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[personal profile] furnaceface
... I've just actually been dragged to the bloody radio station in order to do a call-in show. Here I am, at the radio station, with a stack of notes in front of me, and I'm on my phone because it is literally the only thing on the island that can pick up my voice.

I could've stayed in bed for this. Rolled over when I was done and gone right back to sleep. Watched my cat try to catch the squirrels.

And therein lies the reason I'm here and not there, I suppose. Here, just give me the bloody notes, would you?

*WHUMP*

Welcome Picnic Radio! )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning, Fandom. Have you ever had one of those mornings? I just had to beat off a sprig of mistletoe on my way through the radio station door, and this was after the 'Merry Christmas' phone call that ended in me informing one of my best friends back home that I was going to be paying her a visit regardless of the new-ish severe dental issues that I'm just now finding out about.

What is my life.

In any case, I have notes, and I'm going to read them before the new local flora decides to crawl up my leg again.

Yesterday at the School saw the last day of classes for the year and the semester. Criminal Justice discussed what they did during last week's madness, Cultural Exploration visited an Australian beach, and the class on Space with the overly exuberant name actually went to space.

In the Dorms, in the fifth floor common room, Flick was watching the telly and eating cereal when Isabelle stopped by in time to hear him complain about it. Somehow... this led to talk of her seducing Santa Claus. Teenagers. Cordelia was manning the finals week food court cart in the lobby, and I'm actually almost disappointed we didn't have those when I was a student here. Not that I was missing out on anything I wouldn't have been missing out on anyhow, but still... And in the third floor common room, Isaac was watching Home Alone, which he had to explain to Mira was a Christmas classic. Lord, are we really referring to a film that came out in 1990 as a classic, now? Is that what the world has come to? People, it's not that old, it's only twent--

Oh.

... Oh.

Right. In Town, J,GoB's flat wares disappointed Éponine and Dean, though they did both agree that flat baked goods were still a step up from chocolate rain. At Caritas, Mike was giving the drink specials a silly theme of some sort, and Allie spent her night reading at the Devil's Nest.

And I believe that's all of the notes for today. Now, if you'll all excuse me, I'm going to have to escape the radio station through an open window in order to avoid getting tangled in mistletoe. Have a good weekend, Fandom. And a good winter break.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
… Lord, you were all busy yesterday. I shouldn't be surprised, I know. I mean, this is Fandom, and all. It seems as though the more reasons the island gives people to not go outside, the more likely they are to do so.

You're all a pack of bloody morons. I say this knowing full well that I'm the one who had to make his way from the Boards to the radio station in order to tell you this, so, yes, I'm including myself on that list. Now let's get these bloody notes out of the way, shall we?

News from Friday the 13th! )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Fandom Island, stop everything you're about to do and listen to me for a moment. Don't shower today. Don't. Just trust me on this. I learned the hard way, and I'll be reeking like mulled liquor for the rest of the bloody day. There. That's your breaking news for this morning. I'm Jonothon Starsmore, I'm not actually completely pissed no matter how I might smell, and now I'm going to read you the rest of the news while contemplating throwing myself in the Atlantic bloody ocean, which I'm certain will end beautifully for me if I do.

Friday's News, Today! )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
I am holding, in my hand, a single sheet of paper. One. There are four sentences scribbled onto it, and I'm meant to assume that these are the notes.

... There's actually nobody left on the island right now, is there? You've all run home to your turkey dinners and sweet potato pies and I'm alone on the island with... *papers rustling* Éponine, Sparkle, Alec, Allie, and Tiny. That's how it is, isn't it? Éponine, who was humming up at the sky in the park so late Thursday night that it might as well have been Friday. Sparkle, who was making a point to eat his leftover turkey in front of the metal rooster at Dite's. Alec, who was trying to sell katanas to an empty island at Freedom Arms using exclamation points. And Allie, who was keeping company with Tiny and his black eye at the Devil's Nest.

So, that's that. Éponine, Sparkle, Alec, Allie, and Tiny, if you're even listening, have a good Saturday. If there's anyone else on the island that I didn't mention, yes, I suppose I hope you have a good weekend, too.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning, Fandom. It's time for another, well, 'fun-filled' is not the phrase I would choose here, but it's the easiest one to come up with so we're going to say it's time for another fun-filled ten minutes of snark and invasion of privacy, courtesy of a pack of squirrels and too much rum. And this is... the...

Well, we'll pretend most of this is newsworthy for the sake of me reading this off and being allowed to leave, shall we?

Saturday Morning Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Once upon a time, there was a strange little island. It was so strange, in fact, that it sometimes did things to the people that lived there. Weird things. Things that followed them even when they weren't on the island at all. And that, boys and girls, is how I found myself sitting in a large supply closet in Glacia with a pack of squirrels, sensitive portable radio equipment, a stack of notes, and a promise of cookies to all the good little children here in Glacia with me who aren't trying to get inside to poke at any of the above.

Bribing Small Children Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning once again, Fandom. This is Jono Starsmore, here to tell you all just what the squirrels consider to be news. This week, it seems like we can sum most of it up in 'Fiji, toes, and a cheese-panda.'

... That's interesting.

At the School, Batman's Criminal Justice class did observational testing using two subtly different scenes. Cultural Exploration went to Fiji to enjoy Wailoaloa Beach, where the sand seemed to have personally offended Alec, who then told Yeul off for asking if he was alright. Seems like a charming lad. Space-exclamation-point was designing planets, both habitable and inhabitable, in their class yesterday. I'm fairly certain the hallmark of an inhabitable planet is, 'No music.' It'd be awful.

In the Dorms, Jessica was packing her things and making plans for a day trip, while Isabelle was painting her toenails. Sparkly purple, if anybody was curious.

And, finally, in Town, Alec was venting some of that sand-hating mood into cleaning the meditation room at Freedom Arms. Mike Ehrmantraut was having difficulty getting Turtle and Canary's cheese-aisle panda to either leave or take a proper job there, and Allie took a night off at the Devil's Nest, which meant Tiny was free to flirt with the DJ unhindered.

Will it lead to true love? A gaggle of children with a genetic predisposition towards terrible musical choices and a fear of garden gnomes? Only time will tell. Time, and a bunch of notes scribbled down on tiny notepads by a bunch of drunk squirrels in little hats. Tune in again for the news throughout the week, Fandom. In the meantime, this is Jonothon Starsmore, signing off.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
They really ought to make working on Saturdays illegal. Or, at least, working before noon on a Saturday. Good morning, Fandom Island. This is Jonothon Starsmore with your Saturday morning WTFH news broadcast, wishing I was still rolling around on my living room sofa, attempting to sleep.

How is this different from any other Saturday morning broadcast? It's really not. In any case, I have notes, and I have coffee, so let's get this over with, shall we?

Over at the school, Criminal Justice worked on costuming. Because just what this island needs is more nitwits running around in capes and cowls fighting all the crime that never happens in our streets, really. Cultural Exploration headed to Mexico for the Dia De Los Muertos celebrations. Space-Exclamation-Point talked about what it takes for planets to facilitate alien life, and students from that Princess Stealing class were let out early to go collect candy for the Ice King.

Over in the library, Billy had candy to share while he re-shelved every book on plate tectonics they had, and elsewhere, Student Council met to discuss plans for a Thanksgiving potluck.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, Doctor Lecter sent out his invitations to a Thanksgiving dinner party at his place in Baltimore, yesterday. If you got one and you haven't tasted his cooking yet, lord, are you in for a treat.

Over in the town, Sparkle was handing out Halloween treat bags at Dite's, a day late. At Caritas, Mike was looking up drinks that he could include candy in while creeping Tino out with a severed head, and at the Devil's Nest, Allie was doing research on hosting a party.

And that seems to be all of the notes, so I'm going to take my coffee and get th'hell out of here. Have a good weekend, Fandom.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Jono: Ugh, swarmed by squirrels again. You know, if you all didn't go so far out of your way to drag me here, I might even come of my own free will. Yes, even on those weekends when you hand me a small novella of gossip from around the island. Here, hand me the bloody notes so that I can get this over with, then.

We'll start with the notes from the School, since those seem to be pleasantly short today. Criminal Justice discussed vigilantism, always a valid career choice if you enjoy watching the people you care about die because of you, and discussed what sort of heroes they would like to be. Cultural Exploration had Portalocity troubles, so they cancelled class yesterday. Space-with-an-exclamation-point discussed how to get from one point to another in a place so bloody vast, and there was going to be a game of Twister in that Stealing Princesses class, except the Ice King was too upset over his lack of kissing booth to really pay attention if his students decided to run off instead.

*Slamming, squirrels, and swearing.* )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning, Fandom. This is Jonothon Starsmore, single-handedly clearing out the radio station this morning after a Portalocity stopover that involved sitting in a waiting area made completely of soft French cheeses. I'm going to make this broadcast quick so that I can get home, unpack, attempt to wash off the cat without getting too terribly mauled - say hello, Joni - shower, and then sleep. Most importantly, sleep.

So, broadcasting live from our Fandom Island location to the three of you left on the island, I bring you news of what everyone else was doing in Italy without us.

Apparently vacationers were relocated to Florence yesterday morning. I'm not certain where they were before, but I hear Florence is nice this time of year. Or... something. Though Kitty liked her room in the last place more. In Florence, there's the Accademia Museum, where Cade and Topher talked about checking out David's behind and just generally causing a nuisance. Since I'm not on this trip, and you lads aren't likely to be listening to this, I'm not going to bother with the stern lecture. You're welcome. For those still on the island who are listening, let it be known that Cade also compared the size of his personal assets to those of David for Maddie's... I'm not going to say benefit, because I can't imagine she wanted to know. At the Duomo, Alec and Isabel talked about how she wanted to stay in tonight, and... there's a smear of some manner of Italian pasta sauce across the rest of the note, so you'll have to go without hearing what they were talking about. Gert took in the political culture at the Palazzo Vecchio, and while shopping for Prada, Cordelia informed Hannibal that teachers and students aren't supposed to acknowledge that one another so much as exist outside of class. News to me, honestly.

The trip, of course, continued on into the evening. Isabelle and Isaac stayed in last night at the hotel while she worked on getting him drunk. Jackson was alone in his hotel room last night after telling his roommate to leave him alone for the evening. Theo didn't seem terribly upset about that development, having dinner at the L'Incontro restaurant. Meanwhile, Maddie and Jim were sampling the wares at the bar. At the gym, Flick relaxed in the steam room and Kitty worked out. Dr. Lecter took in the sights around the city's streets, Anakin appreciated the city's fine dining and finer wine, and Jessica informed Cade that he actually almost looked classy last night while he was eating pasta and drinking wine at a cafe.

In related news, I'm tired and I reek of camembert and these clothes will never be the same again and I hate you all a little.

Moving on to news around Fandom's Town, Sam Traynor was having technical difficulties at the Portalocity office getting several portals to work, which I imagine explains my stopover du fromage last night. Allie brought a book with her to work at the Devil's Nest, correctly anticipating a slow night. Mike didn't even bother with his Caritas shift, opting to stay home with coffee. I, for one, think he made the correct choice. Derek wanted to know if he was staying around for the evening, and they wound up sharing brownies of a not-at-all-questionable nature while watching the telly and talking about cage dancing.

... Those sound like some brownies.

Jack Priest and Mike talked about wanting to watch Derek's behaviour, presumably because of the brownies, and how it was quiet last night. Presumably because of Italy. Derek wound up sharing his brownies with Jack as well, and they contemplated watching something with breasts and horror, or else maybe putting glowing stars on the ceiling. Because why not. Continuing our notes of Derek's descent down the rabbit hole, he encouraged Stiles to throw a party, and there's something about how Oreos don't taste like pumpkin, and then Jack wanted to know if Stiles was there to laugh at them, and something about Derek and English class and I actually think the squirrels were into the brownies as well. It's hard to tell without being able to ask them, and that's all of the notes, so I'm not going to worry too much about it.

No, instead, I'm going home. Good day, Fandom. The... six of you actually on the island, then. Good day.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
I can't believe you followed me all the way out here. Do radio waves even travel from Kaeleer to Fandom?

*Chittering*

Well, yes, I know my phone works, too. I probably shouldn't look too hard into it, but really, we've got a bloody army mobilized outside of the city, what made you think this was a good time to- No. You know, I'll just read the notes. Th'faster I get this over with, the sooner you can leave and the sooner I can get back to doing important things, like--

*Chitter?*

-- like not actually participating in anything that requires strenuous physical activity, because I'm surrounded by bloody Healers. Here, just give me those.

Over at the School, Criminal Justice learned about public defenders and got to give the position a try themselves. Cultural Exploration learned some useful things in preparation for the trip to Italy this coming week. Space-Exclamation-Point simulated the big bang by blowing up balloons, and How to Steal a Princess threw a party. A party as only the Ice King can possibly throw. Naturally. And, on top of that, Student Council had a meeting to plan Homecoming. That's coming up, too? Right.

In the Dorms, Isabelle was making soup... at least, the squirrels are fairly certain it was soup... in the third floor common room. Isaac stopped by and they talked about the differences between Shadowhunters and werewolves - I know what one of those two things is, at least, and I can guess at the second - and Cade sampled the probably-soup. Apparently he put forth a spirited effort to be polite about it, too. Have Karla's cooking skills finally met their match?

And then, moving along to Town, Sparkle was a little out-of-it as he rearranged fuzzy handcuffs at Dite's. Stiles was texting at the Perk when Kitty stopped to chat about break, nightmares, and Stiles' dating life. And at Caritas, Mike was drinking a Coke. This is news because it's possibly one of the most normal things to happen at Caritas in weeks.

And that's everything? Excellent. I'll send you squirrels back to the island, then, and I'll get back to... to trying to make myself useful while the Healers work on staring a hole through my head, then. Have a good break week, Fandom.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Jono: You know, squirrels, I do appreciate your dedication to getting this broadcast on the air every day, but there are about a million pages of notes, and I do appear to have company this weekend.

*Chittering*

Jono: … Help? What do you mean, you brought help? We still need to take turns reading, having an assist doesn't actually mean we finish any faster.

*... Chitter.*

Jono: No, I didn't think you did think about that.

*A door slams*

Quentin Quire: -- I mean, really? Squirrels? I know for a fact there's no Squirrel Girl on the island, though that would be hilarious since I guess Dr. Doom is a teacher he-WHOAPOCA-oh. No, it's just Chamber. That's some look for you, teach.

Jono: I hate you already.

Parents' Weekend Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Ah, another Saturday, another stack of notes. And here I am, sporting a sugar hangover that'll have me terribly displeased if there's too much chittering going on in here today.

*Chitter?*

It's a long story involving mudslides and literally herding cats. You don't want to know. Just give me the notes so I can get the hell out of here, hm? Good. Thank you.

Club Fairs and StuCo and Parties Oh My! )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Ugh, I'm never going to get used to these Saturdays, I don't think. Though I suppose I should be thankful. Yesterday was Friday the thirteenth and I wasn't attacked when I climbed out of bed that morning. And today, whatever it is that's causing those decidedly masculine girly screams through town hasn't touched me.

*Chittering*

Hm? Oh, it's that again? ... Heh. Well, provided people provide their own underthings, if transformed ladies are especially desperate for something to wear that fits them, they're welcome to peruse the costume racks at the Boards. Most of what's in there is more or less normal clothing. My apologies if you had your hearts set on astronaut or chicken costumes, though. I burned those back in the spring.

Saturday the Fourteenth Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
You are aware, squirrels, that this Tuesday is a Saturday?

*Chittering*

Of course you are. Well, this is going to take some getting used to, but I suppose I'll manage. Somehow. Probably with yet more coffee. Squirrels, you go and get me some of that while I read these notes, would you? It's th'least you can do if you're going to have me out and about on a Saturday morning.

*Chittering*

Right, good. Well, now that that's settled. Hello, Fandom. I'm Jonothon Starsmore, that large, grouchy greyish man who occasionally loses his mind and decides to put on plays in his theatre space in town. And this, as I'm sure you've all figured out by now is the radio show where I sit here being hounded by squirrels until I rYou are aware, squirrels, that this Tuesday is a Saturday?

*Chittering*

Of course you are. Well, this is going to take some getting used to, but I suppose I'll manage. Somehow. Probably with yet more coffee. Squirrels, you go and get me some of that while I read these notes, would you? It's th'least you can do if you're going to have me out and about on a Saturday morning.

*Chittering*

Saturday Morning Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
... You squirrels do know I'm just a touch more out of town than simply 'out of town,' I hope? How in the world did you even get recording equipment to bloody Glacia? ... Actually, no, I don't want to know. I have an army to train and I know how persistent you are. Let's just get this over with, shall we?

Slightly Distracted Radio! )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning, Fandom. You know, you just barely managed to get yourself a broadcast done by some other denizen of the island, since I had plans to be away doing some business in New York. But I woke up yesterday on a park bench in Baltimore, and then came back to pack, only to find that someone had made an unholy ruin of the curtain at the Boards, and...

Needless to say, I'm still here. Lucky you? Lucky me, I suppose. Perhaps I actually enjoy reading the notes, and I'll be sorry to leave this position when the time comes. So I had best get on with it now, while I still can.

AU Weekend Aftermath Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Tuesday again? Bloody hell, it feels like no time at all since I was in here last. Time must fly when you spend the better part of a week passed out in exhaustion on the sofa, I suppose. And, as usual, there are notes. As a personal favour to you, the residents of the island, and to the squirrels who dragged me here, I'll make this quick. Besides, I have a sofa to get back to.

The School was rife with finals this week, with Philosophy Class listing all the films they've seen this year and writing about what John Dewey would say about them. Hopefully those students don't have difficulties with pragmatism. So many people on this island do. American Feminism talked about the effect feminism has had on their own lives, instead of a final. Flight's final involved running diagnostics on and repairing an X-wing - and that name will never not make me look twice - before they could fly the thing. Anakin Solo spoke to Jaina about how he already did this back home, which she already knew, because Fandom, and timelines. This place. In the library, William stepped onto a soil-covered floor on account of Earth Day, and Apathy Club was apathetic about meeting for what was probably the last time.

... Actually, I'm not apathetic about that. That club was a big part of my high school years.

Moving along to the Dorms, Mini-Anakin returned from a trip home, the one mentioned earlier, most likely, in time for class. Jim was sort of reading a book in his room, where Natalie stopped by to interrupt with cookies, since an open door is essentially an open invitation. Around here, that's true enough. And Mercy went to sit up on the roof after going for a run.

And in Town, Cade was testing his battlebot against other droids at Stark Industries, so be mindful of flying robot parts, hm?

That's all for my notes here, so I'm going to leave, now. I'm certain you're all broken up inside about that. Take care, Fandom.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Jono: Ah... you again? You and th'squirrels must be best mates by now, luv.

Navaan: Mmmf, wha? *Huge yawn* 'Re the appetizers gone?

Jono: … What?

Navaan: All the little appetizers running around this weekend. Urg. Came in here to avoid 'em.

Jono: … Probably for th'best you did. If you took a bite out of any one of them, I might've had to do something unpleasant. Here, you're helping me with these notes today. Penance for thinking of people's children as appetizers.

Navaan: Didn't bite anyone. I don't do that anymore. I'm a doctor now, I told you. *Sulks* Even if they did look delicious.

Delicious Children Radio )

*Panicked chittering*

--Someone just vanished outside? What? Go home, squirrel, you're drunk.

Jono: Vanished? What? And they're not some sort of telepor--

Navaan: Hey--!

*Dead air*

[OOC: Many thanks once again to [livejournal.com profile] doesdoctorstuff for the assist!]
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Navan: Whazzat?

Jono: What's wha- Ah, it's you. The squirrels neglected to mention that I'd have company for this impromptu Sunday morning broadcast. You can run along now, luv. I'll take it from here.

Navaan: What are you talking about? I showed up here last night to get drunk with the squirrels.

*Indignant chitter*

Oh, fine. Get drunk with and also play poker. Which reminds me--who ended up with my shirt?

Jono: … I think some squirrels have passed out on it. Here, take my coat.

Navaan: ...Why?

Jono: It might get drafty? … No? Right. I'll just read these notes. )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
So you're not going to throw anything at me this week, hmm?

*Chittering!*

Actually, I brought Cliff again this week because it's morning, and time for his walk. And he's actually quite harmless, if you're not antagonizing him. Or, I suppose, a squirrel.

*Chittering. The sound of a walnut bouncing off a forehead, and then of a small army of squirrels skittering their retreat.*

... You know, that was actually completely worth it. Though they did leave me these notes, so I suppose there'll be no escape for me this week, hm? Fine, I'll start with the notes from the School, as usual. Jaye had her Philosophy class watching meta for Something Borrowed yesterday, while deciding that Kate Hudson was going to be the person she wants to model her life around. American Feminism talked about Frances Perkins and the New Deal in the wake of America's Great Depression. Jaina had Zayne in to teach her Flight Class about swoop bikes yesterday, and got them to race around the island, in the Danger Shop, of course. I might have to see if that scenario is still programmed in, on some day that nobody's making use of it... Er. Ahem. Jaina and Zayne played some catching up, talking about his war and about how neither of them would be terribly upset to miss the next day the dead walk on the island. Apathy Club was apathetic in a Danger Shop Italian town, and in the library, William was dealing with books parachuting from the ceiling.

You lot were quiet in the dorms yesterday, which is just fine by me. Over in Town, Cade was making use of his time at Stark Industries to write angry messages to his uncle. Priestly made Baked Alaska at Cafe Luke's in protest of the weather, and Toby was there to steal Kenzi's food and talk about summer plans. No explosions, Kenzi. At Demon Marcus, Hanna was taking advantage of her employee discount, Alice was doing paperwork of some persuasion at Wellspring Arms, and at the Devil's Nest there was no Jack, but there were several Passover-related specials on all the same.

And that's all of the notes, so I'm going to head out again and let myself be dragged around town by April's dog.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
There's apparently a secret to getting into the radio station unmolested by walnuts. And that secret, which I'm going to share with you now, is to cross the picket lines with your friend's three-legged pit bull while combining the trip to the station with walkies while she's a mouse in your pocket.

I almost took him home, first, but I have little patience for physical assault. Odd how that works, innit?

*Wurf.*

That's right, Cliff. You're a good boy. Now, I have notes, here, though they appear to be written in some manner of deer-scratch. Except for these ones that were written in... pseudo-English with what I think is a smattering of Japanese. I'll struggle through the best I can, I suppose, starting with notes from the School, where Jaye had nuts thrown at her by protesters before showing her Philosophy class He Just Doesn't Like You That Much. I suggest you get a dog, Jaye. It's like a police escort, on squirrel terms.

*Wuff.*

American Feminism talked about Black Feminism, which is what happens when several forms of discrimination all stack up to create a sort of... parfait of oppression, thus proving that people are horrible. But on a lighter note, Flight class flew Boeing 747s. Flying is good, right?

There were stickers in Apathy Club- Or at least that's what I'm assuming by the little gold stars next to the way the deer scrawled the club's name. And in the Library, William disapproved of squirrels attempting to get to the books about making a still. I don't know... would they still be hurling walnuts at people?

*Woof.*

Good boy. Now, in the Dorms, Natalie was nursing a hangover in the second floor common room when Emily came in, noted that she had a good time, and then... something about how people go home more often than the mainland, I think. A few of these words are in Japanese. Like the one I'm assuming to be 'in.'

Moving along to Town, where Cade was... either helpful or hopeful at Stark Industries, new Mayor, Ron *radio feedback* Swanson- I don't think that *radio feedback* is actually in his name, but I could be mistaken- was dealing with his new position as mayor after trying to drop off some papers at Town Hall. There was either giggling or gurgling involved, I can't quite make out which. Alice was joining the post St. Patrick's hangover crowd during her shift at Wellspring Arms.

At the Devil's Nest, Jack was stuck with no rum and sad reggae, and now I'm going to have to listen to Bob Marley when I head back home, thanks for that note. Kaidan complained about deer trying to eat his pants, and I'm going to choose to interpret that the way I grew up knowing that word, because that makes it twice as amusing.

And of course, outside, the squirrels were still picketing while chittering little squirrel protest songs. And all power to them, I like them, they bring me coffee in less troubled times. But if on my way out I get hit with a single walnut, I'm taking Cliff off his leash.

*Wuff*

Good day, Fandom.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
... There is no way it can possibly be Tuesday already. Take it back, I have more sleeping to do. Or else give me some of that rum in my coffee, it'll help me wake up.

*Chittering*

Yes, well, if I was low on rum, I'd still share with th'bloke I went and dragged out of bed. Here, best give me the notes, then, so that I can read them and then drag my sorry arse back t'sleep. I still don't believe you about it being Tuesday, by th'way.

Right, then. So, at the School, Philosophy speculated on Matthew McConaughey's career choices, American Feminism had Bay as a substitute, who showed them a video about Georgia O'Keefe, and Flight class went skydiving. Squirrels, if you can get me a copy of a roster of that class, I'd love to speculate on who froze up. It'll dull the ache of having to admit that these do, in fact, look to be Tuesday notes. As does this one about Jeremy falling asleep at Apathy Club, only to have his face decorated in gold star stickers in the shape of something obscene. Or how William was expecting strangeness in th'library, only to be horribly let down, for once.

It's Tuesday, then. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

In the Dorms, Jim had Jell-O in his room which he brought back from the mainland, and gets a visit from Mr. Moxy and Natalie, who might or might not be tense, and who might or might not be able to get an answer out of him if she never bothers using his name.

And, finally, Town, where it was also Tuesday, we had Cade napping on the job at Stark Industries, surprising precisely nobody. Jack was dealing with rum orders at the Devil's Nest - see, squirrels, just go talk to him - and Eponine came in to tell him about how something he said led to her getting a job. They spoke about schooling and the places they lived when they were younger, as well. Derek was more interested in why the DJ was behaving himself for once, so Jack strung him along with a list of made-up bribes before they caught up on spring break and tattoos.

And that's the note that I'm finishing this broadcast on. Now I'm going to go home, make my own bloody coffee, and put my own bloody rum in, while shaking my head at these squirrels. Honestly. A proper group of squirrels would have at least buried a few bottles as a precautionary measure for later.

Ugh, Tuesday.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Honestly, squirrels, you keep following me around bloody Glacia with that radio equipment, and you're going to give away our location to people we'd really rather not give our location away to. So I'm going to make this quick, and you're going to leave, go back to the island. Drink something hot with rum in it. I'll be jealous.

But for now, give me the notes. Yes, yes, let's start with School. Philosophy class got to sign their attendance today on a receipt before leaving again, which seems like a promising start to the new semester. American Feminism watched a TED talk about the woman behind the... Miss Representation documentary? I might have to look into that one, myself. And it was all jetpacks and flying around in Flight class, with Karina speculating about jetpack controls to a distracted Evan, and Anakin- the younger Anakin- talking to Jaina about his bad trip home.

No good can ever come of going home. One of the first lessons I learned on Fandom Island. That, and 'people aren't going to let you mope. Stop trying.'

In the Dorms, Anakin was attempting to settle in after that trip gone wrong, as was Evan, who told Karina about his trip over ice cream, got postcards and hugs from Sholeh while telling her that his life is a lie... Ah... And... he cried on Yeul's shoulder while making her promise him that she won't hate him, even if he's a monster.

... Come now, lad. You already look like me. Don't you go starting to talk like me, too.

Moving along to Town, we had Cade at Stark Industries lamenting the loss of a camel, Hanna a bit out of sorts after her break while trying to do work at Demon Marcus and I'm sensing that this might be a trend after this spring break, and Alice trying to figure out marketing strategies at Wellspring Arms. Presumably to advertise the guns she isn't allowed to sell anyway. You'd do better offering meditation, I think. It seems like a few people are in desperate need of something relaxing, this week.

And that's all there is. Which means I'm taking these squirrels and throwing them out into the bloody snow. Honestly.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
... You're joking. How do you even get reception out here? I'm in the middle of the bloody mountains. We don't even have electricity.

*BrrrRWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!*

You brought a power generator. I don't know if I ought to be impressed, or horrified. Let's get this broadcast over with, then, before every enemy spy in a ten-mile radius hears this thing and comes running. Starting, I suppose, with the notes from what happened on the Island yesterday. Which is to say, Alice was cleaning old rifles at the Wellspring Arms, and everyone else had the good sense to go away for the break.

Summertime Spring Break Radio. From Glacia. )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning, Fandom. It's Tuesday again, is it? And the last Tuesday before spring break, no less. You must all be crawling up the walls in anticipation. What are they doing this year? Boats, isn't it?

... I was once kidnapped off a boat by a flying, flaming skeleton. I'll leave you all to it, then, and in the meantime I'll read these notes.

Radio! )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Tuesday again? But I could swear it was Tuesday only just last week. Are you sure I need to be out of bed right now?

*Chittering!*

Positive?

*Chittering.*

"Only fools are positive?" What is that even meant to mean? You don't even know, do you? You've just been watching cartoons while drunk.

*Awkward silence.*

Positively Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
And once again, it is a Tuesday. A morning, on a Tuesday. A morning on a Tuesday, and it's cold, and it's raining, and it's miserable. It's like I'm home again, really. And, on top of it all, I have notes. I'll read those now, and maybe when I'm finished the rain will have stopped and I can slog back to the Boards in relative dryness.

Tuesday Radio! )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning, Fandom Island. It's me, Jonothon Starsmore, once more abducted by rum-swilling squirrels before noon on a Tuesday. I have the feeling that if I were to say that anywhere but here - or, I suppose, Wisconsin in the presence of their token superhero team - I'd be carted away in a jacket with straps on it.

*Chittering*

No, I'm not referring to my old leather coats. Have you got notes for me or haven't you, this morning? Yes? Good. Let's get this over with so I can go back to staring at walls and daydreaming.

Too Early For This Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
You know, I woke up this morning, and I didn't have hooves, or breasts, or a small child bouncing on my chest. And I know it's a Tuesday and these things seem to favour the weekends, but it's been two full weeks since the new semester started and I haven't so much as had a wrong number hit my telephone.

I'm suspicious.

Slightly Suspicious Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning, Fandom. Have you ever had one of those mornings where you get so far as the front door and you decide, no, you're just not leaving for the cold out there unless you've got, say, a warm cat with you? I nearly did this morning, what with the rain. You're all terribly lucky that I didn't show up here today with Joni tucked into my jacke-

*Meow.*

Brought His Cat To Work Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Another semester, another stack of notes. Another stack of notes, another list of names that I don't know. At least the squirrels brought me coffee this time. They're learning, I think.

Hello, residents of the island new and old. This is Jonothon Starsmore, your Tuesday morning radio newsman. Or, rather, 'news' man. Today's news will almost certainly consist at least substantially of how teachers had students introduce themselves in class. Here, I'll prove it to you.

Introduction Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Morning, new year, and I might very well be the only person in America who isn't hung over. The squirrels certainly are. Didn't even come to th'Boards this morning to check into why I'm so bloody late today.

It's the New Year. I reserve the right to be late if I want.

New Year Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning, Fandom. Or, rather, good morning, anybody still left on the island, as I imagine a good number of you are headed home for the next few weeks, hm? This is your regularly scheduled Tuesday morning radio broadcast, and I'm Jonothon Starsmore, here to tell you everything you wish you didn't know about the people with whom you share the island.

You're welcome.

Because it's the winter break, there's nothing to report from the school today. At the Dorms, then, Jim commandeered the second floor common room in order to ignore tiny reindeer and watch television in celebration of the break. Yeul, meanwhile, was in her room, petting and cuddling with the deer as she read a book.

Ours is a truly exciting island on break weeks.

In Town, Jack was drinking Scotch at the Devil's Nest when Kaidan stopped in, helped him with his reindeer problem, and informed him that he'd be away in Vancouver for the next few weeks. And then Jack and Emma discussed whether or not Portalocity was going to cooperate so that they could do all of the holiday partying that they had in mind.

... Emma was here? I... clearly need to get out more.

And out in the preserve, Derek was taking Puppy Joe out for a walk when they found themselves surrounded by miniature deer. Max stopped to watch the epic puppy-versus-deer battle that ensued, and Derek assured him that his puppy could absolutely hold his own. There's no word on who won the battle, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say the reindeer won by playing dirty when their tag-team partners stepped into the ring wielding ladders and collapsible chairs.

And that's all of the notes. There's a bear outside the door offering me a bottle of Coke, so I'm going to take him up on that, and leave you all with a 'don't burn down the island during break week.'
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[personal profile] furnaceface
-- And if you'd tried that stunt on me two weeks ago, I would've melted your bloody face off. So can you at least be thankful about that, and just leave me the hell alone?

*The jolly rustling of a fistful of mistletoe*

.... Sigh. Can you at least let me do my radio broadcast, and we can continue this extremely one-sided conversation in a minute? There's only so much aggressive holiday cheer I can take before I start kicking and screaming, and my alarm clock was still playing Christmas carols when it woke me up this morning.

*Thoughtful silence, and then more rustling*

OUT!

Hiding From the Snowmen Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Sometimes I wonder how it is that these squirrels manage to actually get me out of bed for this job. And then there are mornings like this morning, where they actually saddled up my cat and had her stand on my chest. Not just walk across. Not sit on. Stand.

If you've never had a cat stand on you, trust me, you aren't missing out. If you've never had a cat stand on bruises, you're bloody lucky. So I'm going to read these notes, and I'm going to give dirty look to the rodeo squirrels while I do so.

*... Squeak.*

First off, in the School, Philosophy 102's film of the day was... Mansquito? That sounds horrible. I might have to add it to my video collection. Two Lions watched Wildcat in Snow, which is both rather more tasteful, and a classic, which I can also appreciate. And How to Start a Business was the odd one out again this week with reviews for the final next week, rather than a film day.

That's next week. Where did this semester go?

Science! Club yesterday was about attempting t'do the impossible, apparently, with club members working on a perpetual motion machine. That's ambitious.

Over in the Dorms, Jim was shirtless, sweaty, and reading on his bed, which I suppose might appeal to some of you bibliophiles out there? If you ask me, he probably ought to get a shower. But nobody ever asks me.

And in Town, Cade was making use of his time at Stark Industries to go on a little trinket hunt. Don't get me started on how many of those things my cat dragged out. Jack was catching up on work at the Devil's Nest while digging out more little gifts. April stopped by with coffee and they talked about gifts they wanted as children, and about how it's a little eerie when the island does nice things. At the Magic Box, Surreal had a book of seasonal spells out and was working on making displays. And down at Efferton Manor, Porthos was moving in.

Turn back while you still can, Monsieur du Vallon.

At the Perk, Stiles' head was one with the top of his table. I've had days like that. Topher offered to help Stiles on the homework that he'd fallen behind on, which I would say was actually a shockingly generous move on Topher's part, except then the notes say the conversation veered to Derek, sex, and rubber gloves, and I just... have no words. Kitty suggested that Stiles perhaps just never go back home again after he told her about her last trip, which I imagine is why his head was on the desk, and then they talked about babysitting Derek. Which, I'll remind you, was mentioned in the conversation previous alongside sex and rubber gloves. We can add pet names to that list, once Laurie informed Stiles that he'll always be her little friend and they got to talking, and then Stiles invited Jack to his lacrosse game next week, an invitation that presumably has nothing to do with babysitting Derek with rubber gloves.

The things I report around here.

And that's all for my notes, so I'm going to go and... pour some coffee into my face or something. This is Jonothon Starsmore, signing off.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
*Chittering!*

... Wha?

*Chittering!*

... I'm sleeping. It's Sunday. Sundays are for sleeping. Put that down, it's just a kilt.

*MORE chittering!*

It is not bloody ridiculous. How did you even find this place? It's secret. S.H.I.E.L.D. hasn't even found this place! You come in here, wake me up on a Sunday, which I will once again stress is for sleeping, you insult my uniform and then you wave a microphone in my face, like this is just another radio day for you. You know, my world's Tony Stark has been trying to find this place for months and he's just been bested by a pack of rodents.

That's... actually impressive. And slightly hilarious. And now I pray the Initiative never thinks to set Squirrel Girl on our trail. Where are the notes?

*Papers rustling*

Right, then. Nothing went on at the school yesterday, so I'll skip straight to the Dorms, where Natalie was buying geeky make-up on the internet and chatting with an amused Sam on the phone.

In Town, Kitty was enjoying a bit of schadenfreude as she watched the Perk's baristas attempt to put up Christmas decorations. The squirrel stresses that the key word in this is 'attempt.' I'm almost sorry I missed it. At Stark Industries, Topher's fruit-rain-of-the-day was tomato slices. That sounds messier than the usual. Do they keep tarps on hand to be on the safe side, or to they actually fruit-proof the electronics these days? A fellow by the name of Porthos seems to have taken over Café Fina, and yesterday he had the dishes serving a Thanksgiving feast... for the fourth day in a row. If this keeps up, I might need to stop in and finally see what all of the fuss is about. Food-wise I mean. I couldn't care less about the holiday. And at Caritas, April did the wise thing and didn't actually get involved as Tino attempted to work out a Thanksgiving-flavoured drink.

I believe they call that 'gravy.'

And that's all of the notes, so I'm going back to sleep. I trust you lot can see your own way out?

*Chittering*

Good. This is Jonothon Starsmore, from an undisclosed location somewhere not on the island, where I'll likely spend the rest of the day re-thinking my life choices and the clothing I make them in. Thank you, squirrels.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Ah, Fandom. We've survived another one of those weekends, and, as usual, I get to report on the aftermath. I shall endeavour to keep personal feelings on the nature of this weekend's strangeness from colouring my broadcast too much, but so help me, I'm actually jealous of a few of you.

A touch. Nothing particularly noteworthy, really.

... You know what? I'm just going to read these notes.

Powerswap Aftermath Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning, Fandom. This is Jonothon Starsmore, once again bringing you yesterday's news, today. Which around here is about as quickly as you need to get any of this information, so you'll take yesterday's news and be happy for it. Won't you?

Mmm.

And now for the news. )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
No coffee. I have no coffee. I’ve just gotten into the habit of putting the timer on my coffee pot for Tuesday mornings, and now I don’t have any coffee to be found. I know I could just go out and buy more, but I didn’t have the opportunity to yesterday. So.

Fandom. This is Jonothon Starsmore, the decaffeinated lower-middle class teacher, theatre owner, radio host, and occasional costumed vigilante - there’s little point in having a secret identity with a face like this - I’m not a priest, I was never fabulously wealthy or a rockstar, I don’t, in fact, lead a cult dedicated to the next coming of the Apocalypse, and I’m here to read the news. Tiredly. Did I mention my coffee is gone? And I tripped on a blue ass on the way in to the station this morning. No, it didn’t belong to me.

Decaf Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning, Fandom. It's Tuesday morning, this is Jonothon Starsmore, and for once I don't have any reason to complain about my personal state before I start the broadcast. I have coffee, I got something akin to sleep last night. I might actually be flat-out boring this morning as a result, it's difficult to tell.

Let's start with the notes and find out, shall we?

Ah yes, here they are. )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Good morning, Fandom. I trust you've slept off your respective sugar crashes by now? I can only imagine how many lollies you've all left behind for the rest of us. I'm predicting a shortage of Halloween candy across the island, actually. Really, it's a good thing I've already bought mine.

This is Jonothon Starsmore, it's Tuesday morning, and by some miracle I've managed to sleep off you. I like children, but so help me I'm not equipped to take care of them for the long term, I think. And on that note, I'm going to start reading this morning's notes. With coffee. The squirrels actually let me grab that this morning.

Sugar Crash Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Home sweet home, Fandom. Back to the grind, back to the island, and, of course, back in here before I've had a chance to fetch my morning coffee. Fortunately, I think most people were sleeping off the portal-lag yesterday, so this ought to be quick.

First off, at the School, we saw the return of classes, for the most part. Jaye did have Tino cancel Philosophy, mind, presumably because of... reasons. Two Lions talked about either having the throne or being the power behind it and students discussed which of the two options they'd prefer, and How To Start A Business shared business travel horror stories. Ask me nicely, and I might tell you about the time I was thrown off a roof in Madripoor on something not unlike a business trip. Maybe.

Nothing really went on in the Dorms, except that Stacey was selling tickets for Homecoming in the lobby. As both a teacher and an alumni, so I have to buy a ticket, or do I get to claim chaperone duty and gain entry for free? I'll have to look into that.

And then it's off to Town, where Phil Coulson was up dancing the night away in the comfort of his own home. Out by that decrepit mansion on Phoenix Way, Allie awoke to Derek doing as Derek does best, lurking and staring at the... patch of dirt that she'd fallen asleep under. It turned into a sort of 'get off my lawn' with a twist, and she left him standing and glowering.

Cade spent his shift at Stark Industries doing some business transactions regarding some of the souvenirs he picked up in Africa. Jack Priest was hard at work texting and actually being productive at the Devil's Nest, which is only impressive because he spent his vacation here instead of being refreshed in Africa. Priestly was serving Greek food at Café Luke's, and Jake had a bag of peas after a run-in with Tino's fist. Presumably after he towelled himself off. The duck pond can be a bit chilly this time of year.

And that appears to be all of the notes I have for today. This is Jonothon Starsmore, and I'm going to appreciate my Tuesday after vacation the only way I know how.

I'm going back to bed.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
There is radio equipment beside my bed.

I'm in Africa, and there is radio equipment beside my bed. And there are squirrels. In my room. In Africa. Beside my bed. And attempting to break into the minibar. So help me, rodents, if that gets billed to me you'll find yourselves trussed up outside for the wild dogs, and I'll only feel slightly guilty about it. Go swim in the pool or something, and I'll read your bloody notes.

In bed. In Africa.

*Chittering*

I don't care what time it is right now in Africa. I was sleeping.

Radio. This time for Africa. )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Ugh, this again? It feels as though I was just doing this last week. I suppose the only thing for it is to just get it done and over with. At least the squirrels gave me time enough to grab coffee on the way, this morning.

They're learning.

The stack of notes seems to be manageable today, too. You must all have been sleeping off the weekend. Or else hiding until you could be good and certain that your visitors have left. Which of the two I was doing, I'll never tell.

Tuesday Morning Radio )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Once upon a time, there was a very large man who enjoyed sleeping in. Now, boys and girls, this large man, the one with the biceps that were roughly the same size as his head, was willing to make the occasional exception to this 'sleeping in' thing that he tried to keep on top of, provided there was coffee around.

Do you know what happens when the large man is forced out of bed by rodents and herded to a radio station without coffee?

*Chittering*

… That's right. I get even more snarky. Do be dears and get me some before the dryness in my voice turns the entire island arid, hm?

*Scampering*

In the meantime, I'll read these notes, and hopefully the island won't suffer too terribly much for it. We'll start with the notes from the School, where Zayne being home sick meant that the droids from Goodvalor's were leading How to Start a Business in a movie day. Also watching a film, perhaps less surprisingly, were the students in Philosophy 102, with a charming number about a Yeti. And continuing the trend, Lady Ghanima in Two Lions showed one about the Vatican, but at least she did that after explaining how her family used myths to take control, and followed it up with a discussion about religion and power.

William broke the trend in the library, reshelving books and checking up on hockey, which I assume is something terribly Canadian and I'll never truly understand. And Science-with-an-exclamation-point-and-all-caps built tiny robotic pets, because they didn't get the 'movie day' memo, either.

In the Dorms, Anakin-not-Skywalker was working on his datapad when he got a call summoning him home, and in my experience those things rarely go well, you know, Anakin. Olive, meanwhile, was in the fourth floor common room, coming to the dawning realization that television is stupid. Luv, I could have told you that the second I found out that MTV didn't actually play music any more. Jessica and Toby came in as well, and while Jessica tried to argue that the educational channels still had decent content, Toby argued that there were different levels of stupid, and really it was the difference between Cactibear and that bloody idiotic show about musical chairs.

Really. What the hell is wrong with people?

Town was quiet yesterday right along with the rest of the island, most likely because we're all still recuperating from talking-animal-souls-weekend. Fortunately, we have parents weekend coming up to look forward to. Or to dread, as Cade was doing at Stark Industries. Priestly was being addressed as Boaz at Café Luke's yesterday for reasons unknown, and at Caritas, Tino was surprising us all, and Jake in particular, by doing math problems.

Not something I tend to do in a bar, personally, but to each his own. And once again I've finished reading these notes before the squirrels could return with my coffee. I'll have to start adding more snark, in the future, to further illustrate my point and to pass the time so that I don't breeze through the notes from town without caffeine. This is Jonothon Starsmore, signing off and leaving the station in the hopes of heading the squirrels off somewhere in town before I make it home.
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[personal profile] furnaceface
But it's Sunday. Yes, yes, I know I missed Tuesday. I was busy on Tuesday. And don't any of you little rum-grubbers try to get Malanya drunk. So help me, I am not putting up with an inebriated bear. I need her to help me read these-

*Whispering*

… What?

*Murmur mumble murmur...*

Good bloody lord, kidnapped on a Sunday by a pack of squirrels and I get to keep company with a bear who gets flustered at the thought of speaking to crowds. Good morning, Fandom. This is Jonothon Starsmore, that awkward murmuring you'll be liable to hear while I read these notes is Malanya who is apparently a part of my bloody soul or some such rot, and the chittering, as always, is coming from the squirrels. Now I suppose I ought to get reading about this weekend's madness, hm?

Lions and Boobies and Bears, oh my. )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
Once upon a time, there was this thing called 'letting Jonothon grab some coffee on the way to the radio station.' I don't suppose you remember that, do you, Squirrels? You're so used to writing everything down, things just start slipping your mind if you don't record them.

*Chittering*

Yes, I know there's a broadcast to be done. I wouldn't be here otherwise, would I? But it'll hardly happen if I fall asleep with the notes in my hands, will it? Coffee. Black. And if I don't have it by the time I make it to the dorms notes, I certainly won't be making it through town. Understand?

*Chittering, and the sound of tiny marching squirrel feet on a mission.*



'I Thought They Would Never Leave' Radio. )
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[personal profile] furnaceface
You know, I can think of ways I'd prefer to be woken up that aren't 'being dragged into the radio station by a pack of squirrels wearing raincoats and galoshes,' but seeing as none of those are likely to happen in the near future I'll spare the lot of you the details. Good morning, Fandom. This is Jonothon Starsmore, holding a stack of soggy notes, and I am not the least bit apologetic for hearing the siren going off in the rain and then rolling over and going back to sleep. When I was a student, the rain was made of chocolate.

Somehow I doubt that'll put you all into better moods this morning, so I'll just read the notes and resist the urge to add something about walking fifteen miles uphill in the snow to get to class.

Fire Alarm Radio! )

Fandom High RPG



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