Radio [Tuesday, August 11, 2009]

[momslilassassin]

Ender: Maybe we should find somewhere less conspicuous than the roof if we want to squirrel-proof our evenings.

Ben: Getting kidnapped by rodents is just embarrassing. Oh, look, notes. Isn't Arthur supposed to be doing this?

Ender: The latest reports say he 'went to Canadia on an airplane'. As far as adjusting to our time goes, I'm not sure that should be subject to mockery, squirrels.

Ben: There isn't a place called Canadia?

Ender: Canada. The 'i' pertains to 'Canadians', which describes denizens of the country. I'm sure that ruins someone's joke...

Ben: Probably. You're just that kind of guy. So...news?

Ender: I think I'm comfortable murdering jokes. Take these notes, please.

School! Where we learn things. Allegedly.

Ben: In Photography today, the class talked about their final projects for next week, then developed and displayed pictures they took this week. Don't they do this every week? Oh, this part's different: Angela apologized for being an animal and missing the last class. Were you a stuffed animal? I've heard that's fun.

Ender: Restful, at least.

Ben: In Mythbusting, the students learned about the Archimedes Death Ray. There was a death ray and I missed it? Maaaaaaan.

Ender: Yeah. That's what you really need. Maybe next birthday, Skywalker.

Ben: I'll keep my fingers crossed. Anyway, Ino and Anemone were in charge today instead of Master Durden, which got some stares, then they all made glitter-covered boats out of popsicle sticks. You can't make a death ray from popsicle sticks.

...not that I've tried. Oh, I see! Then they tried to set it on fire using a mirror.

Ender: It's nice to know the school's enthusiasm for interesting ways to blow things up hasn't changed much since the last time we did this.

Ben: Film Through The Ages, contain your shock, talked about films. Genre films, in this case. There was a lecture, then a discussion of movies that could be considered genre--I bet that horrible Space Battles falls in here--and then Kate brought the professor a muffin of triumph. Um.

Ender: You should ask Geoffrey about his muffin strategies.

Ben: You can strategize about muffins? Fantasize, sure, but strategize?

Ender: I'm pretty sure muffins are his prime exit strategy, actually.

Ben: Uh...huh. Oh, you had an astral class today! Granddad had Flight Class racing through the Kessel Run in Uncle Han's ship. Did anything important fall off? Because that always happens. It's kind of traditional. And then you talked to Granddad on purpose. Why?

Ender: I was gathering some data on black holes. And space travel. Your ships go faster than they should, and I'd like to know why.

Ben: Because we're special and you're not?

Ender: I was gunning for something a little more scientific... but then you're not.

Ben: It's not my fault that we've been using space flight longer than your planet has had intelligent life.

Ender: Ah! The smell of poor cultural discrimination in the morning! You've harmed my heart and socked my head with that barb, Ben.

Ben: Shh. I'm still reading. In Creative Writing everyone was working very diligently on the stories that are due next week, except for Joan and Kate who were planning a party. Bet Val makes you go.

Ender: My dearest sister might propose that idea to me. I wouldn't put it past her.

Ben: And Eleanor tries to figure out why Robin was covered in glitter and popsicle sticks. An absolute failure at making a decent boat in death ray class, I imagine. Shilo tries to get help from the professor about one of her characters.

People are job hunting online in Debt class because apparently most people get paid for doing jobs and that makes it easier to get out of debt. So does not having many possessions. Fortunately, I look really good in Jedi robes.

Ender: Or at least you're delusional enough to think so.

Ben: I'm ignoring that. And Anemone was in the library after teaching death ray class. No news on whether she was covered in popsicle sticks.

Ender: That's a strange logical jump you've made there.

Ben: The frog was covered. Maybe building boats is harder than I think it is.

Ender: If you want to sail a frog.

Ben: There were plenty of feathers spread all over the office this morning--any students turn into birds recently that we should be concerned about?

Ender: The radio hasn't reported on any.

Ben: Master Upland was in her office in a...bikini, and Master Dukes was in his office with carrots. No bikini. And, I'm assuming, no glitter.

Ender: I think that, for the sake of our listeners, that should better stay in the realm of assumption.

Dorms! Where students are also out to learn things, but of the hitting variety.

Ender: On the Third Floor, Elle Woods watches television as a substitute for sleep. It's a distraction, but not really an insomnia cure of any kind. Leto makes coffee to cope with the same issue, which is even less productive. Leda greets Leto, joining our chorus of insomniacs, and does likewise for Elle.

Ben: Leda and Leto were talking? Talk about an exercise in precise elocution.

Ender: I'll take that as a compliment.

Ben: If you must. Kreetle.

Ender: The Fandom Reserves meet sans one leader to discuss the use, care, and weaknesses of weaponry. Once the students arrive, the stage is set for discussion, and my vaunted co-host questions Layla's claims towards being able to set things on fire with her mind. I'd argue that was physically impossible, Ben, but you yourself defy many rules of physics as it is.

Ben: She's also going to get me some Sham-wows for Artoo. He'll be thrilled.

Ender: You come up with the best of birthday presents. Two out of three were there to be talked to, although the third kept contact through text messaging. Tahiri questions Zack on the loss of soldiers in combat, and he makes it clear he's familiar with it. After that conversation, Jen asks him about getting more combat experience.

Ben: Why would you want more combat experience? People keep shooting at you there.

Ender: I'm not sure you're the one who should be giving that lecture.

Ben: Don't get shot at. Or electrocuted. Seems fairly straightforward.

Ender: In theory. I'm not sure that's what she was gunning for. Effy has ceased to be a cat - congratulations - and Alex denies having missed her. He was apparently convinced she'd left the school entirely. Check your housepets first before you jump to that conclusion. Leda gets on the roof as well, mainly to drink.

Ben: Isn't that pretty much all she does?

Ender: I think she goes to classes, watches TV, and breathes oxygen to keep herself alive, too.

Ben: I'm going to try breathing helium sometime. Bet it'd be fun to sing that way.

Ender: Let me know so I can get that on record. Angela awakes after a week and a half's worth of animal transformation, and she does so traditionally - which makes it surprising Hannibal took a while to catch on to the nudity. Francine feeds Arthur's dog ice cream, which I suspect someone wouldn't be pleased about hearing. Merlin takes the time to update her on his exploits in Canada across the phone, while Shilo stops by mostly to encourage things that would likely send the usual host into spasms. Alex Karev takes the Bohemian approach to writing until Rose comes to distract him with strip poker.

Ben: There's an awful lot that would send Arthur into spasms. Did she suggest he do his own laundry?

Ender: You and I need to have a talk about respecting cultural boundaries, kreetle.

Ben: That's not a cultural boundary, that's just being lazy.

Ender: You realise that most medieval rulers went past laundry into getting servants to wipe their own butts for them, right?

Ben: EWW.

Ender: Just to put that into perspective... Rachel takes a look at her wardrobe in the evening. Hoshi discusses that other universe with her, a topic I suspect comes up frequently. Then Chuck Bass arrives to perpetuate the latest soap opera by telling her they need to talk. After which he flees.

Ben: I have a feeling that was a brilliant idea.

Ender: What can I say? He's Chuck Bass.

Town! Where the townies frolick and learn.

Ender: And Dani Reese wakes up with a nightmare.

Ben: I've never done that before. Really. But, hypothetically, I'd think going to the gym might tire you out enough to get back to sleep.

Ender: Or get into rafting. At the Boards, there was some trouble about the lack of muffins and our new (and now former) director. Gabrielle is comforted by Priestly's sub after making her distaste for the lack of muffins known. Likewise for Edward, but with a higher grade of revolt. However, the sandwiches mostly net Priestly a yelling. This play is a soap opera in and of itself.

Ben: Is there a major food fight in the middle of it or something?

Ender: No, but the island seems to be working overtime to justify the myths about the curse. At least there was no sewage this week.

Geoffrey returned with a swordfight, just to keep up that particular routine, and brings Zack a teddy bear. Geoffrey apologises, and calms Sophie with his stories about having spent the past week in a mental ward. That's not that comforting, but I'll go with it.

Ben: That's not where I spent the last week, just FYI. Rachel is all giddy at the sex shop, which might be another way to tire yourself out, I guess, before Hurley wanders in thinking that a place with "Decadent Delights" in its name was a hardware store. Sigh. There was, as you'd imagine, flailing.

Ender: I'd recommend to Aphrodite that she get a second sign in to explain the nature of the place.

Ben: Good call. Maybe Val can work on it?

Ender: I'll pass on the message.

Ben: Ellie's chatting on the phone at the Gig, Mary is sneaking into a midget's room--we have midgets here?--at the hotel, and Loki is splashing in the pool at MHA. No mention of whether he has a raft.

Ender: I think Loki lives on swearing alone. He doesn't need a raft.

Ben: At the police station, Master Gibbs was wearing a suit because the weather doesn't affect someone that astral, then tells Dani about the rules, including knowing when to walk away. I don't know that rule.

Ender: You really don't.

Ben: Hush, I'm reading here. Hinata is making sure the books haven't moved at Book Haven, Edward is singing about love at the diner, and Adam is organizing comics at the comic store.

Ben: Ino is covered in glitter at the flower shop before Liir stops in to talk about his date with Joan and Ino's trip to see Reno. I'm more interested in the second half of that. In other relationship news, Griff and Fiona set up another date at Cabot and Associates.

And we have yet another Jack arriving in town. This one met the Robin who wasn't covered in glitter and popsicle sticks and there was a bit of confusion as this Jack isn't exactly human? Squirrels? Okay, I don't know what that miming means.

Ender: Ask them to write it down?

Ben: I'm making educated guesses about their notes as it is. I'll think I'll just pass.

Ender: Wise choice.

Ben: Oz was practicing with the register--is he from Arthur's time period or something?--at Coyote Medicine, Layla was eating Oreos--and I'll bring some other ones by for you, promise--at Turtle and Canary, and Jaina got to spar with Master Katarn?! Oh, that's totally unfair.

Ender: You could always leave him a voicemail message, if you're that set on sparring him.

Ben: It's Kyle Katarn. You don't leave him a message! He summons you with the power of awesome or something.

Ender: Did you want me to talk to him for you? Or is this a 'Chuck Norris' thing...

Ben: What's a chucknorris?

Ender: Get on the internet, Skywalker. Marshall is late at Caritas, but Mina finds him regardless. Barney shows up to discuss a large scala of philosophical subjects before settling on 'booze cake'. Lily came for a heavy drink and stayed for the apologies, sending Barney into a fit out of fear that they might break up.

Ben: Isn't Lily married to Marshall? How could she break up with Barney?

Ender: Take a moment and think about that, Ben.

Ben: ....Ohhhhh. It's late, okay?

Ender: Are you sure you had your daily allotment of ice cream?

Ben: ...think they're still open? And no, it won't send me to the clinic.. It was quiet there today anyway.

Ender: We'll see about that on the trip back. We're out of notes.

Ben: Night, Fandom! Night, evil squirrels!

Ender: Good night. *click*