Hello, darlings. This is Professor Ms. Rita Skeeter, broadcasting to you all the news that's worth hearing. And Merlin's beard, there is a metric ton of it today. And a great deal of..."emo." Which I'm still, quite frankly, trying to figure out. No one has told me what the word means yet. Classes, which were all boring because today was my day offAdvanced Criminal Justice
learned how to diffuse situations between enemies. I can't say I see the fun in trying to make them play nice, but then again, not every teacher can have my wisdom and experience. Foreign Literature
went over some story called "The Necklace," which is just about the most nondescript title I've heard in ages
. Every good writer knows that one must catch an audience's attention. It ought to have been called, "The Shimmering Chaplet of Woe and Agony," or something. Something descriptive. I ought to have a word with this...Gee Dee Mawpawsant. If he ever wants to get anywhere as a writer, he really
needs to work on his presentation. Anyway, I digress.Music of the Multiverse
- and naturally none of you can see, but I'm air-quoting that ridiculous title - discussed, if my notes are correct, their favorite sugary snack. What that has to do with music, I don't know, unless muggles have invented candy that makes music as well. Perhaps using those computer things. God help you all if you have. Psychology
went over common perspectives on behavior, Archaeology
learned about...archaeology, of all things. Creature Languages
had a guest lecturer in the form of a spider by the name of Aunt Nancy, and I'm afraid that I've never heard of something half as idiotic a class led by an arachnid. Or any kind of bug-like creature, honestly. Chemistry and biology
learned boring and obvious chemical and biological things that I'm pretty sure the students didn't care about and I'm certain I don't give an axabran's ass, so moving on. Carl Jung
, who I suppose must be one of my esteemed and as of yet unmet colleagues, goes over archetypes. One of the speech classes
actually gave speeches, and the other answered the question, "What is a message?" For the love of my last shreds of sanity, do not expect me to go into how obvious the answer to that question is. Sociology of Sex Cultures
talked about the naughty, naughty quizzes they took, History of Medieval England
made their introductions and talked about what they would like to learn from the class. As if it should be left up to the students. Really.Political Campaigning
learned about Montana, wherever or whatever the bloody hell that is. Arthurian Tradition
learned about Arthur before he was Arthur, which neither makes sense or sounds particularly interesting, since we all know the story's really about Morgana and Merlin. Business Law and HR Management
both learned things about law and function that I have neither ever heard of nor expressed an interest in learning about.
In terms of office hours, Professor Cregg
was visited by Veronica Mars, who is a delightful young lady and the first person I've mentioned in this broadcast who I actually know. Additionally, the Doctor
, who evidentally is either too pretentious for a last name or else simply does not deserve one, was visited by no one. Principal Smith
used the fellytone to call some rather unusual exterminators. Dean Washburn
had a few visitors.
And then, of course, there were my
office hours. John Crichton, who is a dear little sweetheart, came by with an absolutely fascinatingly primitive quill. Thank you again for the thought, dear boy. And in a tragic turn of events, Dean Zordon
went unvisited. Poor, unfortunate, noncorpeal man.In the clinic
, Victor, Pip, Stark and Nadia all stopped by to either bleed or get their emo checked.
During lunch, there was 'Hi Dad!' soup
, which has cannibalistic overtones that frankly disturb me, and it caused mysterious "emo" for one Mr. Xander Harris.
Maybe "emo" is indigestion.A pair of adorably vainglorious boys
chose to form a smoking section, two people with frighteningly similar names greeted one another
, Walter and Pip talked about premonitions of rulers and shiny shoes.
And that is a direct quote from my note, boys and girls. Anders entered after gym, looking for Cally
. I'm told that this is not an unusual or particulary noteworthy event. Mr. Anders and Mr. John Crichton
, who is a simply darling
boy, threw gumballs. I would suggest they act their age, but I'm actually quite certain that this is mature behavior for them. Nadia and Walter talked about their injuries from self-defense class, and some brave child named Ed sampled it all.
Dibs on your obituary, little boy.
In the teachers' lounge, which I didn't grace with my presence today, There was bottled water, baked goods, and pastries available.
Good for all of you. Daniel and Jenny have met
. According to my notes, they've been working together for most of the semester. So much for knowing one's co-workers. Macgyver waved at Jenny
is this newsworthy, people? I just adjusted my glasses. Now all of you get to know! For heaven's sake
.Apparently Daniel is confused
. Note the utter shock in my tone. Dr. Pierson
tried to think of an appropriate way to teach ancient Egyptian culture to his class, and failed. Macgyver waved
at Dr. Pierson, too. Why do we care? Why? Do any of you? I surely don't. And finally, Dr. Grissom was naughty
. You dirty, dirty man.
In the assistants lounge
some boy named Belthazor chatted with several people, including my wonderful assistant, Callistie.In the library
, a song was being written about gremlins by a girl named...Zero Addtionally, crypticness
. Which is immensely frustrating, and I shan't spend another second talking about it.
Also, Principal Smith
made an announcement, and it seems that they're still of need of your blood in the clinic, the gremlins will be dealt with, and there shall be a detention lottery. And, as the teacher charged with all you little miscreants this week, I can say that I am simply delighted
, boys and girls.In the dorms, where all good little boys and girls should be asleep -
...but naturally, none of you little bra - kids are.There were entirely too many posters
for Student Council
. I wish you all the best of luck, children. And Ms. Halliwell? I don't understand how you think you're going to defeat gremlins with that bit of unimpressive, though shiny, weaponry. Everyone knows that they'll swarm if you shoot.
Some imbecile gave a little boy named Peter a squirt gun
, and little girl named Sydney
got chocolate. Lucky thing. It'll go straight to your hips, love.
We have yet another instance of "emo," as it seems a child named Sawyer
was it in the common room, until Ms. Rory Gilmore, one of my supposedly advanced students, came along and threw...glitter at him? Perhaps "emo" means lackluster. Or lacking in braincells, and the glitter is supposed to stir cranial activity?Jaye
spent the evening taking anti-endorsements - and dear girl, why aren't you in one of my classes? - and Parker stopped by
to see Sam. Then Crazy Glitter Girl stopped in to see a boy
behind closed doors. My goodness. Little wonder she's earned the monniker, "Whorey."
Anders and Cally were, by all reports, cute
. And no one cares. Angela created a petition for gremlins
, which is truly impressive work for a twelve year-old.On the second floor, people watched cartoons
. I don't exactly know what that means, but according to my notes, a tussle
ensued between two little boys and a little girl. According to all reports, one of the boys did not know how to read, another had overly feminine hair and should have been wearing a hat, and the young lady in question is apparently torn between the pair. Sweetheart, I suppose there's no accounting for taste, but really
.On the fifth floor
, Nadia made up her own dialogue to the "tee-vee" along with Molly. If I remember correctly, that is the box that has the moving pictures, right? I had understood that there was dialogue included. But then again, given my salary, I wouldn't be surprised if the sound was simply so expensive that it's considered a bloody luxury.And finally, in the fourth floor common room
, Han "buckles his swashes" - which I personally think sounds distinctly naughty and I didn't need to know about - and there is some more "emo." Maybe emo is an unfortunate disease of the kind requiring...discretion?
Furthermore, there was a moving shrub. I'm really not surprised. Wait until you get nosy enough to approach it and it smacks you in the face with one of its branches, breaking your nose in a distinctive yet character-addingly beautiful way. Not that I know anyone who had anything like that happen.Dr. House
is going somewhere, with cash. I would hope so, since otherwise I can't imagine he'll get far. There is emo soup
. Again, indigestion? Sharon
was up early, dear John and Cameron discussed John's relationship
- Mr. Crichton, you and I will simply have
to have a chat about your love life, dear boy - and then Cameron
rejected cake. Jake and my other TA Alex
were snuggly in bed, and Alex? I would also love to chat about this darling Jake of yours. Veronica, Piper, and Chloe
spend time in the attic. Ms. Sullivan, I hope some of that time was spent working on those interviews. One of my students, a Ms. Thrace
, spent the day in bed with a boy named Lee, who I can only assume and hope to be her boyfriend. Young Edward hid
, Ivanova was tired
, and a girl
ogled darling John Crichton in the gym.Out and aboutAt the pub,
the brothers are selling one of the pool tables and the kitchen staff has the night off. Why only one pool table, I wonder. Why not get rid of them all and try to make the place a little classier?Caritas
seems to have died. I fear that I am to blame, as I didn't make it out there tonight, and I know my presence would have certainly added a certain spark.
At the Fourth Sin, Jarod
told Becky about his kitten, and I sincerely hope that is not a euphemism.Isabel
got support for her campaign from the Emporium, Victor
went bowling, Kiki
checked in at Wonka's, Miho did not talk
, then Miho did talk
, and then some kid
shot her with a water gun. Dibs on your obit, too. People eat.
I should really give up. And apparently there will be a coffee appreciation society
And that guy who was rude to me in Caritas got knives thrown at him
. I rather like this young woman. And Miho of the park
would like to purchase a water gun. Smart girl, though I can recommend a few alternate routes of revenge.
And...no. I can't possibly be reading this correctly. Harry Potter
is in town? And it seems he has a new girlfriend? Oh, Mr. Potter. Did Ms. Granger's inability to commit drive you from her arms? Did she give you a bad case of emo? I do
hope you'll stop by my office hours, darling Harry. I'd certainly love to do another interview.
And you know that if you don't, I will anyway.
That's all from me tonight, kiddies. Use emo-protection, don't shoot gremlins, and keep an eye out for glitter-flinging brunettes.