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fandom_radio2007-05-30 01:25 am
stocksgrrl.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2007-05-30 01:25 am
Fandom Radio :: Tuesday, May 29th.
Good evening, Fandomites! You're listening to WTFH radio, and this is none other than the illustrious Turtle Wexler, here to bring you all the scoop on today's events of activities, because we are all shameless voyeurs. Before we get to the juicy gossip and going-ons of our lovely little island, I'd like to offer the market report for the day. DJIA is up 14.06, which is .10%, very nice, NASDAQ did even better with a .58% increase at 14.87! This makes me a very happy Turtle, which will most likely manifest into a special on Squishies tomorrow, which makes you all very lucky people! Not only that, but you get to listen to me talk about you now! Lucky, lucky, lucky! Might as well go try the lotto.
School! Or I suppose CAMP! in this case....
Principal Washburn is in her office today being all awesome and pregnant and talking to her stomach and Mr. Hades comes to say "S'up, pregnant lady?" The answer? "My students are too heroic." Dean and Doctor Wilson have the right idea by showing up with pastries and offering ice cream. Hey. Who's bringing the pickles? Not Inara. She brings tea. That's not even close, Inara! I hope it was decaf!
Xanadu...Xander..."My name looks cool 'cause it starts with an X" was in charge of the construction of the school today, which couldn't be too much fun because it was kind of warm today, despite the possible snowflakes I may or may not have seen. Or unless they reconstructed the AC first, which not only keeps you cool but would also support your local electricity company nicely. Conner and Bel--HI CONNER! (siiiiigh)-- are there for the morning shift, but it sounds like Bel isn't too happy about safety goggles. As if we didn't have enough people walking around with eyepatches, Bel! And it's not like we don't have a lovely selection at Turtle & Canary for you to choose from. Even blue ones! Get it? Blue-Bel?
Well, I thought it was funny. At lunchtime, Bridge and Xander play the 'who's lunch is this?' game. The answer? Xander's! Yay! I bet it's 'cause he has an X in his name, which makes it cool. Phoebe brings Bel his lunch, but they don't play the guessing game, they're just all cute and couply, which makes me lose my lunch.
In the afternoon, Bel continues to be a good, industrious worker that makes America proud by working through the afternoon. While Bridge and Anders--hi Anders who is way cuter than Marco (siiiiigh)!-- just sat on their lazy butts and ogled. Which, strangely enough, is also quite American. Good job.
Everyone else's possible lunches in the cafeteria had fewer games and cuteness and more Peezza and Dib. Dib is quite content with his Peezza, though. Dib/Peeza OTP? Hmmmmm?
Isabel's working at the library, and Karal shows up in the morning and is all, "Hay, what's up? I've got a list and I hope you're doing okay!" I hope you're doing okay, too, Isabel, and, Karal, I commend you for your list. A list is an excellent way to be efficiant in your work. We've got great deals on little notepads for lists at Turtle & Canary, too. You should check them out. Anders who is way cuter than Marco (siiiigh) also came in; I assume this is pre-construction-ogling? He talked with Isabel about those nasty attacks last week, and hurting, and pain, and choose cheerier topics! You all shouldn't be talking so much in a library anyway.
Now we get to the workshops. I had most of mine on Monday, so these won't be nearly as interesting. In Goth Eye for the Prep Guy, which is such an awesomely marketable name, they (surprise, surprise) learn how to gothify someone. This week, the newest addition to the Goth club is...drumroll please...Molly! I'm sure she looked fabulous. Can you say fabulous for a goth? Did the look work for you, Molly? We've got all the shades of black at the store! Check it...
Ow! Hey! This squirrel just threw an acorn at me. What's up with that? Anyway, then we had How to Blow Things Up (Without Losing an Eye or Other Important Body Parts). Or, as I like to call it, Too Late for Some People on this Island. Also? The class I should so be in if my mother wouldn't throw a fit because she sent me because she thought I was blowing things up. Which I wasn't, for the record! They worked with live gredandes today! Awesome. Before they could do that, Aly tortured them by making her students wait and talk about them first before finally unleashing them on the fragmentation grenades, concussion grenades, and smoke grenades. What? No holy grenades? The Bestest Teacher in this Whole Dam...errr, Darn School, Mister Deadpool gave Aly major props because he loves it when she makes things explode...and please tell me that's not dirty, because this is a school, people! A school of too many pervert.
Like Annette Hargrove.
MOVING ON! Marco who is Not Cuter than Anders gave Aly his lame vending machine excuse. He told me he didn't even make any money. What kind of a vending machine doesn't make any money? That's how lame Marco is, folks. It's sad, but true. Sorry, Marco.
Advanced Beginner's Introduction to
Carrots, Spleenology, Fortitude Fortification and Saturday-Squinches (deep breath), which could use a tip or two from Ms. Stucio on good workshop names, um....decode...the secrets of the world via a kitten.
...
Which makes about as much sense as what we did for preminitions in Magic class last week, so okay, we'll roll with it. Word says the kitten was cute, so what more can you ask for? Besides great sales on kitty litter, only at Turtle & Canary this week! Lucas and Katara understandably boggle. Whether it's for the class assignment or the cuteness of the kitten, I can't quite tell. Molly wonders why Jim is purple. Jim wonders why Molly is goth. They exchange fashion tips and paint each other's nails and go shopping for mini-skirts. Okay, I made that last part up, and I regret it because now I'm picturing Jim in a mini-skirt, and it's scary, but I'm sure purple is a great look for him. Go, Jim! Donatello...is he Italian? Oh, wait, no, he's a turtle. One of those turtles. I am the original one, you all remember that! So one of those actual turtles who are not THE Turtle, aka moi is all, "Whoa, Fandom is weird," and Sokka points out, "Dude, you're a turtle." I'm sure he went on to add, "And not the Turtle who is the bestest Turtle in all the world. You lose; good day, sir."
Great Infinite Wisdom is sought from the kitten oracle. I'm sure it was just as effective as other methods of magical premonition, too, by my experience. They also reported on their results. Seriously? Guys? I wanna read those reports. They've got to be hilarious. Almost as hilarious as the kitten trying to eat the TA. Apparently, it thought a Hamlet was like an Omelette. HA! Then everyone plays with it. The kitten. Not Hamlet. As you do.
POTPOURRI! That's a fun word to say. And it's not just for making your house smell weird and for your cats to choke on anymore! It's also for threadbare ninjas, as they talk about being not seen and not heard. Which reminds me that we've got a great selection on camofl--
Ow! Squirrel! I'll make you into a hat! Anyway, the played the No Talking game, which my mother always made me played when we took family vacations in the car. And Annette failed! HA! And everyone died of pure shock that Annette couldn't keep her big mouth shut. Not even Jim the Purple failed when directly asked a question. Because Jim's a Young Entreprenuer, and therefor, smart. Then they play Hide and Seek, because, apparantly, we're in kindergarten again. Then Queen Idiot got all snotty about not wanting to participate in class because she's wayyyyyy too good to associate with us common people. Hear that? That's me rolling my eyes.
I'm moving on before I puke again. They made interpretational art in Arts and Crafts based on everyone's thoughts on the Superhero Registration Act. I have no idea what that is, but it sounds either really bad or really good. Since I don't know, I'm shutting up there for fear of incriminating myself. The students have to use random junk to show how they feel on the matter. I'm going out on a limb and against my previous statement and noting that, perhaps, the materials offered are in and of itself a representation of the Act? Random junk? Am I right? Other words to describe the Act, according to either Mister Rogers or the students via their art: disturbing, drama, glittery, flirty, shiny, performanc-y, prone to flying Animals, debatable, REALLY debatable, and familial. I have now exhausted my dictionary and have come up still not understanding this act. Will, Seely, and Naminé get to ask Mr. Rogers, though, what it's all about. And knowing is half the battle!
Wait. This isn't that Mr. Rogers, is it? Maybe Animal is wondering the same thing, because he's looking pensively at him through class. His name is Anima...Wait, what am I saying? My name is freakin' Turtle. But at least I'm being specific about the matter, all right?
Cabins and Stuff!
Alec is back in the Best Cabin Ever (Jackalope, represent!) and Dean welcomes him back! I don't even know where he went, but, hey! Welcome back, Alec! Other fellow and therefor awesome Jackalopean Jo is going through her stuff. Which is exciting merely because she's a Jackalopean.
Raphael is being as French as his name implies by cooking a lot, but then abandons his food because he thinks he's too good for it. What a waste. For shame. Other abandoned tasks this morning include Zack's campfire. He, apparantly, thought himself hot enough. Not hot enough for Collie, who's all, "ew, no, your talk of science and deseperate attempts to compliment mean nothing to be as I am seeing someone else." Ohmigawd, who, Collie? Why don't I know about this? Anyway, she's so not interested in partaking of the Zachness. Katara gets to learn that Zack is pro boykissy and pro turtlekiss-- WHAT? Um, I, uhhh, uhhhh, ummm....
MOVING ON! Setsuna's in the gym, where she works on attacks and very important poses with Ami and then has a totally awesome spar with Alphonse.
Pheobe's writings under a tree are interupted by Bel getting all smoochie-smoochie with her. Is this before or after all the smoochie-smoochie at lunch? Let the poor girl breathe! They talked about not being cooped up, but, apparantly, smoothering affection is not a problem-o. She also got a phone call. And then Anders who is Cuter than Marco showed up and "tireds"....is that even a word?...well, whatever it is, he does it at Bel and Phoebe and worries about random stuff. Don't worry, Anders. I understand. Randomisity is so random that it's hard to not be worried. Doctor Wilson also stopped by to check on her. DOes he charge for house calls? He should. It's just good business, Doctor Wilson. Cally also stops by to...geeez, I guess we know who was little Mister and Mrs. Popular today, huh?...anyway, Cally stops by to talk about the scary attacks last week and Prue talked about what's labeled as "The Chris Fight" and is bitc...errr, um, let's just say sassy toward Bel, which makes the squirrels totally love her. Or so my notes say. "I love Prue." Not me. The squirrels. I swear. I don't love Prue because I don't know her and her name makes me think of prunes. Sorry.
Speaking of prunes...my notes are telling me about Jim's purpleness, which we already knew about. But in case we forgot, Jim is purple! I repeat, Jim Halpert is purple!
In other exciting newsflashes, it's John Crichton's birthday! Happy birthday, John Crichton! Stop by the store and I'll give you half-off of something! Because at Turtle & Canary, we care. Aeryn stops by Pixie and talks with him about how John's not an old fart after all and other future plans. I hope his near future plans involve birthday cake and ice cream! For certain, though, they involve Aeryn. Awwww.
Jim, who is purple, attempts to distract Collie from her game of Tetris. Not easy. Even the squirrel sympathizes with her there. So it takes her a while to realize that he's purple. If you run out of batteries, Pam, we've got a great deal on them over at Turtle & -- HA! Stupid squirrel, I got you this ti-- OW. At Turtle & Canary!
And Ronan deserted Jackalope for Basilisk! Distracted by shirtless, glittery Johnny Storm! The glitter is a ploy, Ronan, turn away! Come back to the cool cabin before it's too late! Actually, there's glitter all over these notes, so I have no idea who's got glitter where, but, either way. Jackalope greater than Basilisk. Everyone knows this.
This might have something to do with Johnny being all glittery and glowy at the Basilisk Campfire this afternoon. Allegedly, Abigail fears he was attacked by glitter, which is silly because glitter doesn't attack people. People attack people. With glitter. And it really stings if you get it in the eyes. But she assures him to the established fact that he is, indeed, glittery and sparkly. This is when Ronan entered this glitter conspiracy and started rubbing on Joh-- Okay, no, I'm not reading this. I don't care what Ronan did to Johnny's chest or how much it impressed Johnny. No, no, no, no, ew. Instead, I kinda want Jaina to be my new best friend, because she's all, "LOL, get a shirt!" and when he's all, "Inspect me!" she was all, "HAHA, no way, Jose. Go find Savannah." I don't know who Savannah is, but, sweetie, pick up a pair of shades PRONTO. You can get a great pair at Turtle & Can--
OW! SQUIRREL! NO. I'll take those acorns away from you! Teddy's also pretty cool because he got Johnny to keep his pants on, although he sure was flailing a lot. He assured Johnny that they can make out tomorrow.
Wait. I didn't want to read that, either. Teddy! Off the list of best friends! Poor Haku just wanted to know about glitter and ended up being asked out on a date or something. Or being told about dates. Something like that. Get away while you still can, Haku! Avoid the glittering chest of DOOOOOOOM!
It's much safer over at the Best Cabin Ever, aka my cabin, where John Sheppard has food and is making posters for flag football. Which would be cool if it wasn't flag football. Dawn is looking for Dean and ends up educating John on vampires and demons. They should play flag football. That would make it cool. Molly's there to be helpful and so is . Alec learns how flag football is played. Alec totally agrees with me that flag football might as well be called no-fun football. Alec, for the record, is cool. So cool, in fact, that Dawn is all, "Ohmigawd, yay, you're back!" and then spoils the mood by mentioning how Dead got hurt being bait. Jailbait? Don't want to know. Abigail is just glad to see him and but not glad to see him fully clothed.
...
YOU PEOPLE! There's nothing wrong with clothes. The notes say that I "mocked John like a shiny mocking thing," which is pretty much true except that I'm not shiny. Especially not compared to Johnny and Ronan. This? I see as a good thing. John chats up Hi I used to be a Vending Machine Marco up about the flag football and Abigail wonders if it's co-ed and if John can handle getting his butt kicked by girls. Probably not, if his shin is any indication. Har-har. Dean makes a triumphant appearance to learn about the flag football and be congratulated on being an upright citizen with a still-attached shoulder by Dawn and Abigail. We're all proud of you, Dean. And, well, you are a Jackalopean.
This just in: Jude? Dude? lay off the caffeine. I can't even imagine what this is like, but all I know is that I'm staying away from Kraken until that Caff-Pow works out of his system. Skateboarding up the walls, to be sure. We actually have a great selection of ska--
Ow. Okay, okay, I'll stop. Go away.
Karal's over at Chupacabra campfire...hey, didn't Teal Dear have a song called that? Anyway, Karal is getting his regal pompousness on over at the Goat-Sucker cabin, right on down to telling Setsuna that women shouldn't be warriors, which did not go well. Apparantly, she had enough butt-whooping today, because she just left all angry and stuff without punching him for being a jerkface. Bad form, Setsuna! Bad form! He also tries to tell Jaina about how to be a 'proper woman,' because, yeah, I'm so sure a guy knows, and she up and left without hitting him, too. Jaiiiiina! Come on! After scoring no points with the ladies and making me really want to kick him in the shin, Karal talked with Edward about clothes. Like proper women. (SNORT).
And it appears that the Wussy Football...errr, I mean, FLAG football posters are up! Meeting on Thursday, after workshops! It'll be a lot of fun! I should stop in and see if they're interested in having their teams sponsered by Turtle & Canary, always eager to support Fandom High! Go Gremlins!
In the later hours, like, now, as Squirrels make me want to throw acorns at them for handing me these notes right now, there's some tension a-brewing outside of Salamander cabin. Hmmm, I think I'm just gonna move on to....
Town! Where you get STUFF!
Gavin and Inara have a daaaaa-aaaate in the park. Well, my notes say a not-date, but they also say that they were holding hands, so you guys aren't fooling anyone. Not even with that supposedly innocent talk of workshops. Tori took a walk in the park this evening, too, but there was no one to hold her hand. Because Tori's awesome and doesn't need a guy there to hold her hand. She'd probably kick his butt anyway.
Down by the beach, Aravis was showing off her hot new swimsuit, which I don't think she bought at Turtle & Canary, which means, sweetie, you paid wayyyy too much. Seely came by and drooled all over her because he's a guy. And then they compared scars in an, and this is what my notes say, "omg cute" manner. I guess it's a less dirty way to approach the whole "You show me yours, I'll show you mine" thing, so kudos. Just hope Seely had a towel to wipe up his drool. It is, after all, a beach. Mel stops by and chats with Seely, not about drool, but about Zuko and why English Peter disapproves of him drooling over Aravis. I imagine it's because English Peter sounds very dignified, and dignified, English people do not drool. They just drink tea.
We have lots of tea at Turtle & Can-
OW! SQUIRREL! How many acorns do you even have, geez? Mel and Aravis talk about the places where they come from. My notes don't mention where those places are, but I'm pretty sure they're a heck of a lot more interesting than where I come from. Aravis was pretty chatty in her new swimsuit, because she also talked with Sabriel about books that they're reading. Book club, anyone? Huh? Huh? Also? Don't call Aravis a girl, because she'll get really annoyed with you like she got annoyed with Kenpachi for doing that. Maybe she prefers to be called a woman? Or she's a little gender confused and might want to mention something like that to Seely? Jus' saying.
The beach is happening even after dark, where Isabel and Cedric are meeting, but the squirrel is either being a liar or he really lost his infrared glasses because there isn't much on what they did there. Maybe for the best? Who knowwwws?
Officer? Agent? Special Agent? I'm not sure which is right, but Mister Cooper is at the Station with yummy delicious goodies and Willow, who is an awesome friend that gets custom made gift baskets at Turtle & Canary for her buddies, brings him more goodies! Awesome idea, Willow! Bribe the agent guy with cookies! They talk about post-high school plans, English Peter, and being a witch. I think those are all related, but I can't be sure.
Over at the Best Teacher Ever's house, Mister Deadpool has candy. And you didn't invite me? What gives? Apparantly, it's all for Yachiru and Arashi. It looks like Yachiru isn't too happy about having share, though, and who are these people? Sokka...now there's someone I know! Hi, Sokka! shows up, but he doesn't get any candy, which is good, because I'd be pretty mad if he got some and I didn't. You owe me, Mister Deadpool....Wait! No! He did get candy! Arashi gave it to him! So not fair! Kenpachi didn't give him any candy, though, good for him! and made fun of Sokka's ponytail. As he should. I think I like this Kenpachi guy, and now I want a muffin because this squirrel totally said he wants a muffin because all that made him hungry and I agree.
This is my favorite part now! I get to talk about all the business in town! Eeeee! So, okay. This is gonna be awesome. Fandom Town Market Report, brought to you by none other than Turtle Wexler, your one-stop-shop for everything Business Related! John Sheppard, who is a very cool cabinmate, if a little weird, was working hard, I'm sure, over at the Photo Hut. We've got Giles opening The Magic Box, which is the spot to get all your magic needs and has the nicest staff ever and will make sure you get the best bang for your magic buck, right, Tannim? I'm totally winking right now, but you can't see it because this is the radio. Anyway, the Worst Bouncer in the History of All Mankind was working at Pussycat's House of Groovy Tunes, which formerly used to be Empire Records and is a name in title that makes me wonder if they're going for a new demographic. And it would kind of seem to be that way because Teddy exchanged sandwiches for kisses and Chad was posing for him or something and it just sounds weird and makes me uncomfortable. It'll probably make you feel uncomfortable, too, so you'd be wise to seek your music at Turtle & Canary. Which I opened. We're hiring! Come get a job! Work with the awesome me! FREE SQUISHIES! Potential stock options! Employee discounts! You can't beat that! We even have a glittery sign! Book Haven is also open, manned by Tori. Errr, womanned, at any rate. Luke came in and brought her chocolates. Say it with me now.... awwwww! Annette was working at the Post Office, which is shocking because it suggests she understands words like 'work' and 'personal responsibily.' Poor John Sheppard had to deal with her saying that he loves her because she thinks everyone on the whole freakin' planet loves her, and he gave her a friendly pat that Annette said feels like a grandpa pat and what the heck does that even mean? She also likes to roleplay, apparantly, because she's a stupid faced nerd-o-rama. Mister Aziraphale had to fend off kisses and Annette trying to sign his chest, too. She's completely insane, I'm telling you guys. Even her boyfriend Dick (snicker) thinks she's weird. And they talk about roleplaying again. I bet Annette's a Level Nine Jerkface.
Oh, yeah, and I was returning some jelly beans, so I was there, too, and I totally told her off. It. Was. Awesome.
Dick (snerk) who might be mildly insane for dating Annette, opened Caritas early for a birthday party for Z! Happy birthday, Z! You can get half-off on something in the store, too! Bridge decorated for it...or they decorated a bridge for it, I'm not really sure, but the first makes more sense. It's supposed to be important that my Fake Big Sister wore yellow, apparently, although, um, okay, sure. Good job on your yellowness, Buffy. Luke was there with Artoo, hopefully not on a date, because then I'd kick his butt for bringing Tori chocolates and then bringing a robot to a party on a date. Not cool, man. Not cool. Evie is there to paaaarrr-tay, and so is Anders who is Cuter than Marco (siiiiiigh). Willow showed up, sans gift basket it seems (tsk, Willow, tsk) and chatted with Evie about little umbrellas and virgins. Can...can I say that on the radio? Well, if I can say 'Dick,' I guess there's nothing wrong with virgins, right? Tori was totally happy that Z got a party and then Z got some totally sweet birthday swag, from Bridge, Luke and the Not!Date Robot, Evie, Anders who is Cuter than Marco, and Tori. Everyone chatted up the birthday girl and yelled, "SURPRISE!," and ate cake and ice cream! Not necissarily in that order!
At the other bar, Mister Aziraphale was flailing over the occurances at the Post Office. Don't worry, Mister Aziraphale. Annette's scary and weird. I understand. Lucifer was all, "Hahaha, poor Mister Aziraphale, had to deal with that Annette person. I laugh at his pain." Which isn't nice at all, because, Lucifer, you may have the name of the devil or even be the devil, but you've probably got nothing on that brat. And then Millie and Mister Aziraphale talked about what sounds like boring grown-up talk to me. Except the owning a business part. I want to know more about that. Because I own half a business, you know...Millie? Mister Aziraphale? Let's do lunch.
Lana's staying at the Arms Hotel and Phoebe shows up to talk about that "Chris Fight" I mentioned earlier. If there is another "Chris Fight," let me know, and I will sell tickets and we'll make it a Pay-Per-View event. It will rock, trust me.
This morning, Doctor Troy is at the clinic with Gwynn still there. Get better, Gwynn! Quicker than you are, because you're still there for Doctor Wilson's evening shift.
Awww, that appears to be all the news I have tonight, ladies and gentlemen! I've really enjoyed talking at me; I hope you enjoyed me talking at you as much as I did! Please remember Turtle & Canary for...
Ow! For all your...
Hey! For all your shop--
You little squir-- For all your squirrel killing needs! G'nite, and have a prosperous day!
School! Or I suppose CAMP! in this case....
Principal Washburn is in her office today being all awesome and pregnant and talking to her stomach and Mr. Hades comes to say "S'up, pregnant lady?" The answer? "My students are too heroic." Dean and Doctor Wilson have the right idea by showing up with pastries and offering ice cream. Hey. Who's bringing the pickles? Not Inara. She brings tea. That's not even close, Inara! I hope it was decaf!
Xanadu...Xander..."My name looks cool 'cause it starts with an X" was in charge of the construction of the school today, which couldn't be too much fun because it was kind of warm today, despite the possible snowflakes I may or may not have seen. Or unless they reconstructed the AC first, which not only keeps you cool but would also support your local electricity company nicely. Conner and Bel--HI CONNER! (siiiiigh)-- are there for the morning shift, but it sounds like Bel isn't too happy about safety goggles. As if we didn't have enough people walking around with eyepatches, Bel! And it's not like we don't have a lovely selection at Turtle & Canary for you to choose from. Even blue ones! Get it? Blue-Bel?
Well, I thought it was funny. At lunchtime, Bridge and Xander play the 'who's lunch is this?' game. The answer? Xander's! Yay! I bet it's 'cause he has an X in his name, which makes it cool. Phoebe brings Bel his lunch, but they don't play the guessing game, they're just all cute and couply, which makes me lose my lunch.
In the afternoon, Bel continues to be a good, industrious worker that makes America proud by working through the afternoon. While Bridge and Anders--hi Anders who is way cuter than Marco (siiiiigh)!-- just sat on their lazy butts and ogled. Which, strangely enough, is also quite American. Good job.
Everyone else's possible lunches in the cafeteria had fewer games and cuteness and more Peezza and Dib. Dib is quite content with his Peezza, though. Dib/Peeza OTP? Hmmmmm?
Isabel's working at the library, and Karal shows up in the morning and is all, "Hay, what's up? I've got a list and I hope you're doing okay!" I hope you're doing okay, too, Isabel, and, Karal, I commend you for your list. A list is an excellent way to be efficiant in your work. We've got great deals on little notepads for lists at Turtle & Canary, too. You should check them out. Anders who is way cuter than Marco (siiiigh) also came in; I assume this is pre-construction-ogling? He talked with Isabel about those nasty attacks last week, and hurting, and pain, and choose cheerier topics! You all shouldn't be talking so much in a library anyway.
Now we get to the workshops. I had most of mine on Monday, so these won't be nearly as interesting. In Goth Eye for the Prep Guy, which is such an awesomely marketable name, they (surprise, surprise) learn how to gothify someone. This week, the newest addition to the Goth club is...drumroll please...Molly! I'm sure she looked fabulous. Can you say fabulous for a goth? Did the look work for you, Molly? We've got all the shades of black at the store! Check it...
Ow! Hey! This squirrel just threw an acorn at me. What's up with that? Anyway, then we had How to Blow Things Up (Without Losing an Eye or Other Important Body Parts). Or, as I like to call it, Too Late for Some People on this Island. Also? The class I should so be in if my mother wouldn't throw a fit because she sent me because she thought I was blowing things up. Which I wasn't, for the record! They worked with live gredandes today! Awesome. Before they could do that, Aly tortured them by making her students wait and talk about them first before finally unleashing them on the fragmentation grenades, concussion grenades, and smoke grenades. What? No holy grenades? The Bestest Teacher in this Whole Dam...errr, Darn School, Mister Deadpool gave Aly major props because he loves it when she makes things explode...and please tell me that's not dirty, because this is a school, people! A school of too many pervert.
Like Annette Hargrove.
MOVING ON! Marco who is Not Cuter than Anders gave Aly his lame vending machine excuse. He told me he didn't even make any money. What kind of a vending machine doesn't make any money? That's how lame Marco is, folks. It's sad, but true. Sorry, Marco.
Advanced Beginner's Introduction to
Carrots, Spleenology, Fortitude Fortification and Saturday-Squinches (deep breath), which could use a tip or two from Ms. Stucio on good workshop names, um....decode...the secrets of the world via a kitten.
...
Which makes about as much sense as what we did for preminitions in Magic class last week, so okay, we'll roll with it. Word says the kitten was cute, so what more can you ask for? Besides great sales on kitty litter, only at Turtle & Canary this week! Lucas and Katara understandably boggle. Whether it's for the class assignment or the cuteness of the kitten, I can't quite tell. Molly wonders why Jim is purple. Jim wonders why Molly is goth. They exchange fashion tips and paint each other's nails and go shopping for mini-skirts. Okay, I made that last part up, and I regret it because now I'm picturing Jim in a mini-skirt, and it's scary, but I'm sure purple is a great look for him. Go, Jim! Donatello...is he Italian? Oh, wait, no, he's a turtle. One of those turtles. I am the original one, you all remember that! So one of those actual turtles who are not THE Turtle, aka moi is all, "Whoa, Fandom is weird," and Sokka points out, "Dude, you're a turtle." I'm sure he went on to add, "And not the Turtle who is the bestest Turtle in all the world. You lose; good day, sir."
Great Infinite Wisdom is sought from the kitten oracle. I'm sure it was just as effective as other methods of magical premonition, too, by my experience. They also reported on their results. Seriously? Guys? I wanna read those reports. They've got to be hilarious. Almost as hilarious as the kitten trying to eat the TA. Apparently, it thought a Hamlet was like an Omelette. HA! Then everyone plays with it. The kitten. Not Hamlet. As you do.
POTPOURRI! That's a fun word to say. And it's not just for making your house smell weird and for your cats to choke on anymore! It's also for threadbare ninjas, as they talk about being not seen and not heard. Which reminds me that we've got a great selection on camofl--
Ow! Squirrel! I'll make you into a hat! Anyway, the played the No Talking game, which my mother always made me played when we took family vacations in the car. And Annette failed! HA! And everyone died of pure shock that Annette couldn't keep her big mouth shut. Not even Jim the Purple failed when directly asked a question. Because Jim's a Young Entreprenuer, and therefor, smart. Then they play Hide and Seek, because, apparantly, we're in kindergarten again. Then Queen Idiot got all snotty about not wanting to participate in class because she's wayyyyyy too good to associate with us common people. Hear that? That's me rolling my eyes.
I'm moving on before I puke again. They made interpretational art in Arts and Crafts based on everyone's thoughts on the Superhero Registration Act. I have no idea what that is, but it sounds either really bad or really good. Since I don't know, I'm shutting up there for fear of incriminating myself. The students have to use random junk to show how they feel on the matter. I'm going out on a limb and against my previous statement and noting that, perhaps, the materials offered are in and of itself a representation of the Act? Random junk? Am I right? Other words to describe the Act, according to either Mister Rogers or the students via their art: disturbing, drama, glittery, flirty, shiny, performanc-y, prone to flying Animals, debatable, REALLY debatable, and familial. I have now exhausted my dictionary and have come up still not understanding this act. Will, Seely, and Naminé get to ask Mr. Rogers, though, what it's all about. And knowing is half the battle!
Wait. This isn't that Mr. Rogers, is it? Maybe Animal is wondering the same thing, because he's looking pensively at him through class. His name is Anima...Wait, what am I saying? My name is freakin' Turtle. But at least I'm being specific about the matter, all right?
Cabins and Stuff!
Alec is back in the Best Cabin Ever (Jackalope, represent!) and Dean welcomes him back! I don't even know where he went, but, hey! Welcome back, Alec! Other fellow and therefor awesome Jackalopean Jo is going through her stuff. Which is exciting merely because she's a Jackalopean.
Raphael is being as French as his name implies by cooking a lot, but then abandons his food because he thinks he's too good for it. What a waste. For shame. Other abandoned tasks this morning include Zack's campfire. He, apparantly, thought himself hot enough. Not hot enough for Collie, who's all, "ew, no, your talk of science and deseperate attempts to compliment mean nothing to be as I am seeing someone else." Ohmigawd, who, Collie? Why don't I know about this? Anyway, she's so not interested in partaking of the Zachness. Katara gets to learn that Zack is pro boykissy and pro turtlekiss-- WHAT? Um, I, uhhh, uhhhh, ummm....
MOVING ON! Setsuna's in the gym, where she works on attacks and very important poses with Ami and then has a totally awesome spar with Alphonse.
Pheobe's writings under a tree are interupted by Bel getting all smoochie-smoochie with her. Is this before or after all the smoochie-smoochie at lunch? Let the poor girl breathe! They talked about not being cooped up, but, apparantly, smoothering affection is not a problem-o. She also got a phone call. And then Anders who is Cuter than Marco showed up and "tireds"....is that even a word?...well, whatever it is, he does it at Bel and Phoebe and worries about random stuff. Don't worry, Anders. I understand. Randomisity is so random that it's hard to not be worried. Doctor Wilson also stopped by to check on her. DOes he charge for house calls? He should. It's just good business, Doctor Wilson. Cally also stops by to...geeez, I guess we know who was little Mister and Mrs. Popular today, huh?...anyway, Cally stops by to talk about the scary attacks last week and Prue talked about what's labeled as "The Chris Fight" and is bitc...errr, um, let's just say sassy toward Bel, which makes the squirrels totally love her. Or so my notes say. "I love Prue." Not me. The squirrels. I swear. I don't love Prue because I don't know her and her name makes me think of prunes. Sorry.
Speaking of prunes...my notes are telling me about Jim's purpleness, which we already knew about. But in case we forgot, Jim is purple! I repeat, Jim Halpert is purple!
In other exciting newsflashes, it's John Crichton's birthday! Happy birthday, John Crichton! Stop by the store and I'll give you half-off of something! Because at Turtle & Canary, we care. Aeryn stops by Pixie and talks with him about how John's not an old fart after all and other future plans. I hope his near future plans involve birthday cake and ice cream! For certain, though, they involve Aeryn. Awwww.
Jim, who is purple, attempts to distract Collie from her game of Tetris. Not easy. Even the squirrel sympathizes with her there. So it takes her a while to realize that he's purple. If you run out of batteries, Pam, we've got a great deal on them over at Turtle & -- HA! Stupid squirrel, I got you this ti-- OW. At Turtle & Canary!
And Ronan deserted Jackalope for Basilisk! Distracted by shirtless, glittery Johnny Storm! The glitter is a ploy, Ronan, turn away! Come back to the cool cabin before it's too late! Actually, there's glitter all over these notes, so I have no idea who's got glitter where, but, either way. Jackalope greater than Basilisk. Everyone knows this.
This might have something to do with Johnny being all glittery and glowy at the Basilisk Campfire this afternoon. Allegedly, Abigail fears he was attacked by glitter, which is silly because glitter doesn't attack people. People attack people. With glitter. And it really stings if you get it in the eyes. But she assures him to the established fact that he is, indeed, glittery and sparkly. This is when Ronan entered this glitter conspiracy and started rubbing on Joh-- Okay, no, I'm not reading this. I don't care what Ronan did to Johnny's chest or how much it impressed Johnny. No, no, no, no, ew. Instead, I kinda want Jaina to be my new best friend, because she's all, "LOL, get a shirt!" and when he's all, "Inspect me!" she was all, "HAHA, no way, Jose. Go find Savannah." I don't know who Savannah is, but, sweetie, pick up a pair of shades PRONTO. You can get a great pair at Turtle & Can--
OW! SQUIRREL! NO. I'll take those acorns away from you! Teddy's also pretty cool because he got Johnny to keep his pants on, although he sure was flailing a lot. He assured Johnny that they can make out tomorrow.
Wait. I didn't want to read that, either. Teddy! Off the list of best friends! Poor Haku just wanted to know about glitter and ended up being asked out on a date or something. Or being told about dates. Something like that. Get away while you still can, Haku! Avoid the glittering chest of DOOOOOOOM!
It's much safer over at the Best Cabin Ever, aka my cabin, where John Sheppard has food and is making posters for flag football. Which would be cool if it wasn't flag football. Dawn is looking for Dean and ends up educating John on vampires and demons. They should play flag football. That would make it cool. Molly's there to be helpful and so is . Alec learns how flag football is played. Alec totally agrees with me that flag football might as well be called no-fun football. Alec, for the record, is cool. So cool, in fact, that Dawn is all, "Ohmigawd, yay, you're back!" and then spoils the mood by mentioning how Dead got hurt being bait. Jailbait? Don't want to know. Abigail is just glad to see him and but not glad to see him fully clothed.
...
YOU PEOPLE! There's nothing wrong with clothes. The notes say that I "mocked John like a shiny mocking thing," which is pretty much true except that I'm not shiny. Especially not compared to Johnny and Ronan. This? I see as a good thing. John chats up Hi I used to be a Vending Machine Marco up about the flag football and Abigail wonders if it's co-ed and if John can handle getting his butt kicked by girls. Probably not, if his shin is any indication. Har-har. Dean makes a triumphant appearance to learn about the flag football and be congratulated on being an upright citizen with a still-attached shoulder by Dawn and Abigail. We're all proud of you, Dean. And, well, you are a Jackalopean.
This just in: Jude? Dude? lay off the caffeine. I can't even imagine what this is like, but all I know is that I'm staying away from Kraken until that Caff-Pow works out of his system. Skateboarding up the walls, to be sure. We actually have a great selection of ska--
Ow. Okay, okay, I'll stop. Go away.
Karal's over at Chupacabra campfire...hey, didn't Teal Dear have a song called that? Anyway, Karal is getting his regal pompousness on over at the Goat-Sucker cabin, right on down to telling Setsuna that women shouldn't be warriors, which did not go well. Apparantly, she had enough butt-whooping today, because she just left all angry and stuff without punching him for being a jerkface. Bad form, Setsuna! Bad form! He also tries to tell Jaina about how to be a 'proper woman,' because, yeah, I'm so sure a guy knows, and she up and left without hitting him, too. Jaiiiiina! Come on! After scoring no points with the ladies and making me really want to kick him in the shin, Karal talked with Edward about clothes. Like proper women. (SNORT).
And it appears that the Wussy Football...errr, I mean, FLAG football posters are up! Meeting on Thursday, after workshops! It'll be a lot of fun! I should stop in and see if they're interested in having their teams sponsered by Turtle & Canary, always eager to support Fandom High! Go Gremlins!
In the later hours, like, now, as Squirrels make me want to throw acorns at them for handing me these notes right now, there's some tension a-brewing outside of Salamander cabin. Hmmm, I think I'm just gonna move on to....
Town! Where you get STUFF!
Gavin and Inara have a daaaaa-aaaate in the park. Well, my notes say a not-date, but they also say that they were holding hands, so you guys aren't fooling anyone. Not even with that supposedly innocent talk of workshops. Tori took a walk in the park this evening, too, but there was no one to hold her hand. Because Tori's awesome and doesn't need a guy there to hold her hand. She'd probably kick his butt anyway.
Down by the beach, Aravis was showing off her hot new swimsuit, which I don't think she bought at Turtle & Canary, which means, sweetie, you paid wayyyy too much. Seely came by and drooled all over her because he's a guy. And then they compared scars in an, and this is what my notes say, "omg cute" manner. I guess it's a less dirty way to approach the whole "You show me yours, I'll show you mine" thing, so kudos. Just hope Seely had a towel to wipe up his drool. It is, after all, a beach. Mel stops by and chats with Seely, not about drool, but about Zuko and why English Peter disapproves of him drooling over Aravis. I imagine it's because English Peter sounds very dignified, and dignified, English people do not drool. They just drink tea.
We have lots of tea at Turtle & Can-
OW! SQUIRREL! How many acorns do you even have, geez? Mel and Aravis talk about the places where they come from. My notes don't mention where those places are, but I'm pretty sure they're a heck of a lot more interesting than where I come from. Aravis was pretty chatty in her new swimsuit, because she also talked with Sabriel about books that they're reading. Book club, anyone? Huh? Huh? Also? Don't call Aravis a girl, because she'll get really annoyed with you like she got annoyed with Kenpachi for doing that. Maybe she prefers to be called a woman? Or she's a little gender confused and might want to mention something like that to Seely? Jus' saying.
The beach is happening even after dark, where Isabel and Cedric are meeting, but the squirrel is either being a liar or he really lost his infrared glasses because there isn't much on what they did there. Maybe for the best? Who knowwwws?
Officer? Agent? Special Agent? I'm not sure which is right, but Mister Cooper is at the Station with yummy delicious goodies and Willow, who is an awesome friend that gets custom made gift baskets at Turtle & Canary for her buddies, brings him more goodies! Awesome idea, Willow! Bribe the agent guy with cookies! They talk about post-high school plans, English Peter, and being a witch. I think those are all related, but I can't be sure.
Over at the Best Teacher Ever's house, Mister Deadpool has candy. And you didn't invite me? What gives? Apparantly, it's all for Yachiru and Arashi. It looks like Yachiru isn't too happy about having share, though, and who are these people? Sokka...now there's someone I know! Hi, Sokka! shows up, but he doesn't get any candy, which is good, because I'd be pretty mad if he got some and I didn't. You owe me, Mister Deadpool....Wait! No! He did get candy! Arashi gave it to him! So not fair! Kenpachi didn't give him any candy, though, good for him! and made fun of Sokka's ponytail. As he should. I think I like this Kenpachi guy, and now I want a muffin because this squirrel totally said he wants a muffin because all that made him hungry and I agree.
This is my favorite part now! I get to talk about all the business in town! Eeeee! So, okay. This is gonna be awesome. Fandom Town Market Report, brought to you by none other than Turtle Wexler, your one-stop-shop for everything Business Related! John Sheppard, who is a very cool cabinmate, if a little weird, was working hard, I'm sure, over at the Photo Hut. We've got Giles opening The Magic Box, which is the spot to get all your magic needs and has the nicest staff ever and will make sure you get the best bang for your magic buck, right, Tannim? I'm totally winking right now, but you can't see it because this is the radio. Anyway, the Worst Bouncer in the History of All Mankind was working at Pussycat's House of Groovy Tunes, which formerly used to be Empire Records and is a name in title that makes me wonder if they're going for a new demographic. And it would kind of seem to be that way because Teddy exchanged sandwiches for kisses and Chad was posing for him or something and it just sounds weird and makes me uncomfortable. It'll probably make you feel uncomfortable, too, so you'd be wise to seek your music at Turtle & Canary. Which I opened. We're hiring! Come get a job! Work with the awesome me! FREE SQUISHIES! Potential stock options! Employee discounts! You can't beat that! We even have a glittery sign! Book Haven is also open, manned by Tori. Errr, womanned, at any rate. Luke came in and brought her chocolates. Say it with me now.... awwwww! Annette was working at the Post Office, which is shocking because it suggests she understands words like 'work' and 'personal responsibily.' Poor John Sheppard had to deal with her saying that he loves her because she thinks everyone on the whole freakin' planet loves her, and he gave her a friendly pat that Annette said feels like a grandpa pat and what the heck does that even mean? She also likes to roleplay, apparantly, because she's a stupid faced nerd-o-rama. Mister Aziraphale had to fend off kisses and Annette trying to sign his chest, too. She's completely insane, I'm telling you guys. Even her boyfriend Dick (snicker) thinks she's weird. And they talk about roleplaying again. I bet Annette's a Level Nine Jerkface.
Oh, yeah, and I was returning some jelly beans, so I was there, too, and I totally told her off. It. Was. Awesome.
Dick (snerk) who might be mildly insane for dating Annette, opened Caritas early for a birthday party for Z! Happy birthday, Z! You can get half-off on something in the store, too! Bridge decorated for it...or they decorated a bridge for it, I'm not really sure, but the first makes more sense. It's supposed to be important that my Fake Big Sister wore yellow, apparently, although, um, okay, sure. Good job on your yellowness, Buffy. Luke was there with Artoo, hopefully not on a date, because then I'd kick his butt for bringing Tori chocolates and then bringing a robot to a party on a date. Not cool, man. Not cool. Evie is there to paaaarrr-tay, and so is Anders who is Cuter than Marco (siiiiiigh). Willow showed up, sans gift basket it seems (tsk, Willow, tsk) and chatted with Evie about little umbrellas and virgins. Can...can I say that on the radio? Well, if I can say 'Dick,' I guess there's nothing wrong with virgins, right? Tori was totally happy that Z got a party and then Z got some totally sweet birthday swag, from Bridge, Luke and the Not!Date Robot, Evie, Anders who is Cuter than Marco, and Tori. Everyone chatted up the birthday girl and yelled, "SURPRISE!," and ate cake and ice cream! Not necissarily in that order!
At the other bar, Mister Aziraphale was flailing over the occurances at the Post Office. Don't worry, Mister Aziraphale. Annette's scary and weird. I understand. Lucifer was all, "Hahaha, poor Mister Aziraphale, had to deal with that Annette person. I laugh at his pain." Which isn't nice at all, because, Lucifer, you may have the name of the devil or even be the devil, but you've probably got nothing on that brat. And then Millie and Mister Aziraphale talked about what sounds like boring grown-up talk to me. Except the owning a business part. I want to know more about that. Because I own half a business, you know...Millie? Mister Aziraphale? Let's do lunch.
Lana's staying at the Arms Hotel and Phoebe shows up to talk about that "Chris Fight" I mentioned earlier. If there is another "Chris Fight," let me know, and I will sell tickets and we'll make it a Pay-Per-View event. It will rock, trust me.
This morning, Doctor Troy is at the clinic with Gwynn still there. Get better, Gwynn! Quicker than you are, because you're still there for Doctor Wilson's evening shift.
Awww, that appears to be all the news I have tonight, ladies and gentlemen! I've really enjoyed talking at me; I hope you enjoyed me talking at you as much as I did! Please remember Turtle & Canary for...
Ow! For all your...
Hey! For all your shop--
You little squir-- For all your squirrel killing needs! G'nite, and have a prosperous day!
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These were the sounds of frustration heard from Aravis's alcove as she listened to the radio.
[I love you forever and ever and ever omg.]
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[OOC: *hearts like whoa*]
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[*very very very amused*]
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[OOC: SO MUCH LOVE.]
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It's just this kind of curiosity that can get him into a lot of trouble.
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Even though she had no idea who Marco was... or Conner, for that matter.
When she heard the part about Jaina and Johnny, she would have giggled -- but she was a bit miffed about him suggesting she take off her shirt in class.
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There were no words to describe what she was feeling. But her thoughts were wild.
Turtle Wexler was going to hell!
She had to say sorry to some people. NOT TURTLE WEXLER! OMIGOD!
Flail. That's all Annette could manage when she heard the radio broadcast.
(omg you are wicked evil! *dies laughing and hearts you so much*)
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Not putting the spatula down first was how he ended up with scrambled egg in his hair.
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John was also not pleased to hear Ronan was rubbing a glittery Johnny Storm.
[[ooc: I AM SO IN LOVE WITH TURTLE!]]
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Yeah, she was laughing. And she appreciated Turtle coming to her defense, even though Artoo was most certainly not Luke's date for the party. Tori shook her head and thought perhaps she should bring Turtle a present.
[OOC: OMG! I love you so much!]