Fandom Radio :: Tuesday, October 9th.

[stocksgrrl.livejournal.com]

Jeff: Turtle, I think the closet has a bit of a draft, I'm feeling sort of sneezy right now, like I've swallowed an entire jar of jelly.

Turtle: Just don't sneeze on the microphones, Jeff, because then all the radio staff will get sick, too. And what kind of jelly? Strawberry or grape? It's a very important distinction.

Jeff: ...Not that sort of jelly.

Turtle: *looooong pause* Hey, look! NOTES.




SCHOOL: BECAUSE KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE

Jeff: Monster movies at Mad Science class! Which one? Was it 'The Globule'? 'The Globule' is my favorite, it's about this globule that keeps on expanding and expanding and there's this puppy trapped in a car-- The harlot slept through it? Blasphemy! That's wrong, that is. Shame on you! Good thing Kabuto was on the spot or there would've been a real problem.

Turtle: He was probably tired from all his harlotry.

Jeff: Government talks about the Executive Branch and is that sort of like a tree?

Turtle: Only a tree of pure awesome! The Executive Branch, Jeff! Come on! Only cooler branch is the Judicial, and I'm only saying that to butter up the judges because I'm gonna be a lawyer.

Jeff: There were notes on it and everything, Lana was anti-war and Anathema was anti-troops and there's war in the trees? I hope nobody drops those notes. Apparently the devil is there too with his bedmates! That sounds like a very full tree. I hope nobody fell out. Professor Lyman had coffee about it so I suppose it must have been all right in the end, though.

Jeff: Security at 15 Ways today and I wish I had taken that class, I could use some security, especially against closets. Did you learn anything about closets? Can anyone lend me their notes? People made plans and everything, someone has to be able to help me! The TAs, perhaps? Professor Aly? She was sort of busy talking about parents, though--

Does this say parents?

Are there going to be parents?!

I need to find somewhere to hide!

No, that's bad, that's not going to help, she'll find me! Turtle! I NEED YOU!

Turtle: I'm right here, Jeff! Breathe! You'll be fine! If it gets bad, we'll just lock her in your closet.

Jeff: You don't understand! You've never met my mother! Closets won't stop her!

Turtle: ....it can't be all that bad, can it?

Jeff: It's worse. It's my mother.

Turtle: My notes say that shop class "made walls and hung frames or something." Which sounds very important, I guess, as long as the frames were straight. I used to run around the apartment back home and tilt all the frames and it drove my mother insane. So much fun. I miss that. Anyway, Naomi was a good >T.A. and took notes. Peter of the Parker Variety sure hit the nail on the head (har har) and Mister Taylor properly bzuh?!?'d at Luke doing some crazy magic-y stuffs for his project and floating the walls. Which I still think is cheating.

Jeff: It's just a matter of picking it up, really, like the sword thing.

Turtle: The glowy sword thing? The glowy sword thing is so cool...Prophesy in Theory and Practice discussed scam artist....ancy. Because everything they do ends in -ancy. The students turned in their dream journal-ancies. Then they all discussed-ancied whether people who charge money for prophecies can really be valid. They can totally be valid. Valid and prosperous. That's capitalism, baby. They then worked on tea reading-ancy; Chris and Annette caught up a little before they got to work. Chris also talked with Lana after class about how to fend off her loneliness and if there was anything he could do to help, and then Chris, whose new name is Chatty Cathy talked to Andrew (who is not really all that weird), who then later turned in some late work.

Jeff: Talking to That Weird Bloke never leads anywhere good, Cathy. Be on your guard.

Turtle: Anemone -- HI ANEMONE! -- was working in the liberry today, and Jack came in during first period to look for....Okay. Jack's a pig. Don't you think first period is a little early for that, Jack? He says they're for sex ed and Anemone very smartly (because she's a smart girl) suggests he just pick up Miss Lulu's handouts. Ha! You rock Anemone. And then no one had chicken fingers in the cafeteria which is good, because it would be hard to pick things up with chicken fingers, I think.

Jeff: That sounds really really awful, can you imagine having chicken fingers? ...On the other hand, it might be really useful if you need to reach in places.

Turtle: ....I don't think that made any sense at all, Jeff....As far as office hours go, Doctor Wilson had some today, and Mister Aziraphale was apparently harassing Doctor Wilson's coffee grounds. I know that coffee is gross and everything, but that's no reason to be mean to it, Mister Aziraphale. Mister Skywalker also had his office hours, and he received yet another call for Jedi Knight Monthly and those telemarketers, I tell ya, they're the devil's own spawn...uhhh, no offense, Mister Lucifer. River stopped in to chat with Mister Skywalker about the weekend, and Jaina stopped in and hoo-boy, she didn't seem too happy about his last Ethics class. Which doesn't surprise me. I wasn't too impressed with his ethics class, either, but that's just because Mister Vader was so much cooler. It's just a fact. Mister Deadpool stops by and warns Mister Skywalker about the dangers of smoking pot. Pssst. Mister Deadpool. Try the hippie who runs the Photo Hut.

Jeff: Constable Fraser and Professor Aly talk about Mister Deadpool's pants. ...I imagine the squirrels are talking about his trousers. Although pants make for really nice isolation, I didn't get killed by the angry woman at all while Nana was making all that noise, so discussing their properties might in fact be somewhat of a good idea. Jim Halpert and Professor Stinson discuss pranking and I think I can see a squirrel shuddering, which is sort of odd when you think about it. Principal Washburn is interviewed! I was interviewed once, but it was by That Weird Bloke Andrew so I'm fairly certain it was used for nefarious purposes. Oh! And Mister Deadpool and Professor Aly have a pillow fight! Was anyone naked? I watched this film once when my mother wasn't paying attention, and there was--

Turtle: Jeff! Stop! We do not talk about naked pillow fights between teachers. Or those films. Especially if they involved naked pillow fights between teachers...

Jeff: I'm just saying, if you're going to have a pillow fight you might as well be naked.

Turtle: NOT IF YOU'RE A TEACHER. I have to sit in his class tomorrow, Jeff. Both of us do.

Jeff: Well, I wasn't particularly thinking of Mister Deadpool...

Turtle: WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS?

DORMS: THEY'VE GOT AN ATTITUDE

Jeff: Peter Petrelli is talking to Claire about some other people I've never heard about called Sam and Isabel and the Pare-- I refuse to say it! Perhaps if I don't say it, it won't happen. I come out of the closet and you're there 'cos you're the best girlfriend ever, I don't know what I would have done otherwise, being trapped in a closet doesn't allow for much mobility. You're sort of stuck.

Turtle: I'm so glad that you're finally out of the closet, Jeff! Seriously! I mean, I practically feel liberated for you!

Jeff: I'm glad too! You've got no idea how hard it is, being in a closet. Hoshi writes a letter home - hello Union Hoshi! I hope you've had an excellent week! More people I don't know called Sam and Dawn have their anniversary, we should celebrate an anniversary, Turtle, I feel they're very important for the boyfriend-girlfriend process. You've got to base your relationship in anniversaries and trust and contracts, it's very important.

Turtle: ...that would mean having to remember when we started going out....

Jeff: It all depends on when you start counting, really. Do you have an anniversary when you decide to become boyfriend and girlfriend or does it all start with the date? There's got to be rules for this. What if we're forgetting the rules?! --Oh, and Jude is back and Rikku of the Feminist Progression is very pleased about it I'm certain, hello Rikku!

Turtle: Hi, Rikku! And Jude! This evening, in the Third Floor Common Room, Neil was making grilled cheese< sandwiches and now I'm kind of hungry. And then Andrew (who's not really all that weird at all) showed up and mooched off of Neil for food, snuggles, kisses and general schmoopiness all around.

Jeff: I don't want to talk about Andrew.

Turtle: It's okay, Jeff. We don't have to if you don't want to.

TOWN: IT'S TRULY OUTRAGEOUS

Jeff: Jack Burton opens Photo Hut, which means there aren't any illicit coffee-related deals going about. That's good, that is. Blackheart is being imposing over at Pixie Dust and that's probably why I haven't gone to Pixie Dust, it's a little intimidating, you know, with a name like that. Gabriel is at the Church and gets money offered to make Annette's sins go away. My mother says that only works if you're a wh--

I don't want to talk about my mother, she might show up.

Turtle: Not until Parent's Weekend, Jeff. You're safe. For now.

Jeff: You say that but you've got no idea! She KNOWS EXACTLY WHERE I AM! Ino is writing notes about kissing over at Wellspring Arms, I wonder if I could read those, they sound like they could be really useful! Although she's my sister so I'm not certain that would be entirely ethical.

Turtle: Probably not, but they're not even all that necessary either, you know.

Jeff: Mister Deadpool comes looking for Mister Cable but finds Ino instead and gets insulted about his clothes, well, I wouldn't want to have to talk to someone with a name like Blackheart either, that sounds very dangerous.

Turtle: Jeff, you need to talk to your little sister STAT. We do not insult Mister Deadpool.

Jeff: No. We do not. Liz opens the Post Office-- You were pouty and depressed at Turtle & Canary today? Are you all right? Was there some kind of an accident? Do I have to talk to someone? I could talk to someone! Was it Apu? I could talk to Apu.

Turtle: ....it wasn't Apu, Jeff. I was, uh...well, you'd been in that closet for a very long time! I was kind of getting....emo...y...about it...

Jeff: I'm sorry, Turtle. I didn't mean to get stuck in a closet.

Turtle: I know you didn't. It's okay. You're out of the closet now, so everything can just be put behind us.

Jeff: It says here Chad was dancing with a broom on Groovy Tunes and that doesn't sound like Chad, is he all right too? Are there more people I should talk to? Did something happen while I was in the closet? The artist bloke was flat on his back 'cos of Beauty - there really was something going on, wasn't there? It says they 'got down', is that some sort of disease? Do I have to wear a mouth cap? 'Cos I think I forgot to pack my old one...

Turtle: I don't...think you missed anything? I mean, besides me getting Duchess at homecoming, but that's okay. And by mouth cap, you don't mean those dental things that we talked about in Miss Lulu's class, do you? 'Cause now I...I'm a bit confused...and admittedly disturbed...

Jeff: What? No! I mean one of those, you know, caps that'll keep you from dying horribly when the bomb falls.

Turtle: .....ohhhh, riiiiiight, one of those caps....sure....

Jeff: The telly says the Russians might invade any moment, you know.

Turtle: Dirty Commie Scum.

Jeff: Our colleague's got radio and plays basketball with squirrels and there's Mary with coffee -- hello Mary! I hope your busom's all right, too! -- and Constable Fraser flirts with our colleague. Since she's our colleague, doesn't that mean we have to defend her honour? I could talk to Constable Fraser. I could!

Turtle: But I'm his Minion in Moose Kicking, Jeff! So talking, okay. Anything more than talking, and we'll have a vicious cycle because I might have to defend his honor, as my Moose Kicking Mentor...

Jeff: You kick moose?

Turtle: Only with the best of them. Over at the Perk, Miss Kerrigan is all cranky seaweed pants. Miss Aly came in and talked with her about painting cats and getting married. To each other. Or the painted cats. I'm not entirely sure, but this is Fandom, so I'll bet it's both. Mary and Miss Kerrigan ignoooooored each other, and then River and Miss Kerrigan just looked at each other. Which I guess would be the opposite of ignoring each other?

Jeff: It says here that Professor Aly tied up Mister Deadpool, that's exactly how that film went! Except it was the other way around, I think, the bloke with the large moustache tied up the woman with the really large busoms, it was excellent.

Turtle: Oh, man oh man, I'm just going to pretend that I didn't hear any that whole bit, oh geeeeez. Get it out of my HEAD! AHHHH. *whimper* Anyway, Adam is working at the Wonders of the World today, and Ronan is at Jeff, God of Biscuits, which I like saying better because it's abbreviations have other connotations, and he chats with Isabel about her relationship woes and her once betrothed and his fling and blah blah blah. And then River invites him to ride her Acorn, and I really hope that's not some twisted squirrel metaphor. Let's just say it now, though, that I wouldn't be surprised. And Mister Manager George Michael is working at Bluth's Original Frozen Bananer Stand, selling cows....and either George Michael's really confused about his business or we really need to stop trusting this squirrel on her notes. I think it's the blonde one. That would explain a lot.

Jeff: The blonde one is giving me that look again. I'm scared, Turtle.

Turtle: Blondie! I'm serious! You'll be drinking Acorn Squishy through an IV when I'm finished with you if you don't knock that crap out. Hoshi covered for Jeff at the Arms Hotel today, like we talked about, so that means, Jeff, you should do something nice for Hoshi. Not too nice, but something. Then Doctor Keyworth was talked at by Gunther. Bet that was exciting. Mister Giles is getting the Magic Box all decorated for Halloween, and Mister Nast does a lot of humming at Nast Sporting Goods. You know, a business named after the proprietor is a good indication of a good business, like a certain other general store in town that you may know of, hum hum. Anyway, Adam's looking for soccer equipment, although since Jeff's here, I feel like I should say football, and Miss Millie looks for cricket equipment. Also, the sport, I assume, since it's a sports store, and not, like, little insect crickets. Don't know what kind of equipment they'd need, anyway. And Naminé celebrates autumn at Cafe Fina; Cassandra finds it leaf-y and confusing because of the whole singing and dancing plates thing. I can see how that could be hard to get used to.

Jeff: Dick opened Caritas tonight. He talks about gorgeous women with the harlot and there were gorgeous women? I'm not going to talk about gorgeous women, I've got a girlfriend now. You can't talk about other women when you've got a girlfriend, that's bad, you've got one of your own.

Turtle: That's absolutely right. Good job, Jeff. Anyway, Ronan is there, too, and he talks with Johnny McKissyface McHarlotson about the aftermath of homecoming. Oh. You mean like me getting Duchess? Heck yeah!

Jeff: You got Duchess? Isn't that a bit heavy?

Turtle: Heavy?

Jeff: Carrying a Duchess! It's got to be somewhat of a strain.

Turtle: *long pause* ....No, not like that. Like, I am a duchess now, 'cause I was voted one for homecoming, you dork.

Jeff: Oh! Does that mean you get to refer to yourself in the third person?

Turtle: .....Why, yes, yes, Turtle can. Because we are royallty, la! And we will now report that all's quiet at the Devil's Nest, where Mister Aziraphale makes itty bitty paper vultures, but it's not quiet at the clinic. Oh! But not in the bad way. In the people visiting way, like Annette stopping in for Doctor Troy's day shift and Isabel dropping in to chat with Wyatt for the evening shift.




Turtle: And we have reached the end of our notes. Wow. Short radio is short.

Jeff: You know how short things are, they're very... short.

Turtle: A-yup. I guess that's it then. G'nite, Fandom, and, well, I'm going to go back to the dorms and hope I forget a good portion of this broadcast before tomorrow...