Fandom Radio, Sunday Morning 2/12

[furnaceface]

Loki: Unhand me!

*chittering*

Jono: … You're not Deadpool.

Loki: Of course I’m not that lunatic. And you’re not the Ares-son. I suppose this is to mean I have been dragged in to read notes.

Jono: That's generally what we do here, yes. Read notes. Drink rum. Say horrible things about our neighbours here on the island.

Loki: So long as I can leave, I will agree to assist you, strange, grey man.

Jono: … Jonothon.

Loki: Jonothon, the strange, grey man. Are you a troll of some sort? Perhaps a dark elf?.

Jono: … We'll go with that. That seems less like a headache than actually getting into it.

Loki: You needn’t shove notes at me, Mr. Squirrel. At school, Cassidy was in the library, reading books of questionable subject matter. BFF, I am uncertain how to take this news.

Jono: … BFF?

Loki: We are BFFs! I had always wanted one since... I arrived in Asgard and learned what the term was.

Jono: They actually have obnoxious netspeak in Asgard?

Loki: Oh, no. But I am quite fond of the internet. I have a Stark phone and a pad of I.

Jono: A pad of... Right. In her room, in the dorms, Mercy was getting ready for the dance while appreciating the flowers she got. So... many flowers. I nearly feel bad for not actually getting many for other people. Nearly. Warren, bloody feathered plonker, wet to pick up his girlfriend with flowers and a tie. And hopefully more than that. Peter and Rebecca had themselves a bit of a romp after the dance, see how utterly shocked I am, and Percy and Luke had much the same idea. I... continue being completely and totally surprised. Truly.

Loki: ...Oh, beg pardon. I shall look more surprised. … was that suitable?

Jono: It could use a touch more work, mate. Perhaps if you raise your eyebrow a touch...

Loki: I must admit, it is quite difficult. Perhaps I am not suited to the stage.

Jono: Next you'll be telling me that you're selling the Bifrost Bridge...

Loki: In town, there were flowers delivered to the residents of the isle. And one of the givers thinks himself clever in his gift. And he is wrong! Ahem. My compatriot, Jonothon was at the Boards, being quite upset at the costuming. I'm certain it is quite meek in your presence now. Cassie was ruining the organization at the Magic Box because she 'felt weird'. Hmm.

Jono: … Weird. Yes. I imagine that might actually be a theme for the next little while.

Loki: Ugh, Gross. Topher was at Stark Industries--should it not be Stark Resilient? No matter--working when he was not rushing off to steal food from the dance. Kenzi happened by to inquire whether or not he had a date. Her obsession with this matter is quite distressing, if you ask me. Jim dealt with customer complaints at Portalocity, Zinzi was distressed to find her fellow workers at Cafe Luke's being quite mixed up with each other, Dani went for a long horse ride--and Bo flirted with Tiny. I am not certain who either of those people are.

Jono: Tiny is not tiny, and Bo is an excellent bartender who is appreciative of good accents.

Loki: Ah, that makes far more sense, I suppose.

Jono: And now you know. Natalie and Sam were continuing the trend of heading off to do questionable things with one another, though at least they thought to get a room. The Arms must get amazing business on weeks like this one. And, in case anybody was wondering what Deadpool was up to, and why I appear to have myself a terribly short radio co-host instead of a psychotic man in red tights, he and Cable were being... loud, yesterday.

I will never unsee what I have just read.

Loki: Is this where the rum comes in?

Jono: Indeed it is, tiny Asgardian. Indeed it is.

Loki: I am not tiny!

Jono: Tell me that again when you can touch your pecker to your arsehole. Oh. Look. A dance. A Valentine's dance. How I do adore a good dance created to glorify a holiday that has mostly degenerated into a cash grab for greeting card and and fancy chocolate companies. No, I didn't go. But apparently someone did, because there was mingling. Naturally. And a large amount of crowns, such as the ones that Lex and Peter were discussing. Apparently it was a fashion statement. The last dance I went to that had a crown, it was an honour. And I felt ridiculous wearing it, thank you. Still, it seemed as though Stacey liked it. And Natalie and Sam were all... flirty and adorable. With more gratuitous tiaras.

Loki: How do the squirrels have so many banners at the ready for these things?

Jono: I'm convinced they keep them in reserve for just such occasions.

Loki: Very odd behavior...

Jono: Welcome to Fandom. Peter and Natalie spoke about social obligations, which I can't imagine he's too bitter about, given the romp that he had later in the night with Rebecca, and then they talked about all of the flowers that they were given yesterday morning. Wesley and Susan exchanged intellectual barbs about antifeminist holidays and children's stories, and Miley and Dave... kissed. I continue to find myself utterly stunned. Loki here was attenting the dance in traditional Asgardian garb, which, I must say, is very... uniquely dapper indeed, what with all the... golden horns and random wing-helmets and the like. Kenzi was less than impressed. Kenzi also attempted to mock me about taking a crowbar to the dolls last week, and so I'm actually taking Loki's side on principle right now. Dear lord.

Loki: Thank you. I think you are quite nice, Jonothon.

Jono: … I'm not entirely certain how I ought to feel about that. Thank you?

...

Jono: And now I have been traumatized by what might very well be the world's most terrifying smile. Erm. Moving on... Turns out Loki's blind date with Surreal... Sorry, I can't finish this note. I need to take a moment to laugh hysterically at the thought of anyone thinking that you and Surreal could possibly get along.

... Hah.

Right, then. Continuing on with dates and deities last night, Percy and Luke were discussing who wanted to see the other one naked more. I'm certain that they're thrilled to have that announced on the radio. Jim and Mercy were also blind dates, which led to talk about their dysfunctional family lives. I'll play the world's smallest violin for you both later, perhaps. Rilla and William were somewhat confused by their feelings, but apparently it was cute, so I'll refrain from making lewd comments. Besides, they're tiny and Canadian and from a simpler time. They probably wouldn't get it.

Loki: Miss Blythe is quite nice. If William harms her, I will have to do something terrible to him. I have been practicing my transformation spells, dearest William.

Jono: That is both adorable and horrifying, Loki.

Loki: And it would give me a proper target to practice upon!

Jono: Excuse me, squirrels? Would you be so kind as to come over here for a moment. Yes. Right here. Between me and the tiny crazy god. Good. Hold that pose.

Loki: It’s a little squirrel pyramid. How nice.

Jono: They're tipsy. It won't last. Kenzi and Toby were collecting the free tiaras on their date, and Annie and Elphaba had a blind date as well, which turned out... rather awkwardly. Didn't actually sign up, Elphaba, luv? I can probably place a few guesses as to who pulled that one on you. Chuck and Daenerys were on a date, because that is what people do at dances, and there was talk about crowns, glitter, and fungus. How truly romantic. And, wrapping up the arrivals, Loki was somewhat dubious about Darcy's fashion choices. I say, so long as it's functional, the lady can wear whatever the bloody hell she wants. Please, tell me there were army boots.

Loki: ...why would there need to be a difference in boots and army boots?

Jono: One of the two of them actually makes some measure of sense.

Loki: Odd. There were food and drinks for people to partake in should they wish. Peter was quite distracted by Rebecca's bosom before they fled for the privacy of his room. Stark was not impressed by the food when Topher happened by for a warning to not drink any of the punch should it be spiked later in the evening. I'm not certain how penguins factored into that, though. Annie and Miss Blythe complimented each other on their dresses and--oh. Oh. Perhaps a conversation with Tara is in order?

Jono: … There's a conversation I would pay to see.

Loki: They could text each other!

Jono: And then it would end up on the internet, and there would be all sanity, lost.

Loki: Or they are called ‘trolls’. Kate felt terribly strange in her dress when Toby commented upon it. She did not appear unpleasing to the eye at the very least. Miss Blythe complimented my crown before we decided to dance. Put those banners down! Why must these squirrels always do that?

Jono: They get excited, mate. All that rum. Tiny brains.

Loki: It’s presumptuous.

Jono: It's Fandom.

Loki: Kenzi and Toby watched Peter and Rebecca in a manner one might consider 'creepy'--I believe that is the term, yes. Before discussing what is wrong with the island. Tara picked glitter off her dress when Kate joked with her about how it stuck so well. Roommate mine, Dorothy was enraptured with the glitter, claiming it was very much like some Emerald City. A poor choice of building materials if you ask me. Bruce was thanked by Kate for the flower with a dance. I would assume that was the entire point of the event. Butters was also dancing, though he was tricked into it by Kenzi.

Jono: Tricked into dancing?

Loki: And not even by one with any skills for the craft.

Jono: How terribly dreadful.

Loki: I believe that is the end of our show. And without a single assault from the Ares-son!

Jono: Should I be apologizing for disappointing, in that regard?

Loki: Farewell, Fandom!