Fandom Radio, Saturday, May 5, 2007

[willbedone.livejournal.com]

Fandom! Hi! Oh my gosh it's Willow Rosenberg reporting on behalf of WTFH where today those initials stand for What The Frak Happened because OH MY GOD THE SCHOOL!!!

Uh... I mean spoiler! If you didn't want to know the ending yet.

Anyway, let me get these things in order. Make yourselves comfortable because this'll take a while. You may want to hit the bathroom before I start. I'll wait.

...

Okay, on to the news!

School: Where you graduate from

Kinda quiet today except for Captain Liberty posting grades and Seely having to make blue and gold confetti - by hand - in detention. That's because we had graduation! But we'll get to that in a bit.

Dorms: Which still exist but let's not jinx things

River gets letters from home. Was one of them Q? I always liked Q. Cassie ding dong ditches graduation - except for the ding dong part - to talk with Teddy about an offer she got from Tony Stark. Apparently in the realm of offers this wasn't so much 'can't be refused' as it was 'could possibly be refused after sleeping on it.' No offense to Tony's negotiating skills.

Town: unrelated to graduation except for being adjacent to it

So Parker drinks lots of coffee at J,GoB because if there's one thing you want to do while waiting to graduate, it's make sure you've got an urgent need to pee. Someone named Sydney finds her and is all "Yay, woo salutorian and also breakfast! Not that these are related but they're both good!" Zero's brother comes in with the way adorable Zero kitty and there is meeting of the Parker/Sydney/Dirk/Nikki variety. Seely shows up and blabs about having kids with Parker AND IF YOU EVER BLAB ABOUT SIMILAR THINGS TO MY FRIENDS WE ARE HAVING WORDS, BOOTH! AND NOT FUN WORDS LIKE 'MILK' EITHER!

River wonders if Parker is nervous about graduation. Normally if the mayor isn't involved it's a good day but woo did we get proven wrong on that one.

Over at The Perk we find Isabel having breakfast in spite of not being salutorian. Rose swings by, or perhaps just walks, and the two of them talk about graduation and people leaving and I'll just bet one of them said "What could possibly go wrong?" because you know someone out there somewhere totally jinxed this. Maybe it was the inferior Peter. Jake and his dad stop by and Jake asks where his dad is going to be stationing them. If these two share any DNA at all I assume they'd be stationed directly next to the coffee machines and afterwhich they'd never leave. Krycek stops by and introduces Jake's dad to his guardian. There's no word on if this is a matchmaking attempt on Krycek's part, but if it is I wish him the best of luck with it. Speaking of relatives, Isabel has coffee with Uncle Jack. I didn't know she had an Uncle Jack.

Lana and Tori hang out at Selkie Cove and Lana quizzes Tori about her friends. I so, so get the urge to make up tests once school is over. It's like you need something to help you ease down from the rush of homework and actual grading.

Jamie leaves town, woe. Come back soon, Jamie!!! Assuming you can hear this! Actually even if you can't! Chris and Wyatt meet their grandfather Victor in town and by 'meet' I mean 'wacky fun with alternate dimensions and timelines mean that the theme for this year's family reunion is awkward!'. Cally meets Victor and runs away screaming. Guess she can't fight the rudeness of her first name all of the time. Piper meets up with the Halliwell men and boys and, I assume, gets a lecture from her dad about using protection.

Cameron and Veronica snuggle at the Arms. Everybody else throws up in their mouth a little.

The clinic is quiet in the morning and surprisingly quiet in the evening, all things considered.

Tom Jones is playing at It's Not Unusual To Be Dancing With Someone Unless You're Here. Mr. Dean and Sam's Daddy fills Ellen in on the graduation news. Logan who could be a bunny any second now, really catches up with Dick at the bar. Alanna's guests spend some time with Kawalsky but there's surprisingly little violence.

Deadpool leaves a present for Rosette, which was hopefully not meant to be a surprise. If so, oops! Sorry for ruining it.

Oh! And at night? John Crichton is all waiting in the park, yanno, for no reason. And Angel checks in on him for no reason and so does Kawalsky, Peter Parker, and Chloe, yanno, for no reason. And then AERYN STOPS BY AND JOHN PROPOSES AND SHE SAYS YES AND OMG THIS IS JUST DUST IN MY EYE I SWEAR!!!!!

GRADUOMGWTFALIENS!!!!!

So! Graduation! Gaduation of graduating and INSANITY and believe you me, people, I know from insane graduations so if I'm telling you this is insane it is really insane! And not in the 'Our prices are so low we're practically giving these diplomas away!' kind of way either.

First, guests arrive. Rory's mom and grandparents are there, as are Naomi, Liz, Emma, Rose, Lana, Jarod, Alanna's friends, River and Berthold, the bestest boyfriend in all the land, Zero's family, Mac, The Doctor, Irulan, Cally, Jake's father and Lau,Kira and Ethan, Blake, Cam, and Dustin, friends of Angela - not to be confused with friends of Dorothy, especially since there's no one named Dorothy at this school - Captain Liberty, Molly, Feretti, Hamlet's handsome yet possibly invisible father, me and Billy, some guy named Skinner, and Mr. Dean and Sam's daddy.

Elsewhere in the audience, Callisto shares her woes with Anakin. Dick and Annette wonder about the new students. You guys too? I'm looking forward to it. Maybe we'll get more witches! Speaking of which, Penny Halliwell meets her future great-grandsons. I'd like to tell Ms. Halliwell that if she's at all owy in the brain about the future relatives thing, she is more than welcome to join the club. Some of us even made t-shirts. Piper's dad sees his former mother-in-law and flees like a chipmunk that just robbed a bank. Penny and Piper talk about how proud they are of Phoebe. YAY PHOEBE! Anders flails at Phoebe's grandmother. He might have done better with impressing her if he offered her cupcakes instead.

Katara and Sokka discuss school spirit. Around here I'm surprised that's not more literal. Chloe talks to Jake's dad about Jake graduating. So I guess they managed to leave the coffee behind them or else smuggled it in with a hip flask. Anders welcomes Chloe back. Sam who is related to Dean brings tissues that are for Dawn, totally for Dawn, and in conclusion Dawn's. Dean joins them and Dawn teases him about having his shirt on and wow do she and Sam have a relationship that's way more open than I would've imagined.

Mr. Lyman sits with Aly and offers her a "GO MOM!" sign. Is that who shouted that out during the ceremony? Seely talks about future cheerleaders with B...oh look who else was in the audience! Angel! who talked with Anakin and also Isabel! Isn't that funny?

Anyhoo, Piper and Lindsey sit together. Shawn and Summer sit together and joke about how awful it is to be stuck together for the ceremony. This is just the sort of comment that in Fandom turns you into a two-headed, four-armed hybrid creature. I'm just saying. Fraser sits by Emma while Emma watches out for aliens. I don't want to mock a teacher here or anything but, uh, maybe a slightly improved job could be done next time on the alien alert system? Possibly with the use of a bell?

Marie and Nadia talk about Jamie and Walter leaving. I shall say no more on the subject because WAH! Anders and Nadia perform the dance of nostalgia. Logan who has what might be termed bunny issues decides to talk to Veronica, which just goes to show that he's apparently insane as well. Dick has words with Veronica and my notes here say "We don't know the details, but we think the words rhymed with 'duck shoe'." So way to go, Dick! Throw those shoes at her! She's earned it!

Fraser introduces himself to Jaye's family. Anakin and Luke sit by the Gilmores and have signs. Parker's daddy glares at Uncle Jack. What does he have against Isabel's family? Oh, he's looking for good seats. Maybe Uncle Jack swiped the last one.

Then! Procession! And you totally have the graduation theme stuck in your head now, admit it. There are speeches by Principal Washburn and Dean Tick, then Zero performs. Guest speaker Neville Flynn tells us that the future is going to be very Freudian. Rory and Alanna give their speeches, and Zero does another performance.

Diplomas! Diplomas that are not on fire! Yet! Diplomas which are given to Bel, D'Anna, Marty, Sam who is unrelated to Dean, Angela, John Connor, John Crichton, Hamlet, Jake, Rory, Phoebe, Tori, Jack, Zero, Kawalsky, Krycek, Conner, Cameron, Parker, Stark, Aeryn, Alanna, and Jaye. YAY! Congratulations everybody!!!!

And THEN ALIENS COME AND BLOW UP THE SCHOOL! Because apparently folks from some planets can't stand not being the center of attention anymore than they can stand to be respectful of school supplies, NOT THAT I'M MENTIONING NAMES HERE OR ANYTHING.

The audience is all ZOMGALIENS!! and then ZOMGSCHOOL!!! and it's not in my notes but I'm pretty sure Principal Washburn was all ZOMGWE'RENOTGETTINGOURSECURITYDEPOSITBACK!!!! Emma's all "I didn't mean it!" and WAY TO GO with that, really. A, uh, friend of Seely's hopes that it's space vampires. Because that'll help. And Kira is all "ZOMG GWYNN IS CONNER'S GIRLFRIEND???" and wow with the priorities, Kira, really.

The graduates, who are trapped behind a force field, fight! Jake throws chairs! One's John Crichton! The other is Kawalsky! Together they fight aliens! Zero is in shock and cursing how she doesn't have a mallet on her because even a pink kitten sized mallet could do some damage if you used it right. Tori and Conner team up and make with the fighting with superpowers!

Bel and Phoebe fight with fireballs and chairs. Bel also turns an alien into a watercooler which is useful for both removing the danger of an alien as well as the danger of dehydration. Kawalsky and Cam make a "chair IN YOUR FACE" for guns transaction with the aliens. Jaye blinds a Martian with glitter. I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW IF THIS LEAD TO MARTIAN BOYKISSY! Parker throws a shoe at an alien and is all "Oh no you didn't!" when the alien won't give it back.

Jack and Sam who is unrelated to Dean work together to fight the aliens. Jack flashes them and when that fails to make the aliens instantly want to have sex with him Sam beats the aliens to a pulp with a chair because clearly they are NOT OF THIS WORLD.

...

Well, okay, Martians but you get what I was going for there with the not wanting Jack thing.

Marty kills an alien via the ancient art of fork-to-the-eye-fu. Stark flails at the aliens and is possibly making about as good an impression as Anders did when he flailed at Phoebe's relatives. Not that Phoebe's relatives are aliens. So far as I know. Aeryn came ready to graduate and beat Martians to death with a stick and she's ALL DONE WITH GRADUATING, PEOPLE.

Alanna fights with purple energy, a sword, and one assumes Faithful's +10 power of snarking. Krycek fights with a trusty chair which is good because the untrustworthy ones will give you splinters like nobody's business. Krycek then goes to help D'Anna. John Crichton uses his mortar board and diploma as deadly weapons, John of the Connor variety makes use of a chair and Angela starts off with a shoe but then uses a chair and the sheer awesomeness of being a redhead in order to finish the job.

Out in the audience there's all kinds of reactions to the alien-force-field-drama-llama. Jaye's brother and sister want the whole thing to be over. Ferretti tests the force field but the force field passes and gets extra credit to boot so it's still standing. Ethan and Kira try to get to their friends while at the same time I reassure myself that Ethan's last name is not Rayne. Sokka tries to break the force field with a chair. The Doctor tells him to put it away before he hurts himself. Oh like the screwdriver was better. Anders flails at Cally, Cally tries to calm Anders down. Likewise Luke tries to calm Rory's family. River tries to figure out how to get through the force field - if I was a betting girl, River would've been high on my list of those who could've done it. Seely and his friend do cheers for the fighting graduates.

Piper and Anders make with the fretting. Lana is terrified, and understandably so. Anakin, Jarod, Sokka, and Arashi try to work together to see if they can get rid of the forcefield. Summer regrets not having a fork on her. Maybe Marty stole it? I try spells with no luck. Which means I'm so studying up on this for next time. Parker's dad dismisses this all as performance art. Sure, we'll go with that. Angel tries to beat the forcefield down, and yanno, good luck with that.

Cam and Blake feel that this is just like old times. Old times with aliens with back to school grudges. The Jerries, who unlike graduation are NOT insane, attack the force field with Pez dispensers. Uncle Jack watches the show. Kyo hugs Mac and turns into a cat. I guess Zero's got a buddy for her support group now. Isabel wonders what next year's gradution will be like. Tough to say. Could be awesome like Arachnid Guy 3 or it could be Guy Who Has Godchildren 3. It's a bit of a spread, quality-wise.

Ben shouts encouragement to D'Anna. Angela's friend Rayanne tries to keep an eye on her. Naomi watches nervously. She should've held hands with Lana. Rosette - whose profession I am not mentioning on the odd chance certain people are listening - pouts.

Martian backside? Totally kicked. Roy arrives and checks on Aly. Principal Washburn does not have her happy face on. Jaye's parents are in shock. Parker's dad wants an explanation and while I can sympathize it's not like the Martians left a note.

...they didn't, did they?

Blake, Cam, and Dustin wonder if there's a secret high-tech ops center in the school rubble and oh God not another one. Vice Principal Hades tells everyone that this was just a performance. Parker's dad is all "Oh yeah, sure, now it's aliens, next it's religious figures in urine. See if I contribute to the alumni fund ever again." Anders - wait for it - flails until he finds out if Bel and Phoebe are okay. Anakin and Crichton touch base to make sure folks are okay. Jaye's family congratulates her for surviving high school. Principal Washburn stares at the remains of the school. We should have a memorial, really.

Ben looks for D'Anna. Anders skips flailing in favor of giving Ben a weird look. Anakin pouts at Aeryn for losing her hat. Jack who is not covered in the kind of goo he's normally covered with congratulates and is congratulated by Phoebe. Isabel enjoys the view and Sokka cheers for the seniors.

As do we all! YAY CLASS OF 2007!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

And that's all for tonight's radio! Have fun, and watch out for aliens! Good night!