Fandom Radio, Sunday, August 30th, 2009

[rocksthescarf.livejournal.com]

Chuck: ...I know, right? Clearly I am the superior Chuck around here and I demand a demeaning nickname be placed upon the new one.

*squeaking*

Chuck: No, no. That's too demeaning. And kind of disgusting. Save that for someone I really don't like.

Oh hey. The light is on.

Well, Fandom, for those of you who don't already recognize my dulcet tones, this is Chuck Bass. I won't bother with a lengthy introduction because I'm sure the rumors will do the job for me soon enough. Right now we're just shooting the breeze because there's a lot of notes here and I refuse to do them by myself. So I sent the squirrels out to capture me a radio partner for the night.

*door opening*

Bones: --Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a DJ!

Chuck: Ah. There we go.

Bones: Are you the kid that sent those squirrels after me?

Chuck: Well I didn't ask for you specifically...

Bones: What makes you think you can just go around sending squirrels to hijack people?

Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass. I can do whatever I want.

Bones: Am I like cat nip for egomaniacs or something?



School Time

Chuck: Why don't you ahead and start, um...

Bones: McCoy. And no. I'm not going to start.

Chuck: You know this will go a whole lot faster if you just lie back and cooperate.

Bones: Please don't word things like that.

Chuck: Dooooo iiiiiiiiiit.

Bones: Jesus, fine. What kind of handwriting is this? I can barely read it. Okay, apparently some kid named Kyle opened up the library for the first time and Doctor Jones, who is probably not a medical doctor, asked Kyle about his library experience. Apparently he's had none. Well that's just perfect and helpful.

Chuck: You are one grumpy dude, do you know that?

Bones: I've been told that, yes.

Dooooooooorms

Chuck: Dear lord, people, shut up. There, got that out of the way. Boy!Alex got a visit from Effy and, surprise surprise, they smoke and snark. Get a new act, people. Azula did some redecorating because she couldn't sleep and Ben moved into Ender's room. Oh I'm so glad you two have decided to fully commit to each other. It's about time. He and Ender are all flirty and babbly at each other. I find that adorable. Jono stops by to check out Ben's new room and they talk about weird timelines and Tahiri teased Ben because she didn't know he was moving. Well that whole thing is between Ben and his boyfriend, Tahiri, jeez.

Bones: Are they really dating or are you just being an asshole?

Chuck: Bit of both, I think. Karla brought Ben ice cream to welcome him to the second floor and consoled Ender on having Ben as a roomie. Wow. Angela Martin got her room set up and Cordelia got a visit from Kate. Jesus, who are these people? Sookie was moving into her new room and she and Jason has to convince her that he's really her brother from another timeline. Oh, I've been there. Sookie met her new roommate Lois and, oh, I hope some pillow fighting goes on in that room.

Bones: Pervert.

Chuck: I won't deny it. In other news, Bobby stopped by Sookie's room as well. Momoko and Triela engaged in girly things that involved doing each other's hair and Rachel offered to take Jamie's headache away. Cyd is on her computer and Jaina came by to introduce herself. Annnnd Not-my-brother-Eric was listening to a baseball game. Even if my Eric wasn't an awesome human being, he'd still be superior to baseball-watching Eric for the sheer fact that he's related to me. I just thought I'd announce that.

Bones: Good god man, and here I thought Jim Kirk had the biggest ego I've ever seen.

Chuck: Well I do like being number one in everything. Your turn to read notes.

Bones: If it means that you'll be quiet then I'll gladly read them. In the fourth floor common room, Rose was fighting insomnia and time-displacement lag with cookies and bad movies. As a doctor I feel as if I should say that isn't really healthy for you. Hayley and Rose bonded over breaking out of their private schools and their surprise that this school isn't the evil kind of boot camp boarding school. Some of you need that kind of school. Like the guy next to me.

Chuck: You've only known me for about five minutes. Kind of hard to make that sort of assessment, isn't it?

Bones: Don't even try to deny that you're a jackass. Moving on, Kyle and Haley talk about how he's from the future and she's from the past. Is anyone here from the present? Haley and Tony introduce themselves and talk about Gotham and New Gotham. I'll assume those are cities. Tony and Rose compare summers and Tony introduces himself to Kyle and they talk about cheerful things like the world ending. Lovely. Kyle tried to steal Rose's cookies...what are you kid, seven? Anyway, they discuss her trip home and about how he's not Russian. If anyone doubt's it just pronounce your V's correctly in front of them.

Chuck: That is indeed what movies have taught me.

Bones: See? Rose and Elena turn the watching of movies into a drinking game. That's productive. Kyle assures Elena that Rose loves to share her cookies. I'm being told this isn't dirty. I don't even get how--

Chuck: --Oh yes you do.

Bones: Shut up. Kyle giving away Rose's cookies earns him a punch in the arm. Good girl, Rose. Apparently you didn't do it hard enough because Kyle was telling Calvin about the cookies too. Effy considers it morning because her internal clock is all screwed up and Rose, thinking it's still evening, offers Effy a drink. Which she takes. I guess I can't really say anything about that. Would be a bit hypocritical of me. Rose wanted to know if Calvin has insomnia too and offers him rum. Apparently somebody named Hobbes can't have any because it makes him cranky. Huh. Tends to do the opposite to me.

*squeaking and the sound of bottles opening*

Chuck: I think the squirrels want you to be less cranky, judging from the huge glass of rum they just poured.

Bones: I should be a bit wary of accepting alcohol from rodents but, what the hell, it's late and I need it. Cheers.

Chuck: God I hope that alcohol works fast. On the third floor this morning, Kate was making breakfast for the new kids. You know if you start feeding them they'll never leave. Valentine told Kate about how she had an unfair advantage coming here, thanks to Ender, and about the possibility of Kate turning into a cat again. She also listened to Azula complain about having a boy for a roommate. Oh, grow up, people. Valentine and Bobby talk about sentient food that will try to kill you. Yeah. That's what they talked about. Azula and Kate talk about fruit salad and ice cream. Thrilling. And apparently Azula and Layla both know stuff.

Bones: Would you like to vague that up some more?

Chuck: I'm not sure if I can. Kate and Jamie discuss how both fruit salad and Kate are magical...are you all high? It's fruit salad for [feedback]'s sake. Azula and Jamie introduce themselves and apparently Jamie is impressed with Azula's ability to not freak out about this place. Introductions aren't necessary for Jamie and Layla since Layla knows stuff.

Bones: Seriously. The vague is getting annoying. What kind of stuff?

Chuck: Stuff stuff, McCoy, I don't know. Valentine pegs Jamie for new and naturally this meant she had to tease him and make him blush over her working at the sex shop. I love that shop. I got free sex toys and an offer for a demonstration from the owner.

Bones: Good god, more rum please...

Chuck: What? That's totally what happened! Didi asked if her roommate Jamie slept well and they talk about how weird sleep is. What? Sleep is the least weird thing ever. Bobby has decided that Kate sealed her place as best roomie ever because she gives away a lot of free food. Layla asks Bobby for the word of the day and apparently it's shoes. Are...are we supposed to yell or something if someone says shoes?

Bones: I am not doing that.

Chuck: Has anyone ever told you that you're no fun?

Bones: I'm plenty fun, dammit!

Chuck: Pics or it didn't happen. Layla approves of Kate's healthy food choice and then proceeds to ruin the health part of it by adding chocolate syrup to the fruit salad. Valentine asks if Layla knows anything interesting today and apparently it was all about...shoes.

Bones: ...why are you staring at me?

Chuck: Shoes.

Bones: I am not yelling because of shoes, dammit!

Chuck: Ha! You just did!

Bones: DAMMIT!

Chuck: Excellent. Didi informed Layla that she spoke to Deadpool and, hey, apparently the world didn't end because of it. Didi is also loving the fruit salad and Bobby tells her it's all thanks to Kate and Kate credits the T&C for making it all possible. Jesus, people. What is with you people and fruit salad?

Bones: That is getting kind of repetitive. ...Dammit, do these notes ever end? *sigh* Apparently Dinah was in the gym, hitting the punching bags. Jamie wondered what the punching bag ever did to Dinah and she explains she's pretending it's a bad guy. Wow. Eleanor and Dinah catch up and talk a bit about a shopping trip they need to make and about Fight Club. Apparently you're not supposed to talk about one of these things, if the squirrels complaining are indication. Azula and Dinah talk about Azula's homeworld and Fight Club. Again, according to the squirrels, you're not supposed to talk about one of these things. And Cal tells Dinah about how he escaped from kung-fu Turkish harem girls. What?

Chuck: Seriously. As if Cal would know what to do with Turkish harem girls.

Bones: That's not what I was what'ing over.

Chuck: Whatever. On the fourth floor this evening, newcomer Hayley was flipping through the channels, apparently fascinated by the TV. Yeah, it's thrilling all right. Cal takes over the remote to try to find a show he's a fan of. Obviously it's Rumor Gal since everyone and their mother knows he fangirls it. Get some taste, Cal. That show sucks. Hayley is glad Hannibal found his clothes and I think she's the only person in the world who would actually say that.

Bones: I don't know the guy and I'm glad he's found his clothes.

Chuck: You obviously haven't seen him naked. And, wrapping up dorm news, Mirax and Hayley introduce each other and Mirax tries to talk through the different world and timeline thing. Good luck with that.

Bones: Are we done yet?

Chuck: One more part to go, hold your horses.

Bones: I don't have any horse--oh god, I'm getting all literal and Spock-like. I need to get out of here.

Toooooooooooown

Chuck: I'll keep going, I suppose, since you seem to be on the verge of a freak out. Outside of J,GOB today Beka meets George and they get into an argument before they can even introduce themselves.

Bones: I've been there.

Chuck: I'm not surprised. Deadpool and the Mayor talk about how Deadpool's ex is here and, oh my god, I really can't imagine him getting lucky with anyone, much less dating someone and breaking up with them. Tim met his new roommate, Sweets. That sounds like a hooker's name.

Bones: Know a lot of hookers, do you?

Chuck: No comment. Deadpool passed out invites to Jan's birthday party, Mina was twitchy at the Perk and Jack Burton was at the gym. Jak was climbing rocks at the beach and chats with Triela. Well. Triela chats with him because apparently Jak doesn't talk. At the Fina, Zack was pouting because he missed the picnic and he also gets to have a one-sided conversation with Jak. We need to get that guy a Speak n' Spell.

Bones: I have no idea what that is. For the sake of moving things along, I suppose I'll read again. Turtle caught up with Zack and Momoko and Zack exchanged first day in Fandom stories. Alex Russo also shared stories and was weirded out by the silverware, whatever that means. Ben is offering a sale on school supplies at Things Reborn and Daisy comes in to...give Ben kisses. I don't want to read anymore.

Chuck: It's just kissing, McCoy. God. Hot!Kyle was at the Freelance police HQ and Max apparently has no idea why Kyle is there. Okay then. Over at the Wellspring Arms, Biff marked weapons 300% up. Not a smart move. He refuses to sell Jim Halpert a sharpened stick, but will rent him a room. Fair deal. Daisy boggles over the mark ups and apparently Dani Reese is not happy to see Biff at the Wellspring Arms. I can't imagine why; Biff's a pretty cool guy. And in lesbian news, Karla and Leda had a beach date. No word if they did things that got sand in uncomfortable places.

Bones: You're sick.

Chuck: Yes I am. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black have absolutely ridiculous names. Oh, and they also arrive on a broomstick and flying motorcycle, respectively.

Bones: Motorcycles are dangerous enough without the flying what with the--

Chuck: --Ah ah. Nobody wants to hear you lecture on safety. Sirius and Remus bicker over whether or not they're in the right place, what they're teaching and whether or not there are castles in the US. Yes. There are. Oz learns that they're newcomers and Glinda asks Remus and Sirius about their modes of transportation. Tony DiNozzo doesn't ask so much as boggle over the broomstick. Huh. I could make that dirty. Robin was doing inventory at Caritas, Millie was advertising for employees at the bookstore and Sophie was at the art gallery. Chloe was working at Coyote Medicine when K-Mart came in with pictures of stuff she's giving to Chloe. Irulan was at the hat shop and had a visitor in the form of Sophie. Apparently they talked about tin hats. Seems tacky.

Bones: Okay, I sat here and helped you out against my will and I didn't even try to escape once. Will you call off the squirrels now?

Chuck: I'm beginning to feel you didn't enjoy yourself here, McCoy.

Bones: I didn't!

Chuck: Fine, fine. Go off and be grumpy elsewhere. I should be heading off too. Goodnight, Fandom.