Troy: 🎵 ~Troy and Astrid--🎵 Come on, Astrid! You have to do the thing.

Astrid: Do I have to do the thing, though?

Troy: Uh, yeah? It's the thing? We always do it, and besides, this is our last one, so that means you especially have to do it.

Astrid: Fine. I'll...do the thing.

Troy: Okay. On the count of three, one, two, three. 🎵 Troy--

Both, with Astrid joining in with much less enthusiasm: --and Astrid in the mooorn~ing!~ 🎵

Troy: ....and we're back! No special thanks or extra round of applauses for whoever gave my cohost plastic surgery because she looked different now and it's weird.

Astrid: I don't look different. You're the one who's being weird about it.

Troy: Can we please not do this? It's our last broadcast, Astrid! We gotta make it good!

( Coffee Shops and Warehouses and Throuples, Oh My! )

*sounds of running footsteps and a slamming door*

*long silence*

Astrid: Bye?

**CLICK**

Both: 🎵 ~Troy and Astrid in the mooorn~ing~~ 🎵

Troy: ...and we're back! And let's take a moment to thank our last guest, a raccoon disguised as a red panda who isn't fooling anyone, before moving onto the moment you've all been waiting for. That's right, it's time, once again, for...~the News~. Astrid?

Astrid: That's right, Troy. Starting, as always, with ~the School~. Photography reviewed their photo journalism homework and discussed final projects, while Wilderness Survival covered camp cooking and ALL PUNCH...waited. Well, patience is a virtue.

Troy: Yeah, but so is punching. It was all about Passover and Easter at the library for Belle, and apparently, that goose in Ignis' office is nervous about a party!

Astrid: No notes for ~the Dorms~, but in ~the Town~, Steph had a nice, productive day at Magpie Emporium, Libby had a quiet day learning about rabies at the Clinic, and Troy dealt with literal musical chairs at Groovy Tunes. At the Photo Hut, Liz and Prompto discussed a friend whose cat is having kitten over lunch, while Summer interrupted Margo's bath bomb work to discuss party plans at Pick your Poison. Duke arriving at Luke's Diner seemed to have settled some sort of bet between the staff, and Terrain class took a nice jaunt out to Australia.

In bar news, Laszlo correctly identified creme de menthe as vile at Caritas, and Gladio took advantage of Annie's Free Drink with a Joke special at the Devil's Nest before chatting with her about his birthday.

And that seems to be all the notes for today! For Fandom Radio, this has been Astrid, the normal human...

Troy: ...aaaand the Disco Spider!

Astrid: Don't let the man get you down.

Troy: And don't forget to do your taxes!

**CLICK!**

Both: 🎵 ~Troy and Astrid in the mooorn~ing~~ 🎵

Troy: ...aaaaand we're back! And it has been a Week, so let's be sure to thank our last guest, the Ghost of Prom Night's Past, which was both scary and sexy! Scarexy!

Astrid: But, of course, it's time to move on to the moment you've all been waiting for. That's right, it's time for...

Both: ~the News~.

Troy: Nice.

Astrid: Starting, as always, with ~the School~. Troy?

Troy: Thanks, Astrid. Yesterday, at ~the School~, Photography watched a documentary about a photographer, Wilderness Survival went boating, and in ALL PUNCH, we...uh, punched a lake? With our bodies! It was...very cold!

Astrid: No news for ~the Dorms~, so...thank you all for that, but in ~the Town~, we had Margo and Eliot discussing how best to use the rest of the week and deciding that they deserve snacks for being good at giving into the most carnal instincts that even the squirrels are doing. Meanwhile, Prompto and Liz discussed how they're failing at doing literally anything other than that at the Photo Hut, and Steph got creative with miniatures at Magpie Emporium. Yes, it is exactly what you're thinking it is.

....actually, no, it's probably not nearly as bad as what you're thinking it is.

Troy: Lucille took a, quote, "walk" in the park, Libby, quote, "checked out Vi's shoulder" at the clinic, and Steve and Danny had a, quote, "pizza night." Also, Miguel, quote, "texted" Dwight at the Fix & Clean, Irene made a, quote, "appointment" with the blacksmith, and Terrain Class went to a, quote, "rainforest".

Astrid: I think that last one may have actually been a non-quote rainforest. In fact, quite a few of those might have actually been non-quote events.

Troy: I'm just assuming everything in these notes is a euphemism, at this point.

Astrid: That's fair.

Troy: And that was our last note, so Astrid and I will stop, quote, "reading the news".

Astrid: For Fandom Radio, this has been Astrid, the quote, "Normal Human"...

Troy: ......aaaaaand the, quote, "Disco Spider"!

Astrid: We'll see you all at, quote, "prom."

Troy: Peace!

....you know, 'quote' is a really weird wor--

**CLICK!**

Both: 🎵 ~Troy and Astrid in the mooorn~ing~~ 🎵

Troy: ....and we're back! I'm going to be honest with all of you guys, though. That last guest? I don't think he was an actual leprechaun.

Astrid: ...so, what are you saying, Troy? That what we actually had here was none other than...a lepre-CON?

*rim shot* *sensible chuckling*

Troy: Hahaha, we do have fun here! Anyway. Without further ado, let's move onto the moment you've all been waiting for, the reason for the season, your motivation for even getting up in the morning....that's right, folks. It's time for ~the News~. Astrid?

Astrid: Thanks, Troy. That's right, it's time for ~the News~, starting, as always, with ~the School~.

Photography moved on to selling their souls for the almight dollar with commercial photography, while Wilderness Survival moved on through the rain to get in more practice setting up camp even when wet, and ALL PUNCH had another bar fight, but, this time, it was with green beer!

Troy: Which wasn't even actually beer! So what was the point? I still don't know! But the library was full of screams yesterday, which Belle and Socks agreed was the oppposite of what a library should be before Belle said Socks made a cute cat.

...ugh, I can't believe a squirrel made me read that outloud. Anyway, Ignis had office hours; that goose showed up, apparently the goose sings karaoke now.

Astrid: It's not...never mind.

Troy: Moving onto ~the Dorms~, Clare was in the second floor common room, making some nice Irish cuisine classics, which my lovely cohost here helped with! Socks appreciated the food, but not as much as the, uhhhh....special juice stashed away behind one of the pillows, and Harry also helped while talking about all the leftovers.

Note to self: check second floor common room fridge when I get back to the dorms.

Astrid: In ~the Town~, Libby got to hear stories about animal transformations from the nurses and stories about St. Patrick from Will at the Clinic. Miguel was pretty cranky about the holiday at the Perk, which was definitely not helped by Dwight's cheerfulness. Or Tattoo Steve's irrepressible holiday spirit.

Troy: And guess what, nerds! Magpie Emporium is hiring, so if you're a nerd who also wants to be gainfully employed, Steph might be able to hook you up. Prompto and Liz continued to be disgustingly schmoopy at the Photo Hut, Billy was trying his best at Surf's Up, and if anyone knows who was pinching me at Groovy Tunes, I'd appreciate that information. Thanks.

Also, Terrain Class took a field trip to navigate by the stars and like camped.

Astrid: In bar news, Laszlo broke away from his Normal Human specials into Nice ones at Caritas, where Beaker gave an emotional karaoke performance, no doubt after proving to Laszlo that yes, in fact, he can drink. Kurt also stopped in, and mostly ended up explaining to Laszlo about being a Mutant, not a demon.

The Devil's Nest, meanwhile, was in full St. Patrick's Day mode, as was Summer, who stopped in to test out Annie's thematic specials before hitting up the mainland. Annie warned Gladio that his shirtlessness might lead to some pinching, but he could not be dissuaded. Diego and Annie made plans for Easter over his green beer, while Steve with the Tattoos bought Diego a shot to commisserate over thematic shirts and...well...tattoos. Tattoo Steve and Danny actually had matching shirts, much to Danny's chagrin, but he did manage to wrangle some drinks out of his shirt-related trauma.

Troy: Annie, at least, liked Danny's shirt---HA. Annie and Danny. 'Cuz...you know...it rhymes? Anyway, they talked about when to cut people off before Tiny had to be on puke duty and how things are going between Danny and Tat-Steve. I mean, they're in matching shirts, that should tell you all you need to know, right? Annie and Tat-Steve also pondered the logic behind all the greeeeen before it morphed into talk about superpowers.

Astrid: Will? Also on Team Approving Matching Shirts as he and Tattoo Steve raised a glass for St. Patrick's Day and talked about, according to the squirrels, quote 'Irish-ass names.' He and Annie, however, were not on the same team with regards to Guiness, but there was more tattoo talk there with regards to Will's own. Annie and Rey caught up over a Nutty Irishman, and Non-Tattoo Steve will also be known as Very Polite Steve, as he asked for a beer very politely before deciding his dog definitely needed one of the tiny green hats that Annie had.

Troy: AGREED.

Astrid: And, with that, we conclude our report of ~the News~ for this Friday morning. Hope none of you are so hungover that listening to this has been a mild form of torture. For Fandom Radio, this has been Astrid, the Normal Human...

Troy: ....aaaaaaand the Disco Spider!

Astrid: See you next week.

Both: 🎵 ~Troy and Astrid in the mooorn~ing~~ 🎵

Troy: ....and we're back! The squirrels this morning are very cranky, so let's just get through this quickly. Astrid?

Astrid: Thanks, Troy, and welcome, everyone to ~the News~. Starting with ~the School~, as always. Photography went over vacation pictures before leaning about lighting, Wilderness Survival learned all about foraging for plants, and ALL PUNCH punched sleep in the face by taking naps.

Troy: Thankfully, sugar still works, because Goose brought Ignis treats during his office hours and explained why his coffee wasn't working, while Belle and the books were a little sleepy at the library, but it was fine, because there were also Legos, and if I knew there were LEGOS at the library, I would go to the library more.

Astrid: Nothing in ~the Dorms~, not even a note about me painting my room, but in ~the Town~, Libby was ready and well-researched on treating the symptoms of caffeine withdrawal at the clinic. Prompto and Liz were, and I quote, 'absolutely disgusting and way too chipper' at the Photo Hut, while Amaya absolutely was not either of those things at the Forge, where she yelled at Dwight about him being a yawn dictator before he made it up to her with....lobster trinkents? Like, little trinkets of lobsters?

Troy: Or it could be trinkets...for lobsters?

Astrid: That...doesn't sound right.

Troy: I'm pretty sure it is. Anyway, Duke wondered what kind of diner didn't have coffee or beer, and the answer was his diner, right now, because this island is just like that sometimes. Steph had a few items missing from her order at Magpie Emporium, but she did not miss a visit from Vi.

Due to the lack of booze, Annie was offing specials of garnishes at the Devil's Nest and suggested Gladio go camping to avoid getting murdered by his caffeine-deprived roommate, Rey checked in on Annie and they talked about why caffeine and alcohol withdrawal sucks, and Eric just wondered if this was Lucifer messing with him and then besmirched jello. Rude!

Astrid: Caritas had its own booze-free special with Regular Human Juice, much to Eliot's dismay, though he and Laszlo discussed potential contingency plans.

Troy: And that's the last note, and I think we can take a valuable lesson in this about the dangers of substance addiction.

Astrid: You're only saying that because you only drink to be cool and you don't even like coffee.

Troy: ....it makes my tummy hurt.

Astrid: Well, hopefully, we'll have our addictive substances back soon, but, in the meantime, everyone, this has been Astrid, the Normal Human...

Troy: ....aaaaand the Disco Spider!

Astrid: Good luck on the detox.

**CLICK!**

Both: 🎵 ~Troy and Astrid in the mooorn~ing~~ 🎵

Troy:....and we're back! Don't forget to leave a comment or two letting us know your thoughts on our last guest, a skinny-ass mandrill that says I'm too big to be lifted majestically at the end of a cliff over the plains, but, quite frankly, I think that just means he wouldn't be trying hard enough.

Astrid: They'll let just about anyone in here these days, huh? Well, the logistics of majestic presentation aside, it's now the time you've all been waiting for. That's right. It's time, once again, for...~the News~. Starting, as always, with ~the School~. Troy?

Troy: Thanks, Astrid. In ~the School~, Photography learned all about landscape photography yesterday--makes sense!--and Wilderness Survival learned about alternate kinds of shelters--also important!--and in ALL PUNCH, we learned about spacial awareness leading into a fight--the most important of all!

Then in the library, Belle was dealing with a lot of popcorn on the shelves, and on the books, and in the books, but, hey, maybe they were getting ready for a movie day?

Then, in ~the Dorms~, Kurt was scrounging for food in the second floor common room.

Astrid: Meanwhile, in ~the Town~, Libby was hard at work doing research on the computer at the clinic, and Troy was making a To-Do list for the school trip during his Groovy Tunes shift.

Troy: It's a pretty good list. It involves lions.

Astrid: Goose was gearing up for a probably interesting caffiene and sugar crash over at the Perk, while out and about, Dwight's puppy Snoopy was saved from a slippery fall by our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man--

Troy:--not to be confused with your awesome neighborhood Disco Spider!

Astrid:--and they talked about the upcoming trip and Dwight's lack of a plus-one. Which, honestly, I'm pretty sure there's usually more chaperones on these trips than actual students these days anyway. Anyway, also talking about the trip and plus-ones were Liz and Prompto at the Photo Hut.

Meanwhile, in bar news, Laszlo was truly the paragon of inspiration with his vodka and chocolate creations at Caritas, and yet, the squirrels have made it very clear that they'd still probably prefer to drink his masterpieces over anything that Annie was making at the Devil's Nest. Gladio was willing to give them a try, though, despite the talk of 'old person candy', and Rey tried one, too, before catching Annie up on how her training has been going.

Troy: And it looks like that concludes our notes for today's broadcast! Next week, we'll be doing this from Africa!

Astrid: So, until then, this has been Astrid, the Normal Human...

Troy: ...aaaaand the Disco Spider!

Astrid: Have a good Friday, everyone.

Both: 🎵 ~Troy and Astrid in the mooorn~ing~~ 🎵

Troy: ...and we're back! Let's give another round of applause to our last guest, a, um, tap-dancing cow? And, uh, yeah! Onto the part of the show you've all been waiting for! That's right, it's time again for...

Both: ~the News~!

Astrid: That's right, Troy. Over at ~the School~ yesterday, Photography class talked portraiture, we had to put up tents in the rain in Wilderness Survival, and ALL PUNCH did not punch anything, but instead watched a movie. That I assume had punching.

Troy: It did! Mostly punching the pedal to the metal! It was pretty great. In ~the Dorms~, Kurt was making some breakfast in the second floor common room, which both Jo and my lovely beautiful cohost here had the chance to enjoy while catching up with the cook himself on classes and other typical breakfast topics.

Astrid: Speaking of the breakfast that Kurt made, in ~the Town~, he also brought some of the leftovers to Libby over at the clinic. Jon got sucked into some documentaries and some things online, and, at Groovy Tunes, Troy was having some trouble with someone named Rihanna--

Troy: UUUGHHH! And I just got that song out of my head, too! I swear, it's just burned in there now....*sigh* Anyway, Steph got some new merch for some show and a visit from Vi over at Magpie Emporium and Prompto brought Liz lunch at the Photo Hut, where they also discussed...a cute cat contest on Instagram??? UMMM. YES, PLEASE. The only better than a cute cat contest would be--

*High pitched gasping sound*

There was a PUPPY PARADE at the animal shelter?!? And I missed it? This is the worst news ever.

Astrid: I'm pretty sure it would not take much to convince Sidon to host another one. You probably wouldn't even need to ask that nicely.

Troy: You don't saaaay?

Astrid: .... .....anyway, I think we've lost Troy for the rest of the broadcast, but there's only a few more notes to go anyway. Terrain Class took a trip to Australia for scuba diving and snorkeling, Ignis had Goose over for a paella dinner date, and Laszlo learned about Three-Minute Dates from both the flyers around the bar and Dwight at Caritas. And at the Devil's Nest, Annie tried to talk Gladio down from camping out in February, and I have to say, having experienced exactly that thanks to your own class, Mr. Amicitia, I have to respectfully be Team Annie on that one-- and she also told Stark about what it's like to visit a spa.

With that, we've reached the last of our notes, and so we'll finish up by saying thanks for listening and we'll see you next week. This was been Astrid, the Normal Human...

Troy: ....aaand the Disco Spider, what what!

Astrid: Have a good Friday, everyone.

**CLICK!**

Both: 🎵 ~Troy and Astrid in the mooorn~ing~~ 🎵

Troy: ....and we're back! And, boy, yesterday sure was a weird one, but judging by the stack of notes I've got here, y'all were into it. So let's not waste any more time and let's just dive right in, shall we, because we're gonna have to put in a lot of hard work to make some of these notes make any sort of sense.

Astrid: I'd say that maybe they might have finally passed the threshold into too much rum, but, no, I experienced yesterday, too, and....yeah, let's just see what we've got.

( OMG LIKE SO RANDOM! )

And that, finally, concludes this confusing mess of a pile of notes, and already today, I'm feeling much more permanant and less random, and so hopefully you all feel the same way too, and we can go on to hav ea nice, normal (relative to Fandom) Friday.

This has been Astrid, the Normal Human...

Troy: ....aaaand the Disco Spider!

Astrid: Have a great weekend.

***CLICK!**

Both: 🎵 ~Troy and Astrid in the mooorn~ing~~ 🎵

Troy: ...and we're back! Let's give another round of applause for our last guests, who I'm pretty sure were a talking cucumber and tomato telling Bible stories; either that, or those leftovers from the fridge last night were really past their expiration date.

Astrid: But it's here, the time you've all been waiting for, everyone. That's right. It's time for ~the News~, starting, as always, with ~the School~.

Troy: A new semester means new classes in the line-up! We've got Photography first, where they learned about their new cameras, followed by Wilderness Survival, which took a hike and made campfires, and then there's ALL PUNCH!, where we got our fisting techniques critiqued by a woman who does not understand the value of the Forest Whitaker eye!

Astrid:....so, is phrasing still a thing? Anyone know?

Troy: Why?

Astrid: No reason. In addition to classes, Ignis and Summer both held office hours.

No one's terribly surprised that there aren't really notes for ~the Dorms~, but ~the Town~ did its best to make up for it.

Troy: Those boat people are back and dropping anchor in the Port of Fandom again, with Duke and Lucifer being impressed that nothing looks like it exploded, and Octavia being glad that her boat was still there.

Not gonna lie, though, tracking down a boat theif would be a sweet ass mystery!

Astrid: Steph was working on a community billboard at Magpie Emporium; Guillermo stopped by to check it out and was very impressed, while Yang came in for competitive board game recommendations and a little light flirting, as a treat. Over at the Perk, Kiem gave the carrot cake a try before Sakaki stopped in so they could catch up and plan a possible date to the mainland.

Troy: Oooooh. Daaaate-y! Vi was out in the woods, punching trees, like you do, when Miguel came around and told her that there were punching bags in the gym for that, but I guess Vi just really hates trees. So if you're a tree, consider yourself warned.

Astrid: Troy was admiring the new art over at Groovy Tunes, and Prompto showed up with snacks for Liz at the Photo Hut, but ended up having to take her into the Clinic instead, where Libby was having her first day. In addition to that excitement, Dr. Halstead stopped in to check in on how her first day was going, and Kurt brought her lunch and an invite to check out the lighthouse with him.

Troy: Oooooh, daaaate-y? Guess we'll find out! Anyway, there's a new community center class all about terrain, and so Yang lead that class on a hike!

Astrid: Over at the Devil's Nest, Annie was unsuccessful in convincing Gladio that the Shirtless Thursdays should probably take a break during winter, but she did convince Jessica that her fireball drink was worth a shot.

Troy: Bah-dah-ching!

Astrid: Meanwwhile, at Caritas, Laszlo did not have a Regular Human special, and I honestly don't know how I feel about this information.

It is, however, our last bit of information, so with that, we'll conclude our broadcast. This has been Astrid, the Normal Human....

Troy: Aaaaand the Disco Spider!

Astrid: For Fandom Radio. Have a great new semester, everyone.

**CLICK!**