fandom_radio | Umbridge Island Radio, Tuesday, July 24th

Umbridge Island. Squirrels. There's singing today. So I'm going to try to keep my sentences as terse as possible. Which might be hard. You were all pretty busy yesterday. You know. Doing the will of our glorious ruler the ravishing High Inquisitor Ms. Dolores Jane Umbridge, who oversees this island with a merciful eye and a fair hand.

Give me the notes, rodents. And they had better be good. I heard yesterday's broadcast.

Ah, yes. There we go. You may all run back to whatever holes you were hiding in, these should be adequate.

We'll start yesterday's notes by telling you all about the quality education there is to be had at the Dolores Umbridge High School, which I am proud to be teaching at this summer. After the morning announcements, the Madri were holding study hall, filled with ocelots. I'm certain they were studying diligently until Bucky got into some sort of altercation with them. He lost. Kaidan taught his Moral Philosophy class about the importance of order, before testing the students on their priorities. While you're living on the island, of course loyalty should be at the top of that list, for all that our merciful ruler allows us to have.

Art class with Savannah and Angela had students editing moving portraits by whatever means were necessary. It probably takes a much more delicate touch than conventional muggle methods. Witches and wizards have no need for Photoshop, after all. In Classics of Literature, Tara went over the moral of Hansel and Gretel with her class, and had her students sympathize with the poor, abused witch of the story. Bruce's Crushing the Resistance class spoke about what to do in case you find a rebel or are attacked by a terrorist. And if the answer to the first wasn't, 'report the rebel to the proper authorities,' I'd be surprised.

And in the castle, the High Inquisitor Umbridge, Bo, and Deadpool all asked Atton a few friendly questions. Hopefully he was cooperative.

We all, of course, know what happens to those who are uncooperative. Life went on in Detention, where the unsavoury individuals on the island were treated to a nutritious breakfast, courtesy of our Lady Umbridge. Calvin, Hobbes, and Cassidy ate their fill together, and Dinah and Jonothon speculated about what they'll do with their lives once they've been successfully rehabilitated and released back into proper society. Rinoa speculated about the possibility of starving to death, possibly thinking back on the criminal life she was living that led to her incarceration in the first place. Loki and April reminisced about the internet - mind rot that they're both better off without - and then April demonstrated how ungrateful she is for the nourishing meal by carving it into the shape of Indiana. Honestly, if this is how you're treating your food, it's a wonder that they keep you fed with a roof over your head at all, in the face of your crimes against the peace of our island home.

The inmates had plenty of opportunity to interact with one another, with Leda and Jack both appreciating Bruce Banner's good mood while that miscreant Loki informed him that he'd much rather the man was angry. Sookie and Jonothon sat in silence, probably appreciating the soothing atmosphere presented to them in the detention hall. Dinah spoke with Sam Winchester about much the same as she spoke to Jonothon about over breakfast, which leads me to wonder just how long it will be until, with proper diligence, they're fit to be reintegrated into polite society once again.

Robert Drake was hogging the corner with the air conditioning, but made the time to make plans with Sookie for visiting hours. Cassidy and Liara spoke about the land, and Liara and Jonothon spoke about how all things change. Meanwhile, Robert continued to hog the air conditioning, warning Liara away from his corner. And this is why you're in detention, Drake.

Sookie and Rinoa offered one another some comfort, while Loki and Cassidy continued being wicked beings and they plotted horrible things to do to the regime. They might be down there for quite some time longer, I think. And Phoebe took a seat by Wyatt. By him, not touching him. As is only proper.

And, of course, because our dear Lady Umbridge recognizes that even the wicked require contact from the outside world, there were visiting hours. Raven, for example, demonstrated the kindness of the loyalist cause by bringing a cupcake for Jonothon, whose birthday was on the weekend, and by using her gifts to allow him to taste it in spite of his... injury. She also took a moment to pull Sookie out of the dark corners of her own mind. It is important to keep a firm footing in reality, for the healing process to take place. Clint visited Loki, to remind him to keep himself in line. None of this plotting of homicide, Loki. It's unbecoming. Even dear High Inquisitor Umbridge made a trip down to personally greet those who would otherwise oppose her, demonstrating to Zoe and Phoebe that she is, in fact, the bigger person in the face of their vitriol and savage lies. Savannah reasonably informed Wyatt that he would have a lot more rehabilitating to do before he could be free again, and Raven told Dinah that she's visiting because she would like to cheer her up. And then, of course, there was another warm meal, before Cassidy wrapped a blanket around Sookie, tired out, no doubt, by the full and enriching day that had just gone by.

Enough with the exploits of criminals, hm? Let's move on to happier things. In the Dorms, Tony was working on a project while listening to the morning announcements. Lex stopped by and couldn't help but notice that Tony looked tired before trying to get him out to get some sun. Tony, listen to him, okay? A little sun will do you good, or am I going to have to drag you out myself for some fresh air? Victor stopped by to visit Tony, too, and they spoke about Tony's most recent project before speculating on why yesterday's radio broadcast was so... strange. Any speculation about that one, squirrels?

*Timid chittering.*

No, I imagine you don't have any idea. Fine. In the third floor common room, Natalie was familiarizing herself with a vast selection of tea... I haven't had tea in a while... and she and Jace spoke about how he'll be going on patrol later, to keep our streets safer for all of the law-abiding citizens of the island. That evening, Frank had Chinese food and a movie in the same common room, and Frank shared his food with James and Billy. And, of course, our dormitory's resident ghost was haunting our halls again. Fortunately, as all good students are tucked away in their beds when she does their rounds, she's nothing to be concerned about, now, is she?

And now, for the rest of our fair island, including what went on in Town yesterday. Sam LaCriox was skulking about the boardwalk after dark. Naughty, naughty. Natalie caught him, at least, and I'm certain that she did whatever was in her power to bring him in off the streets.

Phil Coulson was doing his duty at the Wellspring Arms, keeping the weapons away from the people unless they had proper permission from Ms. Umbridge. Percy was hot on the trail of the traitorous Luke out in the streets, and would have had him, too, if Luke hadn't fought dirty, as is the way of the Resistance. On the beach, Isabel had her morning run, a pleasant chat with Billy about the weather, and she offered her water bottle to Anakin, who is a far better citizen than his traitorous namesake ever was. She also spoke with Savannah about their preferred shifts. Savannah showed some fondness for the evenings, when things are more quiet around the island.

Vincent was keeping a tidy workplace at Cafe Lukes when Kerrigan stepped in to ask him if he'd seen anything suspicious about. I'm certain he was very cooperative while he was being questioned, for the good of us all. Lady Ghanima was drinking tea outside the Boards after a dance class, when Kenzi stopped by to offer her services doing odd jobs, an unknown brunette asked about the classes offered by the studio, and Yakko, as charming as ever, demonstrated his tango skills with a rose bush.

Priestly was working on a lesson plan at the Perk, where he spoke to Tim about culture shock and cooking, Annie about quashing the rebellion, Momoko about the new students who would be arriving in the fall, and about school spirit. And then Yakko surfed through on a giant wave of coffee.

… And to think, I used to think I liked that stuff. Squirrels, go get me some... tea.

*Desperate scampering sounds*

Kitty was keeping herself busy at Caritas, serving only the finest in British and American cuisine. Clint spoke to Kitty about how much better it was when people behaved themselves, and then he offered to buy a cheeseburger for Isabel, to which she replied that she would have to make him dinner sometime, in exchange. And in the streets, Cara was out patrolling to make certain that nobody else was breaking curfew. Rebel Surreal attempted to ambush her, but Cara fought her off with ease. Yakko was out past curfew as well, trying to sneak about with a... large fish. Cara, of course, couldn't be bought out by his bribe.

Really, I can't imagine why.

*A long silence*

… I believe that's all of my notes. And I managed to read them all off without breaking into song. Even if I spend the rest of the day singing, I'll consider that a win.

So, on that note, I'll just say--

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye -- Goodbye!
I'm glad to go, I cannot tell a lie,
I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly-

Damn it.

*Dead air*