus the population of the island at large ought to be sending thier congratulations her way. Lady Illyria composed an e-mail, meanwhile. In the afternoon, Lady Kate prepared herself for a date with Sir Eric Matthews, and they agreed on Pizza Planet as their dining destination. That is certainly... Romantic. I suppose. Lady Karla appears to have had troubles with a web of some sort in her room. Sir Ben appeared to assist her in her distress as she explained what she saw within the web to upset her so. Might I suggest that thou try Raid?
Emma: Karla, if your room is upsetting, you can come stay with me, darling. We still need to do our cartoon marathon with you as a girl and not a kitten.
Tybalt: Lady Maron found herself in her room studying a script, as she seems to have been drafted into participating in the play in town. I've little interest in such things, myself. The author of The Scottish Play holds little thrall over me. His plots are weak, and his characterization strikes me as doubly so. Lady Blysse and Blind Seer have returned from wherever their travels hath seen them, and t'would appear Lady Blysse hath been bless'd with a new roommate, Lady Angela Martin, who was distressed to learn that Blind Seer is no dog, but a wolf. Jason had no need for shirt nor modesty as he read Hustler with his door open. Lady Jennifer walters and Lady Elle seemed to apprecite the lack of both, at the very least. Jonas was also reading, and Lady Alex paid him a visit to assure him that this island does, in fact, require some measure of time to adapt to. This, o roommate of mine, is a sad understatement indeed. Lady Cyd paid him a visit bearing an offering of Mountain Dew, snacks, and Pizza. Alex Karev and Griff discussed the cat which was once Lady Fiona, who, as fate would have it, is lucky enough to be a cat no longer.
Emma: Yes, Angela, he's a wolf. You noticed. Don't worry, he's friendly-ish if you aren't a complete moron. And if you are a complete moron and annoy my Big Sister or her friend, we will have Words.
Tybalt: Lady Rose caught Lady Jaina speaking to the punching bag in what was possibly a fit of mental instability. More worrisome still might be the fact that they discussed what the punching bag might be like if it were to come to life. Please, ladies, do refrain from giving this island even more ideas. In the fifth floor common room this evening, Lady Elena found herself horrified at the sights which she stumbled upon while watching the television. Lady Layla-Who-Knows-Stuff denounced the Duggers family as 'freaky,' an assertation which Hurley and Sir Penguin were forced to agree with. On the roof, Lady Hayley was smoking, an activity which I shall be partaking in very shortly, indeed. *The sound of a match being struck*
Emma: God, stop that, you are giving me a nic fit.
Tybalt: I find myself more and more disinclined to patiently wait for these notes to finish before lighting a cigar. If thou wishes one, all thou must do is ask.
Emma: I'm not wasting a cigar in here. The ventilation sucks, and there's nothing worth drinking with it -- get that rum away from me, rodent. Ew. No. Not unless it's top shelf and you're going to scrub those paws before making me a margarita.
TOWN: In Which There Are PROBABLY Introductions. Somewhere.
Tybalt: Nick Knight was engaging in wanderlust in the streets when Geoffrey attacked him out of nowhere like a madman to force him into participating in that highly overrated play by that terribly unoriginal playwright. Later, Professor Knight made certain to recount the experience to his teaching buddy, Professor Durden, who shares his wine and speculates that such abductions are possibly the result of Professor Deadpool's crazed mind.
Emma: Everything is the result of Deadpool's crazed mind. Loki's lazing at the MHA, as one should on a Tuesday, and Cable's at Wellspring Arms. Didi opened T&C for her first time, and had a sale. Good for you, dear, initiative is a wonderful thing to have. Hope came in and introduced herself and they started talking about the personification of the days. Didi is the Tuesday girl who is happy she's not Monday. Didi, dear, lay off the sugar. Jaime comes in to be offered a free Squishy and a job as Didi's henchman as long as he doesn't have to wear a kilt. Right. Jaime, my minions usually only have to bring me coffee. Go talk to Layla.
Tybalt: She knoweth 'stuff.'
Emma: Hinata is tidying at Book Haven, Ino is rearranging the flowers in the window at Covent Garden, and Ellie pays the horses extra attention at the Gig. Oh god, it's all so cute. Mary has an extra pot of coffee out at the hotel and she and Tully catch up, and he invites her to go sailing. Geoffrey put up posters for the play, which was an entertaining show, and Lion-O is fielding "Boy, you got tall" comments at Cafe Fina.
Tybalt: We are in high school. He likely has to deal with such other matters as a deepened voice and the growth of hair in places where before, there was none.
Emma: Darling, we have to have two sex classes this semester, because people can't figure it out. I'm starting to think I should go around and hand out free condoms, just to explain the birds and the bees to some people.
Tybalt: If they cannot figure it out, I might be so bold as to suggest that they ought to reconsider reproducing in the first place.
Emma: What were we on? Oh yes. The quaint little town. There was a play! Which, we all knew, because Geoffrey put up the posters today. That's not very good advertising, you know, you might have wanted to do that sooner. People bought their tickets, and Geoffrey sold Danii one.
Tybalt: Geoffrey strikes me as a particularly busy man, selling tickets to a show that I can only describe as 'robbery,' so soon after abducting unsuspecting men from the streets.
Emma: Meanwhile, backstage, Tweety and Karla hug, and Tweets is all happy she is not the lead at Tony. Darling, you are an odd child. Jack Priest has Tony check his makeup, which the squirrels claim is not dirty, although it could be. Harper is checking costumes and Tweety checks on Priestly and they wonder where Edward is, since he's supposed to be playing Duncan. Sophie is meditating and then does Karla's makeup. She finds out Karla did something stupid and encourages her to confess. No, Karla. Don't confess to anything. We're pretty, and they can't prove a thing.
Tybalt: I find it to be more fun, that way.
Emma: Oh, it is. Robin-the-frog is excited and Sohpie stops by to make sure he's ready. He's a frog. I'm just going to pretend that idea makes sense. Maron tells Joan she was shanghai'd off the street to play a role, and Joan offers to help, but Maron is memorising her lines. You did a lovely job for an emergency stand-in, I suppose. Bravo.
Tybalt: Lady Sophie made an appearance to learn that Lady Maron was dragged into this sad excuse for great literature, and she was not best pleased. She was less upset to learn about the gentleman who was kidnapped off the streets to play his role, mind. The poor man, who apparently has been awarded with the new name of 'Henry Breedlove,' met with the leading lady, Lady Karla. They decided that they would get through this night, yet. Brave goals the both of them hath set for themselves.
Tybalt: In the audience, Lady Tahiri and Ben continued what they began at the reserves meeting earlier, by engaging in that courting ritual known across the land as 'teasing and flirting.' And then, of course, there was the show. Bah, Shakespeare. After the performance, the actors lined up to recieve their supposedly hard-earned congratulations. I am inclined to believe that, if people managed to sit through the entirety of the thing, then congratulations are well deserved. Lady Karla recieved such wishes, whilst Lady Sophie showed Geoffrey the power of a woman scorned by telling him her opinion on his kidnapping ways. Lady Maron recieved congratulations as well, before suggesting to Geoffrey that the next play they perform might best be written in English.
...
Tybalt: Come, now. I care not for the playwright, but still I feel the need to give protest. Shakespeare was a man of little talent, but his English is far more proper than anything I've yet to hear from the mouths of most of Fandom's residents.
Emma: Down at Caritas, Marshall is making bets with Tino. Why? Barney stops in to bet Marshall that he can't drink six beers in a row, and Marshall proves Barney right by coughing Beer all over Barney's suit. See? This is why I don't drink beer. That is disgusting. Jim comes in and a nervous Marshall gets him a beer.
Tybalt: At Lady Aphrodite's fine establishment in town, Lady Raven was merrily sampling the wares. I shall leave which wares she was sampling up to the minds and imaginations of those listening from home. It's more interesting that way, I daresay. Tim felt the need to count comics at the Android's Dungeon, while Oz, in a fit of shame over such a ridiculous name, no doubt, settled into the menial task of hanging shirts at Coyote Medicine. Gibbs was busying himself with the burden of paperwork, a task which Jack O'Neill felt the need to make a mockery of before introductions were made. I knew those would happen in this section of the notes at some point. At Cabot & Associates, Lady Fiona recieved a message of an unkind nature. Lady Kate and Eric went on their stunningly romantic date at Pizza Planet. The only thing that might improve the atmosphere such a date would be a proper kidnapping, such as the one that Geoffrey put Lady Maron through in his continued quest to force innocent persons to perform trite, ill-concieved shows on his stage.
Emma: Go Kate! Meet us on the roof after this, and I want to hear the details. Is he cute? Unless you're still busy, in which case, well done.
Tybalt: At The Magic Box, John Winchester partook in the enthralling task of balancing the books. Jack O'Neill was having issues keeping the fish from disappearing as he fished off the shore, though I find myself speculating as to whether the lack of fish was Fandom's doing, or simply a complete lack of skills as a fisherman. At the Chilly Boulder, Lady Rose and Dimitri discussed Russia. Lady Tara stopped by as well, presumably for dessert, though there was talk of the supposed villainy that is non-dairy ice-cream, as well as classes, which are equally villainous. At the Clinic, Bones- an unusual name, I must say- was demonstrating that he is well-afflicted with a severe case of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Much like the squirrels, perhaps. I believe that is the end of these notes.
Emma: About time. Shall we, good Capulet?
Tybalt: Let us away, milady. I've several fine cigars that have been patiently awaiting the touch of our lips, I intend to satisfy them thus.
Emma: Mmm. Somehow, I doubt that lack of satisfaction is ever an issue with you around. Good night, Fandom, and sweet dreams. Don't wait up.
[This broadcast written with the lovely
icecoldfrost. Mmm, delicious snark.]