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fandom_radio2007-08-16 12:11 am
ladycfitzgerald.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2007-08-16 12:11 am
Fandom Radio, Wednesday, August 15
*brief cacaphony of rustling and skritching as the microphone switches on*
-- don't see why you had to abduct me, is all. No offense, you do seem like a friendly bunch of squirrels, but being spirited away by you wasn't exactly being swept off my feet and eloped with by a darkly handsome and slightly dangerous stranger. *sloshing thunk* Is that rum? Are you offering me -- oh, no, I couldn't, I've only ever had one fateful experience with my bosom friend Diana and alcohol and that didn't end well and why on earth do you suddenly look so excited?
*slightly prurient chittering*
. . . no, I'm afraid I don't understand. But I . . . well, of all the things I've ever dreamt up, I never once imagined I would recognize a squirrel asking me to tell it my name. You can call me Lady Cordelia Fitz -- *thunk* Oh, all right! Anne Shirley. Even you squirrels prefer things plain and sensible, which is dreadfully obvious, because do you honestly expect me to read such matter-of-fact notes? All right, if you want me to tell you a story, I'll read them, but not if you don't stop shoving that funny device at me, and I have to make it more poetic than this!
*more chittering, of a slightly apprehensive variety*
An Edifice of Learning and Positively Byzantine Torture, or More Prosaically, School
And so it came to pass one day that a decree went out over all the land of Fandom High that the evil usurping empress wished to be called High Inquisitor Umbridge from now on. There were probably henchmen out building torture racks posthaste. Elsewhere, in parts of the land less overshadowed by a looming cloud of evil but very noisy indeed, the gallant Constable Fraser surveyed the construction while Stark worked. Was he singing "tirra lirra" by the river, like Sir Lancelot? Let's say that he was, and in a nearby tower the Lady of Shalott was --
*thunk* *rustle*
Really, that was uncalled for. The fair and formidable Alianne of Pirate's Swoop -- oh, I do love a name that sounds so picturesque, I'm quite jealous -- led her Spies and Spying students in a discussion of what to do with one's intelligence information, and make plans on how to deal with villains that I'm sure are entirely made up. Spying seems like such a romantic profession. If I didn't think it was dreadful to lie I almost think I'd like that sort of adventure. Savannah, alas, swooned and fell ill . . . or at least asked to be excused from class, and the fair Alianne suggested she talk to Hermione or Cedric. Oh, yes, Cedric's a lovely helpful boy. Hopefully she didn't ask her mother to make her bed soon, because that's always a fateful sign in the old ballads. I don't think I want to pretend that's part of the story; that would be dreadful.
Patriotism Yay -- "yay" is such a strange but expressive word -- was charged by their fearless leader Steve to find ways to be civilly disobedient. That's a strange contradiction, but it sounds awfully poetic. And at least they'd be very polite about it. Imagine having a very polite tantrum at one's mother over not wanting to eat one's greens? That might --
*sound of paper rustling, as if snatched away by tiny paws*
You know, you're no fun at all. The noble Sir John Winchester paid a visit to the evil usurping empress, not to pay her homage or give tribute, but to challenge her, as noble knights do, over the cruel and horrible punishments she inflicts upon her poor defenseless subjects. Jenny smoked in the doorway, although I'd much rather picture her with a flaming torch and a pitchfork and now I'm sounding awfully bloodthirsty and it's too early in the story for that. Constable Fraser introduced himself, which is of course to be expected of the gallant sort, although I do hope he didn't pledge her his allegiance because . . . ugh. Something called a furby did pledge friendship to her, and I have no idea what a furby is but I choose to believe it's some kind of horridly evil creature. Anakin told tales of knowing people like the evil usurping empress, which means he obviously must have been well traveled and must be a knight errant of some sort.
Away from the dark and fell throne room, Squall was visited by mushrooms, and speaking of stormy winds Rikku went on a quest for wisdom, wherein she beseeched the wise Vala for advice on blowing off class. I'm going to assume that she returned weary from her travels but much enlightened.
All, however, was quiet at the communal hearth over which the Swedish Chef holds sway. That's a shame. I should imagine a place like that ought to have a roaring fire and convivial conversation and plenty of local color, but --
*more rustling paper being snatched away*
Charming Little Vignettes from Daily Life, or Activities in the Dorms
I can't tell a very good story when you keep interrupting me. River arose with the daybreak -- oh, that almost sounds Homeric -- to practice her craft in the Secret Mysteries of Cheerleading, all the while singing to herself a ballad about a weapon without a target, which sounds so inexpressibly tragic I -- oh! *sniffling* Billy the Blind Bard -- yes, I know it says he was simply blindfolded but I like my version better -- bid her hail and well met before practicing arcane kata rites of his own.
Perhaps Savannah found some sort of miraculous cure for her ailment, or perhaps she's just of admirably hardy stock, since she set up the gymnasium for more practicing of the Secret Mysteries of Cheerleading, which maybe aren't so secret after all. Well, that's disappointing. And where these notes you gave me say they warmed up and mingled, I'm just going to say that they danced around a bonfire while singing heartbreakingly ethereal chants to the rapt attention of onlookers who stumbled onto the sacred mysteries, all right? That way I can tell you all about the terrible fate that befell the unworthy and illicit observers, and that's much more --
*rustle, rustle, snatch*
You're worse than Mrs. Hammond, you know. A pillow fort cabin was erected by Michelangelo, the brave leader of the fourth floor common room highland regiment, where the -- I can't even begin to think of how to phrase that differently -- "CABIN MUTANT NINJA CAMPFIRE AND ZOMBIE MOVIES" festivities were to take place. The common room isn't quite big enough for a bacchanalia, I should think, but where there's a will there's a way. Donatello reminded their brave leader of the fearsome consequences of such bold actions, but nevertheless their defiance would not be quenched. There is, after all, strength in numbers -- even numbers of turtles in the common room, although Sokka was surprised to discover this. And with blood-stirring rhetoric and impassioned pleas, Donatello and Michelangelo won Raphael to their side, as did Donatello to Adam! He's a very inspired speaker, you know. Of course he is, this is my story, now hush. Billy, Adam and Sokka, and Donatello and Sokka all rejoiced and sang rousing songs of valor and high adventure, such was the inspiring presence of the cabin fort!
Donatello and Michelangelo introduced themselves to new recruit Billy, though Billy scorned the strange victuals offered him (although he magnanimously had no objection to Sokka's presence) in favor of plotting misdeeds with Adam, who praised the cabin as being greater than an Abominable Snowman, and that's . . . quite a compliment indeed, I suppose. Sokka and Michelangelo drummed a fearsome tattoo on their shields -- oh, don't throw that acorn at me, it sounded better than saying they were excited about pizza and movies!
In the more remote reaches of the dorms -- I mean outlying villages -- the wandering vagrant Anders paid a visit to Bridge and to RIC, who was pining away for him. Will and Willow were both entertained by court jesters disguised as doors, and Savannah sought out Chris when her wicked stepmother gave her a poisoned apple and -- *thunk* Well, magic went awry and it's always more thrilling when it's the villain's fault, so that's how I'm going to tell it, even if you don't like it. Annette bearded the lion in its den, although it was a rather small and affectionate lion, which is to say that obviously she must have tamed it quite well. Billy played herald, wearing his shirt as a banner spreading the message of . . . er . . . cake or death. But what if I want chicken?
Rikku sent a letter that I hope bore glad tidings and by most wondrous means, sent out messages across the land. No, I'm very well not going to tell you a story about how I disappeared and ended up here, you know that part firsthand.
*squirrelly snickering*
Picturesque Village Life, or Town Happenings
Robin held a faithful vigil by the Preserve for Gwynn, upon whose triumphant arrival an adventurous foray into the swamp was made! And they encountered giant rats, and fire shooting out of the ground, and -- *thunk* Do you think I'll keep telling you stories if you keep throwing things at me?
Strange and wondrous moving pictures were witnessed in the park tonight by John Connor and Stanley, and at the tavern known as Luke's, although it was inherited by someone named Yitzhak who sounds like a troll or something awful with a name like that, Leo sought succor and received a chicken sandwich. Dale, ever vigilant, manned the Trooper Station, and like him the townsfolk stalwartly did their duties, like Bart at Turtle and Canary, Johnny at the Photo Hut (where the Holy Grail of Coffee miraculously appeared to him), Moist and Katara at the post office, Gabriel at the church, and a small tame lion at the Arms Hotel, where a kilt-clad John reclined at his leisure. *sound of papers being used to thwap* It was a kitten, but I'm exercising my creative license. There's no need to be violent about that.
Andrew the faithful apprentice opened the Magic Box, which isn't like Pandora's box, I hope, because that would make my story awfully complicated especially since you insist on making sure I don't forget to tell the part where Aziraphale gifted him with a copy of The Vendidad, whereupon Andrew inquired after one Doctor Wilson. Giles came by as well, to scold Andrew about . . . oh, I'm not putting anything about flying monkeys into this story! That would be positively absurd!
The town crier was out and about, bringing the news of Dear Deadpool -- *pause, and an eloquent, even audible shudder* to the masses hungering for information. They probably starved anyway. Stanley, contemplating the mysteries of life and the universe at Serenity Cove, was probably fortunate enough to avoid that fate, although he was visited by the small tame li -- oh, all right, kitten.
Sean perhaps helped Savannah, escorted to his door by the noble Chris, thwart a horrible fate -- I hope he did -- that Xander and Bridge, who had a romantic pizza and movie night, also managed to escape. Pizza? I don't know that I would call that romantic . . . but it's better than grubs in the cabbage patch, no offense to Matthew.
At the healers' temple, attended by Doctor Wilson, Aziraphale and Anders both came with offerings of incense and fresh fruit and hopefully not dead animals, because that would be barbaric. *chittering of impassioned agreement* Jaina and D'Argo got into an argument at Caritas, where Robin did a strange solo dance to music only he could hear but then later sang so that everyone could hear, and where strangely funny things that I simply can't describe happened.
At the Devil's Nest, which has the most picturesque and dangerously romantic name I've ever heard, Lucifer played the piano, and was later joined by Phoebe, Belthazor, and Aziraphale for drinks and talk about the evil usurping empress who just can't stay out of my story, can she? That is to say, until their discussion was rudely interrupted by the late arrival of two drunken louts who started a fight and were quickly subdued and put into stocks as an example for the whole town and --
*rustle of paper being snatched away*
You know, I'm afraid we're not kindred spirits at all, squirrels. I tell you a story even though you abducted, and you pelted me with acorns because don't like the way I told it, and that's really dreadfully rude of you, and why did you have to make me sit in this room in front of this funny machine in the first place? I would have been perfectly happy to --
*click*
[OOC: It always said Wednesday, really. Thanks,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bruiser_in_pink!]
-- don't see why you had to abduct me, is all. No offense, you do seem like a friendly bunch of squirrels, but being spirited away by you wasn't exactly being swept off my feet and eloped with by a darkly handsome and slightly dangerous stranger. *sloshing thunk* Is that rum? Are you offering me -- oh, no, I couldn't, I've only ever had one fateful experience with my bosom friend Diana and alcohol and that didn't end well and why on earth do you suddenly look so excited?
*slightly prurient chittering*
. . . no, I'm afraid I don't understand. But I . . . well, of all the things I've ever dreamt up, I never once imagined I would recognize a squirrel asking me to tell it my name. You can call me Lady Cordelia Fitz -- *thunk* Oh, all right! Anne Shirley. Even you squirrels prefer things plain and sensible, which is dreadfully obvious, because do you honestly expect me to read such matter-of-fact notes? All right, if you want me to tell you a story, I'll read them, but not if you don't stop shoving that funny device at me, and I have to make it more poetic than this!
*more chittering, of a slightly apprehensive variety*
An Edifice of Learning and Positively Byzantine Torture, or More Prosaically, School
And so it came to pass one day that a decree went out over all the land of Fandom High that the evil usurping empress wished to be called High Inquisitor Umbridge from now on. There were probably henchmen out building torture racks posthaste. Elsewhere, in parts of the land less overshadowed by a looming cloud of evil but very noisy indeed, the gallant Constable Fraser surveyed the construction while Stark worked. Was he singing "tirra lirra" by the river, like Sir Lancelot? Let's say that he was, and in a nearby tower the Lady of Shalott was --
*thunk* *rustle*
Really, that was uncalled for. The fair and formidable Alianne of Pirate's Swoop -- oh, I do love a name that sounds so picturesque, I'm quite jealous -- led her Spies and Spying students in a discussion of what to do with one's intelligence information, and make plans on how to deal with villains that I'm sure are entirely made up. Spying seems like such a romantic profession. If I didn't think it was dreadful to lie I almost think I'd like that sort of adventure. Savannah, alas, swooned and fell ill . . . or at least asked to be excused from class, and the fair Alianne suggested she talk to Hermione or Cedric. Oh, yes, Cedric's a lovely helpful boy. Hopefully she didn't ask her mother to make her bed soon, because that's always a fateful sign in the old ballads. I don't think I want to pretend that's part of the story; that would be dreadful.
Patriotism Yay -- "yay" is such a strange but expressive word -- was charged by their fearless leader Steve to find ways to be civilly disobedient. That's a strange contradiction, but it sounds awfully poetic. And at least they'd be very polite about it. Imagine having a very polite tantrum at one's mother over not wanting to eat one's greens? That might --
*sound of paper rustling, as if snatched away by tiny paws*
You know, you're no fun at all. The noble Sir John Winchester paid a visit to the evil usurping empress, not to pay her homage or give tribute, but to challenge her, as noble knights do, over the cruel and horrible punishments she inflicts upon her poor defenseless subjects. Jenny smoked in the doorway, although I'd much rather picture her with a flaming torch and a pitchfork and now I'm sounding awfully bloodthirsty and it's too early in the story for that. Constable Fraser introduced himself, which is of course to be expected of the gallant sort, although I do hope he didn't pledge her his allegiance because . . . ugh. Something called a furby did pledge friendship to her, and I have no idea what a furby is but I choose to believe it's some kind of horridly evil creature. Anakin told tales of knowing people like the evil usurping empress, which means he obviously must have been well traveled and must be a knight errant of some sort.
Away from the dark and fell throne room, Squall was visited by mushrooms, and speaking of stormy winds Rikku went on a quest for wisdom, wherein she beseeched the wise Vala for advice on blowing off class. I'm going to assume that she returned weary from her travels but much enlightened.
All, however, was quiet at the communal hearth over which the Swedish Chef holds sway. That's a shame. I should imagine a place like that ought to have a roaring fire and convivial conversation and plenty of local color, but --
*more rustling paper being snatched away*
Charming Little Vignettes from Daily Life, or Activities in the Dorms
I can't tell a very good story when you keep interrupting me. River arose with the daybreak -- oh, that almost sounds Homeric -- to practice her craft in the Secret Mysteries of Cheerleading, all the while singing to herself a ballad about a weapon without a target, which sounds so inexpressibly tragic I -- oh! *sniffling* Billy the Blind Bard -- yes, I know it says he was simply blindfolded but I like my version better -- bid her hail and well met before practicing arcane kata rites of his own.
Perhaps Savannah found some sort of miraculous cure for her ailment, or perhaps she's just of admirably hardy stock, since she set up the gymnasium for more practicing of the Secret Mysteries of Cheerleading, which maybe aren't so secret after all. Well, that's disappointing. And where these notes you gave me say they warmed up and mingled, I'm just going to say that they danced around a bonfire while singing heartbreakingly ethereal chants to the rapt attention of onlookers who stumbled onto the sacred mysteries, all right? That way I can tell you all about the terrible fate that befell the unworthy and illicit observers, and that's much more --
*rustle, rustle, snatch*
You're worse than Mrs. Hammond, you know. A pillow fort cabin was erected by Michelangelo, the brave leader of the fourth floor common room highland regiment, where the -- I can't even begin to think of how to phrase that differently -- "CABIN MUTANT NINJA CAMPFIRE AND ZOMBIE MOVIES" festivities were to take place. The common room isn't quite big enough for a bacchanalia, I should think, but where there's a will there's a way. Donatello reminded their brave leader of the fearsome consequences of such bold actions, but nevertheless their defiance would not be quenched. There is, after all, strength in numbers -- even numbers of turtles in the common room, although Sokka was surprised to discover this. And with blood-stirring rhetoric and impassioned pleas, Donatello and Michelangelo won Raphael to their side, as did Donatello to Adam! He's a very inspired speaker, you know. Of course he is, this is my story, now hush. Billy, Adam and Sokka, and Donatello and Sokka all rejoiced and sang rousing songs of valor and high adventure, such was the inspiring presence of the cabin fort!
Donatello and Michelangelo introduced themselves to new recruit Billy, though Billy scorned the strange victuals offered him (although he magnanimously had no objection to Sokka's presence) in favor of plotting misdeeds with Adam, who praised the cabin as being greater than an Abominable Snowman, and that's . . . quite a compliment indeed, I suppose. Sokka and Michelangelo drummed a fearsome tattoo on their shields -- oh, don't throw that acorn at me, it sounded better than saying they were excited about pizza and movies!
In the more remote reaches of the dorms -- I mean outlying villages -- the wandering vagrant Anders paid a visit to Bridge and to RIC, who was pining away for him. Will and Willow were both entertained by court jesters disguised as doors, and Savannah sought out Chris when her wicked stepmother gave her a poisoned apple and -- *thunk* Well, magic went awry and it's always more thrilling when it's the villain's fault, so that's how I'm going to tell it, even if you don't like it. Annette bearded the lion in its den, although it was a rather small and affectionate lion, which is to say that obviously she must have tamed it quite well. Billy played herald, wearing his shirt as a banner spreading the message of . . . er . . . cake or death. But what if I want chicken?
Rikku sent a letter that I hope bore glad tidings and by most wondrous means, sent out messages across the land. No, I'm very well not going to tell you a story about how I disappeared and ended up here, you know that part firsthand.
*squirrelly snickering*
Picturesque Village Life, or Town Happenings
Robin held a faithful vigil by the Preserve for Gwynn, upon whose triumphant arrival an adventurous foray into the swamp was made! And they encountered giant rats, and fire shooting out of the ground, and -- *thunk* Do you think I'll keep telling you stories if you keep throwing things at me?
Strange and wondrous moving pictures were witnessed in the park tonight by John Connor and Stanley, and at the tavern known as Luke's, although it was inherited by someone named Yitzhak who sounds like a troll or something awful with a name like that, Leo sought succor and received a chicken sandwich. Dale, ever vigilant, manned the Trooper Station, and like him the townsfolk stalwartly did their duties, like Bart at Turtle and Canary, Johnny at the Photo Hut (where the Holy Grail of Coffee miraculously appeared to him), Moist and Katara at the post office, Gabriel at the church, and a small tame lion at the Arms Hotel, where a kilt-clad John reclined at his leisure. *sound of papers being used to thwap* It was a kitten, but I'm exercising my creative license. There's no need to be violent about that.
Andrew the faithful apprentice opened the Magic Box, which isn't like Pandora's box, I hope, because that would make my story awfully complicated especially since you insist on making sure I don't forget to tell the part where Aziraphale gifted him with a copy of The Vendidad, whereupon Andrew inquired after one Doctor Wilson. Giles came by as well, to scold Andrew about . . . oh, I'm not putting anything about flying monkeys into this story! That would be positively absurd!
The town crier was out and about, bringing the news of Dear Deadpool -- *pause, and an eloquent, even audible shudder* to the masses hungering for information. They probably starved anyway. Stanley, contemplating the mysteries of life and the universe at Serenity Cove, was probably fortunate enough to avoid that fate, although he was visited by the small tame li -- oh, all right, kitten.
Sean perhaps helped Savannah, escorted to his door by the noble Chris, thwart a horrible fate -- I hope he did -- that Xander and Bridge, who had a romantic pizza and movie night, also managed to escape. Pizza? I don't know that I would call that romantic . . . but it's better than grubs in the cabbage patch, no offense to Matthew.
At the healers' temple, attended by Doctor Wilson, Aziraphale and Anders both came with offerings of incense and fresh fruit and hopefully not dead animals, because that would be barbaric. *chittering of impassioned agreement* Jaina and D'Argo got into an argument at Caritas, where Robin did a strange solo dance to music only he could hear but then later sang so that everyone could hear, and where strangely funny things that I simply can't describe happened.
At the Devil's Nest, which has the most picturesque and dangerously romantic name I've ever heard, Lucifer played the piano, and was later joined by Phoebe, Belthazor, and Aziraphale for drinks and talk about the evil usurping empress who just can't stay out of my story, can she? That is to say, until their discussion was rudely interrupted by the late arrival of two drunken louts who started a fight and were quickly subdued and put into stocks as an example for the whole town and --
*rustle of paper being snatched away*
You know, I'm afraid we're not kindred spirits at all, squirrels. I tell you a story even though you abducted, and you pelted me with acorns because don't like the way I told it, and that's really dreadfully rude of you, and why did you have to make me sit in this room in front of this funny machine in the first place? I would have been perfectly happy to --
*click*
[OOC: It always said Wednesday, really. Thanks,
bruiser_in_pink!]
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...or perhaps she could just pat her sympathetically on the shoulder when someone else had already broken the news, and buy her a chocolate muffin?
[ooc: *dies of glee and amusement and kidnappings and squirrels!*]
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"Heeeyy, I am not a lout!" He exclaimed. There might have been adorable pouting involved as well.
[ooc: This was wonderful!!]
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