Fandom Radio, Thursday, May 28th

[bigdamndestiny.livejournal.com]

Merlin: Id it dtill bleeding?

Francine: Some kind of {unintelligible but Katchoo might recognize it as something Francine had to have picked up from her} perverted joke? No, I think... oh. Here, have another tissue.

Merlin: Thang you.

Francine: Oh my GOD, they're recording us! Look, I love animals but that's just creep--

**loud chittering, and the sounds of a bushy tail thwacking against a microphone**

Francine: I don't care how cute you are, it's creepy! ...Oh. It's only been running for ten seconds.

Merlin: Ohthanggod. Shouldn' doo be boddering Kadchoo?

Francine: Bless you.

Merlin: ...I dind sneeze.

Francine: Oh, it sounded like... oh hey, that's why people always say that.

School

Merlin: Ha ha. Whad-- sdop pushing dese at me! I can'd read dem!

*Chittering*

Merlin: Den you'll leave us alone? Fine. Jusd nodding funny. De office sdarded the day with a--- kumquat. Whad's dad?

Francine: It's a fruit. Here, have another tissue.

Merlin: Dank you. Claudia sdarded on her cosdume in de library. Probably because Lady Edna lecdured aboud capes in Fashion. Whads wrong wid capes? Dey fixed skeddes and lisdened to criddiques.

Francine: Skeddes? Oh, sketches. Mine was too pink.

Merlin: Whad's wrong wid pink?

Francine: Ms. Mode said we didn't want it to look like it was designed by a girl obsessed with unicorns. I don't get it either. I like unicorns. I got to ride one!

Merlin: ...righd. Um. Misder Algren was bidden by a gremlin and dod--doughd--thhhoughd he wad Sdeve Irwin. I dond know who dhad is sdill. We wadched him pud his hand in a 'croc's mouhd. Kendin and Karla climbed a dree to avoid the beasds, while we all wadched as Algren almosd god his arm bidden off. Ardur kicked a croc and Kendin dought he was was insane. He is. Peydon and the idiod were dere for deir dudies.

Francine: The idiod?

Merlin: Nevermind. I need anodder dissue, please.

Francine: Here you go.

Merlin: Dank you. Miss Benned had her class on ediquidde based on George Washingdon's rules. Is he impordend? Everyone lisdened do da lecdure and Karla caused some concern for her well being.

Francine: George Washington was one of the presidents we didn't have a cabin for. The first one, so yeah, kind of important. Anyway, everybody paired off to discuss his rules: Katchoo and Leda -- hi, Katchoo! These squirrels are perverts and they made me break Merlin's nose. Just thought you should know.

***Earnest chittering***

Francine: No, I don't want any rum. Alcohol is not our friend, especially when we're alone with perverted squirrels.

Merlin: I'd like some rum. My nodes is killing me.

Francine: You know what happens when we're drunk. And that's not happening with SQUIRRELS here. Clearly. {more unintelligible muttering} Where was I - oh right. Leto and Karla - hi, Karla!, Worf and Rose, Edmund and Joan, Agnes and Diana, Sookie and Yakko ... that sounds like something I could order at Ching Tai. Mmm, Chinese food. Hey, squirrel.

***chitter***

Francine: What? You saw my boo...ks. When we were studying. Before you interrupted us. The least you could do is go get us dessert. You managed to drag radio equipment here; I'm sure you can do a box of Chinese doughnuts. Anyway. There was also Van Helsing and Triela, and Wendy was around to TA. Afterwards, Edmund and Leto both stopped to talk to Miss Bennet, and Leto explained about Karla having to leave. I hope everything's okay.

In Magick class -- you're in that, right Merlin? Ms. Garrett talked about using substitutes in spellwork. Like how you can use garlic instead of oregano sometimes! Except not in brownies; that would be disgusting. Savannah and Dojima were there to TA, and they probably agree with me about the brownies.

What? I'm hungry. You can really build up an appetite when you're...studying.

Merlin: *coughs*

Francine: In Storytelling, Mr. Desmond talked about lies -- I mean tall tales, after he showed up late to class. The class talked about whether they tell tall tales about Fandom to people at home.

I just lie. It's easier.

Merlin: I dink my node's gedding bedder!

*Squirrelly snickering*

Merlin: Shud up. Loki and Sophie had office hours doday. Misder Fraser was slow ad his office doday. Robin sdopped by wid soup and cookies in case he was sick. Dats sweed of her.

Francine: It is. I'll make you soup and cookies after we get you checked out at the clinic.

Merlin: I don'd need da clinic! I've god draining in dis! Masder Anakin was in the Flighd Shed cleanning id wid... someding. Da nodes ged fuzzy and erradic dere.

Dorms

Francine: Really? The ones about Worf playing with his bat'leth in the salle are kind of on the TMI end. Oh - there's a note here that says that's not dirty, it's a big sharp slicey thing. Thank you, squirrels. I actually did need to know that. And then Rose showed up with her evidence bag and they sparred. I hope she wasn't sparring with the evidence bag while he had a big sharp slicey thing, because that would be a pretty unfair fight.

In the second floor common room, Karla had a NO BOYS ALLOWED slumber party. Oh! Um. Sorry I missed it! I was with a boy. Studying. I guess that means she's feeling better now, though, so yay. She was there to greet people, and Triela told her to relax. Karla wanted to know if there was something bulging in Leda's pocket or she was just happy to see Karla. I'm sure she was just happy to see her! Karla's really nice.

Merlin: She could be carrying money.

Francine: Then I guess Karla would be happy to see her! Parker wanted to know if she was doing the sleepover right, and Ino wanted to know what being a good fighter has to do with sleepovers. Hey, sleepovers are great! Anybody can enjoy them. A bunch of girls get together and hang out in their nightclothes and there's pillow fights and stuff and then you all sleep together in one room. It's cozy.

Merlin: Sleep dogedder like--?

Francine: Like... you do? At a sleepover?

Merlin: Um. Righd. People mingled ad da pardy. Leda told Driela she looked like hell which is a bid... rude of her. Or nod since Dri--Triela ---ow---dold Parker aboud her indjuries and den concerned Dinah as well. Leda confused Ino who called herself 'Amy'. Why would you call yourself dat? Ino who is nod named Amy den dried to ged Jennifer do relax. Harper complimended Ino who is nod Amy aboud her performance. Dere's a anodder play?

Francine: I think she meant her singing performance. That's probably in the notes later. I guess you'd call yourself Amy if that was your name, but it's not Ino's, so yeah, got me.

Merlin: Odd. Fiona showed off someding called a Blackberry to Ino and asked afder her performence doo. Helen asks Jennifer do sign her evidence bag before da sleepover is explained. Why'll Parker asked if Jennifer had been do jail because of her books. She's nod dead or in da jail sdill, righd? Fiona was also curious aboud the books. Harper dried do convince Dinah to... ensnare Eric despide him being gay...

Francine: Seriously, what, everybody's gay but me?

Merlin: Nod everyone. Leda wanded to know if dis is Parker's firsd sleep over. And Eleanor--Hello Eleanor!--dold Leda she's nod hiding.

Francine: Why would she be hiding? Unless they were playing hide and seek. Sometimes you play games at slumber parties.

Merlin: Do you go do dem a lod? Dinah asked Eleanor whad England she's from. Nod mine for cerdain! Fiona showed off dat Blackberry ding to her. Dinah and Lady Elsped dalked aboud sparring wid Ardur. Gabrielle makes a joke dat goes way over Fiona's head aboud sidding down. Leda indroduced herself do Gabrielle and commended on her daking a spod by da door. Parker commends on Hinada's cad and sdudder. Dere are also Food and drinks. Oookay den.

Francine: Cad and sdud... oh, stutter. Hey, that's mean, Parker. You don't comment on things like that. Cats are okay, though. Meanwhile - oh, this was before the party. I think I knocked a bunch of the notes out of order when I was ...putting my homework away. Before the party, Gabrielle finally moved into her room and Karla came back there all upset because... huh, it's all blotchy. But then she invited Gabrielle to the sleepover and they went shopping, so it sounds like it was Gabrielle who made her fell better. Go Gabby!

In her room, Fiona called her brother, and told him she blew all her money on her new Blackberry. I got a new phone too! It's not as shiny as that, though. Those things are expensive. Also in the dorms, Amber was packing and being thinky, and Shilo took a nap and woke up a kitty. I assume it was her kitty unless she snores really loud and it was a kitty in another room.

Speaking of other rooms -- hey, this is about you, Merlin! It says you were reading, and then something about another book with a shirt over it? And then Hurley came by to apologize and ask if Arthur's dating anybody.

Seriously? Everybody but me?

Merlin: Everyone bud you whad?

Francine: See, and then there was Tony who was talking about his date with Jack, and I rest my case. Also about the reserves - hey, remind me, I need to talk to you about that too.

And then Emma came by and...

Merlin: Oh, more nodes on de pardy. A pissed Leda made friends wid Hinada's cad. And den Fiona durned do goo over id while Eleanor and her dalked kiddy doo. Emma reminded Fiona dad she needed new cloding.

Francine: Emma who came by your room needs new clothing?

Merlin: Fiona needed dem. I dink?

Francine: I'm not sure why she needed to come to yuor room to get clothes for Fiona, but I guess that makes sense. You do tend to be good about having them lying around.

Town

Francine: Over in town, Ms. Upland was squawking about something at her apartment - that's kind of rude to say it that way. I'm sure she has a pretty voice. Ohhhh. She turned into a swan. I guess I'd squawk about that too. And Maron visited the church. ...We have a church? Don't tell my mother I didn't know we had a church.

Mr. Cable opened Wellspring Arms with his baby - awwww -- and talked on the phone with somebody about Oprah and pottytraining. He should talk to Ms. Aldrin! She knows all about child development. Leto---

Merlin: Pillock.

Francine: ...Leto's a pillow? Okay. Leto the pillow stopped in and they discussed arms sales and meditation. I...am not saying I'd prefer to discuss pottytraining, but it's the only one of those three I know anything about. At Freelance Police HQ, Mr. Murdock talked to the goldfish about pop music. ...Okay. The notes didn't say if they talked back, but it's Fandom. I had a cat talk back to me this week, so who knows. Jen Walters was doing legal research at Cabot and Associates, and Peyton was gimpy? Limpy? Something that ends in pee, at Groovy Tunes. Helen was happy at The Gig. Hey, that ends in pee too. You know, in hindsight I kind of wish I hadn't said that. Eww.

Millie opened Book Haven and she's now hiring, so if you need a job, go check out the bookstore! Maron opened Turtle & Canary and had Love & Joy Squishees for sale. That sounds good. Hey squirrels, where are those doughnuts?

***Nervous chittering***

What do you mean they're closed? Oh for. Why do we not have a 24-hour Chinese place on this island?

Merlin: We could ged you someding in de morning?

Francine: I can just make breakfast in the morning. Possibly squirrel dumplings. Speaking of, hey Chewie, remember those perverted squirrels I mentioned? I don't know their names, but one of them has a little hat with a notebook stuck in it. They also reported that you were singing Muskrat Love over at Strokes of Genius, which is obviously a lie, so. I'm just saying. You may want to have a Talk with them the next time you do radio.

Over at the Flower Shop with the messed up sign, Dinah was feeding flowers, and Jen from the pizza place came in to find out how her bruises were healing and they talked about how everyone is paired up and Jen needs a boy. Whoa, really? A girl who needs a boy? I was wondering if there were any left. Jill came in and got pink flowers and talked about Jack. I'm not sure which Jack; I think we have about fifteen of them.

Priestly opened Luke's Diner and the staff called him 'The' all day. ....And now you see why Amy is not a weird name, Merlin. One of the fifteen Jacks met Tony for sushi -- eww -- and they talked about vampires. Sometimes those are eww and sometimes not. Depends on their shirts.

Merlin: ...why would der shirds madder?

Francine: ...It's a girl thing, You wouldn't understand. Anyway. {*coughs*} Mr. Mars was at the Lighthouse itching his cast, and there's no note that says that's not dirty but I really hope so. Vice-Principal Deadpool was at the Atlas Gym with his swords and... aww, the squirrels think he's pretty, That's kind of cute even if they are PERVERTS. Zack was there and also pretty. Okay, it's getting creepy again, squirrels. Mr. Durden was there too, and, wait, let me guess. Yep. And Tim Riggins was blah blah pr-- oh wait, this is different, it says hot and ripped. Congratulations, even CREEPIER. Not you, Tim. Hot and ripped is good. Just the squirrels are creepy for noticing, because THEY'RE SQUIRRELS.

Merlin: Dey nodiced your-- nevermind.

Francine: I noticed them noticing my nevermind. It'd be hard not to notice. The noticing.

Merlin: Dey were very nice...

Francine: Thank you. Annja took inventory at Coyote Medicine, and Doctor Tam got stared at by the nurses when he opened the clinic -- is he pretty too?

The squirrels say yes, and I say why did I ask.

Fiiinally, Ms. Scherbatsky didn't have any customers at Caritas, but the zombies entertained her by... throwing octo-- really? I'm so glad I got fixed before I reached the octopus-throwing stage.

Merlin: Wad did you ged fixed?

Francine: The being a zombie, doofus. And I guess that wasn't finally - geez, do these notes never end? There's still Edward and Ino singing in the park. Oh, see? I told you that'd be in here. They sang a duet, and then Ino sang a happy working song. She's pretty good, guys! You should all convince her to sing again. Maybe at Caritas. Or start a band. We need a band in Fandom. Edward sang That's Amore, and he's not bad either. Just a little, uh. Overdressed.

A bunch of us came to watch! Arthur was there and showed Romeo his puppy, and I want everybody in the audience to put those two words together in your head. Arthur. Puppy. And then go awwwwwwww. Loud enough that he can hear you. Because it would make me laugh, and I need to laugh tonight. Liir came by with his puppy too, and talked to Arthur about them, and I got to skritch his head. ...The puppy's, not Arthur's. He's named after a women's college! Also the puppy, not Arthur.

Merlin: She's named afder a moundain.

Francine: So's the college. Wait, the puppy's a girl?

Merlin: I'd hope so. If nod, someone casdraded dad poor puppy.

Francine: ... {The silence of someone who has NO IDEA how to explain the concept of spaying and neutering to one's medieval boyfriend, and isn't about to inspect Arthur's dog to find out.} Right. So. Ned was there, and so was Penelope, who got stared at by Mr. Desmond. What is it with people and the rudeness today? By which I mean people and animals.

Katchoo was there -- hi, Katchoo! Sorry I missed you - I was playing with the puppy! -- and laughing. Romeo waited for the show and talked to Maron; Amber and Hinata were there too. And so was the Jack that Tony had his date with. Except he didn't have Tony at the park. Just juice. Tony came later.

***chitter snicker chitter snicker***

WHAT? I hate when people laugh at me for not getting something.

Merlin: Dey're weird. I don'd ged it eider. Liir and Makejoy had applause, Effy was dere as she saw da posders made, and Ichigo was horrified.

Francine: I don't know why. The posters weren't scary.

Merlin: Maybe nod enough glidder? Romeo and Dojima dalked aboud buying Ino a drink and dem plans for dem on de beach. Amber and Harper dalk aboud kay--someding and her fudure boyfriend, Eric. Dinah and Preisdly dalk aboud his radio and names. Lady Adora was dere do see Prince Edward, Diana and her cad were dere bud not for him, Karla didn'd sdick around for de singing, Dim dinks id's inderesding and Naomi is jusd wadching.

Francine: Dim?

***more chittersnickers***

Francine: Shut up, squirrel dumplings. Ohhhh, Tim!

Merlin: Dad's whad I said! Dere was food where Amber was. Ichigo was jealous dat Ino sang wid Edward. Are dey dading?

Francine: Ichigo and Edward? Probably. It's in the water.

Merlin: Bud... nod for us.

Francine: No. Not for us. Huh. Maybe it's in the rum.

Merlin: Maybe... Ardur wondered if she was bid by a gremlin, she said no. And she also god a complimend from Amber aboud her singing wid Edward. Everyone seems surprised she sang I dink. Like Romeo who wondered why she would wid Ichigo back. Priesdly decided dat Edward needs bedder dasde in music, while Lady Adora complimends his singing and Dinah was confused by him saying he didn'd have a broken nodes any--more.

Francine: A broken what? I didn't get that last bit.

Merlin: ...can dey leabe now?

Francine: Please?

{Clunks of equipment being gathered up and doors opening and closing}

Francine: Oh, thank God.

{In the distance, the faint chittery sound of Na na na NAH na na na, na na na NAH na nahhhh}