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fandom_radio2012-12-03 06:59 am
gladigotburned.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2012-12-03 06:59 am
Fandom Radio, Monday, December 3
Well, it's me. Perfectly fine. Exactly the same as always. I'm glad the squirrels think this is so funny now, because they won't be laughing later.
[much quieter voice] I've got a whole new series of squirrel-sized tests ready to go, you know. Just waiting for the right test subjects to come al-- never mind, you'll do just fine.
[back to normal volume] Oh, stop looking so indignant. If you followed Shira's example of at least keeping herself busy shelving things in the library while staring off into space or whatever it is people do when they're acting like they're thinking, I wouldn't have to come up with ways to keep you busy.
*protesting squirrel chitters*
Don't look at me. It's your behavior that gave me the idea, so you only have yourselves to blame. Did I say blame? I meant thank. You know who else kept busy yesterday? The sheep. The ones who were everywhere -- you know, the creatures with the coats that are as fluffy as your squirrel brains? Just pretend you know what I'm talking about.
*pause*
[flat, more computerlike voice] Interpreting silence as acquiescence.
[back to normal voice] Since some people decided the sheep were a problem to solve -- not a bad approach, I have to grudgingly admit -- they came up with some creative solutions: Coulson trapped them in a box at Wellspring Arms, Jaina chose to subject the sheep at the Devil's Nest to quiet, seething hatred, and Guy tried to herd the ones at Caritas. You know, when he wasn't arguing with Electroclash about her snootiness and their teenage selves -- oh, ha ha. Is that what afflicted all of you last week? I could be sympathetic if I cared, but I don't, so I'm not. Meanwhile, in the lounge, Jack and Derek -- hang on, don't you two work at the Devil's Nest? Maybe someone not me is heartbroken by your disloyalty, but moving on, since I don't care about that, they were indulging in a gossip session in the Caritas lounge, talking about things like Derek waking up with Bo and what Jack was like at thirteen, not to mention whether Derek could be nicer to Kaidan. Notice how the sheep didn't factor into this conversation? Probably not. That's why I pointed it out to you just now.
It's unclear whether Laurie's focus on her work but, let's be honest, mostly her online shopping at the Perk was also a sheep-coping mechanism, but statistical analysis of, well, everything suggests this would be an unsafe assumption. Since safety is overrated, though, I'm going to say it was.
Oh, and here's a little-known fact: on the third day of the twelfth month of the twelfth year of every century, the likelihood of sheep growing to one hundred times their size and becoming rampaging, omnivorous predators increases by [high-pitched, speeded-up garble]. Think about that for a while. Have a nice day.
[much quieter voice] I've got a whole new series of squirrel-sized tests ready to go, you know. Just waiting for the right test subjects to come al-- never mind, you'll do just fine.
[back to normal volume] Oh, stop looking so indignant. If you followed Shira's example of at least keeping herself busy shelving things in the library while staring off into space or whatever it is people do when they're acting like they're thinking, I wouldn't have to come up with ways to keep you busy.
*protesting squirrel chitters*
Don't look at me. It's your behavior that gave me the idea, so you only have yourselves to blame. Did I say blame? I meant thank. You know who else kept busy yesterday? The sheep. The ones who were everywhere -- you know, the creatures with the coats that are as fluffy as your squirrel brains? Just pretend you know what I'm talking about.
*pause*
[flat, more computerlike voice] Interpreting silence as acquiescence.
[back to normal voice] Since some people decided the sheep were a problem to solve -- not a bad approach, I have to grudgingly admit -- they came up with some creative solutions: Coulson trapped them in a box at Wellspring Arms, Jaina chose to subject the sheep at the Devil's Nest to quiet, seething hatred, and Guy tried to herd the ones at Caritas. You know, when he wasn't arguing with Electroclash about her snootiness and their teenage selves -- oh, ha ha. Is that what afflicted all of you last week? I could be sympathetic if I cared, but I don't, so I'm not. Meanwhile, in the lounge, Jack and Derek -- hang on, don't you two work at the Devil's Nest? Maybe someone not me is heartbroken by your disloyalty, but moving on, since I don't care about that, they were indulging in a gossip session in the Caritas lounge, talking about things like Derek waking up with Bo and what Jack was like at thirteen, not to mention whether Derek could be nicer to Kaidan. Notice how the sheep didn't factor into this conversation? Probably not. That's why I pointed it out to you just now.
It's unclear whether Laurie's focus on her work but, let's be honest, mostly her online shopping at the Perk was also a sheep-coping mechanism, but statistical analysis of, well, everything suggests this would be an unsafe assumption. Since safety is overrated, though, I'm going to say it was.
Oh, and here's a little-known fact: on the third day of the twelfth month of the twelfth year of every century, the likelihood of sheep growing to one hundred times their size and becoming rampaging, omnivorous predators increases by [high-pitched, speeded-up garble]. Think about that for a while. Have a nice day.