Fandom Radio :: Monday, April 29.

[stocksgrrl.livejournal.com]

Jeff: I still think he was entirely wrong about the squirrels, Turtle.

Turtle: Who? Trip? What did he say about the squirrels?

Jeff: ...You really don't want to know. Trust me. It's too horrible.

Turtle: Too horrible for radio?

Jeff: Too horrible for people. Can we have notes? Please?

Turtle: Fine, fine. Notes. Onto the news!



SCHOOL STUFF

Jeff: So there's more kids in the flirtary today. That's a bit young to be in there, isn't it? Dean should know better than to have Jake running 'round in there, you can't predict the flirting! Except from Peter who brought his daughter along to learn. I think that's a bit of a bad habit.

Turtle: Please tell me you mean flirting, not learning.

Jeff: I was going for a bit of both, yeah.

Turtle: ...Huh. Interesting. Speaking of learning and flirting, later tonight, Mister Skywalker had a special, timely Sex Ed Seminar to talk about the sorts of things that would lead up to the sorts of things that happened this weekend, which is exactly why I refuse to accept that that was our kid, MARCO. Anyway, in attendance were Luke, Lana, Meg, Jen, and Adah. John gets a special lesson in Mister-Skywalker-Can-Kill-You-With-His-Brain and Romeo has a word or two with him about his son was flirting with his daughter. Meanwhile, John's just glad to see that Karal there, because Karal reassures him that a teacher can't kill a student. USUALLY. Ino gets yelled at by Mister Skywalker for laughing because Sex Ed is Srs Bzness. And then Dawn fails to explain the spinny thing to John, which, really, John? Sounds like it's for the best. Luke apologized to Dawn on behalf of his father, and to Jo as well, and Meg chats with Dawn about how Mister Skywalker's either got no sense of humor or just a really bad sense of humor. Romeo and Jamie talk tattoos and weekends.

Jeff: At the same time?

Turtle: Well...intermittantly. Once Mister Skywalker got to the nitty-gritty, Luke wanted to know more about a bunch of words I think he made up, John is convinced that everyone dies at the end of all of Mister Skywalker's examples, which just goes to show what a sunshiny kind of guy Mister Skywalker is. Karal and Luke and Lana are inspired to talk about how celibacy might not be such a bad idea...thank you!...I've been saying that all along!... Dawn learns that four is apparently the magic number for contraceptives, and I was about to say that one, namely abstinence, but, well, you were all here this weekend, and well... Romeo learns that weird sex things know no planetary bounds. Jen and Meg just seemed to have lost their appetite...hopefully for sex...although Jamie has no problem having some popcorn. Ino wants some, too, and Jen doesn't quite agree with Jamie's view on entertainment. And he tells Luke that this is the worst po--

And now I have an image of Jamie watching porn in my head. THANKS MISTER SKYWALKER.

Jeff: ...Jamie, again!

Turtle: Well, he is Jamie. He's kind of everywhere by nature. Anyway, Jo asks if Luke would mind terribly if she killed his dad and...after what's stuck in my head right now? I wouldn't too terribly mind. Jen is just shocked. SHOCKED. AS SHE SHOULD BE. Then crazy people like John, Ino, Jamie who is gross, and Adah had specific questions, all of which I'm sure we really don't want to know.

DORMITORY DAYS

Turtle: Mac, her kids, and her space lemming were playing in the fourth floor common room and corridor this afternoon, probably being really loud. Hoshi and her kids stopped by to partake in the traditional offerings of PB&J, and the proud mommies talked about their babies, particularly on how Hoshi's weren't entirely all human, but it's not like that's rare around here, you know? Billy was sitting on the edge of the roof, too, which is dangerous, people, how many times do I have to tell you?

Jeff: Savannah and Johnny are snuggling with their children and there's some sort of talk about tequila. We didn't snuggle Trip, he got very... lawsuit... y. In the middle of the night, Reno and Rikku talk about Rede, which isn't really very good 'cos if you don't sleep the paranoia gets worse. And I know paranoia. Eve meets Gwynn's children Pagan and Javelin and that sounds a bit violent, I wonder if those names are method. Adah's got a quiet day with her twins and a bunny, which sounds significantly less violent, while Chris and Summer wake up with what are quite possibly their children to talk about coffee. I'm still not allowed.

Jenny wakes up to a lot of arguing and I sort of emphatise except Trip doesn't even need anyone else around to argue with. Reno and Rikku have family time after waking up so early which I really hope didn't lead to any further incidents, Z gets visited by Brownyn-with-a-y and Sparky-also-with-an-y, Patrick and Karone show off their telekinesis to Andros which sounds like a very dangerous thing to do, what if someone gets tangled, and then there's talk and some emo after the kids with some sort of combination of Summer, Chris, Eve, Adam, Savannah and the Harlot. No word on who got the Harlot.

Probably not Karal, though, who was a bit busy talking to himself.

Turtle: Hey! Like Trip!

Jeff: He's really good at it. Trip, I mean, I haven't heard Karal do it, I'm sure he's at least halfway there.

Turtle: Psssh. Trip could talk the pants off Karal. Not literally. From what's happened before, I don't think it's probably that hard to get Karal's pants off either way.

Jeff: ...What do you know about Karal's pants?

Turtle: Only what you've told me!!!

TOWN TERRITORY

Jeff: Professor Stinson wakes up with a child jumping on his bed. Could be worse. Could be folding. Professor Suresh calls one of his baby daddies and that's still a bit odd to say. Then Professor Lulu has to give her son a bit of a cuddle, while Joanna needs a nap. The child, not the millionaire with the really large... *sound of gesturing*.

Turtle:...Ugh, Jeff... My great business partner G'kar worried about his kidlet a bit, who, awww, I wish I got a chance to meet her! And then Xander got a kitten from Parker, apparently, much to Bronywn's delight and Bridge's surprise. Sheriff Mustang and Miss Aly had some quiet time with their son Ed, and I'd just like to say that "quiet time with insert-kid-name-here" seems kind of oxymoronical to me. Faith and her niece Maggie got together for some horror films.

Jeff: There's a lot of children going about town today, but Trip wasn't one of them, 'cos we couldn't let him out or he'd try to conquer the island and we feel it's still a bit early. Er. In terms of things that haven't been conquered, yet, Lacey opened her diner, and they had a bit of a dinner party, and there's a lot of people, like Chris and Summer who get visited by their niece about something or another, and Artemis tells Chris that she can't date until she's thirty, which sounds a bit like my mother except hers was really more sort of a 'never' and a lot of laughing.

Anders is there, too, with Artemis and Pandora - so that's where the thirty year bit came from - and he has a lot of visitors like Eve and Madison and Storm and I hope there won't be a test on these people. Eve apologises for introducing Adam to the family. Your significant other and your family should never ever meet. Ever. Then Storm comes by to meet grandpa and grandma and no family. Ever. Savannah and the Harlot and a lot of names I can't pronounce come by the diner, too, and they feel there's not enough alcohol in the world which, have you counted? There's got to be a chart for this sort of thing.

Then Isabel talks to Johnny about getting the children ice cream the next day which might be sort of hard now, considering. There's pictures being taken and there's more visiting and greeting with Matthew and Madison and Gracie and Sean. And then Chris wants to know if Pagan-- seriously?-- took care of her mother and Eve thought they were being a bit loud. You should be happy Trip wasn't around, he'd have talked them out of it. And into something else. Gwen says hi, and Chris meets Victoria, Madison wants to see Uncle Wyatt and Aunt Isabel and how big is this family? And, er, Winter with a y and Victoria decide to share and there's more greeting and hugging and Aunt-hugging and Storm-hugging and orb-hugging and even more hugging but Gwen, Pagan and the violent one this time, and tacklehugging and that's beyond violent into sounding a bit painful, really. Matthew says hello to his Aunt Prue who's a bit confused about the whole thing and there are more pictures and an Adam, for those of you still in suspense. I know it gets a bit pressuring. I mean, Fai's suffering from empty nest's already so it gets even worse.

But that's why we have Caritas.

Turtle: Mister Scavo opened up Pizza Planet and Mary opened the Arms Hotel; River needed help feeding Will, so she came in to take advantage of all the wonderful culinary offerings that the Hotel provides on a daily basis.

Hey, Mary! How'd you like that super sweet shout-out, huh? Heh! Anyway, Gracie check out the towel animal zoo that they had at the hotel and, hey, that actually sounds pretty cool, too! Almost as cool as Mister Cannon giving the Bluth twins pony rides. Seriously. Pony rides are awesome. Lucas opened The Wonders of the World, where Billy brought Faith to play. Seregil and Korendil, which sounds quite musical, doesn't it?...opened Book Haven; in another father-and-son team, Chad and Orden opened Groovy Tunes. Sparky then came in to play with kittens and ended up showing off her powers to Orden. Detective Montoya was womanning the Trooper Station, where Agent Cooper, always incredibly perceptive, observed that she had no children.

Jamie finally got his butt in gear and opened Turtle & Canary; Z stopped in to catch up and distract him from doing his job. Over at that overpriced clothing store, Romeo worked, while River and Will came in to have a look-around, RJ and Seely got to meet Seraphina. Will wouldn't let Payido play with his Viper, which is not nice, Will! You should share! Like Dōjima, who brought lunch. George Michael did his 'naner stand thing, while Annette did her post office thing with Aimee, and A.J. boggles over how Annette and Aimee matched and there's too many A words in there anyway. Alex opened the Magic Box, Mister Gabriel open the church, and Naomi Sparky's, and then Miss Lieutenant Kerrigan, Dean Jones, and Lauren all went for a walk on the beeeeeach. At the park, River and Will and Sparky (that's the kid, by the way, not the repair shop) were all spinny and squealy. Mister Cable opened the Wellspring Arms and Mediation Center, where he met Yakushi and then Terry and Jean clung to Mister Deadpool's legs while Mommy and Daddy has Grown-Up talk.

...I really don't even want to start thinking of who's the Mommy in that pairing.

Jeff: I suppose it depends on who's got the bigger breasts. ...Or the smaller ankles.

Turtle: And, since all good things must come to and end (or bad things, depending on how this all worked out for you, and that last bit about Mister Cable and Mister Deadpool and their breasts and ankles was definitely a bad thing), there was a portal thing in the park where all the little ankle-biters had to go and say goodbye. River and Lee said goodbye to Will and Karal and Evey said adios to Valerie. Adah and Eve...which is still funny, admit it!...said sayonara to their kids, while Mister Nast said see ya later to Gracie. Billy said caio to Faith, and Gavin and Karal wished Corran happy trails. Andros wished farewell to Patrick and Karone while Anakin said areva derche to Juliet and China. Mac wished Miles and Amy many happy returns and Inara said adieu to Hoban. Sabrina and Kathryn got a guten tag from Naomi and Liz said salaam to her Anna and Trevor. Chris and Summer say auf weidersehen to Matt and Madison while Jenny was all 'after while, crocodile' to her kids. Gwynn told Pagan and Javelin to keep on keepin' on and Steve and Steve parted ways. Hoshi said tootles to her kids and Valentine said peace out to Lou. Anders said TTFN to Pandora and Artemis, while Mary and George Michael said tchuss to their twins. Johnny and Savannah were all 'ta-ta' to Kristofer and Storm, and Robin and Barney let go of a LEGEND. For mommy Annette, Aimee has left the building, and Romeo sent best regards with his kids. Gavin and Inara wished Anya bon voyage and Isabel and Wyatt said cheerio to Victoria. Savannah and Wyatt said so long to Wynter while Mister Winchester said aloha to Abbey. Marco said shalom to the girl who could not possibly be my daughter and Carmela and Ronan said hasta la vista to Michael and Peach

...Peach? Really ...Anyway, *clears throat* Reno and Dōjima said fare thee well to Riina while Constable Fraser and Robin-Not-The-Frog said bis bald to Bobby. John and Jaina say ja wohl to Jordin and Jaryd, G'kar says be cool, brother...or daughter, in this case, to Brianna, and Ino says later, gator to Inoue and tallyhoo! to Kagami and Isamu. Liir says keep it real! to Trindle and Liir and Miss Lulu say get outta here to Bell. Robin and Ron get a hasta leugo out of Mel and Dawn and Sam say pip pip to Maggie and Rikku and Reno say roll on out to Rede and Ruba. Brooke says 'who's your daddy?' to Tabitha...no joke and, for the record, TABITHA IS A HORRIBLE NAME AND ONLY EVIL PEOPLE NAME THEIR CHILDREN THAT. OH. MY. GOD.

And Briana and Robin the Frog took a ride on a ship, which I think actually happened and is not just me trying to think of another way to say that so and so said goodbye to so and so..



Turtle: and so on and so fo-- so fo-- so fo...So many notes...

*sound of crashing*

Jeff: Turtle? Turtle?! Turtle! Oh my god!

*more crashing noises, a chair falling, and then a CLICK*