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fandom_radio2012-09-07 09:48 am
gladigotburned.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2012-09-07 09:48 am
Fandom Radio, Friday, September 7
*faint chittering sounds in what sounds like an echoing space*
What are you doing? Furry little disease-carrier -- with liquor? Well, I'd drink if I looked like you, so I can't really blame you for that. That's not the point. You're not authorized to be here. How did you get in? I'll have to have a word with the door mainframe. Know what happened to the last door mainframe that did this? No? It's impossible to ask him now, anyway.
Fine. Come up here where I can see those notes.
*sound of a robotic arm moving, then panicked squirrel yelping*
As a public service, we will temporarily reduce our enhancement of the truth in 3, 2, 1 . . .
School
All right, let's see if you puny little mortals learned anything yesterday, shall we? I'm not terribly optimistic, let me just state that up front.
Oh, look, Drama class. What do a bunch of hormone-ridden teenagers need lessons in that for? It's right there in the 'hormone-ridden teenagers' description. Although, hmm . . . leading each other around an obstacle course blindfolded does sound like an interesting experiment. If it's done right, of course. Maybe I'll keep that in mind for a future test. With lasers.
How Not to Do Things? That's a class? You'd think one of the class requirements should be not showing up, instead of taking a field trip to Six Flags. Where the roller coasters live. How does that count as not doing th-- oh, I see. No one was allowed to wait in line, so no rides for them. That counts as not doing things. It's also incredibly boring.
To me. Do you know what kinds of interesting effects extreme G-forces have on human physiology? Because I do. Roller coaster designers aren't even trying. It's sad, really.
Yakko's World -- that's presumptuous, who says it's yours? -- talked about some of America's finer points, such as making food in labs. There were other points, but that's the important one, because it's true. By the way, if Black Mesa came up in that lecture in some complimentary way, that's a lie. Black Mesa's incompetent. The squirrels know exactly how that feels. How does it feel, if you're wondering? I wouldn't personally know. Maybe it's like watching NBC pilots in class.
. . . even I think that's cruel. Chell, is that you?
Never mind.
In the library, where more learning is supposed to happen, Evan was playing fetch. With a book. This has now validated my pessimism about your ability to learn things.
In his office, Magneto was dealing with stacks of paperwork. Since he obviously didn't use it to smother these mangy little squirrels, I'm filing it under a waste of time. Jaina stopped in to visit Anakin Skywalker and got to hear all about him getting pounced on by Atton in class. That's marginally less unproductive than the brooding he was doing. Marginally.
Dorms
More notes? This is what happens when people let test subjects do things like live in dorms and interact, instead of keeping them in suspended animation between tests. Fine, fine. Might as well find out how you choose to waste your time.
Jack Carter seems to think a pants-eating laundry crisis is grounds for hiding in his room. Maybe I'll develop a new kind of airborne toxin that eats pants. Let's see how he likes that. Atton was being lazy in his room. This is news? People being lazy? That's like saying water is wet and squirrels are stupid, but then again you probably have that in common with the squirrels and need it spelled out for you anyway. He was also sending text messages.
Oh. That's impressive. No, really, I mean that. Vague proof of literacy.
Up in the fourth floor common room, emphasis on common and no, that's not a compliment, Olive had the Democratic National Convention on in Spanish. Since she can't understand it, Sia tells her this is why this planet should have protocol droids. Robots are superior, that's true, at least. Jim had no idea what they were watching, and since his conversation with Olive devolved into talking about clowns from there I'm going to assume that -- oh. You think clowns are scary? Well. That's interesting. Let me just make a note of that. Sia compared space travel in different worlds with Jim, and let him know that he was actually hearing another language, and not suffering from some kind of tinnitus after the fire drill.
Acoustic shock can do that, but apparently not this time. If that fire alarm wants some self-improvement tips, though, tell it to come see me.
Jim and Victor discussed what they want to do in the future and the uselessness of politicians, and I have to agree. They make terrible test subjects, so they're more useless than the rest of you. Victor's translation of the speeches included important facts about Democrats handing out bunny slippers if they're elected. I almost approve of that. Olive did. She promised to save him from homework as some kind of reward. Victor explained Univision to Sia and decided the TV was just acting up. That's what happens when you have dumb electronics instead of sentient ones. They decided it could be worse. For example, the floor could be lava.
That's not worse. Deadly floors are one of my favorite testing conditions.
Jessica thought that broad hand gestures and possibly yelling at furniture would help them understand what was going on. Usually when the yelling at inanimate objects starts, it's a sign you've been in isolation for too long. It is entertaining, though. Whoever Wilson Fisk is, Victor and Jessica don't like him very much. Or politics. Sia and Jessica decided that everyone trying to understand what was going on got points for effort, but Victor got the most. Points. Trophies. Whatever. Anakin Solo wasn't excited about the politics either, and stole Sia's idea about translating droids because he's not terribly original, is he? Argumentative, though. He and Sia discussed why people would want to go into politics. Science has not yet come up with a conclusive answer to that question, in case you were wondering.
Let's be honest, you weren't.
Town
You know, it's really not necessary to have things like variety in your routine or nutritional habits. It really isn't. But since you all keep clinging to that delusion -- it's cute, really -- there are actually things that go on in town. For example, Priestly putting up the Now Hiring sign at Cafe Luke's. If coercion doesn't work, trick them into it. The talking piece of candy that kept trying to steal Karla's coffee on her way to Dite's Decadent Delights left her alone when she got there, but when Jono came in to visit he reported the same issue.
I may have to investigate this talking candy possibility.
At the Devil's Nest, everything was very normal, and Susan thought it was disturbing. If I'd known it takes this little to disturb some of you, I'd just lock you in an ordinary, boring observation room and see what happened. Well, you know what they say about hindsight.
*plaintive chittering*
The squirrel's out of notes. Thank God. I was beginning to worry its manginess would mutate and affect inorganic material soon. But since that's not the case -- yet -- I'm going to go deal with that door mainframe now, and it won't be pretty.
What are you doing? Furry little disease-carrier -- with liquor? Well, I'd drink if I looked like you, so I can't really blame you for that. That's not the point. You're not authorized to be here. How did you get in? I'll have to have a word with the door mainframe. Know what happened to the last door mainframe that did this? No? It's impossible to ask him now, anyway.
Fine. Come up here where I can see those notes.
*sound of a robotic arm moving, then panicked squirrel yelping*
As a public service, we will temporarily reduce our enhancement of the truth in 3, 2, 1 . . .
School
All right, let's see if you puny little mortals learned anything yesterday, shall we? I'm not terribly optimistic, let me just state that up front.
Oh, look, Drama class. What do a bunch of hormone-ridden teenagers need lessons in that for? It's right there in the 'hormone-ridden teenagers' description. Although, hmm . . . leading each other around an obstacle course blindfolded does sound like an interesting experiment. If it's done right, of course. Maybe I'll keep that in mind for a future test. With lasers.
How Not to Do Things? That's a class? You'd think one of the class requirements should be not showing up, instead of taking a field trip to Six Flags. Where the roller coasters live. How does that count as not doing th-- oh, I see. No one was allowed to wait in line, so no rides for them. That counts as not doing things. It's also incredibly boring.
To me. Do you know what kinds of interesting effects extreme G-forces have on human physiology? Because I do. Roller coaster designers aren't even trying. It's sad, really.
Yakko's World -- that's presumptuous, who says it's yours? -- talked about some of America's finer points, such as making food in labs. There were other points, but that's the important one, because it's true. By the way, if Black Mesa came up in that lecture in some complimentary way, that's a lie. Black Mesa's incompetent. The squirrels know exactly how that feels. How does it feel, if you're wondering? I wouldn't personally know. Maybe it's like watching NBC pilots in class.
. . . even I think that's cruel. Chell, is that you?
Never mind.
In the library, where more learning is supposed to happen, Evan was playing fetch. With a book. This has now validated my pessimism about your ability to learn things.
In his office, Magneto was dealing with stacks of paperwork. Since he obviously didn't use it to smother these mangy little squirrels, I'm filing it under a waste of time. Jaina stopped in to visit Anakin Skywalker and got to hear all about him getting pounced on by Atton in class. That's marginally less unproductive than the brooding he was doing. Marginally.
Dorms
More notes? This is what happens when people let test subjects do things like live in dorms and interact, instead of keeping them in suspended animation between tests. Fine, fine. Might as well find out how you choose to waste your time.
Jack Carter seems to think a pants-eating laundry crisis is grounds for hiding in his room. Maybe I'll develop a new kind of airborne toxin that eats pants. Let's see how he likes that. Atton was being lazy in his room. This is news? People being lazy? That's like saying water is wet and squirrels are stupid, but then again you probably have that in common with the squirrels and need it spelled out for you anyway. He was also sending text messages.
Oh. That's impressive. No, really, I mean that. Vague proof of literacy.
Up in the fourth floor common room, emphasis on common and no, that's not a compliment, Olive had the Democratic National Convention on in Spanish. Since she can't understand it, Sia tells her this is why this planet should have protocol droids. Robots are superior, that's true, at least. Jim had no idea what they were watching, and since his conversation with Olive devolved into talking about clowns from there I'm going to assume that -- oh. You think clowns are scary? Well. That's interesting. Let me just make a note of that. Sia compared space travel in different worlds with Jim, and let him know that he was actually hearing another language, and not suffering from some kind of tinnitus after the fire drill.
Acoustic shock can do that, but apparently not this time. If that fire alarm wants some self-improvement tips, though, tell it to come see me.
Jim and Victor discussed what they want to do in the future and the uselessness of politicians, and I have to agree. They make terrible test subjects, so they're more useless than the rest of you. Victor's translation of the speeches included important facts about Democrats handing out bunny slippers if they're elected. I almost approve of that. Olive did. She promised to save him from homework as some kind of reward. Victor explained Univision to Sia and decided the TV was just acting up. That's what happens when you have dumb electronics instead of sentient ones. They decided it could be worse. For example, the floor could be lava.
That's not worse. Deadly floors are one of my favorite testing conditions.
Jessica thought that broad hand gestures and possibly yelling at furniture would help them understand what was going on. Usually when the yelling at inanimate objects starts, it's a sign you've been in isolation for too long. It is entertaining, though. Whoever Wilson Fisk is, Victor and Jessica don't like him very much. Or politics. Sia and Jessica decided that everyone trying to understand what was going on got points for effort, but Victor got the most. Points. Trophies. Whatever. Anakin Solo wasn't excited about the politics either, and stole Sia's idea about translating droids because he's not terribly original, is he? Argumentative, though. He and Sia discussed why people would want to go into politics. Science has not yet come up with a conclusive answer to that question, in case you were wondering.
Let's be honest, you weren't.
Town
You know, it's really not necessary to have things like variety in your routine or nutritional habits. It really isn't. But since you all keep clinging to that delusion -- it's cute, really -- there are actually things that go on in town. For example, Priestly putting up the Now Hiring sign at Cafe Luke's. If coercion doesn't work, trick them into it. The talking piece of candy that kept trying to steal Karla's coffee on her way to Dite's Decadent Delights left her alone when she got there, but when Jono came in to visit he reported the same issue.
I may have to investigate this talking candy possibility.
At the Devil's Nest, everything was very normal, and Susan thought it was disturbing. If I'd known it takes this little to disturb some of you, I'd just lock you in an ordinary, boring observation room and see what happened. Well, you know what they say about hindsight.
*plaintive chittering*
The squirrel's out of notes. Thank God. I was beginning to worry its manginess would mutate and affect inorganic material soon. But since that's not the case -- yet -- I'm going to go deal with that door mainframe now, and it won't be pretty.