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Fandom Radio [Wednesday, October 17]
Pam: Hi everyone! It's Pam! I know, it's weird to hear me on a Wednesday, right? Get over it.
Jim: Greetings. This is James Halpert. And this is the completely serious news.
Pam: Very, very serious. Really. You look like you're at a funeral, Jim.
Jim: I suppose I am, Pam. This is where the events of the day pass on to their next life of being information instead of just events. Truly somber.
Pam: *hums a dirge*
Jim: Thank you, Pam. Let that humming signify to you that tonight we will focus on the Serious stories of the day and those alone. Also, please note that 'Serious' is capitalized. That's how Serious it is.
Pam: Very, very Serious. Let us start with the Serious library, since there are no classes -- which, frankly, I think sounds like we're lacking in Seriousness. And all of those Seriouses were capitalized too.
School
Pam: Adah opened the very Serious library today, and Lee stopped by. Also, the office was open, and Lee and Ed stopped by Dean Jones's office hours. Is my tone Serious enough? Can you tell I'm capitalizing the S?
Jim: I certainly can. Did our squirrel reporter friends note any kind of silliness in the library on this very Serious day?
Pam: Just that Lee and Adah were oh-em-gee adorable.
Jim: And adorability is completely Serious. Good work, Lee and Adah.
Dorms
Jim: This morning, River spent some time stretching in the gym. That just shows how Serious she is about her workout. She then gave Lee a Serious beating. During the afternoon, Meg was in the gym, where she takes training to hit people Seriously and sings very Serious songs. Adah came by and gave her a few pointers while Billy admired her form. Since the news is so Serious I will not reference the fact that if he were admiring her form in the sense of gawking at her, she might use her form in the sense of punching to attack. That would be a very Silly joke and has no place in this broadcast. Z made some very serious enchiladas for lunch on the third floor where she and Adam were Seriously bored, Jamie gave her a Serious puppy dog face, and Peter Parker discussed the very Serious issue of sweatshops.
Pam: That one really is Serious. Did you capitalize Silly, too?
Jim: Of course. Silliness is Serious, too. Later on in the third floor common room, Chad watched America's Next Top Model with Johnny and they talked about actual Serious things. Meanwhile the second floor saw Jack making spaghetti and chicken. We all know that pasta is the most Serious of foods. And then Cassandra came by and was Seriously out of her element trying to help Jack cook.
Pam: Meanwhile, Annette and Ino had a fake fight -- why have fake fights when real ones suck so much? Wyatt grilled his little brother, which just does not sound pleasant, Dick cleaned his -- yours too -- room, Dawn sent email and talked to Luke and hugged Rikku. And yay! Karal is back! And also, Hoshi is not having the awesomest day, and thusly hides under her covers.
Jim: That all sounds appropriately Serious. It's good to see that the squirrels who give us all of the information from within people's rooms have trimmed the fluff tonight. Good for you, squirrels.
Pam: I'm saluting the squirrels, just to add a touch of whimsy.
Jim: That's pushing it, Beesly. Just don't get too much whimsy in there or I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Pam: Um, you can't do that. You're not the boss of this broadcast.
Jim: Well, if you're going to be adding whimsy, somebody has to make sure things keep to a certain level of Seriousness and it doesn't seem to be you.
Pam: Doesn't mean you're the boss. I could be the whimsical boss.
Jim: You can be the boss of whimsy.
Pam: I'm going to get whimsy all over your Seriousness.
Jim: Well, I'm going to get Seriousness all over your whimsy.
Pam: Whimsy is more resistant.
Jim: Serious stains things in a very Serious shade.
Pam: Whimsy stains in hot pink.
Jim: Hot pink is Seriously pink.
Pam: You say that now. It's not serious when it's specifically staining in whimsical shapes.
Jim: I don't think you capitalized 'Serious' there. You said it with a small 's'.
Pam: Did not.
Jim: I don't think you're taking this Seriously at all. Excuse me, I need a very Serious drink. Excuse me.
Pam: Can please you get me one too? I asked it very Seriously.
Jim: Sure. *sound of something being poured because apparently these microphones are sensitive enough tonight to pick that up*
Pam: Thank you. *sound of something being plunked into a liquid, as again with the sensitive microphones*
Jim: Pam is now drinking chocolate milk with a curly straw. I judge that this is completely Serious so we can get on with the news.
Pam: It's not. It's whimsical.
Jim: It's Serious and I'm changing the subject so I win.
Townies I win I win I win
Jim: The Jerries opened their store and were met by a gremlin. Squirrels, did Pam and her whimsy get to you?
Pam: Squirrels say no and also that you lose.
Jim: You totally bribed them. Anyway, the Jerries thought they were Jacques and Francoise and rowed a boat around Fandom. And then lots of things happened that make me very disappointed in all of you for not taking things Seriously. They met Jamie and Sokka and Seely. Naomi walked in the park and they clubbed her over the head. Valentine walked the streets and also got clubbed before Naminé found him. Cher opened Pixie Dust where Naminé got clothes for Valentine and they were there. Johnny Storm opened Photo Hut and talked to Savannah while our French-Canadian friends clubbed Leo. Hoshi opened the hotel and they were there. George Michael opened the banana stand and talked to Gabriel and Mary. And they were there to club George Michael. And Mary. Andrew opened The Magic Box and sold Gabriel candles. And they were there. It seems that the only places they weren't were the Trooper station with Dale and Roy and then the causeway with Jude, Rikku, and Robin the Frog.
Pam: ...you can breathe Seriously for a few, okay?
Jim: *the sound of Jim nodding since he is too out of breath to speak and WOW these microphones are sensitive tonight*
Pam: Okay, so first off, Beauty opened the post office and fur traders visited. More on that in a second. So Beauty then went to Luke's to talk to AJ, and there were more fur traders. Cable opened Wellspring Arms and some fur traders came by. And Gabriel opened the church and there were some more fur traders</>. Anyway, D'Argo opened Caritas and complained at Tino about the computer. Billy apparently forgot his own birthday -- wow, that takes skill -- and Annette got herself some tequila. Constable Fraser met up with Aly, who teased him, and then was later rebuked for trying to get water. In a bar? Shame. Professor Deadpool agreed to a duet with Aly, who was over-age and thus D'Argo was happy. Billy asked D'Argo about humans, which seems kind of weird. Professor Deadpool talked to D'Argo about tricksy blondes, and then he and Constable Fraser didn't tear each others' clothes off, which is probably good because that uniform needs to be kept pristine. Um. Or so I've heard.
Jim: My turn to give you a Serious breather. Robin Scherbatsky met D'Argo and Deadpool and they talked fashion. Mentor Stinson met Constable Fraser and they discussed Robin's intentions toward the Mountie. Robin and Constable Fraser then presumably had a very Serious talk. Jamie walked in, looking for a cure for what ailed him. What ailed him was a lump from our French-Canadian friends. Booze doesn't technically help that, of course. Both Aly and D'Argo figured it was a woman, but no amount of whimsy would make the radio squirrels lie when it came to French-Canadian fur traders. Arashi came in for a drink a well and discussed the very Serious issue of nasal discharge with Aly before he and Deadpool demonstrated a public display of affection. Robin met Aly and she explained how she lost a bet, which is why she sang. Twice. Constable Fraser was amused.
Pam: More Serious breathing for you. Xander sent email before heading out on patrol with Mel. Professor Skywalker was building stuff when John who likes turnips came by to talk about Jaina's visitors this weekend, and naturally, some fur traders came by. And meanwhile, Kabuto opened the Devil's Nest, and the clinic played host to Dr. Wilson and Professor Aziraphale talking about soup, and the Jerries, who were outside in a canoe. And Ronan had a very quiet shift.
Jim: And there we have it. A Completely Serious broadcast from at least half the team. Some people said it couldn't be done (Mel) but I believe we just proved that wrong.
Pam: *the sound of Pam drinking through a curly straw*
Jim: Do you have another straw? I'm going to Seriously need it once we're officially off the air.
Pam: I brought one in blue for you.
Jim: Thank you. Seriously. Good night, Fandom!
Jim: Greetings. This is James Halpert. And this is the completely serious news.
Pam: Very, very serious. Really. You look like you're at a funeral, Jim.
Jim: I suppose I am, Pam. This is where the events of the day pass on to their next life of being information instead of just events. Truly somber.
Pam: *hums a dirge*
Jim: Thank you, Pam. Let that humming signify to you that tonight we will focus on the Serious stories of the day and those alone. Also, please note that 'Serious' is capitalized. That's how Serious it is.
Pam: Very, very Serious. Let us start with the Serious library, since there are no classes -- which, frankly, I think sounds like we're lacking in Seriousness. And all of those Seriouses were capitalized too.
School
Pam: Adah opened the very Serious library today, and Lee stopped by. Also, the office was open, and Lee and Ed stopped by Dean Jones's office hours. Is my tone Serious enough? Can you tell I'm capitalizing the S?
Jim: I certainly can. Did our squirrel reporter friends note any kind of silliness in the library on this very Serious day?
Pam: Just that Lee and Adah were oh-em-gee adorable.
Jim: And adorability is completely Serious. Good work, Lee and Adah.
Dorms
Jim: This morning, River spent some time stretching in the gym. That just shows how Serious she is about her workout. She then gave Lee a Serious beating. During the afternoon, Meg was in the gym, where she takes training to hit people Seriously and sings very Serious songs. Adah came by and gave her a few pointers while Billy admired her form. Since the news is so Serious I will not reference the fact that if he were admiring her form in the sense of gawking at her, she might use her form in the sense of punching to attack. That would be a very Silly joke and has no place in this broadcast. Z made some very serious enchiladas for lunch on the third floor where she and Adam were Seriously bored, Jamie gave her a Serious puppy dog face, and Peter Parker discussed the very Serious issue of sweatshops.
Pam: That one really is Serious. Did you capitalize Silly, too?
Jim: Of course. Silliness is Serious, too. Later on in the third floor common room, Chad watched America's Next Top Model with Johnny and they talked about actual Serious things. Meanwhile the second floor saw Jack making spaghetti and chicken. We all know that pasta is the most Serious of foods. And then Cassandra came by and was Seriously out of her element trying to help Jack cook.
Pam: Meanwhile, Annette and Ino had a fake fight -- why have fake fights when real ones suck so much? Wyatt grilled his little brother, which just does not sound pleasant, Dick cleaned his -- yours too -- room, Dawn sent email and talked to Luke and hugged Rikku. And yay! Karal is back! And also, Hoshi is not having the awesomest day, and thusly hides under her covers.
Jim: That all sounds appropriately Serious. It's good to see that the squirrels who give us all of the information from within people's rooms have trimmed the fluff tonight. Good for you, squirrels.
Pam: I'm saluting the squirrels, just to add a touch of whimsy.
Jim: That's pushing it, Beesly. Just don't get too much whimsy in there or I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Pam: Um, you can't do that. You're not the boss of this broadcast.
Jim: Well, if you're going to be adding whimsy, somebody has to make sure things keep to a certain level of Seriousness and it doesn't seem to be you.
Pam: Doesn't mean you're the boss. I could be the whimsical boss.
Jim: You can be the boss of whimsy.
Pam: I'm going to get whimsy all over your Seriousness.
Jim: Well, I'm going to get Seriousness all over your whimsy.
Pam: Whimsy is more resistant.
Jim: Serious stains things in a very Serious shade.
Pam: Whimsy stains in hot pink.
Jim: Hot pink is Seriously pink.
Pam: You say that now. It's not serious when it's specifically staining in whimsical shapes.
Jim: I don't think you capitalized 'Serious' there. You said it with a small 's'.
Pam: Did not.
Jim: I don't think you're taking this Seriously at all. Excuse me, I need a very Serious drink. Excuse me.
Pam: Can please you get me one too? I asked it very Seriously.
Jim: Sure. *sound of something being poured because apparently these microphones are sensitive enough tonight to pick that up*
Pam: Thank you. *sound of something being plunked into a liquid, as again with the sensitive microphones*
Jim: Pam is now drinking chocolate milk with a curly straw. I judge that this is completely Serious so we can get on with the news.
Pam: It's not. It's whimsical.
Jim: It's Serious and I'm changing the subject so I win.
Townies I win I win I win
Jim: The Jerries opened their store and were met by a gremlin. Squirrels, did Pam and her whimsy get to you?
Pam: Squirrels say no and also that you lose.
Jim: You totally bribed them. Anyway, the Jerries thought they were Jacques and Francoise and rowed a boat around Fandom. And then lots of things happened that make me very disappointed in all of you for not taking things Seriously. They met Jamie and Sokka and Seely. Naomi walked in the park and they clubbed her over the head. Valentine walked the streets and also got clubbed before Naminé found him. Cher opened Pixie Dust where Naminé got clothes for Valentine and they were there. Johnny Storm opened Photo Hut and talked to Savannah while our French-Canadian friends clubbed Leo. Hoshi opened the hotel and they were there. George Michael opened the banana stand and talked to Gabriel and Mary. And they were there to club George Michael. And Mary. Andrew opened The Magic Box and sold Gabriel candles. And they were there. It seems that the only places they weren't were the Trooper station with Dale and Roy and then the causeway with Jude, Rikku, and Robin the Frog.
Pam: ...you can breathe Seriously for a few, okay?
Jim: *the sound of Jim nodding since he is too out of breath to speak and WOW these microphones are sensitive tonight*
Pam: Okay, so first off, Beauty opened the post office and fur traders visited. More on that in a second. So Beauty then went to Luke's to talk to AJ, and there were more fur traders. Cable opened Wellspring Arms and some fur traders came by. And Gabriel opened the church and there were some more fur traders</>. Anyway, D'Argo opened Caritas and complained at Tino about the computer. Billy apparently forgot his own birthday -- wow, that takes skill -- and Annette got herself some tequila. Constable Fraser met up with Aly, who teased him, and then was later rebuked for trying to get water. In a bar? Shame. Professor Deadpool agreed to a duet with Aly, who was over-age and thus D'Argo was happy. Billy asked D'Argo about humans, which seems kind of weird. Professor Deadpool talked to D'Argo about tricksy blondes, and then he and Constable Fraser didn't tear each others' clothes off, which is probably good because that uniform needs to be kept pristine. Um. Or so I've heard.
Jim: My turn to give you a Serious breather. Robin Scherbatsky met D'Argo and Deadpool and they talked fashion. Mentor Stinson met Constable Fraser and they discussed Robin's intentions toward the Mountie. Robin and Constable Fraser then presumably had a very Serious talk. Jamie walked in, looking for a cure for what ailed him. What ailed him was a lump from our French-Canadian friends. Booze doesn't technically help that, of course. Both Aly and D'Argo figured it was a woman, but no amount of whimsy would make the radio squirrels lie when it came to French-Canadian fur traders. Arashi came in for a drink a well and discussed the very Serious issue of nasal discharge with Aly before he and Deadpool demonstrated a public display of affection. Robin met Aly and she explained how she lost a bet, which is why she sang. Twice. Constable Fraser was amused.
Pam: More Serious breathing for you. Xander sent email before heading out on patrol with Mel. Professor Skywalker was building stuff when John who likes turnips came by to talk about Jaina's visitors this weekend, and naturally, some fur traders came by. And meanwhile, Kabuto opened the Devil's Nest, and the clinic played host to Dr. Wilson and Professor Aziraphale talking about soup, and the Jerries, who were outside in a canoe. And Ronan had a very quiet shift.
Jim: And there we have it. A Completely Serious broadcast from at least half the team. Some people said it couldn't be done (Mel) but I believe we just proved that wrong.
Pam: *the sound of Pam drinking through a curly straw*
Jim: Do you have another straw? I'm going to Seriously need it once we're officially off the air.
Pam: I brought one in blue for you.
Jim: Thank you. Seriously. Good night, Fandom!