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fandom_radio2012-08-17 04:08 am
boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2012-08-17 04:08 am
Fandom Radio, Friday, August 17th
Good morning, kids. Congratulations on getting through finals or whatever the hell else you managed. We're all super-proud of you. Really. Okay, enough pretending to give a crap, on to the news.
SCHOOL
Class About Being a Knight was taught by Alex, because the real teacher was off having a knight emergency. Or maybe a bad hair day. Anyway they watched a movie about knights. Not a documentary or anything, just a mass-produced piece of Hollywood tripe. It's not really a bad way to spend a class period.
Class On the Trail had to ford a river full of ... dogsharks. You know, there isn't actually a Cerberus sitting at the mouth of Hell. We should get some dogsharks for that. Students got to attack the dogsharks with sticks. I have to say, I'd want something more threatening than a stick if I was being pitted against a dogshark. Like a harpoon gun.
Thor's Class of Thor Being Awesome talked about some ravens that have really dumb names, and what pets you should use to eavesdrop on people. I'm gonna say, parrots. Parrots can actually repeat things back to you. Happy to help.
Summer Vacation Class went to Disneyland Paris. Were there French snobs there? French snobs ruin everything. Oh, they were just in the Danger Shop. Anyway, they all went to fake-Disney and had a fake-great time. Fake-way to go, guys.
So, I hope you learned a lot with this blah blah blah whatever. The semester's over, none of you are listening, I might as well phone it in.
DORMS
In the second floor common room, some girl named Arietty scales the couch and drags the remote over so she can watch TV. I'm not sure why the squirrels made this sound like an epic adventure? Arietty, if that counts as intense physical exertion, maybe you should put down the remote and try walking around a little more.
*CHITTERING*
Okay, apparently you're tiny. Like the squirrels are ones to talk. They're squirrels.
The rest of you weren't doing anything. So let's say you were filming Arietty without her permission. Shame on all of you.
TOWN
Ronan makes breakfast, and then apologizes to Kaidan about the noise from the very loud sex he was having last night. That's not me being cute, that's just what the note says. Apparently Ronan had an orgy without me. I'm hurt, Ronan, whoever you are. I'm very good at orgies.
Emma doesn't apologize -- Emma, there are orgies and you didn't invite me? I'm doubly hurt. Jack asks what Kaidan is planning on doing today. I can't tell if that's a pick-up line. Maybe they invited Kaidan in on round two. Emma needs coffee and doesn't want to go to work -- who does? -- while Jack tells Ronan how well he slept. If any of you actually slept, then you're doing it wrong. And Emma threatens Jack about not using all the hot water. Easiest way to be sure he doesn't is just to join him. That's like Orgies 101.
And now, on to non-sex news, which is less fun. Lots of stores were opened today. Like The Magic Box, where Tara found out she can't take her cat to college. Natalie agrees to keep him, which spares me from making mean jokes about Tara tossing her cat out into the night. Look, I'm a demon, but I like cats.
I opened Demon Marcus today, because I'm a responsible business owner, and maybe slightly because the new Louboutins were in. They're to die for. Anyway Jeremy said nice things about the shoes and I reminded him that he's supposed to be working for me, and after a little heavy convincing, he agreed. Working for me previously in a bizarre parallel universe counts as a binding contract, and he should feel ashamed of himself for trying to weasel out of it in the first place. And then Karolina and Liara went looking for winter coats, and instead attacked some dogsharks with glowing energy bursts. I don't understand most of that sentence, but if you hurt any of my Miu Mius in that process then you will wish the dogsharks got you first. Otherwise, congratulations on your random carnage. Random carnage is great.
Jeremy, I expect you cleaned up the mess? Otherwise it's going on your employee file.
William was getting a lot of spam mail at Stark Industries, and considering this island, I have no idea if it's typical spam or the horrifying lunch meat. And lastly, Emma was tired at Dite's Decadent Delights. Because of all the sex. That she didn't invite me to.
Those are all the notes I have. Sign-offs are for people who don't have better things to do.
SCHOOL
Class About Being a Knight was taught by Alex, because the real teacher was off having a knight emergency. Or maybe a bad hair day. Anyway they watched a movie about knights. Not a documentary or anything, just a mass-produced piece of Hollywood tripe. It's not really a bad way to spend a class period.
Class On the Trail had to ford a river full of ... dogsharks. You know, there isn't actually a Cerberus sitting at the mouth of Hell. We should get some dogsharks for that. Students got to attack the dogsharks with sticks. I have to say, I'd want something more threatening than a stick if I was being pitted against a dogshark. Like a harpoon gun.
Thor's Class of Thor Being Awesome talked about some ravens that have really dumb names, and what pets you should use to eavesdrop on people. I'm gonna say, parrots. Parrots can actually repeat things back to you. Happy to help.
Summer Vacation Class went to Disneyland Paris. Were there French snobs there? French snobs ruin everything. Oh, they were just in the Danger Shop. Anyway, they all went to fake-Disney and had a fake-great time. Fake-way to go, guys.
So, I hope you learned a lot with this blah blah blah whatever. The semester's over, none of you are listening, I might as well phone it in.
DORMS
In the second floor common room, some girl named Arietty scales the couch and drags the remote over so she can watch TV. I'm not sure why the squirrels made this sound like an epic adventure? Arietty, if that counts as intense physical exertion, maybe you should put down the remote and try walking around a little more.
*CHITTERING*
Okay, apparently you're tiny. Like the squirrels are ones to talk. They're squirrels.
The rest of you weren't doing anything. So let's say you were filming Arietty without her permission. Shame on all of you.
TOWN
Ronan makes breakfast, and then apologizes to Kaidan about the noise from the very loud sex he was having last night. That's not me being cute, that's just what the note says. Apparently Ronan had an orgy without me. I'm hurt, Ronan, whoever you are. I'm very good at orgies.
Emma doesn't apologize -- Emma, there are orgies and you didn't invite me? I'm doubly hurt. Jack asks what Kaidan is planning on doing today. I can't tell if that's a pick-up line. Maybe they invited Kaidan in on round two. Emma needs coffee and doesn't want to go to work -- who does? -- while Jack tells Ronan how well he slept. If any of you actually slept, then you're doing it wrong. And Emma threatens Jack about not using all the hot water. Easiest way to be sure he doesn't is just to join him. That's like Orgies 101.
And now, on to non-sex news, which is less fun. Lots of stores were opened today. Like The Magic Box, where Tara found out she can't take her cat to college. Natalie agrees to keep him, which spares me from making mean jokes about Tara tossing her cat out into the night. Look, I'm a demon, but I like cats.
I opened Demon Marcus today, because I'm a responsible business owner, and maybe slightly because the new Louboutins were in. They're to die for. Anyway Jeremy said nice things about the shoes and I reminded him that he's supposed to be working for me, and after a little heavy convincing, he agreed. Working for me previously in a bizarre parallel universe counts as a binding contract, and he should feel ashamed of himself for trying to weasel out of it in the first place. And then Karolina and Liara went looking for winter coats, and instead attacked some dogsharks with glowing energy bursts. I don't understand most of that sentence, but if you hurt any of my Miu Mius in that process then you will wish the dogsharks got you first. Otherwise, congratulations on your random carnage. Random carnage is great.
Jeremy, I expect you cleaned up the mess? Otherwise it's going on your employee file.
William was getting a lot of spam mail at Stark Industries, and considering this island, I have no idea if it's typical spam or the horrifying lunch meat. And lastly, Emma was tired at Dite's Decadent Delights. Because of all the sex. That she didn't invite me to.
Those are all the notes I have. Sign-offs are for people who don't have better things to do.