Fandom Radio, Saturday, October 2nd

[furnaceface]

Jubilee: This isn’t the movie theater, guys.

Angelo: Nice job with the obvious, Lee.

Jubilee: Someone has to be the brains here!

Angelo: Luckily, I’m not just handsome.

*Chittering* ... *Complete silence* ... *More Chittering* ... *More complete silence* ... *And then a somewhat robotic voice kicking in with the Alphabet song, which is cut off with a loud, frustrated thump.*

Jono: ... I suppose this is how I’m supposed to read the notes, then. On this Speak’n’Spell.

Jubilee: I totally had one of those as a kid!

Jono: I feel like an idiot. I sound like an idiot. Or, rather, this thing is making me sound like an idiot. A robot idiot. On the radio. In front of the entire island. Hello, Island.

Jubilee: Uh, what’s up with that pile of papers?

Jono: The squirrels on this island are a touch voyeuristic. And they like to share. On the radio. Every night. I thought I was safe from this fate, on account of being unable to... speak. And all.

*There’s a moment’s pause, and then the sound of some buttons being hit.*

Speak’n’Spell: The hippopotamus goes, “Hruuugh!”

Jono: God save me.

Angelo: Too late, amigo, we’re all doomed.

School

Jono: This is the most idiotic thing I have ever done. I'm just going to get that out of my system right now. Only, I don't think it is out of my system, and odds are high that I'll be reiterating that opinion some more as the broadcast continues. With the help of this ridiculous toy, and its ridiculous voice, mispronouncing every other word and just generally making me sound like a git. That's git with a hard-G, you stupid Speak'n'Spell. If I wanted to say Jit, I would have spelled it with a J. Thank you. Now. There were school notes. In the library, where Blackagar was. Poor bugger. Maximus, who I am assuming isn't the teacher here, showed up calling Blackagar his brother. Since this is the weekend where that sort of thing is bound to occur, I shall try to contain my shock. Medusa was surprised to learn that Maximus was about, and was rather displeased when she learned that this meant that her sister, Crystal, is also on the island. Apparently this puts some sort of crimp in her dating plans. Renesmee, please pardon me for the butchering of your name. I don't think even I know how to pronounce that, let alone this thing that I'm using to speak with at the moment. At any rate, Renesmee stopped in the library as well, and learned that Blackagar can't speak. I'll tell you what, Blackagar. You can have this stupid thing when I'm finished with it tonight, provided I don't light it on fire, first. Enjoy.

Jubilee (X-Man): John Sheppard was in his office, tapping a pencil on his desk when Rodney and Elizabeth showed up to tell him the island was quaint. Wow, old person word there. Zekk showed up to and he and John were super catty at each other over someone named Jaina. Zoe got a visit from Dana's mom and learned that she has a kid on island. Like, she has a kid in her school. That would be weird. And Grace also stopped by to say that girl roommates so aren’t okay. Hey, Jono’s roommate is a girl and there’s nothing wrong there! Get with the 90s, lady. Bond also got a visitor, but his mentioned how the guy was wearing a shirt. Do you have class with that guy, Jono?

Jono: Who, Bond? No. Though he gets bonus points for attracting visitors with shirts on, I suppose.

Jubilee (X-Man): Is he a hottie?

Jono: I don’t know. I’ve never met the man. But you’re more than welcome to go and poke at him if the urge so arises.

Jubilee (X-Man): I know where I’m going tomorrow!

Jono: Mr. Bond? If you get an insane girl in a yellow jacket in your office tomorrow, I apologize. I don’t actually know her. Really.

Jubilee (X-Man): Oh please. He’ll love me. Steve also got a visit from Grace to ask if he taught propaganda. Which would be weird, even for this place. Loki was swearing and playing video games in his office when Tseng showed up to ask about how Rosalind was doing in his class. Quinn's mom and Lindsay's dad came by to tell him he was a jerk for having the word 'ass' in his class title. Like most sane parents would. Speaking of which, another teacher named Kukaku was smoking in her office. And another guy, Farnsworth, was getting his nose checked out by his guest. Dana's brother Bill showed up and--okay, that's just gross. I'm not reading that. Jono's roomate's guest also showed up to check on the guy. Hopefully with nothing gross. Fraser had Hanabi ask how her sister was doing in his class. We weren't supposed to do that for you, were we? Because I don't know about Angelo, but I didn't feel like it.

Jono: No. No you were not. Because if you went and did something of the sort, then I would never be able to look my teachers in the eye again. Not that I don’t absolutely adore the both of you, but...

Jubilee (X-Man): We’re so hunting them down tomorrow now.

Angelo: Damn right.

Jono: When I said I adore the both of you, just now? I take that back. Sherlock I-Am-A-Bloody-Nosy-Plonker Holmes was in his office today, and had no shortage of visitors, which I have no doubt he systematically pissed off, one by one. Starting with Ender's brother, Peter, which whom he discussed family troubles. Unsurprisingly, this conversation ended with Peter kicking a chair as he left the room. Xena stopped in to check up on Gabrielle, only to learn that Sherlock views his teaching job as little more than a babysitting stint. An excellent outlook to take when dealing with high school students, absolutely. Steve's guest, Bucky, stopped by, politely requesting that he stop getting himself arrested at crime scenes. I'm certain he'll do that at about the same time people stop wanting to punch him in the face, not terribly long after Hell freezes over. Claudia's guest, Mrs. Frederick, stopped in to find out why in the world Claudia thinks that Sherlock is a spy. He's not, you know. He's just a very bloody nosy detective. There are books about this, you know. Check out the biography section in your local library. Though they really don't begin to touch on just how insufferable he is in person. Dana Scully's brother, Billy, apparently has no taste, as he stopped by in order to psychoanalyze him, and then squee over him. And now I know how the word 'squee' sounds when typed on a children's educational tool. My life is now complete. Also, Ben's father, Luke, stopped by in order to ask if Sherlock's class was going to continue to focus on crime scenes. Yes. Yes it is.

Jubilee (X-Man): ...you have some guy named Sherlock Holmes here? That’s just weird, Starsmore.

Jono: You have no idea, Lee. You really have no idea.

Angelo: Some dude named Anakin was in his office, and was visited by Cara's guest, Richard, Bail Organa, Leia's father, which made Anakin unhappy, and Tseng of the Turks, with whom he discussed multiple timelines. Jono, dude, I ain't trackin' down your teachers, man. Dig? Medusalith stopped in to ask Anakin if he'd seen her sister -- lady, let me know what she looks like. I like sisters. But Leda's guest Wolfboy also stopped by to give Anakin a card. Cassidy's mother stopped by taught Anakin about how witches work or something. Katniss' guest Haymitch also stopped in and Anakin commented on his lack of personal hygiene, to which Haymitch got mouthy and Anakin threw him out. Man, I woulda done that a dozen people ago. Ally was also in her office with her visiting daughter, Lianna. Percy's dad comes in, and they chat about how Percy has problems with his cousins. Dude, you named the kid 'Percy,' hommes, what did you expect? Leda's adopted mother, Micky, also stopped by to talk about Leda's interests in rebellions. Deadpool was in his office...wait, like Deadpool-Deadpool?"

Jubilee (X-Man): Ew! Maybe they went crazy? I mean, this note says something about a crab talking to him?

Jono: ... The less said about Deadpool, the better. The crab, I’m actually not terribly surprised about. There were Unicorns on Thursday.

Jubilee (X-Man): ...and you thought us ending up in a fairy world was weird.

Angelo: Anyway, some girl named Brittany stopped by asking for cotton candy. She pointed told Deadpool that he had pencils growing from his ceiling, which he knew about, and that if he wanted to make out with her he had to take off the mask. Ew, chica, NO. Angua was in her office too, and Ben's father Luke wanted to chat, and they discussed how she ended up teaching tracking.

Angelo: Summer, Kerrigan and Reno were all in their offices. Ben's father, Luke -- who never went here -- came by to ask how Ben was doing and received glowing praise from Reno. Chloe's guest Tori stopped by to threaten Reno, which got her a compliment. You people are strange. Henry DeTamble was in the Librarian's Office, doing paperwork, when Blackagar's brother showed up to ask about his brother's job and to generally be a pain. Xena also came in to check up on Gabrielle.

Dorms

Jono: In the Dorms today, Ender got a visit from his brother, Peter, who wanted some assitance keeping Enders friends from getting in his way with some diabolical plan or another. Ender's sister, Valentine, also stopped by, asking which of his teachers she ought to pay a visit to. Jaime was in his room, studying, and this bloody thing doesn't seem to want to pronounce your name properly, my apologies, Jaime-who-should-have-a-silent-J. Somebody who doesn't have the greatest English stopped by looking for directions. Apparently she was looking for Momoko. Jaime called Momoko around, and there was much visiting and so on and so forth before Momoko pulled Kaoru off on her merry way. Medusalith - I just know this thing got your name wrong - stopped in as well, asking Jaime if he'd spotted her sister, kissing some bloke. No luck, apparently.

Jubilee (X-Man): *giggles* That thing sounds weird saying ‘bloke’.

Jono: This thing sounds weird saying ‘thing.’

Jubilee (X-Man): It’s like you’re a robot or something.

Jono: .... “I come in peace.” .... I still hate this thing.

Jubilee (X-Man): Oh! Oh! Have it say ‘Take me to your leader!’

Jono: No, Lee. I’m trying to get through tonight with as little humiliation as possible. In her room, Ariel was practising her vocal scales with a friend, Sebastian, that the notes describe as being crabby. You know, Ariel has described him in somewhat the same manner to me, as well, though not using that same word. Elsewhere, Momoko and Kaoru were discussing their plans for the future when somebody stopped by looking for Spock, who unfortunately wasn't in at the time. Claudia was in her room, surfing the internet and drinking warm soda. You know, it's difficult to be envious of anybody drinking soda when you know it's warm. It rather loses its charm that way. Not that I imagine it would deter Jubilee here in the least, mind you. In her room, Elle was making sparks fly from her hands. I'm not certain if this is why she was upset when a guest showed up or not, but apparently she wasn't terribly thrilled about it, no.

Jubilee (X-Man): At the stables, you have stables? Why didn't you tell me you had stables? Faramir got tackled by Boromir before they caught up on stuff. Yeah, that sounds like guys. Wesley was busy hiding from his family like someone here tried to. Then Maladicta stopped by to talk about about vampires in their worlds. Seriously, Starsmore? Seriously? Medusa also showed up to see if anyone saw her sister, but no luck yet. Getting lost must be really easy cause some guy named Peeta also ended up there after not being able to find Katniss. --yeah, I have a normal name here.

Jono: Considering the individuals that we spend time with back in Massachusetts, and their penchant for creative... nicknames, I’d say that ‘Jubilee’ is one of the least absurd names that I’ve heard in quite some time.

Jubilee (X-Man): Kinda like being home, isn’t it?

Jono: About as many girls attempting to kiss me here, as well. So... yes.

Jubilee (X-Man): I could probably get Angelo to try an’ kiss you if that’ll help!

Jono: That all depends entirely on how much Angelo enjoys having a face.

Angelo: Angelo is right here, Lee, and will only be kissing the hot girls this weekend. Which means not you or Jono.

Jubilee (X-Man): Jono is too a hot girl!

Speak’n’Spell: The cow goes, “MOO!”

Jubilee (X-Man): That’s not even an answer. Cassidy and her mom were in the gardens when Renesmee, Elle, Morton, Alice, and Raven all showed up to meet them. Elle and Karla also took the time to catch up with each other. Karla and Raven did too. Because the garden seems to be good for that.

Town

Jono: I feel bloody ridiculous. This sounds bloody ridiculous. And now I get to sound bloody ridiculous while talking about the bloody ridiculous bar. Because that always puts me in a better mood... Really, it's a shame that this thing can't portray sarcasm well, because that last statement would have been positively dripping in it. Also not thrilled would have been Jaina, who opened Caritas tonight and proceeded to glower at her guest, Zekk. And if that isn't pronounced properly, my apologies, but I can't control how this thing decides it's going to string together its syllables. Zekk was a little shocked to learn that she was upset, but hopefully things were ironed out a bit when it was clarified that they're friends. Just friends.

Jubilee (X-Man): Friends. Gotcha.

Jono: Faramir and his brother Boromir discussed the wonders of whiskey - God, do I miss whiskey. And you can stop waving that bottle at me, rodent. I can't. - and then Boromir asked Jaina for something to drink that isn't the local ale. Hermes asked Jaina for tequila, meanwhile. You know there's something unpleasant going on when people head straight for the tequila. And then Jaina finds herself listening to Demeter's woes, as well. Bloody hell, is anybody not hating everything about life this weekend?

*Chittering*

Jono: ... Yes, yes, I know. I have the market cornered on that sort of thing.

Jubilee (X-Man): HEY!

Jono: Oh, really. Have you ever seen me all sunshine and daisies?

Jubilee (X-Man): We are having an awesome weekend, got it? Whether you like it or not!

Angelo: Just nod, man. Just look vaguely cheerful and nod. We can run away later.

Jubilee (X-Man): You will not because you owe me dinner still!

Jono: Hermes and Demeter did a spot of catching up... Which is a phrase that sounds decidedly off when it's being read out by a bloody computer with no proper accent, isn't it? Bruce apparently decided that showing up at Caritas was the best way to keep from cramping the style of his butler, which sounds a little backwards to me, but what would I know? I haven't ever had a butler. Perhaps they're ridiculously touchy about the way their masters - is that even the word for it? - behave in public. Crystal did a bit of flirting with Bruce, which turned into an offer from him to give her a bit of a tour. There are quotation marks around tour, even if you can't hear them because this thing apparently doesn't interpret finger-quotes well. All tours aside, Crystal also ordered a Mudslide and seemed pretty enthusiastic about Fandom as a whole while speaking with Jaina. Eric also showed up, asking about Tru Blood. My, but that sounds appetizing.

Jubilee (X-Man): ...that’s like a weird drink name, right?

Jono: I have no idea. It took me three tries to spell it out so that it wasn’t saying ‘True Mud,’ as it is.

Jono: In the lounge, Maladicta and Boromir were introduced, courtesy of Faramir, who apparently promised to wear a dress at some point. Faramir, mate, this is something I simply must witness. A little farther away from the vampire, Angua and Cheery, whose name is apparently being pronounced incorrectly by this bloody thing, were having a Girls' Night Out. Cheery noted that it was as though people around here had never seen a Dwarf before - you're kidding me. Really? - And Dani showed up and got the quick introductions. Apparently, Cheery-whose-name-this-thing-will-not-pronounce is the one in the skirt. And the beard.

Jono: ... The things I never dreamed I would be typing out on a Speak-n-Spell for the entire island to hear about.

Jubilee (X-Man): Oh, cool! More notes. These squirrels are awesome, Starsmore. Squall was over at that ice cream shop, waiting for someone named Laguna, but some General Caraway guy showed up instead. Isn't that a seed or something? But then that Laguna guy did show up and there was some saluting. Bobby who isn't an X-Man like me was in the park, studying french with Kahlan. Yeah, that's not even a clever euphemism, guys. Everyone knows what they were really doing. Then his mom showed up and lectured him about sugars and having a girl roommate. Ugh, old people. Courtney thought that some doctor guy watched a little too much sci-fi for saying he was a timelord. Which might be the case, but then aliens totally exist, so who knows? Hinata, Hiashi and Hanabi all had a super awkward dinner at the Thai place. A little overboard on the theme naming, don't you think? Luke was having some rootbeer on the beach when some guy named Hermes--yeah, right--showed up and they got into over Luke's mom. And--oh, c'mon guys. Like I believe this--Posiedon showed up to talk about how free this school is.

Jubilee (X-Man): Mary at that hotel had to yell at some guy name Gunther for trying to cook one of her guest. You really have that kind of problem here, Starsmore? Really? Yeah, I'll take Omega Red over that, thanks. The guest, Sebastian, got a a free room for the trauma. Totally deserved. Medusa showed up to find her sister and got no help because of privacy rules or something. Price showed up to let Mary know that he wasn't going to be coming back. Some guy named Vimes had two guests show up for him at the trooper station. At Jeff, God of Biscuits Bod and his guardian Silas were hanging out, waiting for people to meet while they talked about food. Jacob stopped by with... Quil and Embry to meet them. Yeah, no one is ever allowed to give me grief for Jubilee, got it? Kate also showed up to tell Bod she's been back since last night but was with a friend. Are they dating or something? Also meeting up there, Lindsay and her friend Kim. Over at the Junkyard, Kyle asked if he could lie low for the weekend. Which just makes it sound all seedy and like he's on the run from something. Oh, and at the theater, Mitchell met one of Kate's friends and got told to go on... you-tube? What's that?

Jono: It’s an internets thing. You’re going to have to wait about another decade for that one, Lee. I hate to disappoint.

Jubilee (X-Man): Or you could show me tomorrow.

Jono: I suppose I could. There is a computer in the library, after all. Moving along, Sherlock, the bloody plonker - Really? This thing can't even pronounce plonker correctly? - was being quiet in his flat. John Watson, who I still owe an apology to for being an absolute berk at last Sunday, was looking for something to eat when he stumbled across one Mrs. Hudson tidying up their rooms. In the hotel, Kate was visiting her guest, and posing in what I am told is full Princess Valhalla Hawkwind regalia. Now that was a music video not to be trifled with. Elsewhere still, which would be at the Lighthouse Cottage, Annja was preparing to meet Sean's mother, while Savannah and Garin did a spot of flirting.

Jono: Kerrigan ran into an old friend around the rocky bits this morning. Which, I suppose, is as good a place as any to meet up. Quiet, at least, with everybody running around the island like this. Still can't escape the squirrels, though. In the Park this morning, The Doctor was sitting outside of the big blue police box when he was paid a visit by an old friend as well, by the name of River. Cara's guest, Richard, showed up, and there was apparently a touch of bristling going on in that general direction. I suppose the phrase 'old friends' really is one with a broad definition to it. Also in the park, Ash was running about when two men she knows just sort of... appeared, I guess. I never know how literally I should be taking words like materialized, around here. After the sun went down, Jessica was waiting for somebody in the park, as well. A very popular meeting spot this weekend. I'll have to avoid it.

Jono: Sookie was passing through town after sunset, when she ran into Jessica's version of Bill. He was that bloody berk with the broomstick shoved clear up his arse, wasn't he? I have the feeling that this stupid thing could do an excellent impression of him, actually. She explained to him that she isn't, and will never be, like his Sookie, and then she gave him a hug. Good lord, it must have been like hugging a fencepost. Elsewhere in town, Cassidy interrupted what she thought was a fight between Ranon and Shira, but apparently that was a bit of a misunderstanding. I think. I hope. Probably. So much around here usually is.

Angelo: Damn, you people like your caffiene. Emma Frost was at the Perk this morning....Jono, esse, there something you forgot to tell us?

Jono: I am the very picture of innocence.

Jubilee (X-Man): She was here last time too, actually. Oops?

Angelo: You are on my shit-list, Lee. Anyway, someone named Morton came in, and they were happy to see each other. I can't imagine Miss Frost happy to see anyone, unless they had more money for her. She's scary when she smiles. Adrienne Frost stops by -- there's more of them? -- and Emma very firmly tells her where she can go and what she can do when she gets there. Adrienne starts teasing her about the voices that she hears. Ey, chica I really don't think pissing off Senorita Frost is a good plan. Emma catches Peter Wiggin's attention, and he explains that he and his sister are here to visit his brother, Ender. After a bit of flirting, of course. Man, that idea makes my head hurt. Scott Summers comes in, and is surprised that yet another person on the island recognizes, and explains that he's Kitty's Scott, not Bobby's or Warren's. Now my head really hurts.

Jubilee (X-Man): At least things make sense back home.

Squirrels: *LAUGH SO*

Angelo: Continuing in the fine tradition of people who can't function without coffee, the Perk was also packed this afternoon. Quinn came in, to start, and she and Puck talk about Santana, a friend of theirs who was mean to Ariel. Finn showed up, and got confused by the different timelines and realities stuff, because he has a Puck back home...Jono, dude, does no one at this school have normal names and not code names?

Jubilee (X-Man): There was a Kate somewhere in there!

Angelo: Medusalith continued her quest to find her sister, and told Quinn that her sister wasn't even supposed to be here. Lady, I feel for you. I've got Lee following me around.

Jubilee (X-Man): Don’t make me smack you, Angelo.

Angelo: Scully and her mom, Margaret, came in, and they were joined by Billy. Adding to the confusion, a Dinah that is not the alumni was there to have coffee with Roy and talks to him about his job working for Alex Cabot. But not everything today happened at the Perk! Tonight at the Community Center, there was the Mixer! Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame, man. People mingled, and Scott Summers was confused by Bobby calling him "Scooter." They then talked about Emma, and how she and Jean didn't get along. Seriously, guys, this should not be a big shock. Senorita Frost hates everyone by default, I swear. Kitty got yelled at by Scott, who was annoyed about the lack of warning about future alternate children. Only with the X-Men, man."

Jubilee (X-Man): It’s not always that weird!

Jono: Only on the days that end with ‘y.’ Alex Karev's guest, Aaron, was greeted by - please, do forgive the pronunciation in advance - Queen Valanice, who was asking around for her daughter. She also attempted to introduce Rosella, that daughter of hers, to Scott Summers, but the girl had already run away by then... I... can't say that I particularly blame her. Not going by Jubilee's 'When I was with the X-Men' tales. Bruce's butler made an attempt at picking up Holmes' housekeeper, which sounds like a match made in Martha Stewart heaven, really. Queen Valanice was still out and about by this point, earning looks from her children for insisting that the mixer really was lovely. Scott asked Rosella if she was, in fact, Rosella. As it turns out, Rosella wasn't Rosella, but she was, for the purposes of that conversation in particular, Wendy. Because, I assume, Scott isn't a total berk, he sas through that one, and warned Wendy-who-is-Rosella that her mother was on the lookout for her. And, naturally, Bobby of the 'Drake' persuasion was there as well, talking with Sookie, which is suppposed to rhyme with 'cookie,' not this Sue-Key bollocks, about the individuals that they know who are on the island from timelines and realities that aren't quite their own. Really, I'm rather used to that sort of thing by now.

Angelo: And in non-coffee news, Shunsui was laying on his living room floor, passed out, when he had Nanao show up and dump plenty of paperwork on him, while complaining that he was needed at home and not here. Lady, no one likes a nag. Just sayin', yo.

Jubilee: And I think that’s everything?

Angelo: That better be everything.

Jubilee: I need something sugary after all that.

Jono: I’m not paying.

Jubilee: I’ll let you have your bed!

Jono: ... How does ice cream sound?

Angelo: Hell no, why does she get the bed?

Jubilee: I called dibs.

Jono: .... Right, then. I’ll buy ice cream, Lee can have the floor, Angelo can have the bed as Lee had it last night. I’m Jonothon Starsmore, and that was Jubilation Lee and Angelo Espinosa - Dear lord, it hates all of our names.

Speak’n’Spell: The horse goes, “Neiiiigh!”

Jono: ... Good night, Fandom Island.

[Written up with the wonderful mouthy_merc and atreideslioness, who have been rocking the Jubilee and Angelo this weekend! We now return you to your regularly scheduled insanity.]