Fandom Radio, Sunday, May 31st, 2009

[mauledbyabear.livejournal.com]

Emmett: You love us, Fandom! You really love us!

Chuck: No duh. Everybody loves me. Or loves to hate me. Either way, people like hearing the sound of my voice.

Emmett: In case you didn't recognize our voices this is Emmett Cullen with Fandom's local villain Chuck Bass, who I am ninety percent sure is drunk right now.

Chuck: I should be, I started drinking at 10...

Emmett: That's not so bad.

Chuck: ...in the morning. How could you tell?

Emmett: The fact that you walked in smelling like scotch and shouting about how you "Weren't going to take any boring bull[feedback] from the lame mother[feedback]ers that make up Fandom's population" sort of gave something away.

Chuck: Heh. Oh yeah. I remember that now. That still stands! I should have an air horn or something that I can dismiss boring news with.

Emmett: I'm sure you'll let us know in your own special, drunk way.

Chuck: Damn right I will.



School is not out for summer but it is still out on the weekends

Emmett: Here, even your drunk ass can handle this bit of news.

Chuck: Nothing! It's Sunday.

Emmett: That's right! No school on Sundays.

Dorms, which were...well not too exciting

Emmett: You, Chuck, started off your morning by drinking booze, eating popcorn and watching Golden Girls. Dude. Gay.

Chuck: It's a good show, shut the [feedback] up.

Emmett: Laaaaaaanguage. Fiona wondered if anybody calls you Charles. Does anybody call you Charles?

Chuck: Just my stepmother and John Sheppard when he's a scarf-stealing douchebag.

Emmett: Good to know. Fiona and Hannibal talk about how his roommate likes to watch but explains that his roommate and his girlfriend are one and the same.

Chuck: YAWN. People talking about their girlfriends are boring.

Emmett: Is that how you're going to be calling out the boring parts?

Chuck: ...yes.

Emmett: Subtle. Zayne wonders if Fiona's sapphire is a lightsaber crystal. It is not. Annnnnnnd then Zayne has to go into explaining what the eff a lightsaber and Jedi were. I still don't get it. Jack and Fiona talk about fighting mutant alligators and detention and how boy!Alex deserves botulism. I have no idea what that is. Hannibal and Chuck discuss old lady fetishes and...I need to quote this word for word, "They talk about how Chuck is both a weed vending machine and the holder of Sam Winchester's bitch leash. And into kinky sex with Dean. But none of this is really news..."

Chuck: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT'S SO TRUE.

Emmett: I'm glad you find your sick sex life with the Winchesters so amusing. Jack wonders if Hannibal is into old ladies and Hannibal said that the Golden Girls are the only exception. Gross. Jack recognizes Zayne as Tahiri's friend in Skywalker's class. Congrats! Chuck guessed that Jack is from the past and they talk about public indecency.

Chuck: I soooooooo got arrested for that once.

Emmett: Nobody is surprised. Chuck here assured Zayne that Golden Girls gets more watchable once you get past the old ladies having sex aspect. Zayne's good as long as they don't show gross wrinkly old lady sex. Grosssssss. Valentine's glad Chuck is working properly...down there. Ew.

Chuck: My fake girlfriend is awesome, just so you know.

Emmett: Awwwwww. Even though you just broke your own YAWN rule by talking about Valentine.

Chuck: GODDAMMIT.

Emmett: Hahahha! Valentine recommends some philosophers to Jack and, whoa, that girl is waaaaaay to smart to even be your fake girlfriend, Chuck. Jon is surprised that Golden Girls is still on and Chuck snaps at him because, hi, it's a classic.

Chuck: It totally is!

Emmett: Seriously. Dojima was out on the deck with a romance novel and a pina colada. Holy crap, I love that song. If you like pina colada! Getting caught in the--

Chuck: Oh, for the love of god, give me those notes. Nobody wants to hear you sing. Sookie is all about reading romance novels and they talk about the benefits of tanning as a sport. Uhhhh...

Emmett: I'm with you dude. I don't tan either.

Chuck: Pale guys represent. Romeo wants to know what Dojima is reading and learns all about wild love on the mad seas. Huh. They also talk about gator killing and how Romeo is hotter than Vikings. I agree. He's a pretty hot guy.

Emmett: You think every guy is hot.

Chuck: Liiiiiiiiies. There are plenty of guys here that are [feedback]ing hideous. Anyways, my poor neighbor Dinah was suffering from a hangover this morning. My condolences. Fiona comes by to find out why Dinah was so weird when she saw her with Leto yesterday. Drrrrrrrrramaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Emmett: Get your 'not boring' seal of approval?

Chuck: Most definitely. Yakko, retarded name, offers his fake big sister musical instruments and teaches her about a real hangover. Tony checks in on how Dinah is dealing with Leto and Fiona and she asks about his date with Jack. Knew he was gay.

Emmett: Your think every guy is gay.

Chuck: They are when I'm done with them. Ino talks to her dad on the phone, YAWN, and Lois was folding her clothes to that Lady Gaga song. I'd say that was boring but she apparently was twirling her bra around Griff. Lois also put the sexing in the flight shed thing into perspective for Jaina. That's awesome. Hannibal finds Angela back but she won't tell him much about Peyton's visit and blah blah blah--what do I think of this, Emmett?

Emmett: YAWN. Couples are boring.

Chuck: Good boy. And so true. I almost fell asleep just then. True story. Peyton so wasn't emo'ing in her room, which means she totally was, and Brooke came to fight with her. Mmm girl drama. My favorite. I have to be on Team Brooke since she's the one I've seen naked.

Emmett: Sound logic. Shall we move on to town news?

Chuck: We shall.

Town: It can't be infested with mutant alligators every day

Emmett: Daisy set out a buffet for the people who stayed over at that totally weird adult sleepover last night. Tully partakes in pancakes and he tries to make her blush. G'Kar was writing in his journal at the T&C...what dude keeps a journal? Zack was all hopped up on Pixie Dust at the Fina. Maron had a distressing day and came to find Zack doing squats to burn off energy. I don't even want to know. Edmund let Zack know he needed a table for two since he was meeting Alice for dinner. But it's not a date. Suuuuuuuuure. And Chuck's not a whore.

Chuck: HEY.

Emmett: Just going from what I've heard, dude. Blysse and her puppy were at the Gig and Tahiri brought treats and they talked about how nice it is to be young. Oh, shut up. Ben, who isn't a Skywalker, was offering a special on pj's at Things Reborn and Daisy stopped by to tell him that she and Vince were planning something musical. Biff was singing to himself at the Wellspring Arms and Daisy told him he was a loser because he left her apartment early. Tim was at the playground when Gwynn filled him in on everything that happened since he left Fandom. Ronan was trying to hide his spottedness from the nurses at the clinic and Chuck's brother, Eric was yelling at someone on his cell phone at the Pixie Dust--

Chuck: Oh, I hope it was Serena.

Emmett: --and my brother, Jasper went on stroll through the park and stopped to feed the ducks. AWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I'm so telling Alice. Tino was an idiot and tried to pillow fight Jolee at Caritas, only to get kicked out. Fiona came in and ordered a Manhattan and Brooke was in a bad mood and ordered a couple of Bitch Slaps. The drink. Not...not the actual act. Here, you read the fight club stuff.

Chuck: *sigh* Fiiiiiiine. The Fight Club met and Ghanima had to remind Tyler that this wasn't a pick up joint. Lies. Anything can be a pick up joint. There was mingling. Of course there was. Jaina wanted to know how many Pixie Sticks Zack had. Good question. And theeeeen there were fights. Eowyn vs. Jack Burton, Daisy vs. Ichigo, Dinah vs. Ino, Deadpool vs. Leto and Ronon vs. Jen. You all are insane.

Emmett: Don't like fighting, Chuck?

Chuck: I prefer to be a lover. After the organized fights there was a free for all fight for the really, really stupid people. Tyler gave Treila some instruction on how to throw a punch. Oh my god, how can talking about fighting be so boring? I'm bored. Ghanima told Leto about fun she had on a dare at Daisy's party. I'm going to go ahead and say that involved some lesbian stuff. Tyler and Tahiri chatted about the whole alligator thing about how chicks dig scars. I have a scar but not too many people notice it. It's on my shoulder.

Emmett: Nobody notices it because you never take your shirt off you pale [feedback].

Chuck: I BURN EASILY. God, and don't even be talking to be about pale. You look like an albino.

Emmett: That hurts, Chuck. Are we done?

Chuck: I think so.

Emmett: And you didn't even get as bored as I thought you would. Good work.

Chuck: I must be drunker than I thought if I was putting up with that boring [feedback].

Emmett: That's sweet. This is Emmett Cullen saying goodnight for both me and Chuck because I'm guessing he's not going to do it himself.

Chuck: You guessed right.

Emmett: Night, Fandom!