[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
OBERON: Ill met by moonlight, proud Crichton
JOHN: Lee, we always meet at this time every Saturday, dude, what's the deal?
OBERON: Tarry, rash wanton! Am I not --
JOHN: -- Oh, I get it, you're still in Shakespeare mode, I dig. Forsooth. Yeah.
OBERON: Must I always be surrounded by idiots?
JOHN: Dude, this is Fandom.
OBERON: Of all the places in the world to visit, I had to travel here...
JOHN: You okay, man? You look a little pale...
OBERON: SILENCE, MORTAL.
JOHN: And .... weeeeeeelcome, ladies and gentlemen to Fandom Radio, hosted by John Crichton and Some Evil Dude Possessing my Best Friend
OBERON:...how did you figure that out?
JOHN:...huh?

MAN IS BUT A PATCHED FOOL (school)

JOHN: Today's Punishment for Naughty Children was attended by the brave sir Professor Tick and was thusly attended by one Magnificent Molly Hayes and Captain Cameron of the Tightpantstania. Jaye, the loyal court jester, doth showeth up later for reasons that remain unknown.

THE FIERCE VEXATION OF A DREAM (dorm life)

JOHN: Forsooth, Vice Principal Pierce doth returneth from parts unknown. Thusly, he taketh a showereth. Voila! Later in the time of the stars in the sky, Vice Principal Pierce thus meeteh with Admiral Harrington. Lana and Pip worketh out in the gym whereupon the muscles of thy flesh shall...bulk up!

OBERON: Foolish mortals. So pitiful in their activities.

JOHN: Yeseth. Lady Allie doth sit alone in the clinic. Woe. Her pain and suffering must be great. In the evening, Duke Thomas Gavin doth receives a visitor!

OBERON: The visitor was not me!

JOHN: I didn't say it was! Dame Callisto doth bringeth Angel some gifts of green. Rory of Caffeine visits Angel to maketh him eat the food of her bosom. No, wait. The food of his need. No, wait. Dammit.

OBERON: You...are boring me.

JOHN: Apologies. Zero leaveth Parker of Petunias a note. I am told said note was very sentimental. I would cry but I cannot. Alas. This all occurs, of course, whence upon Zero waketh upeth on the beacheth.

OBERON: Such a pitiful example of a human being.

JOHN: Stop being so damn mean. Sir Krycek and Count Jake wake up and lo, behold the extra person residing in the bed of their love. Walter of the Lakes giveth Lady Ivanova an updated on Victor, forsooth. Alas. Behold. Eureka. Lee of Gleevenville hereafter leaves Countess Kara a message. Myself, I conversed with Lady Aeryn of the Squires on the roof whereafter the cold doth did not affect us.

OBERON: You are weak for cold weather to bother you in such a way!

JOHN: Alas, twas cold! And Knight Cameron doth receiveth a phone calleth. Lord Logan and Veronica of the Vendettas do so converse about the fretful elements of the performance theatre. Zero, a quite popular lady in today's broadcast, receiveth a note and some clovers. Post haste, she doth go visit Peter of the Pumpkineaters. As the evening wears on, as the hearts of mortal men begin their descent into the exotic state of dreams, Fair Bridge of Estonia gather a horde of students to partake in an adventure so dangerous, so terrifying that...it can only be contained to the sixth floor. Lady Xander of Canada, Dame Rory of Endorina, Molly of the MooGooGaiPans, Lordess Lyta of Luckyville, Duke Hamlet of ScrambledEggs, Sister Sharon of the Sheraton Covent for Naughty Children, Marty the Madgrigal who doth singeth to us all, and the lovely Aeryn Sun accompany Fair Bridge to the perilous sixth floor.

OBERON: Perhaps everyone at this school is not at as weak as I once thought.

JOHN: Correcteth. Archduke Angel of the Angelina Islands and his lady love, the noble Amazon Callisto doth meeteth after the performance theatre.

HARD HANDED MEN THAT WORK IN ATHENS WHICH NEVER LABOUR'D IN THEIR MINDS TILL NOW (the town)

JOHN: The Shop of the Wonka is doth opened by Ivanova of the Itch and her mortal hangover. Be well, sweet Ivanova. The moving screen building remains empty save for one brave mortal soul who doth brave the battlefields to procure some...popcorn. Lady Jaye of Flingenation Village visits the house of the All and Sundries to barter for goods that include tomatoes, a sweet vegetable, and glitter of green. Jay and Silent Robert are doth invitedeth to the performance of the theatre. They thus decline the offer.

Mercilessly, Cafe Fina and Caritas remaineth unattended.

WHAT REVELS ARE IN HAND? WHAT MASQUES? WHAT DANCES SHALL WE HAVE? (the play)

OBERON: Now whose idea it was for the fair children of Fandom to perform the most excellent comedy of Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare, I know not, but it proved to be quite a night of frivolity and farce with a touch of pandemonium.

JOHN: And you were, like, the king of the fairies, right? *snicker*

OBERON: Mock me not, or you shall feel my sword.

JOHN: You did not just say that, Lee.

OBERON: In fact, I did.

JOHN: You are such a fairy!

OBERON: Why of course I am.

JOHN: ...

OBERON: Before the play begun, cast members hopped as light as bird from brier before a full host of fairies arrived to possess their chosen human steeds...

JOHN: Steeds?

OBERON: And in my case, a stallion.

JOHN: ... you did not just say that about yourself on radio.

OBERON: Act One, Scene One featured the dealings of Theseus and the disgruntled lovers in Athens followed by Scene Two in which the rude mechanicals planned their merry play-within-a-play. The fairy court appeared in the depths of the woods in Athens in Act Two, Scene One followed by the morals arriving in Scene Two. Act Three, Scene One united the fairy queen with an ass while Scene Two made the fairy king look like an ass as his plot disintegrated into farce.

As for what happened in Act Four and Act Five, I leave to your very capable imagination.

JOHN: Can I guess 'orgy'?

OBERON: John Crichton for the win.

JOHN: Do I get a pony?

OBERON: How about three wishes?

JOHN: Yeah right.

OBERON: I'm serious.

JOHN: Okay, since the pony's out... two bean burritos, a cartoon channel that only showed 'The Simpsons' and I want to be a hot gay cowboy for a day. For real.

OBERON: Done.

JOHN: OH MY GOD, where did those two bean burritos come from?!

OBERON: The channel will be number 42 on your television and you will be a gay cowboy this Tuesday. Hotness and cowboy hat optional.

JOHN: ...

OBERON: And to return to the story at hand... the Tech booth was filled with handsome women and backstage was filled with the usual angst.

JOHN: Sounds like a proper theater production.

OBERON: Indeed.

Your most excellent self and Jake sold tickets as well as food and drink to the fair audience members of our play.

At the end of Act Three, anarchy descended upon the play in the form of one Sam Carter burinating the tech booth. I did my best to add to the mischief at hand.

JOHN: Dirty.

OBERON: Intermission featured much backstage drama including my Queen and the Lord of Shapes reminiscing on the past.

And much else occurred on our fair stage, but the eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen, man's hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report, what all happened this evening.

JOHN: And that's all the news tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
OBERON: *sigh* Lord, what fools these mortals be.
JOHN: You've been waiting all night to say that, haven't you?
LEE: Shut up, John -- oh my god, I'm back!
JOHN: What?
LEE: I'M LEE. I'M LEE ADAMA.
JOHN: ... Yeah, kid, you are. Now stop holding me like someone broken ... NIGHT FOLKS!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
OBERON: Ill met by moonlight, proud Crichton
JOHN: Lee, we always meet at this time every Saturday, dude, what's the deal?
OBERON: Tarry, rash wanton! Am I not --
JOHN: -- Oh, I get it, you're still in Shakespeare mode, I dig. Forsooth. Yeah.
OBERON: Must I always be surrounded by idiots?
JOHN: Dude, this is Fandom.
OBERON: Of all the places in the world to visit, I had to travel here...
JOHN: You okay, man? You look a little pale...
OBERON: SILENCE, MORTAL.
JOHN: And .... weeeeeeelcome, ladies and gentlemen to Fandom Radio, hosted by John Crichton and Some Evil Dude Possessing my Best Friend
OBERON:...how did you figure that out?
JOHN:...huh?

MAN IS BUT A PATCHED FOOL (school)

JOHN: Today's Punishment for Naughty Children was attended by the brave sir Professor Tick and was thusly attended by one Magnificent Molly Hayes and Captain Cameron of the Tightpantstania. Jaye, the loyal court jester, doth showeth up later for reasons that remain unknown.

THE FIERCE VEXATION OF A DREAM (dorm life)

JOHN: Forsooth, Vice Principal Pierce doth returneth from parts unknown. Thusly, he taketh a showereth. Voila! Later in the time of the stars in the sky, Vice Principal Pierce thus meeteh with Admiral Harrington. Lana and Pip worketh out in the gym whereupon the muscles of thy flesh shall...bulk up!

OBERON: Foolish mortals. So pitiful in their activities.

JOHN: Yeseth. Lady Allie doth sit alone in the clinic. Woe. Her pain and suffering must be great. In the evening, Duke Thomas Gavin doth receives a visitor!

OBERON: The visitor was not me!

JOHN: I didn't say it was! Dame Callisto doth bringeth Angel some gifts of green. Rory of Caffeine visits Angel to maketh him eat the food of her bosom. No, wait. The food of his need. No, wait. Dammit.

OBERON: You...are boring me.

JOHN: Apologies. Zero leaveth Parker of Petunias a note. I am told said note was very sentimental. I would cry but I cannot. Alas. This all occurs, of course, whence upon Zero waketh upeth on the beacheth.

OBERON: Such a pitiful example of a human being.

JOHN: Stop being so damn mean. Sir Krycek and Count Jake wake up and lo, behold the extra person residing in the bed of their love. Walter of the Lakes giveth Lady Ivanova an updated on Victor, forsooth. Alas. Behold. Eureka. Lee of Gleevenville hereafter leaves Countess Kara a message. Myself, I conversed with Lady Aeryn of the Squires on the roof whereafter the cold doth did not affect us.

OBERON: You are weak for cold weather to bother you in such a way!

JOHN: Alas, twas cold! And Knight Cameron doth receiveth a phone calleth. Lord Logan and Veronica of the Vendettas do so converse about the fretful elements of the performance theatre. Zero, a quite popular lady in today's broadcast, receiveth a note and some clovers. Post haste, she doth go visit Peter of the Pumpkineaters. As the evening wears on, as the hearts of mortal men begin their descent into the exotic state of dreams, Fair Bridge of Estonia gather a horde of students to partake in an adventure so dangerous, so terrifying that...it can only be contained to the sixth floor. Lady Xander of Canada, Dame Rory of Endorina, Molly of the MooGooGaiPans, Lordess Lyta of Luckyville, Duke Hamlet of ScrambledEggs, Sister Sharon of the Sheraton Covent for Naughty Children, Marty the Madgrigal who doth singeth to us all, and the lovely Aeryn Sun accompany Fair Bridge to the perilous sixth floor.

OBERON: Perhaps everyone at this school is not at as weak as I once thought.

JOHN: Correcteth. Archduke Angel of the Angelina Islands and his lady love, the noble Amazon Callisto doth meeteth after the performance theatre.

HARD HANDED MEN THAT WORK IN ATHENS WHICH NEVER LABOUR'D IN THEIR MINDS TILL NOW (the town)

JOHN: The Shop of the Wonka is doth opened by Ivanova of the Itch and her mortal hangover. Be well, sweet Ivanova. The moving screen building remains empty save for one brave mortal soul who doth brave the battlefields to procure some...popcorn. Lady Jaye of Flingenation Village visits the house of the All and Sundries to barter for goods that include tomatoes, a sweet vegetable, and glitter of green. Jay and Silent Robert are doth invitedeth to the performance of the theatre. They thus decline the offer.

Mercilessly, Cafe Fina and Caritas remaineth unattended.

WHAT REVELS ARE IN HAND? WHAT MASQUES? WHAT DANCES SHALL WE HAVE? (the play)

OBERON: Now whose idea it was for the fair children of Fandom to perform the most excellent comedy of Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare, I know not, but it proved to be quite a night of frivolity and farce with a touch of pandemonium.

JOHN: And you were, like, the king of the fairies, right? *snicker*

OBERON: Mock me not, or you shall feel my sword.

JOHN: You did not just say that, Lee.

OBERON: In fact, I did.

JOHN: You are such a fairy!

OBERON: Why of course I am.

JOHN: ...

OBERON: Before the play begun, cast members hopped as light as bird from brier before a full host of fairies arrived to possess their chosen human steeds...

JOHN: Steeds?

OBERON: And in my case, a stallion.

JOHN: ... you did not just say that about yourself on radio.

OBERON: Act One, Scene One featured the dealings of Theseus and the disgruntled lovers in Athens followed by Scene Two in which the rude mechanicals planned their merry play-within-a-play. The fairy court appeared in the depths of the woods in Athens in Act Two, Scene One followed by the morals arriving in Scene Two. Act Three, Scene One united the fairy queen with an ass while Scene Two made the fairy king look like an ass as his plot disintegrated into farce.

As for what happened in Act Four and Act Five, I leave to your very capable imagination.

JOHN: Can I guess 'orgy'?

OBERON: John Crichton for the win.

JOHN: Do I get a pony?

OBERON: How about three wishes?

JOHN: Yeah right.

OBERON: I'm serious.

JOHN: Okay, since the pony's out... two bean burritos, a cartoon channel that only showed 'The Simpsons' and I want to be a hot gay cowboy for a day. For real.

OBERON: Done.

JOHN: OH MY GOD, where did those two bean burritos come from?!

OBERON: The channel will be number 42 on your television and you will be a gay cowboy this Tuesday. Hotness and cowboy hat optional.

JOHN: ...

OBERON: And to return to the story at hand... the Tech booth was filled with handsome women and backstage was filled with the usual angst.

JOHN: Sounds like a proper theater production.

OBERON: Indeed.

Your most excellent self and Jake sold tickets as well as food and drink to the fair audience members of our play.

At the end of Act Three, anarchy descended upon the play in the form of one Sam Carter burinating the tech booth. I did my best to add to the mischief at hand.

JOHN: Dirty.

OBERON: Intermission featured much backstage drama including my Queen and the Lord of Shapes reminiscing on the past.

And much else occurred on our fair stage, but the eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen, man's hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report, what all happened this evening.

JOHN: And that's all the news tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
OBERON: *sigh* Lord, what fools these mortals be.
JOHN: You've been waiting all night to say that, haven't you?
LEE: Shut up, John -- oh my god, I'm back!
JOHN: What?
LEE: I'M LEE. I'M LEE ADAMA.
JOHN: ... Yeah, kid, you are. Now stop holding me like someone broken ... NIGHT FOLKS!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
RITA!JOHN: Good evening children and welcome, yet again, to another edition of Fandom Radio. I am Professor Miss Blonde Haired, Bespectacled, Magically Inclined, Journalistic Rita Skeeter.
LEE: Dude...again?
RITA!JOHN: I honestly do not know what you are talking about dear boy. Also, have you gained weight?
LEE:...shut up!

The Pit Of Vulgar Sexual Festivities Where All The Happy Children Live!

LEE: Susan freed all the emo from the balcony with a positive attitude and a couple cups of coffee. Thereby proving that coffee is as gods.

Sammy, personal property of Kara ThraceAnders made a delicious breakfast and Cally offered to share her perfect man with the lovely Miss Thrace. *coughs* Hrm.

RITA!JOHN: Ah, children and their hedonistic tendencies. I swear that I never was like that when I was your age.

LEE: Dude, you are my age.

Speaking of hedonism, however, there was a great celebration in honor of Nadia's birthday.

LEE: I just want to be perfectly clear on this -- Cameron and Molly are not sleeping together.

RITA!JOHN: ...wait, what?

LEE: I just wanted to be perfectly clear on that point. Also, Veronica and Xander sent emails. Nadia and Veronica hung out. Parker and Isabel had very lucid dreams. Janet got a call from Veronica. Angela spoke to her mom and came home to discover considerable CARNAGE from a battle of the teddy bears.

RITA!JOHN: *sing songs* 'If you go out in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise...'

LEE: John. Just frakkin' stop.

Dorkface gave up books for boozing it up with me tonight. And Marty went into the woods to find a gift for Nadia. BE CAREFUL, MARTY! You never know what evil robotic kidnapping bitch awaits you under the cover of dark trees and small bushes!!

RITA!JOHN: ...

LEE: According to my notes, there's a party in your room tonight --

RITA!JOHN: I do not know of any party occuring in my boudoir.

LEE: 238. Stop by. Bring booze.

The Best Town In the World Because I Happen To Live There!

RITA!JOHN: All and Sundries is open. How very cute. Has my age defying cream come in? You know, it takes a lot of foundation, surgery, and magic to look this good at age 57! While at All and Sundries, Veronica and Pip buy turnips. Does that work on skin, dears? I'll do anything to eliminate my wrinkles! Pippi is looking for party decorations and helps name Edmund's puppy. Later, Walter joins her. How terribly unexciting. You bore me. Ivanova, dear? Stop bouncing? You're giving me motion sickness. And what? No present for me? Edmund receives a present and all I receive is papers from my Wilbur asking for a divorce and half our estates? I need some Prozac. Orlin also visits All and Sundries. Honestly, is this shop the equivalent of a clown car? Shove as many people in there as possible and let them bump around?

RITA!JOHN: Cafe Fina is open. No one is visiting. I guess everyone is busy eating their Hungry Man dinner and watching Wheel of Fortune. How very typical. Does anyone have a Zantac? I had beans earlier and they refuse to agree with my stomach. Indigestion and Rita Skeeter do not agree.

LEE: Dude, this booth is small. If you let one loose...

RITA!JOHN: Skeeter's do not "let one loose", boy. Skeeter's expel gaseous components in order to cleanse their bodies.

RITA!JOHN: Caritas is open but remains without customers. I bet it's due to that lovely GOB boy not being there. A strapping young lad such as him should be kept in front of the customers so I...I mean any lovely lady can view that merchandise. What? I am a woman with needs!

CJ stops into the Perk and purchases coffee for Tommy Gavin. I don't believe I've met this man as of yet? Thomas? Call me? Rita likes coffee too!

LEE: I brought you coffee!

RITA!JOHN: You are just a boy. Though, you do look an awful lot like my Wilbur. Tell me, how old are you?

LEE: Um...

RITA!JOHN: You have my Wilbur's nose. My son, Umberto, could be your twin.

LEE: Um...

RITA!JOHN: Lee....I am your mother. Also, Giles is quite happy about Angel being on the mend. I am too, dear boy. We all love angels.

LEE: No, Angel.

RITA!JOHN: Do not correct your biological mother, Lee Gideon Skeeter. I have half a mind to take you over my knee and give you a spanking.

LEE: Seek help.

RITA!JOHN: Orlin fixes things. How very boring. Today, I knitted myself a pair of socks with kittens on the sides. Isn't that much more exciting then hearing about someone's adventures shopping? Jarod, that dashing lad, is recovering from his sickness as well. Camulus and Orlin get together again. Honestly, Fandom is nothing more then a breeding ground for sexual activities galore. It's a wonder any work gets done around here.

LEE: You have two kids...

RITA!JOHN: Three, sweet Lee Gideon Skeeter.

LEE: Whatever. You had to um...

RITA!JOHN: No, I did not. My children were hatched from eggs. And Daniel Jackson is in love with his books. Invite me to the wedding, dear.

The Clinic Where Far Too Much Happened For My Wee Brain

RITA!JOHN: When did the clinic become such a hotbed of activity? You would think that a famous senior citizen such as myself was signing autographs! Anyway, Logan goes home sometime this afternoon. How sweet, he spent the night. Did Angel and Logan have a slumber party? Did they tell stories of their sexual conquests? Christian allows Belthazor to feed Angel. I will not be touching that with a thirty foot pole. Lana meets Christian and helps clean the clinic. Such a nice girl. Too bad she's probably dreadfully dull.

LEE: You're really mean.

RITA!JOHN: And you're looking slightly plump. Alanna stops in to see Angel. Rory Gilmore visits Angel as well. And, thankfully, she is not crying. Crying is very unattractive, Miss Gilmore. It makes you look like a drowned rat. Molly visits Angel as well.

LEE: Angel got a lot of visitors.

RITA!JOHN: I need some Midol.

LEE: What?

RITA!JOHN: Before leaving the clinic, Logan and Angel discuss why Logan went alpha last night. Mr. Thazor follows through and feeds Angel. How sweet. If I had tear ducts, I think I might produce a tear. Lana sits with Angel. She just sits with him? Honestly, children at this school are so very unproductive. You could've cooked a nice dish of poached eggs for him! Rory and Angel become disgustingly mushy.

LEE: Missing Wilbur?

RITA!JOHN: He never held me like that! Alanna gives Angel something to read. Whoo hoo. Angel's excitement must've been through the roof at that. Veronica and Angel are relieved. And, children, I listened to the radio yesteray. When will the wedding occur? Phoebe and Angel discuss Mr. Thazor. And my feet are cold.

LEE: Need a blanket?

RITA!JOHN: No, I need a Xanax. Apparently, Miss Hayes is the cutest thing ever. I did not vote for her in that category. My vote went to that bastion of goodness, John Crichton. Miss Parker and Angel are also relieve with each other. Tell me, don't you think those two crazy kids would make a delightfully explosive couple? Someone set them up! Callistie tells Angel she was worried for him. Children, did I tell you about the vacation I went on to Barbados? I didn't? Well, I went to Barbados and couldn't wear a swimsuit because I was incredibly pale. Wasn't that more exciting then Callistie talk? Miss Chase also checks up on Angel. You children care too much! Stop it! You are giving me a migraine!

LEE: Tyenol?

RITA!JOHN: Eat some chicken! That night at the Fandom Town Emergency Clinic, Miss Backtalky gets an excuse note for Angel. Dr. Lambert is Canadian as so pointed out by Thomas Gavin. How helpful he is. Thomas? Call me! Schizophrenic John is attempting to cheer Angel up. You children never stop, do you? Go to bed! Angel becomes incredibly stubborn and tries to convince Janet into letting him go home. Miss Gilmore returns to the clinic but, since Angel is being sent home, failed in her mission. I'm devastated, I am. Miss Gilmore also talks about sex between animals. Perhaps she should be taking the Xanax. And finally, Angel is sent home. Whoo hoo.

RITA!JOHN: You children talk entirely too much. You've given me a migraine and I have a bunion on my foot. Go to sleep!
LEE: You can't tell everyone what to do.
RITA!JOHN: Come give mommy a kiss!
LEE: Save me!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
RITA!JOHN: Good evening children and welcome, yet again, to another edition of Fandom Radio. I am Professor Miss Blonde Haired, Bespectacled, Magically Inclined, Journalistic Rita Skeeter.
LEE: Dude...again?
RITA!JOHN: I honestly do not know what you are talking about dear boy. Also, have you gained weight?
LEE:...shut up!

The Pit Of Vulgar Sexual Festivities Where All The Happy Children Live!

LEE: Susan freed all the emo from the balcony with a positive attitude and a couple cups of coffee. Thereby proving that coffee is as gods.

Sammy, personal property of Kara ThraceAnders made a delicious breakfast and Cally offered to share her perfect man with the lovely Miss Thrace. *coughs* Hrm.

RITA!JOHN: Ah, children and their hedonistic tendencies. I swear that I never was like that when I was your age.

LEE: Dude, you are my age.

Speaking of hedonism, however, there was a great celebration in honor of Nadia's birthday.

LEE: I just want to be perfectly clear on this -- Cameron and Molly are not sleeping together.

RITA!JOHN: ...wait, what?

LEE: I just wanted to be perfectly clear on that point. Also, Veronica and Xander sent emails. Nadia and Veronica hung out. Parker and Isabel had very lucid dreams. Janet got a call from Veronica. Angela spoke to her mom and came home to discover considerable CARNAGE from a battle of the teddy bears.

RITA!JOHN: *sing songs* 'If you go out in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise...'

LEE: John. Just frakkin' stop.

Dorkface gave up books for boozing it up with me tonight. And Marty went into the woods to find a gift for Nadia. BE CAREFUL, MARTY! You never know what evil robotic kidnapping bitch awaits you under the cover of dark trees and small bushes!!

RITA!JOHN: ...

LEE: According to my notes, there's a party in your room tonight --

RITA!JOHN: I do not know of any party occuring in my boudoir.

LEE: 238. Stop by. Bring booze.

The Best Town In the World Because I Happen To Live There!

RITA!JOHN: All and Sundries is open. How very cute. Has my age defying cream come in? You know, it takes a lot of foundation, surgery, and magic to look this good at age 57! While at All and Sundries, Veronica and Pip buy turnips. Does that work on skin, dears? I'll do anything to eliminate my wrinkles! Pippi is looking for party decorations and helps name Edmund's puppy. Later, Walter joins her. How terribly unexciting. You bore me. Ivanova, dear? Stop bouncing? You're giving me motion sickness. And what? No present for me? Edmund receives a present and all I receive is papers from my Wilbur asking for a divorce and half our estates? I need some Prozac. Orlin also visits All and Sundries. Honestly, is this shop the equivalent of a clown car? Shove as many people in there as possible and let them bump around?

RITA!JOHN: Cafe Fina is open. No one is visiting. I guess everyone is busy eating their Hungry Man dinner and watching Wheel of Fortune. How very typical. Does anyone have a Zantac? I had beans earlier and they refuse to agree with my stomach. Indigestion and Rita Skeeter do not agree.

LEE: Dude, this booth is small. If you let one loose...

RITA!JOHN: Skeeter's do not "let one loose", boy. Skeeter's expel gaseous components in order to cleanse their bodies.

RITA!JOHN: Caritas is open but remains without customers. I bet it's due to that lovely GOB boy not being there. A strapping young lad such as him should be kept in front of the customers so I...I mean any lovely lady can view that merchandise. What? I am a woman with needs!

CJ stops into the Perk and purchases coffee for Tommy Gavin. I don't believe I've met this man as of yet? Thomas? Call me? Rita likes coffee too!

LEE: I brought you coffee!

RITA!JOHN: You are just a boy. Though, you do look an awful lot like my Wilbur. Tell me, how old are you?

LEE: Um...

RITA!JOHN: You have my Wilbur's nose. My son, Umberto, could be your twin.

LEE: Um...

RITA!JOHN: Lee....I am your mother. Also, Giles is quite happy about Angel being on the mend. I am too, dear boy. We all love angels.

LEE: No, Angel.

RITA!JOHN: Do not correct your biological mother, Lee Gideon Skeeter. I have half a mind to take you over my knee and give you a spanking.

LEE: Seek help.

RITA!JOHN: Orlin fixes things. How very boring. Today, I knitted myself a pair of socks with kittens on the sides. Isn't that much more exciting then hearing about someone's adventures shopping? Jarod, that dashing lad, is recovering from his sickness as well. Camulus and Orlin get together again. Honestly, Fandom is nothing more then a breeding ground for sexual activities galore. It's a wonder any work gets done around here.

LEE: You have two kids...

RITA!JOHN: Three, sweet Lee Gideon Skeeter.

LEE: Whatever. You had to um...

RITA!JOHN: No, I did not. My children were hatched from eggs. And Daniel Jackson is in love with his books. Invite me to the wedding, dear.

The Clinic Where Far Too Much Happened For My Wee Brain

RITA!JOHN: When did the clinic become such a hotbed of activity? You would think that a famous senior citizen such as myself was signing autographs! Anyway, Logan goes home sometime this afternoon. How sweet, he spent the night. Did Angel and Logan have a slumber party? Did they tell stories of their sexual conquests? Christian allows Belthazor to feed Angel. I will not be touching that with a thirty foot pole. Lana meets Christian and helps clean the clinic. Such a nice girl. Too bad she's probably dreadfully dull.

LEE: You're really mean.

RITA!JOHN: And you're looking slightly plump. Alanna stops in to see Angel. Rory Gilmore visits Angel as well. And, thankfully, she is not crying. Crying is very unattractive, Miss Gilmore. It makes you look like a drowned rat. Molly visits Angel as well.

LEE: Angel got a lot of visitors.

RITA!JOHN: I need some Midol.

LEE: What?

RITA!JOHN: Before leaving the clinic, Logan and Angel discuss why Logan went alpha last night. Mr. Thazor follows through and feeds Angel. How sweet. If I had tear ducts, I think I might produce a tear. Lana sits with Angel. She just sits with him? Honestly, children at this school are so very unproductive. You could've cooked a nice dish of poached eggs for him! Rory and Angel become disgustingly mushy.

LEE: Missing Wilbur?

RITA!JOHN: He never held me like that! Alanna gives Angel something to read. Whoo hoo. Angel's excitement must've been through the roof at that. Veronica and Angel are relieved. And, children, I listened to the radio yesteray. When will the wedding occur? Phoebe and Angel discuss Mr. Thazor. And my feet are cold.

LEE: Need a blanket?

RITA!JOHN: No, I need a Xanax. Apparently, Miss Hayes is the cutest thing ever. I did not vote for her in that category. My vote went to that bastion of goodness, John Crichton. Miss Parker and Angel are also relieve with each other. Tell me, don't you think those two crazy kids would make a delightfully explosive couple? Someone set them up! Callistie tells Angel she was worried for him. Children, did I tell you about the vacation I went on to Barbados? I didn't? Well, I went to Barbados and couldn't wear a swimsuit because I was incredibly pale. Wasn't that more exciting then Callistie talk? Miss Chase also checks up on Angel. You children care too much! Stop it! You are giving me a migraine!

LEE: Tyenol?

RITA!JOHN: Eat some chicken! That night at the Fandom Town Emergency Clinic, Miss Backtalky gets an excuse note for Angel. Dr. Lambert is Canadian as so pointed out by Thomas Gavin. How helpful he is. Thomas? Call me! Schizophrenic John is attempting to cheer Angel up. You children never stop, do you? Go to bed! Angel becomes incredibly stubborn and tries to convince Janet into letting him go home. Miss Gilmore returns to the clinic but, since Angel is being sent home, failed in her mission. I'm devastated, I am. Miss Gilmore also talks about sex between animals. Perhaps she should be taking the Xanax. And finally, Angel is sent home. Whoo hoo.

RITA!JOHN: You children talk entirely too much. You've given me a migraine and I have a bunion on my foot. Go to sleep!
LEE: You can't tell everyone what to do.
RITA!JOHN: Come give mommy a kiss!
LEE: Save me!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
JOHN: Good evening folks and welcome to this week's edition of Fandom Radio through the eyes of Lee Gideon Adama and John Robert Crichton.
LEE: Dude, did you have to use the middle names?
JOHN: I did. It was either that or I was gonna cover you in bees.
LEE: Dude, what?
JOHN: Hey, we gotta keep the act fresh. Bees next week, folks!
LEE: Seriously, no middle names.
JOHN: You know what would be cool? If your middle name was Megatron. Lee Megatron Adama.
LEE: Dude...that actually does sound kinda cool.

School on Saturday? Surely, You Jest!

LEE: Detention today was attended by Peter Parker Picked a Pack of Pickled Peppers, Paige Matthews, Piper Halliwell, Draco Malfoy, and Lilly Kane. Detention was run by Rory's mom!

JOHN: She has a name, dude.

LEE: Rory's mom is a perfectly fine description for her.

JOHN: You know, Professor Skeeter has kids, man.

LEE: Really? Does she turn them into animals?

JOHN: Dunno. But, I've figured it. Professor Skeeter only turns me into animals because she is substituting me for her long lost children. Me being there brings out her maternal instinct and allows that mothering part of her to come out and take over. Dude, she was actually awww'ing at me last week.

LEE: That's a good thing?

JOHN: Very good thing. Soon, the school will be calling her Grandma Skeeter. It's an affectionate nickname in the making!

LEE: Also, people who are leaving fair Fandom for Spring Break have one last hurrah at the front gates. Safe travels everyone!

Dorm Room With a View

JOHN: Al puppy sat for Walter today.

LEE: John, I think I've figured out the way to a woman's heart.

JOHN: With toast and jelly?

LEE: Well, yes, toast is always in the cards but sweet, little animals always seem to attract women.

JOHN: And men!

LEE:...I'm not gay!

JOHN: Are you a BAMF?

LEE Dude, not gay!

JOHN: Of course you're not because, apparently, Kara and yourself we're playing in an R rated way.

LEE: We were studying!

JOHN: Yeah, studying...each other's skin!

LEE: Idiot.

JOHN: Gideon!

Aeryn was in the gym today. She was visited by Cameron and Molly. Yeah.

LEE: What's wrong there, John?

JOHN: Indigestion.

LEE: Need a bathroom break?

JOHN: Nope. Hand me a Tums though.

LEE: Edward is, apparently, hiding on the roof. So, everyone, go visit Ed on the roof!

JOHN: Izzy is like a wind up toy today in that she's all over the dorms, getting stuff done. First, she put up posters for the upcoming Baltimore trip. She was also in the first floor lobby to chat with Peter Peter the Pumpkin Eater.

LEE: Anders, in his quest for World Cupcake Domination, is making more cupcakes. Bridge, who Rory and Jaye think is cute, comes to visit.

JOHN: Macbeth is...doing something about his timeline. I'm not entirely sure. Can I just make something up? Okay, today, Macbeth was dancing a jig in a kilt! Victor gets a gift and I got some bad news when Veronica stopped by and told me Angel was sick.

LEE: Angel's sick?

JOHN: Yeah, he's sick. I don't think it was a tire.

LEE: Dude, are you on drugs?

JOHN: No, I'm not. Just say no to drugs, kids! Also, when you got out at night, be safe and be careful.

Takin You Downtown!

JOHN: Lana and Phoebe make with the small talk down on the rocks. Hey Phoebe? Congrats on the being back together with Bel, the real Bel, thing!

LEE: The monochromatic madam opens up the Sin. GOB promptly comes to visit.

JOHN: GOB? Dude, he sounds like a peanut.

LEE: How do you think he tastes?

JOHN: Dude. You can think about that little fantasy and I'll be over here eating more Tums.

LEE: That absolute teddy bear of love, Tex opens up Blood Gulch Arms for the Gun Club.

JOHN: Yeah, she's about as sweet as a root canal.

LEE: Well, she's...trying?

JOHN: I think I wanna cover her in bees under the pale moonlight.

Orlin visits the park. No one visits Orlin.

LEE: Imaginary friends, dude. That's the way to make sure you are never without a friend.

JOHN: You have an imaginary friend?

LEE: Yep. Name's Pierre LaFontaine. You have one?

JOHN: Um...dammit. Yeah. Larry the Ice Cream Guy.

Cafe Fina is open yay! Molly heads to Jeff, God of Biscuits and meets up with Blair and there is much cuteness.

LEE: Why aren't we that cute anymore?

JOHN: Because you've stopped shaving your legs.

LEE: I'm a guy!

JOHN: Shave your legs and we'll talk about being cute again.

LEE: Caritas is open and, like a moth to the flame, Orlin visits.

JOHN: Guess he didn't take the imaginary friend advice.

LEE: Too bad. He'll regret it eventually.

JOHN: And, proving that not having imaginary friends drives you to go EVERYWHERE in town, Orlin also visits Empire Records and Bidet and chats with Lucas.

LEE: Down at the clinic, Veronica, that sassy blonde, brings clothing for Angel and Callisto and then frets at Dr. Not-Bel.

JOHN: Veronica brought Callisto some of Aeryn's clothes.

LEE: Who gave Veronica Aeryn's clothes?

JOHN: I did.

LEE:...why do you have Aeryn's clothes?

JOHN: Because, um, they're comfortable.

LEE: You've been wearing them?

JOHN: NO!

LEE: Sure, dude. Whatever.

Angel's still not feeling well that evening and CJ swings by the clinic.

LEE: And that's all we have for tonight fine folks. Hope to see you again soon!
JOHN: You wanna see all of them again?
LEE: Of course, John, everyone is very nice here in Fandom.
JOHN: Would they all fit in your bed?
LEE: I...what?
JOHN: Party in Lee's bed in three hours! Bring your own pillow! Night!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
JOHN: Good evening folks and welcome to this week's edition of Fandom Radio through the eyes of Lee Gideon Adama and John Robert Crichton.
LEE: Dude, did you have to use the middle names?
JOHN: I did. It was either that or I was gonna cover you in bees.
LEE: Dude, what?
JOHN: Hey, we gotta keep the act fresh. Bees next week, folks!
LEE: Seriously, no middle names.
JOHN: You know what would be cool? If your middle name was Megatron. Lee Megatron Adama.
LEE: Dude...that actually does sound kinda cool.

School on Saturday? Surely, You Jest!

LEE: Detention today was attended by Peter Parker Picked a Pack of Pickled Peppers, Paige Matthews, Piper Halliwell, Draco Malfoy, and Lilly Kane. Detention was run by Rory's mom!

JOHN: She has a name, dude.

LEE: Rory's mom is a perfectly fine description for her.

JOHN: You know, Professor Skeeter has kids, man.

LEE: Really? Does she turn them into animals?

JOHN: Dunno. But, I've figured it. Professor Skeeter only turns me into animals because she is substituting me for her long lost children. Me being there brings out her maternal instinct and allows that mothering part of her to come out and take over. Dude, she was actually awww'ing at me last week.

LEE: That's a good thing?

JOHN: Very good thing. Soon, the school will be calling her Grandma Skeeter. It's an affectionate nickname in the making!

LEE: Also, people who are leaving fair Fandom for Spring Break have one last hurrah at the front gates. Safe travels everyone!

Dorm Room With a View

JOHN: Al puppy sat for Walter today.

LEE: John, I think I've figured out the way to a woman's heart.

JOHN: With toast and jelly?

LEE: Well, yes, toast is always in the cards but sweet, little animals always seem to attract women.

JOHN: And men!

LEE:...I'm not gay!

JOHN: Are you a BAMF?

LEE Dude, not gay!

JOHN: Of course you're not because, apparently, Kara and yourself we're playing in an R rated way.

LEE: We were studying!

JOHN: Yeah, studying...each other's skin!

LEE: Idiot.

JOHN: Gideon!

Aeryn was in the gym today. She was visited by Cameron and Molly. Yeah.

LEE: What's wrong there, John?

JOHN: Indigestion.

LEE: Need a bathroom break?

JOHN: Nope. Hand me a Tums though.

LEE: Edward is, apparently, hiding on the roof. So, everyone, go visit Ed on the roof!

JOHN: Izzy is like a wind up toy today in that she's all over the dorms, getting stuff done. First, she put up posters for the upcoming Baltimore trip. She was also in the first floor lobby to chat with Peter Peter the Pumpkin Eater.

LEE: Anders, in his quest for World Cupcake Domination, is making more cupcakes. Bridge, who Rory and Jaye think is cute, comes to visit.

JOHN: Macbeth is...doing something about his timeline. I'm not entirely sure. Can I just make something up? Okay, today, Macbeth was dancing a jig in a kilt! Victor gets a gift and I got some bad news when Veronica stopped by and told me Angel was sick.

LEE: Angel's sick?

JOHN: Yeah, he's sick. I don't think it was a tire.

LEE: Dude, are you on drugs?

JOHN: No, I'm not. Just say no to drugs, kids! Also, when you got out at night, be safe and be careful.

Takin You Downtown!

JOHN: Lana and Phoebe make with the small talk down on the rocks. Hey Phoebe? Congrats on the being back together with Bel, the real Bel, thing!

LEE: The monochromatic madam opens up the Sin. GOB promptly comes to visit.

JOHN: GOB? Dude, he sounds like a peanut.

LEE: How do you think he tastes?

JOHN: Dude. You can think about that little fantasy and I'll be over here eating more Tums.

LEE: That absolute teddy bear of love, Tex opens up Blood Gulch Arms for the Gun Club.

JOHN: Yeah, she's about as sweet as a root canal.

LEE: Well, she's...trying?

JOHN: I think I wanna cover her in bees under the pale moonlight.

Orlin visits the park. No one visits Orlin.

LEE: Imaginary friends, dude. That's the way to make sure you are never without a friend.

JOHN: You have an imaginary friend?

LEE: Yep. Name's Pierre LaFontaine. You have one?

JOHN: Um...dammit. Yeah. Larry the Ice Cream Guy.

Cafe Fina is open yay! Molly heads to Jeff, God of Biscuits and meets up with Blair and there is much cuteness.

LEE: Why aren't we that cute anymore?

JOHN: Because you've stopped shaving your legs.

LEE: I'm a guy!

JOHN: Shave your legs and we'll talk about being cute again.

LEE: Caritas is open and, like a moth to the flame, Orlin visits.

JOHN: Guess he didn't take the imaginary friend advice.

LEE: Too bad. He'll regret it eventually.

JOHN: And, proving that not having imaginary friends drives you to go EVERYWHERE in town, Orlin also visits Empire Records and Bidet and chats with Lucas.

LEE: Down at the clinic, Veronica, that sassy blonde, brings clothing for Angel and Callisto and then frets at Dr. Not-Bel.

JOHN: Veronica brought Callisto some of Aeryn's clothes.

LEE: Who gave Veronica Aeryn's clothes?

JOHN: I did.

LEE:...why do you have Aeryn's clothes?

JOHN: Because, um, they're comfortable.

LEE: You've been wearing them?

JOHN: NO!

LEE: Sure, dude. Whatever.

Angel's still not feeling well that evening and CJ swings by the clinic.

LEE: And that's all we have for tonight fine folks. Hope to see you again soon!
JOHN: You wanna see all of them again?
LEE: Of course, John, everyone is very nice here in Fandom.
JOHN: Would they all fit in your bed?
LEE: I...what?
JOHN: Party in Lee's bed in three hours! Bring your own pillow! Night!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
JOHN: Hello and welcome again to Fandom Radio. It's Saturday Night and you know what that means...
LEE: You're finally letting me move in?
JOHN: Get a new a line! No, it's time for Fandom Radio with John and Lee, the two most heterosexual guys in Fandom.
LEE: And we're good looking.
JOHN: Definitely good looking!
LEE: I'm glad to see you're not Wilbur this week.
JOHN: I was never Wilbur!
LEE: But last week!
JOHN: Quiet Adama! Itra Keetersa is probably listening!
LEE: ...

School on Saturday? Surely You Jest!

JOHN: Today's detention was held courtesy of Constable Benton Fraser and his awesome hat.

LEE: I have yet to see or wear the hat.

JOHN: I haven't worn the hat either.

LEE: Is it a special hat? Does it make you grow?

JOHN: Not in the places that matter...


Dorm Room With A View

LEE: My good friend Xander took a great deal of time in front of his dressing mirror this morning before detention. I do wonder why, though. I've always thought he looks quite nice.

JOHN: Yeah, and Pippi ate her quilt.

LEE: No, seriously. I think Xander looks fine without spending an unusually long time figuring out his wardrobe for the day.

JOHN: No, really she ate her quilt. And Maia did things with play-doh.

LEE: Dude. I was serious about Xander, John.

JOHN: Drop it, Adama.

LEE: Anyway, Elizabeth wrote in her dream journal. About you.

JOHN: Really?! *rustle of papers*

LEE: Yup. She really digs you, man. And Walter and Victor discussed their abnormalities. And Walter hummed.

JOHN: Is that a euphemism?

LEE: And while Cam and Jaye got a little hot and heavy after their non-date, the lovely Miss Parker wrote dull and boring sexless letters and Nadia studied. You comforted Rory in her Skywalkerless distress, which was quite nice of you, buddy.

JOHN: Why, thank you.

LEE: Just be careful. A woman without her man can be dangerous.

JOHN: What crack are you smoking, dude?

LEE: Hopefully not the crack that Cordy's smoking.

JOHN: Point.

LEE: Also, in preperation for our Shakespearian debut, Callisto and Pip worked on their lines, as did myself and Parker, with Sam watching.

JOHN: Dirty!

LEE: You can watch next time.

LEE: This morning in the common rooms -- Isabel got to see Mac's incredible tortilla-making powers. Connor surfed the 'net. Logan received a thorough licking...

JOHN:... but not from Veronica.

LEE: Aformentioned Lady of Mars did chat with Logan and Angel all secret-like before Anders chatted with Angel about sweet sweet love. Later, Veronica got the low down on Anders' boykissing while Angel and Cally talk about the kissing habits of marine animals.

JOHN: Secrets, love, boykissing and fish.

LEE: I gotta get out of my room more.

Isabel chatted with Cally about some far off land called "New Mexico" and then with Angel about some story about toys. And Jake sat on Logan.

JOHN: Did Logan make it?

LEE: This is Jake we're talking about. If you had sat on Logan, he would have died instantly.

JOHN: I hate you.

LEE: Not as much as some warrior fish despise the lovely Rory Gilmore.

JOHN: ...what?!

LEE: Dude, it's Fandom.

And in the common rooms this evening, there is movie watching on the fourth floor with Isabel, Lana and Mac while the second floor is more subdued with Bridge, Elizabeth, Angela and Marty hanging out.

JOHN: Don't forget Callynanders.

LEE: Oh. Sorry. Yes. Anders is wielding cupcake mix. BEWARE.


Takin' You Downtown!

JOHN: Down at the ole theatre, something called Frankenfish is playing. While I have no idea what that is, it does sound like a nickname Professor Skeeter might've had as a wee youth in college. Any former classmates of Professor Skeeter's out there, give me a call!

Jaye and Cameron decide to get together later tonight and do things that are R rated and not suitable for radio. Also, Mitchell? Watch Jaye's hands, dude. They are cold and they wander!

LEE: How do you know that?"

JOHN: She frisked me once. I thought she was coming onto me.

LEE: She wasn't?

JOHN: For Jaye? That was normal, methinks.

Elsewhere in the theatre, Mary and Angela decide Frankenfish is an arthouse film. And I have no idea what that means. Later though, they decide it is not an arthouse film.

JOHN: Angela, who's very busy in town today, heads over to All and Sundries and buys a scarf. She also has her eyes on a robot dog. Angela, if you buy the dog, name him Wilbur!

LEE: Dude, why?

JOHN: Because it will keep dear Wilbur's memory close to our hearts.

Anders also visits All and Sundries for some cupcake mix. Awww, how sweet. That Anders is quite the catch.

LEE: Dude!

JOHN: What? I don't mean that in anyway other than that he's a good catch. I don't wanna date him or see him naked or anything!

LEE: Dude, stop it now!

JOHN: Orlin has a chat with Dr. Jackson in the Perk. Giles is doing some research. Hey man, take a break! It's the weekend. Go down to Caritas, have a drink and sing one of those classic songs from Top Gun for your lady!

Agatha wakes up pink. Okay... Agatha? Did you lick a frog last night? Dr. Lambert tries to figure out why Agatha is pink. Dude, she might've licked a frog!

Crowley wakes up in bed with both Phoebe and Kiki.

LEE: I thought Phoebe was with the guy who isn't the doctor at the clinic?

JOHN: Dunno man. Trouble in paradise?

Cafe Fina is open! At Caritas, Phoebe sings. Was it a Top Gun song?

LEE: What is with your sudden obsession?

JOHN: ICEMAN OWNS YOU ALL!

Also at Caritas, Vala gets a drink and, apparently, it tastes rather bad. I once saw this news special on restaurants-

LEE: Just stop it right there!

JOHN: Okay. Lorne has no idea what Vala's talking about. Maybe she licked the frog too. Weevil gets propositiond by Quark..oh wait, he's get a JOB proposition from Quark. Okay, that makes more sense. And Bel and Phoebe gets some things straight. So, together or not? C'mon guys, tell the world!

LEE: And in the Clinic of Love, we have sweet Lilly and the handsome Dr. Not-Belthazor attempting to get into each other's pants.

JOHN: Are you sure that's what the notes said?

LEE: But no one tried to get into Mr. Gavin's pants.

JOHN: I have the funny feeling that you need to get laid, Adama.

LEE: I think you have the funny feeling IN YOUR PANTS.

JOHN: ...my point exactly.


LEE: And that's all we have for you tonight, sweet ladies and gentlemen.
JOHN: Not all of them are sweet, Lee.
LEE: It's just a line, John. Don't ruin the line.
JOHN: But, it's true. Some people are mean and some are rude and some of them turn me into animals or hats for no good reason.
LEE: Maybe Professor Skeeter will turn you into a jockstrap next.
JOHN: ...I will kill you for saying that on air.
LEE: Bye folks!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
JOHN: Hello and welcome again to Fandom Radio. It's Saturday Night and you know what that means...
LEE: You're finally letting me move in?
JOHN: Get a new a line! No, it's time for Fandom Radio with John and Lee, the two most heterosexual guys in Fandom.
LEE: And we're good looking.
JOHN: Definitely good looking!
LEE: I'm glad to see you're not Wilbur this week.
JOHN: I was never Wilbur!
LEE: But last week!
JOHN: Quiet Adama! Itra Keetersa is probably listening!
LEE: ...

School on Saturday? Surely You Jest!

JOHN: Today's detention was held courtesy of Constable Benton Fraser and his awesome hat.

LEE: I have yet to see or wear the hat.

JOHN: I haven't worn the hat either.

LEE: Is it a special hat? Does it make you grow?

JOHN: Not in the places that matter...


Dorm Room With A View

LEE: My good friend Xander took a great deal of time in front of his dressing mirror this morning before detention. I do wonder why, though. I've always thought he looks quite nice.

JOHN: Yeah, and Pippi ate her quilt.

LEE: No, seriously. I think Xander looks fine without spending an unusually long time figuring out his wardrobe for the day.

JOHN: No, really she ate her quilt. And Maia did things with play-doh.

LEE: Dude. I was serious about Xander, John.

JOHN: Drop it, Adama.

LEE: Anyway, Elizabeth wrote in her dream journal. About you.

JOHN: Really?! *rustle of papers*

LEE: Yup. She really digs you, man. And Walter and Victor discussed their abnormalities. And Walter hummed.

JOHN: Is that a euphemism?

LEE: And while Cam and Jaye got a little hot and heavy after their non-date, the lovely Miss Parker wrote dull and boring sexless letters and Nadia studied. You comforted Rory in her Skywalkerless distress, which was quite nice of you, buddy.

JOHN: Why, thank you.

LEE: Just be careful. A woman without her man can be dangerous.

JOHN: What crack are you smoking, dude?

LEE: Hopefully not the crack that Cordy's smoking.

JOHN: Point.

LEE: Also, in preperation for our Shakespearian debut, Callisto and Pip worked on their lines, as did myself and Parker, with Sam watching.

JOHN: Dirty!

LEE: You can watch next time.

LEE: This morning in the common rooms -- Isabel got to see Mac's incredible tortilla-making powers. Connor surfed the 'net. Logan received a thorough licking...

JOHN:... but not from Veronica.

LEE: Aformentioned Lady of Mars did chat with Logan and Angel all secret-like before Anders chatted with Angel about sweet sweet love. Later, Veronica got the low down on Anders' boykissing while Angel and Cally talk about the kissing habits of marine animals.

JOHN: Secrets, love, boykissing and fish.

LEE: I gotta get out of my room more.

Isabel chatted with Cally about some far off land called "New Mexico" and then with Angel about some story about toys. And Jake sat on Logan.

JOHN: Did Logan make it?

LEE: This is Jake we're talking about. If you had sat on Logan, he would have died instantly.

JOHN: I hate you.

LEE: Not as much as some warrior fish despise the lovely Rory Gilmore.

JOHN: ...what?!

LEE: Dude, it's Fandom.

And in the common rooms this evening, there is movie watching on the fourth floor with Isabel, Lana and Mac while the second floor is more subdued with Bridge, Elizabeth, Angela and Marty hanging out.

JOHN: Don't forget Callynanders.

LEE: Oh. Sorry. Yes. Anders is wielding cupcake mix. BEWARE.


Takin' You Downtown!

JOHN: Down at the ole theatre, something called Frankenfish is playing. While I have no idea what that is, it does sound like a nickname Professor Skeeter might've had as a wee youth in college. Any former classmates of Professor Skeeter's out there, give me a call!

Jaye and Cameron decide to get together later tonight and do things that are R rated and not suitable for radio. Also, Mitchell? Watch Jaye's hands, dude. They are cold and they wander!

LEE: How do you know that?"

JOHN: She frisked me once. I thought she was coming onto me.

LEE: She wasn't?

JOHN: For Jaye? That was normal, methinks.

Elsewhere in the theatre, Mary and Angela decide Frankenfish is an arthouse film. And I have no idea what that means. Later though, they decide it is not an arthouse film.

JOHN: Angela, who's very busy in town today, heads over to All and Sundries and buys a scarf. She also has her eyes on a robot dog. Angela, if you buy the dog, name him Wilbur!

LEE: Dude, why?

JOHN: Because it will keep dear Wilbur's memory close to our hearts.

Anders also visits All and Sundries for some cupcake mix. Awww, how sweet. That Anders is quite the catch.

LEE: Dude!

JOHN: What? I don't mean that in anyway other than that he's a good catch. I don't wanna date him or see him naked or anything!

LEE: Dude, stop it now!

JOHN: Orlin has a chat with Dr. Jackson in the Perk. Giles is doing some research. Hey man, take a break! It's the weekend. Go down to Caritas, have a drink and sing one of those classic songs from Top Gun for your lady!

Agatha wakes up pink. Okay... Agatha? Did you lick a frog last night? Dr. Lambert tries to figure out why Agatha is pink. Dude, she might've licked a frog!

Crowley wakes up in bed with both Phoebe and Kiki.

LEE: I thought Phoebe was with the guy who isn't the doctor at the clinic?

JOHN: Dunno man. Trouble in paradise?

Cafe Fina is open! At Caritas, Phoebe sings. Was it a Top Gun song?

LEE: What is with your sudden obsession?

JOHN: ICEMAN OWNS YOU ALL!

Also at Caritas, Vala gets a drink and, apparently, it tastes rather bad. I once saw this news special on restaurants-

LEE: Just stop it right there!

JOHN: Okay. Lorne has no idea what Vala's talking about. Maybe she licked the frog too. Weevil gets propositiond by Quark..oh wait, he's get a JOB proposition from Quark. Okay, that makes more sense. And Bel and Phoebe gets some things straight. So, together or not? C'mon guys, tell the world!

LEE: And in the Clinic of Love, we have sweet Lilly and the handsome Dr. Not-Belthazor attempting to get into each other's pants.

JOHN: Are you sure that's what the notes said?

LEE: But no one tried to get into Mr. Gavin's pants.

JOHN: I have the funny feeling that you need to get laid, Adama.

LEE: I think you have the funny feeling IN YOUR PANTS.

JOHN: ...my point exactly.


LEE: And that's all we have for you tonight, sweet ladies and gentlemen.
JOHN: Not all of them are sweet, Lee.
LEE: It's just a line, John. Don't ruin the line.
JOHN: But, it's true. Some people are mean and some are rude and some of them turn me into animals or hats for no good reason.
LEE: Maybe Professor Skeeter will turn you into a jockstrap next.
JOHN: ...I will kill you for saying that on air.
LEE: Bye folks!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Written by [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod and [livejournal.com profile] leeadama

*the beautiful sound of yet another beer being opened*

LEE: Hello, Fandom! This is Lee Adama
WILBUR!JOHN: And Mr. Wilbur Rufus Skeeter.
LEE: *pause* And John Crichton.
WILBUR!JOHN: Who?
LEE: Well, now that I think about it, you are looking quite dashing today…Wilbur.
WILBUR!JOHN: Why, thank you.
LEE: You look quite Starfleet-commanderly, actually.
WILBUR!JOHN: So do you, good sir.
LEE: Ah, you flatter me, handsome.
WILBUR!JOHN: Down the hatch.

*pause for drinking*

LEE: This drink is quite nice. It reminds me of the juice of Gemenese wild—
WILBUR!JOHN: Just drink it, Lee.
LEE: Right-o.
WILBUR!JOHN: Engage.
LEE: …huh?

Classes on Saturday? Surely, You Jest!

LEE: According to my notes, Dr. Carter's planning certain evil about twelve planets I care quite a lot about.

WILBUR!JOHN: This is light beer right? I can't afford to gain any extra weight.

LEE: I hate you, Crichton.

WILBUR!JOHN: Who?

LEE: ...And Charlie was in his office on a Saturday. Which is just plain weird. GET A LIFE. And stop that freakin' bitch from attacking my planets, plz!

WILBUR!JOHN: No, seriously, Lee. Do you think I'm fat?

Detention today, was run by Professor Pierson, who is not nearly as dashing as my Professor of Perpetual Passion, Rita Skeeter. Rita my love, I'm in town! Dinner? Regardless, Boone, Logan, and Tog...Toga...Bill had detention this fine Saturday.

LEE: ILL MET BY MOONLIGHT, PROUD CRICHTON.

WILBUR!JOHN: My name is Wilbur, Lee.

LEE: I'm refering to the most awesome auditions for Midsummer Night's Dream. Which according to my notes, you didn't try out for it, John.

WILBUR!JOHN: Ree Ree doesn't like me to be in the limelight.

LEE: Right.

WILBUR!JOHN: So what kind of pansy tried out for that play?

LEE: Not me.

WILBUR!JOHN: Ha, you're such a fairy.

LEE: A commanding fairy, bitch.

WILBUR!JOHN: So, seriously, who tried out?

LEE: Pippi, Nadia, John Sheppard, Han Solo, Xander, Quinn, Blair, Pip, Macbeth, the fairest of all Maureens, Alanna, some punk, Molly, Rose, Hamlet, Lana, Zero, Callisto, Cally, Kawalsky, and CameronAllie.

WILBUR!JOHN: Pansies.

LEE: I really hate you, John.

WILBUR!JOHN: Actually, I was thinking of what kind of flower to plant in front of Ree Ree's house this spring, Lee. I wasn't meaning to say something derogatory about those who appreciate the fine arts of the theater. But now that you mention it...

LEE: Shut up...Mr. Skeeter.

WILBUR!JOHN: Thanks.

LEE: Also, Jaye tried to perfect the dance move of 'jazz hands' but perhaps Mr. Kennedy would know best. She and Macbeth also watched the lovely Miss Parker try out. Snarking at other's expense continued as well as some good old fashioned gossiping. I'm not surprised that a shrub arrived, as this is Fandom, but I hope someone watered it. Cally also arrived, being quite herself today.

Dorm Room With A View

WILBUR!JOHN: Cam and Isabel spend time sparring in the gym. Sparring? I do believe my pookie and I used to spar when we were young and in love. I don't know what happened to us. I've tried calling, I've tried writing, I've tried everything. My pookie...

Cam and Parker, who looks a lot like my Ree Ree at a younger age, miss Aeryn. We all do, dear students, we all do. Walter proves to be quite the culinary genius as he prepared breakfast for Pippi, Nadia, Pip and Blair. My beloved, my sweet Rita Bo Bita, used to enjoy eggs over easy in bed. It's been so long since I've cooked for her.

LEE: I can cook...

WILBUR!JOHN: Nobody asked you, boy!

WILBUR!JOHN: In the fourth floor common room, Shep, Lana, and Han do something called hanging out. Hanging out? Please tell me they were all wearing their clothing and not actually hanging out. Elsewhere, Whorey? Rory? I'm terribly sorry for that blunder. A kind benefactor has been mailing me tapes of my beloved's broadcast and I've heard her call Miss Gilmore, Whorey. I wanted to be as one with her. Anyway, Miss Gilmore apparently Netflixes something quite entertaining.

LEE: What's a Netflix?

WILBUR!JOHN: Sounds like some odd sexual contraption. Rory and Peter begin to wonder if Miss Gilmore's father has a secret acting career. I once told my sweet Rita that she could go into acting. She failed to believe me. I was crushed...again.

Callisto apparently wore a cheerleading uniform and auditioned for some bloody play. Really, who cares? Where is the news of my fair Rita? Angela orders food. Did you order scones, children? Rita likes scones. And veal. Scones with veal. It's quite the delicacy where we're from.

LEE: Can I try some scones with veal?

WILBUR!JOHN: Make it so.

Marty brings Rory a present. Dearest Rita? Professor of my heart? I have a present for you as well. Please, call me!

WILBUR!JOHN: Lyta wakes up in the middle of the night. Why is this news? Honestly, the things this school reports. Excuse me, I got a hangnail today. Put that on the telly, please! Jake ruin's Angel's clothes. Now that's just mean, man. You never touch a man's clothing. The clothing makes the man. Just ask my Rita who loves my violet velvet jumpsuit.

LEE: Violet velvet...

WILBUR!JOHN: I'm wearing it right now, dear boy. Don't close your eyes! Don't make that gagging face!

Later, Angel discovers his clothing. Everybody need some color in their lives, boy! Put on that pink shirt and impress your lady! Xander is not in his room. Whoopity doo. Honestly, you're boring me with this incessant nonsense. Tell me something important. Did my Ree Ree smile today? Cally has breasts. I have come to the conclusion that this school is a warped pit of sexual festivities.

LEE: Isn't it great?

WILBUR!JOHN: Anders and Bridge have changed back into themselves. Yes, because impersonating someone else is just wrong and bad. *pause* Anyway, very good boys. I do hope you remain in your bodies and with your hands to yourselves. All sorts of venereal disease going around these days.

LEE: Venereal what?

WILBUR!JOHN: Do not interrupt me when I am speaking!

Elizabeth is returning home for an unspecified amount of time. I wish you well in your travels, Elizabeth. Veronica helps Jake with his evil plan. Evil plan? Honestly, what ever happened to the days of playing hop scotch in the alley? My dearest Rita was a hop scotch champion in her younger ears. Time...and age has faded that ability.

Cam yells at Blair. The last time I spoke to my curly haired bringer of happiness, she was also yelling at me. I've done nothing wrong, Rita. Come back to me!

LEE: Dude, you sound pretty desperate.

WILBUR!JOHN: Do not speak to your elders in that manner, young man!

Callisto visit Archie. Also, my nose itches. Aren't you excited? No? Then you feel exactly the same way I do.

Takin' You Downtown!

WILBUR: JOHN: Today, in the clinic, Granny deals with Tommy. And all of you should know that my Rita will be the most beautiful grandmother ever in about five years. Yes, Rita, we're having to be grandparents!

LEE: Congratulations.

WILBUR!JOHN: Thank you dear boy! I am most happy!

Trevor comes to the clinic looking for work. If you can't find work there, laddie, let me know and I'll put in a good word for you at my Rita's favorite bratwurst deli in town. Han comes to the clinic to have his stitches removed. Honestly, dear boy, be a man and just rip them out. That's how I impressed my dear Rita.

LEE: Orlin worked on technological projects. I think Dr. Carter should pay more attention to him than my homeworlds.

WILBUR!JOHN: Have you ever named a Battlestar 'Enterprise'?

LEE: Something really frakked up happened waaaaay late last night or early this morning between Nadia, Pippi and Artie.

WILBUR!JOHN: Strange like how your pants are totally missing?

LEE: Strange like how my pants are on your head.

WILBUR!JOHN: Sweet Rita, he lies!

LEE: Anyway, Nadia and Pippi apparently stayed the night at Artie's. Wow. I didn't know Artie liked them young. And apparently they can really kick some ass so... hrm.

WILBUR!JOHN: You should see if they take cash.

LEE: What?

WILBUR!JOHN: OH RITA!

LEE: ...Anyway, Batou was working faithfully at Sanctity and Orlin was productive with the ducks.

WILBUR!JOHN: ...what the hell?

LEE: Language, John!

WILBUR!JOHN: My name is WILBUR.

LEE: That's not what you said last night.

WILBUR!JOHN: Shut up, Adama.

LEE: And Bel and Agatha visited him. There might have been kissing.

WILBUR!JOHN: I miss kissing.

LEE: Professor Skeeter doesn't put out then?

WILBUR!JOHN: She's had a headache for seven years now.

LEE: ...sucks, man.

WILBUR!JOHN: You single?

LEE: I'm going to pretend you didn't offer. Orlin and Lucas conversed at the excellent establishment of Empire Records. And the fair Miss Tonks was distracted whilst working at Wonka's Sweet Shoppe.

WILBUR!JOHN: Lorne returns to the hallowed grounds of Caritas. My fellow deli owner, Kirk, did it better. He knew how to make a grand entrance! And Caritas is open!

WILBUR!JOHN: And that, my dearest friends, is all we have for tonight. Bloody hell, you lot are boring.
LEE: Stop calling us that, you idiot.
WILBUR!JOHN: You dare call your superior officer an idiot?
LEE: Got a problem with that?
WILBUR!JOHN: As a matter of fact, I do.
LEE: Do something about it, old man.
WILBUR!JOHN: I shall subject you to many, many hours of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. It's Ree Ree's favorite television show. It made me want to drive an ice pick through my eye.
LEE: You're...gonna do that to me? Sweet Lee?
WILBUR!JOHN: Make it so!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Written by [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod and [livejournal.com profile] leeadama

*the beautiful sound of yet another beer being opened*

LEE: Hello, Fandom! This is Lee Adama
WILBUR!JOHN: And Mr. Wilbur Rufus Skeeter.
LEE: *pause* And John Crichton.
WILBUR!JOHN: Who?
LEE: Well, now that I think about it, you are looking quite dashing today…Wilbur.
WILBUR!JOHN: Why, thank you.
LEE: You look quite Starfleet-commanderly, actually.
WILBUR!JOHN: So do you, good sir.
LEE: Ah, you flatter me, handsome.
WILBUR!JOHN: Down the hatch.

*pause for drinking*

LEE: This drink is quite nice. It reminds me of the juice of Gemenese wild—
WILBUR!JOHN: Just drink it, Lee.
LEE: Right-o.
WILBUR!JOHN: Engage.
LEE: …huh?

Classes on Saturday? Surely, You Jest!

LEE: According to my notes, Dr. Carter's planning certain evil about twelve planets I care quite a lot about.

WILBUR!JOHN: This is light beer right? I can't afford to gain any extra weight.

LEE: I hate you, Crichton.

WILBUR!JOHN: Who?

LEE: ...And Charlie was in his office on a Saturday. Which is just plain weird. GET A LIFE. And stop that freakin' bitch from attacking my planets, plz!

WILBUR!JOHN: No, seriously, Lee. Do you think I'm fat?

Detention today, was run by Professor Pierson, who is not nearly as dashing as my Professor of Perpetual Passion, Rita Skeeter. Rita my love, I'm in town! Dinner? Regardless, Boone, Logan, and Tog...Toga...Bill had detention this fine Saturday.

LEE: ILL MET BY MOONLIGHT, PROUD CRICHTON.

WILBUR!JOHN: My name is Wilbur, Lee.

LEE: I'm refering to the most awesome auditions for Midsummer Night's Dream. Which according to my notes, you didn't try out for it, John.

WILBUR!JOHN: Ree Ree doesn't like me to be in the limelight.

LEE: Right.

WILBUR!JOHN: So what kind of pansy tried out for that play?

LEE: Not me.

WILBUR!JOHN: Ha, you're such a fairy.

LEE: A commanding fairy, bitch.

WILBUR!JOHN: So, seriously, who tried out?

LEE: Pippi, Nadia, John Sheppard, Han Solo, Xander, Quinn, Blair, Pip, Macbeth, the fairest of all Maureens, Alanna, some punk, Molly, Rose, Hamlet, Lana, Zero, Callisto, Cally, Kawalsky, and CameronAllie.

WILBUR!JOHN: Pansies.

LEE: I really hate you, John.

WILBUR!JOHN: Actually, I was thinking of what kind of flower to plant in front of Ree Ree's house this spring, Lee. I wasn't meaning to say something derogatory about those who appreciate the fine arts of the theater. But now that you mention it...

LEE: Shut up...Mr. Skeeter.

WILBUR!JOHN: Thanks.

LEE: Also, Jaye tried to perfect the dance move of 'jazz hands' but perhaps Mr. Kennedy would know best. She and Macbeth also watched the lovely Miss Parker try out. Snarking at other's expense continued as well as some good old fashioned gossiping. I'm not surprised that a shrub arrived, as this is Fandom, but I hope someone watered it. Cally also arrived, being quite herself today.

Dorm Room With A View

WILBUR!JOHN: Cam and Isabel spend time sparring in the gym. Sparring? I do believe my pookie and I used to spar when we were young and in love. I don't know what happened to us. I've tried calling, I've tried writing, I've tried everything. My pookie...

Cam and Parker, who looks a lot like my Ree Ree at a younger age, miss Aeryn. We all do, dear students, we all do. Walter proves to be quite the culinary genius as he prepared breakfast for Pippi, Nadia, Pip and Blair. My beloved, my sweet Rita Bo Bita, used to enjoy eggs over easy in bed. It's been so long since I've cooked for her.

LEE: I can cook...

WILBUR!JOHN: Nobody asked you, boy!

WILBUR!JOHN: In the fourth floor common room, Shep, Lana, and Han do something called hanging out. Hanging out? Please tell me they were all wearing their clothing and not actually hanging out. Elsewhere, Whorey? Rory? I'm terribly sorry for that blunder. A kind benefactor has been mailing me tapes of my beloved's broadcast and I've heard her call Miss Gilmore, Whorey. I wanted to be as one with her. Anyway, Miss Gilmore apparently Netflixes something quite entertaining.

LEE: What's a Netflix?

WILBUR!JOHN: Sounds like some odd sexual contraption. Rory and Peter begin to wonder if Miss Gilmore's father has a secret acting career. I once told my sweet Rita that she could go into acting. She failed to believe me. I was crushed...again.

Callisto apparently wore a cheerleading uniform and auditioned for some bloody play. Really, who cares? Where is the news of my fair Rita? Angela orders food. Did you order scones, children? Rita likes scones. And veal. Scones with veal. It's quite the delicacy where we're from.

LEE: Can I try some scones with veal?

WILBUR!JOHN: Make it so.

Marty brings Rory a present. Dearest Rita? Professor of my heart? I have a present for you as well. Please, call me!

WILBUR!JOHN: Lyta wakes up in the middle of the night. Why is this news? Honestly, the things this school reports. Excuse me, I got a hangnail today. Put that on the telly, please! Jake ruin's Angel's clothes. Now that's just mean, man. You never touch a man's clothing. The clothing makes the man. Just ask my Rita who loves my violet velvet jumpsuit.

LEE: Violet velvet...

WILBUR!JOHN: I'm wearing it right now, dear boy. Don't close your eyes! Don't make that gagging face!

Later, Angel discovers his clothing. Everybody need some color in their lives, boy! Put on that pink shirt and impress your lady! Xander is not in his room. Whoopity doo. Honestly, you're boring me with this incessant nonsense. Tell me something important. Did my Ree Ree smile today? Cally has breasts. I have come to the conclusion that this school is a warped pit of sexual festivities.

LEE: Isn't it great?

WILBUR!JOHN: Anders and Bridge have changed back into themselves. Yes, because impersonating someone else is just wrong and bad. *pause* Anyway, very good boys. I do hope you remain in your bodies and with your hands to yourselves. All sorts of venereal disease going around these days.

LEE: Venereal what?

WILBUR!JOHN: Do not interrupt me when I am speaking!

Elizabeth is returning home for an unspecified amount of time. I wish you well in your travels, Elizabeth. Veronica helps Jake with his evil plan. Evil plan? Honestly, what ever happened to the days of playing hop scotch in the alley? My dearest Rita was a hop scotch champion in her younger ears. Time...and age has faded that ability.

Cam yells at Blair. The last time I spoke to my curly haired bringer of happiness, she was also yelling at me. I've done nothing wrong, Rita. Come back to me!

LEE: Dude, you sound pretty desperate.

WILBUR!JOHN: Do not speak to your elders in that manner, young man!

Callisto visit Archie. Also, my nose itches. Aren't you excited? No? Then you feel exactly the same way I do.

Takin' You Downtown!

WILBUR: JOHN: Today, in the clinic, Granny deals with Tommy. And all of you should know that my Rita will be the most beautiful grandmother ever in about five years. Yes, Rita, we're having to be grandparents!

LEE: Congratulations.

WILBUR!JOHN: Thank you dear boy! I am most happy!

Trevor comes to the clinic looking for work. If you can't find work there, laddie, let me know and I'll put in a good word for you at my Rita's favorite bratwurst deli in town. Han comes to the clinic to have his stitches removed. Honestly, dear boy, be a man and just rip them out. That's how I impressed my dear Rita.

LEE: Orlin worked on technological projects. I think Dr. Carter should pay more attention to him than my homeworlds.

WILBUR!JOHN: Have you ever named a Battlestar 'Enterprise'?

LEE: Something really frakked up happened waaaaay late last night or early this morning between Nadia, Pippi and Artie.

WILBUR!JOHN: Strange like how your pants are totally missing?

LEE: Strange like how my pants are on your head.

WILBUR!JOHN: Sweet Rita, he lies!

LEE: Anyway, Nadia and Pippi apparently stayed the night at Artie's. Wow. I didn't know Artie liked them young. And apparently they can really kick some ass so... hrm.

WILBUR!JOHN: You should see if they take cash.

LEE: What?

WILBUR!JOHN: OH RITA!

LEE: ...Anyway, Batou was working faithfully at Sanctity and Orlin was productive with the ducks.

WILBUR!JOHN: ...what the hell?

LEE: Language, John!

WILBUR!JOHN: My name is WILBUR.

LEE: That's not what you said last night.

WILBUR!JOHN: Shut up, Adama.

LEE: And Bel and Agatha visited him. There might have been kissing.

WILBUR!JOHN: I miss kissing.

LEE: Professor Skeeter doesn't put out then?

WILBUR!JOHN: She's had a headache for seven years now.

LEE: ...sucks, man.

WILBUR!JOHN: You single?

LEE: I'm going to pretend you didn't offer. Orlin and Lucas conversed at the excellent establishment of Empire Records. And the fair Miss Tonks was distracted whilst working at Wonka's Sweet Shoppe.

WILBUR!JOHN: Lorne returns to the hallowed grounds of Caritas. My fellow deli owner, Kirk, did it better. He knew how to make a grand entrance! And Caritas is open!

WILBUR!JOHN: And that, my dearest friends, is all we have for tonight. Bloody hell, you lot are boring.
LEE: Stop calling us that, you idiot.
WILBUR!JOHN: You dare call your superior officer an idiot?
LEE: Got a problem with that?
WILBUR!JOHN: As a matter of fact, I do.
LEE: Do something about it, old man.
WILBUR!JOHN: I shall subject you to many, many hours of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. It's Ree Ree's favorite television show. It made me want to drive an ice pick through my eye.
LEE: You're...gonna do that to me? Sweet Lee?
WILBUR!JOHN: Make it so!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Co-written by [livejournal.com profile] leeadama and [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod

JOHN: Good evening and welcome to another edition of the John and Lee Show!
LEE: He means Fandom Radio.
JOHN: What, you want your name first?
LEE: I don't want any name first. It's not our show.
JOHN: Welcome to the Lee and John show!
LEE: John, I didn't want-
JOHN: Lee's middle name is Gideon!
LEE: Frak you!

JOHN: Click here and find out how far the rabbit hole really goes; LEE: OMG DIRTY! )</>
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Co-written by [livejournal.com profile] leeadama and [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod

JOHN: Good evening and welcome to another edition of the John and Lee Show!
LEE: He means Fandom Radio.
JOHN: What, you want your name first?
LEE: I don't want any name first. It's not our show.
JOHN: Welcome to the Lee and John show!
LEE: John, I didn't want-
JOHN: Lee's middle name is Gideon!
LEE: Frak you!

JOHN: Click here and find out how far the rabbit hole really goes; LEE: OMG DIRTY! )</>
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Co-written by [livejournal.com profile] leeadama and [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod

JOHN: Hello, this is John Adama…
LEE: …and Lee Crichton
JOHN: …and we welcome you to a Very Special freeze your butt to your jeans and run from a snow monster version of Fandom Radio!
LEE: Yes, Fandom, if you've been living under a piece of toast or John's flab, you know that Fandom was, today, attacked by a variety of snow monsters.
JOHN: Snow monsters who were not Frosty the Snowman! They were not nice and voiced by Burl Ives!
LEE: Did you take a snowball to the head?
JOHN: Not that I remember...

[Cut for Massive Length] )
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Co-written by [livejournal.com profile] leeadama and [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod

JOHN: Hello, this is John Adama…
LEE: …and Lee Crichton
JOHN: …and we welcome you to a Very Special freeze your butt to your jeans and run from a snow monster version of Fandom Radio!
LEE: Yes, Fandom, if you've been living under a piece of toast or John's flab, you know that Fandom was, today, attacked by a variety of snow monsters.
JOHN: Snow monsters who were not Frosty the Snowman! They were not nice and voiced by Burl Ives!
LEE: Did you take a snowball to the head?
JOHN: Not that I remember...

[Cut for Massive Length] )
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Written by [livejournal.com profile] leeadama and [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod

JOHN: Good evening, Fandom. I'm John Adama.
LEE: And I'm Lee Crichton and we're totally heterosexual.
JOHN: Completely heterosexual. I mean, I've got a girlfriend with arms the size of Callisto's thighs.
LEE: Ha, but they're no where near the size of my arms! My arms make even that Tyler girl breathe a little quicker.
JOHN: Jaye? I thought she had a crush on Archie and his dippy hat.
LEE: Archie's hat isn't dippy. It's jaunty!
JOHN: Well, there's gotta be something about the hat. You know what they say: the bigger the hat, the bigger the...
LEE: Haircare product bill?
JOHN: ANYWAY. Point is, we love our girlfriends.
LEE: Is that your hand on my thigh, John?
JOHN: ...

Give Your Teacher An Apple but Check For Worms First!
LEE: Today in Fandom High...

JOHN: Dr. Tommy who looks suspiciously like this guy I used to know in first grade, Howie Maloma, who used to eat dirt, taught a class on the Geologic Time Scale. Sounds old and...old. Are you sure you're not related to Howie Maloma? Anyway, in today's Shop class, everyone had to write essays about duct tape. And, since I'm in that class, I can tell you, personally, that Lilly Kane's breakdown over her lost ball of love was quite the remarkable thing to see. She drooled, dudes. All over the desk. I think Professor MacGyver had to call the janitor. Hey Lilly? I'm bringing you a bib next class!

LEE: For those of you in the sciences, I hope you enjoyed Ms. Sidle's classes in Biology and Chemistry as well as Forensics. And apparently Doctor Grissom showed up after class to see Ms. Sidle -- I'm always happy to see a little romantical intrigue here at Fandom High.

JOHN: In Speech 301, a big ole game of Telephone was started. Dude, if I start getting messages about red bras and Xander Harris, I'm calling my lawyer. Speech 401 focused on power. Callisto's thighs are the most powerful thing in the school. You get hit with one of those rocks, your speech is gonna suck!

In Sociology of Violence, Dr. Grissom lectured on gender based violence. And, from my notes, I see that my partner - my totally heterosexual partner that is - Lee was in that class. Tell me, Lee, were you arguing for the men or the women? Could go both ways, right? Why don't you tell the listening audience what you were doing this afternoon? What, knitting? That's right. Lee is knitting a pink scarf! In Sociology of the Paranormal, skepticism was examined. Don't know what skepticism is? Well, for example, I'm skeptical if Lee is really a boy with all the feminine attributes he has.

LEE: Frak you, John.

JOHN: Maybe later.

LEE: My notes indicated that you discussed the civil rights movement, whatever that was, in Quantum Physics. Aren't you supposed to be talking about wormholes and FTL drives in that class? Also, Professor Pierson - who is totally awesome by the way - lectured in History of Western Civilization on the civilizations of Egypt and Crete, which thank the gods, have nothing to do with England.

JOHN: In Classics, Professor Dream isn't in. Wonder if he's got a date with Johnina? Hey, it could happen. She's plenty enigmatic for a guy like Dream! Anyway, while Professor Dream is out on a date with Johnina, the students are instructed to read The Odyssey. Dude, is that the one Homer Simpson wrote?

In Math class, Professor Eppes was also out. Man, Johnina was a busy, busy woman. And yes, she's totally a woman. In Professor Eppes' absence, Broots took over and assigned Sudoku puzzles for the beginners, a really hard logic problem for the intermediates and a some boring read for the super smart kids.

In the class where I'm Professor Skeeter's favorite student aka Advanced Journalism, we talked about investigative reporting. My project for this class session? I'm gonna find out if there's a Mister Skeeter who is not Professor Skeeter's father, is in the picture. There's gotta be a story behind that.

In Journalism 101/201, the good little students turned their headlines in. Now, there's a blob of smudge on my notes but I'm told one of the headlines was "ANAKIN SKYWALKER LIKES FERRET SEX!" Is that right? Can that be right? Oh well. Whatever makes you happy, Anakin!

LEE: In related news, Journalistic Integrity discussed what is and isn’t public knowledge. For example, it is public knowledge that John Crichton fancies butter on his toast. What the public doesn't know, is that John Crichton fancies butter on his steamy hot girl--

*there is a mild scuffle and a few yelps of pain from Lee*

Aaanyway, in my most beloved class, US Government, we discussed semantics related to my greatest love of all, democracy. *sighs blissfully* However, somehow, it all lead back to that stupid bloody country England. I DO NOT BELIEVE SUCH A COUNTRY EXISTS, John. It is a frakkin' conspiracy of cartographers.

JOHN: Professor Lyman taught the students about English Settlements in US History. Included among those were Jamestown in Virginia and Puritans in Massachusetts. And no, the Puritans were not naked. Professor Lyman can attest to this. Not that he's old and was alive back then. Unless he was. If that's the case then, check to make sure Professor Lyman's not an android. Hey, I watch science fiction. I know the score.

In Cultivation and Gardening, everyone wrote short stories that dealt with gardening. Hey people in that class? I hope your stories ended with your plant growing up to be big and strong and leafy!

LEE: Doctor Tommy taught Driver's Ed today with a sweet little guest star of an automobile sim. No where near as sweet as a viper, though. But you gotta get around on the ground somehow, I guess.

Camulus teaches Celtic Studies with his usual flair and students study the Gaelic language. Which I hope to the lord of Kobol has nothing to do with England. Stupid bloody England.

JOHN: The most happening professor on campus, Professor Ted
had office hours today. Marty stopped by. There was no dancing. I was sad. Next time guys, okay?

Principal Smith also held office hours. Apparently, there's a golf cart chilling in his office, Jaye Tyler, who has a crush on Archie of the jaunty hat, is leading a club fair on Friday, there might be a blue box with their lights in the park and Veruca Cally and myself were called to Principal Smith's office. Okay, for the record, I do not love Dean Zordon because he's in a tube. I like visiting Dean Zordon because the technology of the tube is terrifically tantalizing.

LEE: That bitch-ass-ho cylon robot chick who looks like Sam held office hours and Cam went to see her. If you want my honest opinion, John, I don't think anyone should go near that thing. She's evil! She's a genocide-obsessed killing thing! Why is she teaching at Fandom High? I really don't understand.

JOHN: I don't know, Lee. She was really rude to me when I went to see her a few days ago. I hope her slinkies tangle and break!

LEE: Whatever... It was a Power Ranger partaaay in Zordon's office today. Imagine that. Dean Zordon was visited by Doctor Oliver, Bridge, and Ms. Calendar. And John, whatever kept you away from visiting our renowned and noble dean?

JOHN: Shut up, Adama.

LEE: Alas, no one visits Dr. Lyman in his office but he sends out an email to the members of Student Council.

Oh, before I forget, it was loads of educational fun in my favorite place ever, today. That place being your boudoir, John the library. I learned absolutely nothing about England but there was discussion of sin and kissing with Parker and Zero. We may be getting a study club which is in no relation to Study Hall. Which I miss. Oh, Draco! I miss your snide little face. Angela wondered if she had been missed and I tell ya, she's not a woman you forget. Ask Marty, omg. There is discussion of Parker's special friend who is not me, unfortunately. And Anakin learned from Rory all about baby names starting with "L" -- you know, I'd almost want to say that Rory and Anakin are headed to Cally-n-Anders-like relationship cuteness, but they're totally just omgjustfriends, you know?

JOHN: There were bagels in the teacher's lounge today. And what about the- Wait, you know what? I so do not want to know about my teacher's getting buttery.

Dr. Grissom and Professor Cregg shoot the breeze. Dr. Grissom did not offer any cheese puffs? Dr. G? Where be the cheese puffs, man? Save the teacher's lounge for boring bagels!


Food, Glorious Food
LEE: Cafeteria food isn't the best on the island, but at least the conversation's good. Nadia, Marty and Walter fight crime have lunch; Victor and Pip discuss post-apoc warfare have lunch; Ed and Anders are not cylons have lunch; and Cordy and I comb each other's hair had lunch.


Lee Lives In Room 216. Go Get Some Lovin'
LEE: And in dorm life today, Aeryn beats the crap out of spars with Cameron at the gym. Errr... John, I dearly hope that you're treating your fair lady with the highest of respect. That woman can kick ass.

JOHN: Stop kissing my neck, Lee.

LEE: ...the FRAK? SHUT UP.... He's making that up, Aeryn, I swear.

JOHN: Am not.

LEE: I'm gonna die.

JOHN: In secret sibling news, Jessica Tate got a care basket. Jessica? If that thing had any butter, could you send it to room 238? I might have a use for it. And yes, it's a totally legal use.

Molly and Cam had breakfast together. And we all know what question I'm gonna ask, right? Was there toast? Did Cam get buttery with Molly? What? I'm taking Professor Skeeter's advice and doing some investigative reporting!

LEE: This evening on the first floor, Kiki volunteers for SafeWalk duty and chats with Lana about angels. And I don't think she means your Angel, John.

JOHN: He's not my Angel. He's Callisto's Angel.

LEE: Isn't that a television show?

JOHN: ... mmmm. Marrah Mawcett.

LEE: Didn't she marry you a guy named Lee?

JOHN: Mmmm... speaking of being hot whilst defending yourself...Alanna holds self defense lessons in the gym.
Tonight, Walter and Lana, Bel and Cordelia and Victor and Nadia go head to head. Self defense lessons are very important,
boys and girls. You don't wanna run into some nasty blob of evil in a dark alley and end up in a wheelchair!

LEE: There was a swingin' Student Council Party on the second floor -- may I add that the second floor is THE BEST FLOOR EVER -- and Parker got a little grilled by Callisto (of the awesome thighs) about some Jarod fella. Ah, Parker, I thought you only had eyes for me.

JOHN: Bridge and his traveling band of merry men, Rory, Lee, me, Hamlet, Molly and Sam decided to go exploring earlier this evening. We did not find Atlantis, we did not find the Fountain of Youth and we most certainly did not find the origin behind Samuel T. Anders' middle name. That, I think, will remain a mystery forever.


It's A Water Balloon Kinda Town!
LEE: In Fandom Town, the balloon ninja strikes again when the lovely Inara opened Chaucer's this morning. I feel a craving for hot tea now...And Ms. Calendar visits Dr. Pevensie at her new apartment.

JOHN: Red was ready and willing to help in the
Mayor's Office today. But, sadly, no one came. Did the water balloon culprit strike them all down before they could
reach Red's doors? This water balloon ninja needs to be caught! Tons and tons of precious water is being lost!

The Emporium's open and Pippi pays Michael a visit.

That reminds me, Lee? Did you ever pick up your prescription?

LEE: What prescription?

JOHN: You know, for your...you know, problem thing?

LEE:...Shut up, Crichton. Anyway, Drusilla is paid a visit by Lilah at Wolfrom and Hart. You know, those ladies vaguely remind me of another pair of lady friends, but I just can't put my finger on it.

JOHN: Ben and Michael stop in at Deb's. Deb gives them food and Michael and Ben are happy. And darn it, I'm happy for them.

LEE: You just like food.

JOHN: Food's good. Good food's even better.

LEE: Doesn't Aeryn get lost in the folds of your fat?

JOHN: Eat toast and die.

LEE: And the intrigue between Sidle and Grissom continues as they have dinner in town. Hey, John, maybe that's where we could double date since you love food so much.

JOHN: *mumbles something*

LEE: No, I will not go frak a toaster. Sharon's taken.

JOHN: At the Perk, Rory and Parker talk. I'm sure they're talking about the socioeconomic crises in third world countries or the impact of nuclear arms testing in Iran might have on domestic and foreign relations...or it could just be coffee and small talk.

It's a quiet night at Spike's Pub. Lee?

LEE: Yes, John?

JOHN: Think they should offer theme nights?

LEE: Theme nights?

JOHN: Yeah, like Monday is body shot day, Tuesday is drink your weight in beer day, Wednesday is I can shove this whole
beer bottle up my nose day, Thursday is drink a beer, get a punch from a brother and Friday is pajama day!

LEE:...I worry about you sometimes.

JOHN: At Caritas, Parker, Rory, and Jarod talk about Darla. Parker denies her feelings for Jarod. Rory pushes, Parker pulls. That's almost...hot.

LEE: Parker and Jarod discuss violence. It takes a water balloon attack to distract Rory from how hot those two are together. (But what if Parker and Jarod are OMGJUSTFRIENDS, damnit?!)

JOHN: The Tick became the latest victim of the water balloon bandit. If this bandit can strike even our strongest superhero, how can we possibly stop him or her? Again, if I knew how to key up this switchboard without breaking things and incurring the pirate's wrath, I'd totally play some yearning for a hero song!


The Few, the Proud, the TA's!
JOHN: My totally platonic roommate and his sinfully adorable dog read in the TA's lounge. You know, if Angel wasn't a vampire, he'd so be one of those guys you see in the woman's type magazines as 'the ideal man.'

Lana and Angel, my totally platonic roommate, discuss some weird hometown club. Not sure exactly what this is but Angel suggests food and Lana spearheads the club. What a team, you guys. Also, Angel? Don't eat too much. I'm cooking tonight.

Xander talks to Sam and Angel, my, still, totally platonic roommie about elevators that don't exist. Xander, this is the first step in the aging process, I think. It's the memory that goes first. Start checking for gray hair!

Bel's chipper and cheery and happy all over. This concern my platonic as all get out roommate, Angel. Hey Angel, give the guy a break! Maybe he got lucky...and won a fierce game of Monopoly last night!

Cameron tells Angel why it's not a good idea to mess with Aeryn. I'd feel for you Cam, I really would except I'm too busy laughing at you. You got beat up by a girl!

Angela talks to Angel about her breakup. And there might be some emo there. Obviously, she misses the ferret sex.

Callisto lets Angel know that she ran into Darla. Callisto can handle herself, Angel. I mean, she'll either thigh lock them to death or she'll sing!


Toasty Bits! With Butter!
JOHN: In the school's clinic, Lisa meets the new school counselor, Susan. Susan, watch out for her! She might flash you or tell you, in graphic detail, what the female...you know does!

LEE: *sighs blissfully*

JOHN: Samuel T. Anders totally grabs a fistful of condoms. Way to go, Callynanders! Practice that safe sex! Though, Lee?

LEE: Yes, John?

JOHN: Wouldn't little wee Callynanders' be awfully cute?

LEE: Yes. They should have eighteen.

JOHN: I agree.

LEE: It IS one of God's commandments after all.

LEE: Some weirdo takes Camilla from Marty. Sad cries!

And up on the fifth floor, Nadia notices a note on her door... possibly from a secret admirer?

Oh, and you and I snuggled discussed knitting, the frat, your wedding to Aeryn Sun, Kara's red bra...

JOHN: Lee... Lee!!

LEE: Oh, sorry, I just... um... Women's undergarments… Stupid bloody England. Toast. And you wouldn't talk about that certain something that's going on between you and Aeryn. Care to tell me now?

JOHN:...no.

LEE: Damn.

JOHN: Marty buys the occupants of rooms 239/240 gifts. He gave my girlfriend a picture of a half naked man. If my girlfriend leaves me to become a walking, talking Heston stalker? I might have to hurt you, Marty.

Victor and Walter wake up together. And they're cute. These guys are why Whitney Houston and Celine Dion write love songs, man. So sweet. If I knew how to work this switchboard, I'd totally play a dedication for you guys.

LEE: Sheppard interviews Maia for class whilst the Elric Brothers catch up.

Bridge is bored and therefore invites Sam fishing to go exploring.

JOHN: Janet sends out an email. And no, there's nothing naughty in said email. And no hidden viruses either...we hope. Blair and Hank hang out together. I'm told Hank is, in fact, a plant. Is that right, Lee?

LEE: That's what the notes say.

JOHN: Huh. That's worse than you naming your arms.

LEE: Shut up, Crichton.

JOHN: And that's all we got tonight, ladies and gentlemen! We're both feeling a little tired, aren't we, Lee?
LEE: Are we taking another nap together, John?
JOHN: What? We've never slept together!
LEE: Well, there was that one time...
JOHN: SHUT UP, ADAMA.
LEE: And you had your arm around me and it was just nice, you know?
JOHN: THAT WAS CAMERON. SHUT UP.
LEE: No, I'm quite sure that wasn't -----

*sounds of a microphone being ripped out of the wall*

*DEAD AIR*
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Written by [livejournal.com profile] leeadama and [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod

JOHN: Good evening, Fandom. I'm John Adama.
LEE: And I'm Lee Crichton and we're totally heterosexual.
JOHN: Completely heterosexual. I mean, I've got a girlfriend with arms the size of Callisto's thighs.
LEE: Ha, but they're no where near the size of my arms! My arms make even that Tyler girl breathe a little quicker.
JOHN: Jaye? I thought she had a crush on Archie and his dippy hat.
LEE: Archie's hat isn't dippy. It's jaunty!
JOHN: Well, there's gotta be something about the hat. You know what they say: the bigger the hat, the bigger the...
LEE: Haircare product bill?
JOHN: ANYWAY. Point is, we love our girlfriends.
LEE: Is that your hand on my thigh, John?
JOHN: ...

Give Your Teacher An Apple but Check For Worms First!
LEE: Today in Fandom High...

JOHN: Dr. Tommy who looks suspiciously like this guy I used to know in first grade, Howie Maloma, who used to eat dirt, taught a class on the Geologic Time Scale. Sounds old and...old. Are you sure you're not related to Howie Maloma? Anyway, in today's Shop class, everyone had to write essays about duct tape. And, since I'm in that class, I can tell you, personally, that Lilly Kane's breakdown over her lost ball of love was quite the remarkable thing to see. She drooled, dudes. All over the desk. I think Professor MacGyver had to call the janitor. Hey Lilly? I'm bringing you a bib next class!

LEE: For those of you in the sciences, I hope you enjoyed Ms. Sidle's classes in Biology and Chemistry as well as Forensics. And apparently Doctor Grissom showed up after class to see Ms. Sidle -- I'm always happy to see a little romantical intrigue here at Fandom High.

JOHN: In Speech 301, a big ole game of Telephone was started. Dude, if I start getting messages about red bras and Xander Harris, I'm calling my lawyer. Speech 401 focused on power. Callisto's thighs are the most powerful thing in the school. You get hit with one of those rocks, your speech is gonna suck!

In Sociology of Violence, Dr. Grissom lectured on gender based violence. And, from my notes, I see that my partner - my totally heterosexual partner that is - Lee was in that class. Tell me, Lee, were you arguing for the men or the women? Could go both ways, right? Why don't you tell the listening audience what you were doing this afternoon? What, knitting? That's right. Lee is knitting a pink scarf! In Sociology of the Paranormal, skepticism was examined. Don't know what skepticism is? Well, for example, I'm skeptical if Lee is really a boy with all the feminine attributes he has.

LEE: Frak you, John.

JOHN: Maybe later.

LEE: My notes indicated that you discussed the civil rights movement, whatever that was, in Quantum Physics. Aren't you supposed to be talking about wormholes and FTL drives in that class? Also, Professor Pierson - who is totally awesome by the way - lectured in History of Western Civilization on the civilizations of Egypt and Crete, which thank the gods, have nothing to do with England.

JOHN: In Classics, Professor Dream isn't in. Wonder if he's got a date with Johnina? Hey, it could happen. She's plenty enigmatic for a guy like Dream! Anyway, while Professor Dream is out on a date with Johnina, the students are instructed to read The Odyssey. Dude, is that the one Homer Simpson wrote?

In Math class, Professor Eppes was also out. Man, Johnina was a busy, busy woman. And yes, she's totally a woman. In Professor Eppes' absence, Broots took over and assigned Sudoku puzzles for the beginners, a really hard logic problem for the intermediates and a some boring read for the super smart kids.

In the class where I'm Professor Skeeter's favorite student aka Advanced Journalism, we talked about investigative reporting. My project for this class session? I'm gonna find out if there's a Mister Skeeter who is not Professor Skeeter's father, is in the picture. There's gotta be a story behind that.

In Journalism 101/201, the good little students turned their headlines in. Now, there's a blob of smudge on my notes but I'm told one of the headlines was "ANAKIN SKYWALKER LIKES FERRET SEX!" Is that right? Can that be right? Oh well. Whatever makes you happy, Anakin!

LEE: In related news, Journalistic Integrity discussed what is and isn’t public knowledge. For example, it is public knowledge that John Crichton fancies butter on his toast. What the public doesn't know, is that John Crichton fancies butter on his steamy hot girl--

*there is a mild scuffle and a few yelps of pain from Lee*

Aaanyway, in my most beloved class, US Government, we discussed semantics related to my greatest love of all, democracy. *sighs blissfully* However, somehow, it all lead back to that stupid bloody country England. I DO NOT BELIEVE SUCH A COUNTRY EXISTS, John. It is a frakkin' conspiracy of cartographers.

JOHN: Professor Lyman taught the students about English Settlements in US History. Included among those were Jamestown in Virginia and Puritans in Massachusetts. And no, the Puritans were not naked. Professor Lyman can attest to this. Not that he's old and was alive back then. Unless he was. If that's the case then, check to make sure Professor Lyman's not an android. Hey, I watch science fiction. I know the score.

In Cultivation and Gardening, everyone wrote short stories that dealt with gardening. Hey people in that class? I hope your stories ended with your plant growing up to be big and strong and leafy!

LEE: Doctor Tommy taught Driver's Ed today with a sweet little guest star of an automobile sim. No where near as sweet as a viper, though. But you gotta get around on the ground somehow, I guess.

Camulus teaches Celtic Studies with his usual flair and students study the Gaelic language. Which I hope to the lord of Kobol has nothing to do with England. Stupid bloody England.

JOHN: The most happening professor on campus, Professor Ted
had office hours today. Marty stopped by. There was no dancing. I was sad. Next time guys, okay?

Principal Smith also held office hours. Apparently, there's a golf cart chilling in his office, Jaye Tyler, who has a crush on Archie of the jaunty hat, is leading a club fair on Friday, there might be a blue box with their lights in the park and Veruca Cally and myself were called to Principal Smith's office. Okay, for the record, I do not love Dean Zordon because he's in a tube. I like visiting Dean Zordon because the technology of the tube is terrifically tantalizing.

LEE: That bitch-ass-ho cylon robot chick who looks like Sam held office hours and Cam went to see her. If you want my honest opinion, John, I don't think anyone should go near that thing. She's evil! She's a genocide-obsessed killing thing! Why is she teaching at Fandom High? I really don't understand.

JOHN: I don't know, Lee. She was really rude to me when I went to see her a few days ago. I hope her slinkies tangle and break!

LEE: Whatever... It was a Power Ranger partaaay in Zordon's office today. Imagine that. Dean Zordon was visited by Doctor Oliver, Bridge, and Ms. Calendar. And John, whatever kept you away from visiting our renowned and noble dean?

JOHN: Shut up, Adama.

LEE: Alas, no one visits Dr. Lyman in his office but he sends out an email to the members of Student Council.

Oh, before I forget, it was loads of educational fun in my favorite place ever, today. That place being your boudoir, John the library. I learned absolutely nothing about England but there was discussion of sin and kissing with Parker and Zero. We may be getting a study club which is in no relation to Study Hall. Which I miss. Oh, Draco! I miss your snide little face. Angela wondered if she had been missed and I tell ya, she's not a woman you forget. Ask Marty, omg. There is discussion of Parker's special friend who is not me, unfortunately. And Anakin learned from Rory all about baby names starting with "L" -- you know, I'd almost want to say that Rory and Anakin are headed to Cally-n-Anders-like relationship cuteness, but they're totally just omgjustfriends, you know?

JOHN: There were bagels in the teacher's lounge today. And what about the- Wait, you know what? I so do not want to know about my teacher's getting buttery.

Dr. Grissom and Professor Cregg shoot the breeze. Dr. Grissom did not offer any cheese puffs? Dr. G? Where be the cheese puffs, man? Save the teacher's lounge for boring bagels!


Food, Glorious Food
LEE: Cafeteria food isn't the best on the island, but at least the conversation's good. Nadia, Marty and Walter fight crime have lunch; Victor and Pip discuss post-apoc warfare have lunch; Ed and Anders are not cylons have lunch; and Cordy and I comb each other's hair had lunch.


Lee Lives In Room 216. Go Get Some Lovin'
LEE: And in dorm life today, Aeryn beats the crap out of spars with Cameron at the gym. Errr... John, I dearly hope that you're treating your fair lady with the highest of respect. That woman can kick ass.

JOHN: Stop kissing my neck, Lee.

LEE: ...the FRAK? SHUT UP.... He's making that up, Aeryn, I swear.

JOHN: Am not.

LEE: I'm gonna die.

JOHN: In secret sibling news, Jessica Tate got a care basket. Jessica? If that thing had any butter, could you send it to room 238? I might have a use for it. And yes, it's a totally legal use.

Molly and Cam had breakfast together. And we all know what question I'm gonna ask, right? Was there toast? Did Cam get buttery with Molly? What? I'm taking Professor Skeeter's advice and doing some investigative reporting!

LEE: This evening on the first floor, Kiki volunteers for SafeWalk duty and chats with Lana about angels. And I don't think she means your Angel, John.

JOHN: He's not my Angel. He's Callisto's Angel.

LEE: Isn't that a television show?

JOHN: ... mmmm. Marrah Mawcett.

LEE: Didn't she marry you a guy named Lee?

JOHN: Mmmm... speaking of being hot whilst defending yourself...Alanna holds self defense lessons in the gym.
Tonight, Walter and Lana, Bel and Cordelia and Victor and Nadia go head to head. Self defense lessons are very important,
boys and girls. You don't wanna run into some nasty blob of evil in a dark alley and end up in a wheelchair!

LEE: There was a swingin' Student Council Party on the second floor -- may I add that the second floor is THE BEST FLOOR EVER -- and Parker got a little grilled by Callisto (of the awesome thighs) about some Jarod fella. Ah, Parker, I thought you only had eyes for me.

JOHN: Bridge and his traveling band of merry men, Rory, Lee, me, Hamlet, Molly and Sam decided to go exploring earlier this evening. We did not find Atlantis, we did not find the Fountain of Youth and we most certainly did not find the origin behind Samuel T. Anders' middle name. That, I think, will remain a mystery forever.


It's A Water Balloon Kinda Town!
LEE: In Fandom Town, the balloon ninja strikes again when the lovely Inara opened Chaucer's this morning. I feel a craving for hot tea now...And Ms. Calendar visits Dr. Pevensie at her new apartment.

JOHN: Red was ready and willing to help in the
Mayor's Office today. But, sadly, no one came. Did the water balloon culprit strike them all down before they could
reach Red's doors? This water balloon ninja needs to be caught! Tons and tons of precious water is being lost!

The Emporium's open and Pippi pays Michael a visit.

That reminds me, Lee? Did you ever pick up your prescription?

LEE: What prescription?

JOHN: You know, for your...you know, problem thing?

LEE:...Shut up, Crichton. Anyway, Drusilla is paid a visit by Lilah at Wolfrom and Hart. You know, those ladies vaguely remind me of another pair of lady friends, but I just can't put my finger on it.

JOHN: Ben and Michael stop in at Deb's. Deb gives them food and Michael and Ben are happy. And darn it, I'm happy for them.

LEE: You just like food.

JOHN: Food's good. Good food's even better.

LEE: Doesn't Aeryn get lost in the folds of your fat?

JOHN: Eat toast and die.

LEE: And the intrigue between Sidle and Grissom continues as they have dinner in town. Hey, John, maybe that's where we could double date since you love food so much.

JOHN: *mumbles something*

LEE: No, I will not go frak a toaster. Sharon's taken.

JOHN: At the Perk, Rory and Parker talk. I'm sure they're talking about the socioeconomic crises in third world countries or the impact of nuclear arms testing in Iran might have on domestic and foreign relations...or it could just be coffee and small talk.

It's a quiet night at Spike's Pub. Lee?

LEE: Yes, John?

JOHN: Think they should offer theme nights?

LEE: Theme nights?

JOHN: Yeah, like Monday is body shot day, Tuesday is drink your weight in beer day, Wednesday is I can shove this whole
beer bottle up my nose day, Thursday is drink a beer, get a punch from a brother and Friday is pajama day!

LEE:...I worry about you sometimes.

JOHN: At Caritas, Parker, Rory, and Jarod talk about Darla. Parker denies her feelings for Jarod. Rory pushes, Parker pulls. That's almost...hot.

LEE: Parker and Jarod discuss violence. It takes a water balloon attack to distract Rory from how hot those two are together. (But what if Parker and Jarod are OMGJUSTFRIENDS, damnit?!)

JOHN: The Tick became the latest victim of the water balloon bandit. If this bandit can strike even our strongest superhero, how can we possibly stop him or her? Again, if I knew how to key up this switchboard without breaking things and incurring the pirate's wrath, I'd totally play some yearning for a hero song!


The Few, the Proud, the TA's!
JOHN: My totally platonic roommate and his sinfully adorable dog read in the TA's lounge. You know, if Angel wasn't a vampire, he'd so be one of those guys you see in the woman's type magazines as 'the ideal man.'

Lana and Angel, my totally platonic roommate, discuss some weird hometown club. Not sure exactly what this is but Angel suggests food and Lana spearheads the club. What a team, you guys. Also, Angel? Don't eat too much. I'm cooking tonight.

Xander talks to Sam and Angel, my, still, totally platonic roommie about elevators that don't exist. Xander, this is the first step in the aging process, I think. It's the memory that goes first. Start checking for gray hair!

Bel's chipper and cheery and happy all over. This concern my platonic as all get out roommate, Angel. Hey Angel, give the guy a break! Maybe he got lucky...and won a fierce game of Monopoly last night!

Cameron tells Angel why it's not a good idea to mess with Aeryn. I'd feel for you Cam, I really would except I'm too busy laughing at you. You got beat up by a girl!

Angela talks to Angel about her breakup. And there might be some emo there. Obviously, she misses the ferret sex.

Callisto lets Angel know that she ran into Darla. Callisto can handle herself, Angel. I mean, she'll either thigh lock them to death or she'll sing!


Toasty Bits! With Butter!
JOHN: In the school's clinic, Lisa meets the new school counselor, Susan. Susan, watch out for her! She might flash you or tell you, in graphic detail, what the female...you know does!

LEE: *sighs blissfully*

JOHN: Samuel T. Anders totally grabs a fistful of condoms. Way to go, Callynanders! Practice that safe sex! Though, Lee?

LEE: Yes, John?

JOHN: Wouldn't little wee Callynanders' be awfully cute?

LEE: Yes. They should have eighteen.

JOHN: I agree.

LEE: It IS one of God's commandments after all.

LEE: Some weirdo takes Camilla from Marty. Sad cries!

And up on the fifth floor, Nadia notices a note on her door... possibly from a secret admirer?

Oh, and you and I snuggled discussed knitting, the frat, your wedding to Aeryn Sun, Kara's red bra...

JOHN: Lee... Lee!!

LEE: Oh, sorry, I just... um... Women's undergarments… Stupid bloody England. Toast. And you wouldn't talk about that certain something that's going on between you and Aeryn. Care to tell me now?

JOHN:...no.

LEE: Damn.

JOHN: Marty buys the occupants of rooms 239/240 gifts. He gave my girlfriend a picture of a half naked man. If my girlfriend leaves me to become a walking, talking Heston stalker? I might have to hurt you, Marty.

Victor and Walter wake up together. And they're cute. These guys are why Whitney Houston and Celine Dion write love songs, man. So sweet. If I knew how to work this switchboard, I'd totally play a dedication for you guys.

LEE: Sheppard interviews Maia for class whilst the Elric Brothers catch up.

Bridge is bored and therefore invites Sam fishing to go exploring.

JOHN: Janet sends out an email. And no, there's nothing naughty in said email. And no hidden viruses either...we hope. Blair and Hank hang out together. I'm told Hank is, in fact, a plant. Is that right, Lee?

LEE: That's what the notes say.

JOHN: Huh. That's worse than you naming your arms.

LEE: Shut up, Crichton.

JOHN: And that's all we got tonight, ladies and gentlemen! We're both feeling a little tired, aren't we, Lee?
LEE: Are we taking another nap together, John?
JOHN: What? We've never slept together!
LEE: Well, there was that one time...
JOHN: SHUT UP, ADAMA.
LEE: And you had your arm around me and it was just nice, you know?
JOHN: THAT WAS CAMERON. SHUT UP.
LEE: No, I'm quite sure that wasn't -----

*sounds of a microphone being ripped out of the wall*

*DEAD AIR*

Fandom High RPG



About the Game

---       Master Game Index
---       Thinking of Joining?
---       Application Information
---       Existing Character Directory

In-Character Comms

School and Grounds
---       Fandom High School
---       Staff Lounge
---       TA Lounge
---       Student Dorms

Around the Island
---       Fandom Town
---       Fandom Clinic

Communications
---       Radio News Recaps
---       Student Newspaper
---       IC Social Media Posts

Off-Island Travel
---       FH Trips

Once Upon a Time...
---       FH Wishverse AU


Out-of-Character Comms

---       Main OOC Comm
---       Plot Development
---       OOC-but-IC Fun





Disclaimer

Fandom High is a not-for-profit text-based game/group writing exercise, featuring fictional characters and settings from a variety of creators, used without permission but for entertainment purposes only.

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