fandom_radio | Fandom Radio [Saturday, May 17]

"All right, waking up as a small horse was bad enough, but now we're being kidnapped by these evil damn squirrels? You things are not nearly as awesome as the noble Squirrels are." There was the sound of hooves moving across the floor. "What are all of these lights for? Oh, hi, Eve. Would you be wiling to braid my tail?" *sounds of a head hitting something*. "I did not just ask that."

"... That depends. Are you going to give me booze if I do it?"

Gwynn sighed. "Will you give me alcohol to deal with this?"

"You got it. As soon as you're not a pony, because I don't want to find out how much -- or little -- it takes to make a teeny tiny toy pony drunk."

The squirrels chittered.

"But it could make for much fun."

"I am not inflicting a drunk pony on your cabinmates!" Eve protested. "Though... it's not like I couldn't tuck you in my alcove. But if you get sick? I'm so going to hate you forever."

"I'm not that tiny! I am pony-sized and you can't hate me. I'm your best friend and your roommate."

"I hate you and your logic." Eve sighed. "How about we just get on with this news thing? And once again, I cannot believe I'm reporting with a pony." Because that couldn't be said enough.

"Ponies have sharp hooves, Eve... and squirrel if you do not stop tangling up my mane I am going to bite you."

"I'd listen to her, squirrel, if I were you. Now just give me the notes so we can get this show on the road."

The Cabins -- Where Every Person In The Place Seems To Now Have Hooves

"At the Sirius camp this morning, Pony!Gladys wants to know how she became a pony, Pony!Evey was glad that she wasn't the only one." There is the sound of something tumbling over and then a scraping and a thud. "Stupid mircrophone. This lack of hands and fingers is really not very helpful. Anyway, still at Sirius, Pony!Jo didn't mind that she was a pony, but was upset that she had been turned pink. Being green isn't so nice, either." She sighed. "Pony!Luke was not happy about having a lightsaber tattooed on his butt, and told this to Evey and she told him her bombs don't look like that in reality." There was a soft sigh. "What's a bomb... and Eve? I have no tattoos on my butt, thankfully."

There was a faint sound of something hitting a desk. "Bombs are complicated. I'll show you my notes from Aly's classes. And Tyler's, so far. Wait, do I get to call him Tyler?"

"Quite probably. Most teachers here seem to go by their first name." A hoof scraped along the floor. "Hey, that button stopped blinking. I'll turn it back on." There was a screech of fedback and a sound of frustration. "Okay. Hooves and radio equipment do not mix. Anyway, at Sirius, Pony!Gladys and Luke talked about this latest Fandom weirdnesss. Pony!Luke complimented Pony!Jo and said she was pretty pink. Jeff was herded to the campfire by Nana, and Pony!Gladys comforted him -- after Nana was told not to bother the ponies." Gwynn snorted and there was the sound of a head shaking. "The squirrels could take a lesson from that. Pony!Gwen was a pony and she talked to Pony!Jeff. Then Pony!Gwen and Pony!Gladys talked about the butt tattoos."

"And now, on to Little Dipper. Katara tries to get the embers to start a fire. Damn the lack of opposable thumbs. And hands. Zuko comes over to flail about being a pony. Which, really, who wouldn't have? And then he realizes she's a pony, too. Which apparently leads to nuzzling and cuteness and oh my God, stop killing me with cute, okay? But there's also Zuko complaining about how stupid it is. Thank you, Zuko, that took the cute down a bit.

"Also at Little Dipper, we've got Worf who is not a pony. Yay, I'm not the only one! Anyway, Worf wants to know why there's multicolored equines running around. Again, I wouldn't blame him for that. He thinks he's immune to the poniness, which is a word I don't ever want to use again. Katara just thinks the weirdness didn't want to bother with him. Then there's Pony!Chad and his sparkly leg. That's... kind of cool, actually. Katara recognizes him by the floppy mane and says she thought he'd have been bigger as a pony. Chad just likes his tail. And lastly is poor Kaylee, who doesn't mind being a pony but wants to know if this happens often? The answer's yes, Kaylee. Fandom weirdness happens quite often. She and Katara figure out who they are, and I don't mean that in the existential way, either. Too bad this pony thing didn't come with nametags."

"You knew me without one."

"Because I knew we were doing the broadcast together and kinda figured you'd show up."

"Oh. Well, that makes sense. Why did you want to do this anyway?"

"Uh... because I just did."

"You owe me a drink, you realize."

"I owe you many, many drinks."

"Pony!Cal could probably use one too, as over at the Virgo campfire, he was sulking about being a pony. Pony!Temari was there to talking to him. Pony!Jaime - who is Awesome was there and he annoyed Temari by being cheerful with his pony self. Alec was not a pony. Cal was surprised by this, and Alec told him that Fandom liked playing with your sense of identity. Pony!Temari wasn't happy that Alec was still human. Dean and Alec talked about the weirdness. Pony!Temari and Dean talked about the poniness, and Pony!Cal told Dean that whomever had caused this bought themselves a bed full of horse manure. I can be behind this plan."

"I hope they're not in my cabin or else I'm going to find some creative uses for shielding spells." Eve flipped a page in the notes.

"Ursa Major's campfire involved Pony!Luke with a scooter, a helmet, an unkempt tail, and an oh so helpful droid filming it all. Thank you, Artoo! Pony!Z wondered why a pony needed a scooter and how you'd control it with hooves. Good questions, Z. Good questions, indeed. Artoo's idea of helpfulness involved telling her How Many Times Luke Has Fallen. How many times was that, anyway? Pony!Adah stares at Luke, who offers to let her try the scooter. Aw, how nice. But apparently she gave him the LOOK OF DOOM. Oh, dear. And Pony!Peter Pevensie was just curious about the scooter."

"Ella in Lupus, was ill. Jamie was the Plural Pony in Draco, Andros woke up as a pony and... what does double u tee eff mean?"

Sounds of kicking.

"Zuko woke up as a pony... and was annoyed. Really? I'm so surprised. Lion-O wanted to be a boy and not a pony. I want to be back to myself, too. Aravis and Seely woke up as ponies and were confused. Xander and Bridge discussed the fact they were ponies. Liir, Amber, and Hoshi woke up as ponies. In Draco cabin, Blair wanted to brush her tail, and she and I compared notes about this pony thing. Blair threatened Wes with being ended if he had caused this. Francine was very upset and denied she was a pony or in Greece... to which Wes told her that she was mistaken. Blair promised her pain if she kept yelling. Rikku woke up as a pony -- surprise -- and went to see Reno."

Town, Where There Are Still More Manes and Tales

Gwynn's teeth snapped and there was the sound of a small animal hitting the wall. "I told you to leave my tail alone. There are so many ponies in this place, and it even hit Deadpool. Cable and Janice woke up as ponies as well... hey Eve? You now, it would just be easier if we told people who wasn't a pony today."

"Yeah, no kidding."

"Because also a pony were Tyler, Lulu, Murdock, G'Kar, and Mary and George Michael." Gwynn shook her mane. "I need a drink. A strong drink and it should be very large."

"I promise you many, many large drinks when we're done."

"And you'll braid my.. I did not just ask that again, damn it!" A heavy sigh was heard. "Dale and Charlotte woke up as ponies and Charlotte freaked out. I think that's quite acceptable. I was freaking out, too. Also, Deadpool went to the Meditation Center and there was a pony fight between him and Cable." Gwynn dropped her head on the controls. "Those are words I never thought I would need to say in my life."

Eve reached over to gingerly pick her co-broadcaster's head up from the controls. "No faceplanting on the controls, Gwynn. That makes them make bad noises." She turned her attention back to the notes.

"Pony!River was prancing on the beach. See, that's the way to do it. Have fun with your pony selves, people! Er, ponies. Anyway. Kerrigan was also a pony. What a day for ponies on the beach.

"Bond was also a pony -- this is getting ridiculous! -- and tried to get the Perk staff to serve him. No word on if he was successful. Murdock was flying around the Perk. Which... okay, whatever floats your little pony boat, man. Mike was a colorful pony and this drew Murdock's attention. Deadpool was also there and he chatted with Bond. Yes, the squirrels used the word 'chatted'. This... makes me nervous for some reason.

"Frasier and Robin were going off-island, which I'm assuming means they're not ponies. If they are, I don't want to know.

"Turtle was conducting business as usual at Turtle and Canary. Jeff worried he couldn't lift things as a pony. Hey, valid. Zach just wanted someone with opposable thumbs. No such luck. The staff meeting got nowhere because guess what? ALL PONIES!

"There were free nuts at the Banana Stand on account of the boss not knowing how to serve things on a stick as a pony.

"At the trooper station, Roy was a pony. Aly, however, was not.

"Murdock was stretching his wings at the park. He's a busy bee. Er, pony. Francine was there, too, getting used to her wings.

"Michael was working at Luke's but couldn't write on the specials board. Man, this pony thing's really screwin' with everybody's day. Liir came in but he and Michael didn't recognize each other as ponies at first. ... How ARE you people recognizing each other, anyway?

"And at Caritas, D'Argo was vaguely there -- but at least he wasn't a pony. Harriet Jones, however, was. As such, she was in the lounge with a bucket o' Scotch.

"The clinic was pretty quiet. Daytime had an unhappy pony!Adah and nighttime had an eight-legged Igor!pony. ... Okay, then."

"Can I have a bucket of scotch?"

"Only if I can have one, too."

"Are we done now?"

"I think so... quick! Run! The squirrels aren't watching!"

"Great! Bye Fandom!"

There was the sounds of hooves walking away. "So... about that scotch..."