fandom_radio | Fandom Radio [Sunday, May 22nd]

*squirrels screeching insistently in the background*

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I’m gonna die, the squirrels are gonna eat me and I’m gonna die and I haven’t even beat the last level of –

*more screeching*

GET OFF OF ME!

*screeching quiets*

Okay. Thank you. Okay. Why did you bring me here?

*rustling*

What? This? Uh, okay.

Um. Hi. So, um, I’m Topher Brink, and I guess I’m supposed to read you… this… stuff. So... get comfortable. Or don't, I don't really care.

I'M SO TIRED.

SCHOOL

That's stupid, yesterday was Saturday, who's going to go to school on a -- oh. Some guy named Bod was in the library, reading all about different religions. Wow. I can see why the squirrels dragged me in here to tell you this. This is riveting stuff, right here.

Principal Rooney was in his office, spying on some kids through the window. Get some help, buddy.

Okay, so next up we have the

DORMS

That crazy third-floor girl, Kate, was all hungover or whatever and left a voicemail for the religions guy. Hopefully it wasn't meant to apologize for any crazy drunk texts from the night before. That'd just be awkward. Anyway, then Religions Guy came over and they... played house. Seriously?

*chittering*

Oookay.

Momoko -- ha, Mo-mo-ko, I like that name -- woke up looking all eighties, and I guess she freaked out. Sorry.

This girl Claire slept in, which makes her pretty cool in my book, what with it being Saturday. Only then her roommate showed up and was convinced she didn't belong there. This guy Squall came in and asked Lindsay -- I guess Lindsay's the roommate -- what the hell was going on, which is a reasonable question if someone weird is in your room, and Lindsay blamed the island. Squall went to look for someone named Rinoa and found Claire instead, who had no clue who he was. Sounds like everyone's giving Claire a hard time, but she sounds fine...

Um. So these two guys, Luke and Percy, went to the beach together and went to some secluded area. The squirrels drew some hearts.

*indignant screeching*

COOL IT.

Right. Up in the common room, Rainbow Brite -- are you kidding me? Is she actually named Rainbow Brite? Hippie parents, man -- started painting everything bright colors. Okay, come on. If I can get kicked out of school for changing my grades to make it look like I ever attended English class, you should totally get kicked out for painting things. Then this guy Hanson asked her if she was throwing drugs. It doesn't say what her answer was, but I'm gonna guess yes, buddy. Someone named Tenderheart, which gives me no clue to the person's gender, you dumb squirrels --

*a full minute of screeching and human whimpering*

-- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that about you.

Ahem.

Tenderheart offered Hanson a hug, on account of being a Care Bear. This school has bears now? Or is that another word for, like, peer mediator?

Then Kevin Flynn came around and made the wise suggestion that maybe it might be time to stop making everything colorful, since it's almost summer anyway. Rainbow Brite offered him a ride on her rainbow.

WHAT.

Hanson asked Flynn if he was on drugs, and he said no, which is awesome because drugs mess you up. Hanson was pretty glad about that too, because I guess he didn't want to be left out if everyone else was doing it. I feel you, buddy.

And then Tenderheart was all impressed by the colors everywhere and told Kevin all about being a Care Bear. Kevin decided that drug-obsessed Hanson needed a hug. This school is so messed up.

Okay, so that brings us to the

TOWN

Right, so apparently the island went kind of screwy, because it says here "The island of the present merges with the island of the past." Whatever. Maybe the squirrels are on Rainbow Brite's drugs.

My crazy teacher Columbus -- sorry, dude, but you know it's true -- woke up to find some crazy eighties game on his computer. Sweet.

Some guy with a mullet was drinking by himself at the Arms Hotel. Sucks. And then this guy Steve stopped by and talked to him about alcoholism. Awk-ward.

K -- that's it? K? -- was at the onsen. No idea what that means.

Gadget was at All and Sundries, which I guess is a store, with some broken stuff on the counter. They're gonna make you pay for that. Mr. Winkles, which is some kind of hamster, was around, and Gadget talked to it about liberating creatures.

At the Smash Club, Woody was behind the counter and got all confused. I can't say I blame you, man-friend. Tony ordered a drink, and Woody attempted to give him rum, but the squirrels drank it all. Explains a lot. Anyway, Tony ended up getting gin. Isabela flirted with Woody a little, uh, which I guess made him a little uncomfortable. I hear that, buddy. Then this guy Rude checked Isabela out, and she laughed at him. Sorry. This whole thing ended with Rude telling Woody he was on a mission from someone named Tseng. I'm sure that's a real credible excuse. Anyway, then this guy Eric ordered a TrueBlood and asked where Bo was. Isabela didn't know, and she asked Eric what the hell was going on.

Right. Let's get out of there. That place sounds pretty weird.

This chick Jem gave a concert in the park. Cable and Jan stopped by, and Jem got all confused and thought Cable was her manager, and asked Jan if she was going to be a singer someday. Jan said she was gonna be Tyra. That model chick? Good luck with that.

Then Jem caught sight of some guy named Warren who apparently has wings, and she asked if they were a hologram. I'm gonna guess no.

Over at Chilly Boulder, Karla was dressed all weird and eighties and had crazy ice cream. Annie came over and whined. Claire asked what she was whining about. Bro, I don't know, I just want to go to sleep. Anyway, then Claire gave Karla some AquaNet and I guess they chick-bonded and probably had a pillow fight or whatever, and Claire asked Karla if she was new, which was wrong. Sorry, Claire.

Warren stopped by to get some ice cream and Karla whined about how her clothes are different. Then they both whined about the eighties. I hate this school. Then Claire asked Warren if his wings were real or not, and I guess he said yes, so they started talking about angels and aliens and all kinds of stupid crap.

Karla complimented this girl Star on her hair, and Star told her to try L'Oreal. Pillow fight? Probably.

Finally, this guy Egon Spangler came in and Karla called him names.

Okay. I'm out of notes. Unlock the door.

THANK you.

*running footsteps all the way down the hall, followed by a scream of triumph*