raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Jenny: Good evening, Fandom citizens! I'm Jenny, he's Reno, this is Booze n' News, and you have just over twenty-four hours left to get me something nice for my birthday.

Reno: ... Aw, crap. I just got back from a week in a perpetual thunderstorm. Didn't get you nothin', Jenny. How you feel about large riding chickens?

WARK. Er. Radio! )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! Looks to me like we got another Tuesday. A good Tuesday. A fine Tuesday. The kinda Tuesday where the squirrels, furry little saints that they are, bring me booze. Yes, Fandom, you gotta tolerate another Tuesday night broadcast with Reno an' Jenny, yo. I'm Reno.

Jenny: And I'm Jenny.

Reno: And we got booze! And notes. We do got notes, right?

Jenny: What did you think this pile of paper was? Because it's not my shopping list, I'll tell you that.

Reno: If it was, I'd be tempted to say you shop like a girl I work with back home. Okay then, notes.

Christmas Eve-Eve Radio )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Jenny: Hello, Fandom Island! I'm Jenny, he's Reno, this *sloshy* is booze, soon will be the news, and I hope we find you well on this fine evening, and if not well, at least drunk.

Reno: For some of you people out there, drunk seems like it might be lookin' better and better, but I digress. Already. I think. Is the 'witty banter' portion of the broadcast too early to be considered digressin'?

Jenny: Buggered if I know.

Reno: Well, I'm gonna digress anyhow. Just because if's a fun word. And if our listeners on the island don't like it, they can read their own news. Yeah.

Booze and News! )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! The faucets ain't runnin' hot chocolate today, but I can forgive the island for that. I think. The pet was gettin' thirsty, zoto. I'm drownin' my sorrow in booze, anyhow. I know. The chocolate was a beautiful thing. But somehow, we'll all have to survive. *chugging sounds*

Jenny: I needed a shower after the chocolate, but I regret none of it.

Reno: Kinda a shame the taps weren't runnin' booze again. Sorta less sticky, dependin' on which delicious poison you get stuck under, yo.

Jenny: At least alcohol has sterilizing properties. And it's better for my waistline. Actually, it's probably not, considering how much of it I drink. Sweet booze. Never leave me.

Reno: There's the one thing in life that ain't never gonna change. Booze. And notes. We got notes? It's Tuesday, I wouldn't be surprised if- sweet mother of Shiva, who let the squirrel report on Caritas, tonight?

Karaoke Radio! )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Jenny: Hello, Fandom High! I see everyone has survived another week, even though we have to go to school over the stuffing yourselves holiday. Here's hoping you're all drinking to dull the pain; if not, well, there's never a better time to start than the present.

Reno: .... This is the week of that holiday with the giant chicken things? You know, one of these days, I'm gonna actually look at a friggin' calendar and figure out what holiday is what.

Booze'n'News! )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo! *pant* Heh. Yo, Fandom! It's Tuesday again, and... heh. S'cuse me. *Chugging sounds* Okay. Caught my breath. S'good, zoto. Tuesday again, and time for another Booze'n'News broadcast with Jenny and Reno! And the squirrel over here who is my new best friend, 'cause it totally just handed me a bottle of Sambuca.

Jenny: The squirrel didn't give me anything. I'll just be over here pouting.

Reno: Or you could just nab some of its limoncello or grappa. Heh. That's one well-traveled squirrel, yo.

Jenny: What if I just want gin? Is gin so much to ask for?

Reno: Apparently. But look on the bright side. At least you got notes to comfort yourself with.

Jenny: Notes...aren't actually very comforting. Although I suppose you could stuff a pillow with them. It would be a very rustly pillow.

Rustling Radio )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! Another Tuesday, another drunken broadcast with... drunken... broadcaster types. I got an early start, yo. There was punch in the booze at the party tonight.

Jenny: There was a party? Why didn't anyone tell me?

Reno: You gotta check your e-mail more often, Jenny.

Jenny: I hate the twenty-first century.

21st Century Radio! )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Jenny: Congratulations, Americans! I've been really worried about what the *censor beep* you were thinking since I came back from the dead, but today you didn't *censor beep* it up. I am so *censor beep*ing relieved, you do not even know.

Reno: And I ain't got no clue what's been goin' on the past few months, but I'm thinkin' somethin' big happened today, so I'm gonna give you a thumbs-up over the radio, yo. Pretend you can see my thumbs. They're up. An' I've already been drinkin'. So it seems like we're set to read news that's a little more local than the big stuff that cut out all the good TV shows I was watchin' today.

Election Day Radio! )
ashockingbitch: (sparks will fly)
[personal profile] ashockingbitch
Hello, Fandom High! I'm Jenny Sparks, Reno appears to have buggered off somewhere or maybe forgotten it's Tuesday, and this is Booze and News. Normally this would be the witty banter part of our program, but as I am alone that would be difficult. I suppose I could banter with the squirrels, but that would just be sad. So! Let's get straight to it!

Drunken British Radio! )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: So! Another Tuesday, yo. And we got classes again. You know, just when you think you got a good thing goin', the school year reasserts itself like some kinda... educational... institutional... thingie, zoto.

Jenny: I think the wheels just fell off your simile.

Reno: Thingie is a technical term, ain't it?

Jenny: Not...to the best of my knowledge, no. Sorry.

Reno: Well, can't say I didn't make the effort, yo. You think you can do any better, Jenny?

Jenny: Well, I could make some trite comment about the circle of life, but for some reason I suspect that would lead to the squirrels breaking into song.

Reno: Yeah. That kinda thing moves us all. Like a wheel of fortune, or maybe a leap of faith, or a... band of hope? Uh. Okay. I'm givin' up on the similes now. This educational crap is for the smart kids. We got notes?

Jenny: We do indeed have notes.

The Circle of Radio Moves Us All. )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! Tuesday night, yet again. On a nice, normal, sloooow day here on the island. I just gotta say, here and now, how glad I am I get to do this broadcastin' bit on Tuesdays. It's like gettin' my rum for nothin', yo.

Jenny: Don't give the squirrels ideas, good God, man, they might take it away again.

Reno: Or worse, start takin' more notes. "Today on the island, leaves turned colors that ain't green. Also, it's a full moon but there are clouds in the sky, yo." C'mon, we don't gotta report on that.

Jenny: We might. As a service to our lycanthropic community, although I don't think we have any werewolves at present. That's probably the next thing.

Reno: Start givin' the island ideas now, why don't you? Next full moon, we'll all be turnin' into wereturkeys or somethin' weird like that. We got notes?

Jenny: If we didn't have notes, I'd have taken the rum and gone home by now. Which means yes.

Reno: On with the news then, yo. We can talk slow, means we get to drink more rum, right?

Jenny: Sounds like a plan to me!

Slow News Is Slow )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: -- Yes, I know you've brought booze. I'm just sayin', squirrels, that ain't gonna be enough. I got possible pay cuts to take into consideration, now. You're little furry heroes, keepin' a hard-workin' high-school student from goin' dry. Think of it like that, and bringin' extra rum on Tuesdays is, like, charity or somethin', right?

*Chittering*

Reno: Well, I gotta try, anyhow. Yo, Fandom. It's Tuesday night, and this is News and not-quite-enough Booze with Reno and Jenny Sparks.

Jenny: Possible pay cuts? I wasn't aware you worked for money, Reno, I thought you simply boozed your way through high school. Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact I firmly support it.

Booze'n'News! )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
*Sloshysloshysloshy*

Reno: That's the ticket, yo! A Tuesday night complete with booze! Variety, even. Got some tequila, some rum, vodka's sittin' over there, here's some whiskey for good measure, and, for the faint of heart, there's some beer or whatever sittin' over there. I stocked up, in case the squirrels didn't, yo.

Jenny: Oh, good, because I only brought a bottle of gin, and I wasn't planning to share. I'd hate for you to go dry.

Reno: Trust me, there won't be noooo danger of that tonight. I plan on drinkin' plenty to make up for last week's dry radio, zoto. We got notes?

Jenny: We do! We have...a lot of notes. You [[CENSOR BEEP]]ers need to do less. Hang out in your rooms and drink. Wait. Then we'd have to report on that. Cease to exist every Tuesday, make our lives easier.

Reno: Eh. Ain't too much, I guess. I mean, someone coulda had a birthday, or we coulda been invaded by, I dunno, animated plush puffins in top hats, or glow in the dark dinosaurs, or ... uh... I dunno. I'm already drunk, yo.

Jenny: God's harbingers of pus, we could have been invaded by those. Those were fun. Not really. *glug glug glug*

Reno: Now you're just makin' me homesick. On with the news!

News! It Exists! )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: --Whaddaya mean, the mangy bedheaded pirate guy drank all the freakin' rum? No, no stop hangin' out in the corner, I ain't gonna turn into some kinda clown- the heck, you guys! Just get us some booze in here! I don't care what it is! I'll drink fruity girly dr-- Oh. Oh, we're on the air? Yo, Fandom! It's been two weeks since we were in here, and the place has managed to go to heck while we were gone. I just want my free booze, okay?

Jenny: That's right, I won a bloody drinking contest for you people and I expect to be repaid accordingly, d'you hear?

... Booze and News? Maybe? )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Jenny: Hello, Fandom High! I'm Jenny Sparks, this is Reno 'I Don't Need a Stinking Surname,' and this is Booze and News, where the squirrels ply us with rum and we try to tell you what you all got up to today before we pass out. So grab a bottle and try to follow along!

Reno: In honor of the new semester, I propose we turn this broadcast into a drinkin' game, yo. Whenever our good buddy Pepito the censor squirrel saves the day, all you listeners out there in the world outside the station take a swig.

Jenny: But first, a toast to Pepito, without whom you would hear far more swear words every Tuesday.

*clink*

*glug glug*

Jenny: Ah, that's the stuff.

Drunken Radio! )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! Ever hit the club so hard that three days later, you still feel like [[CENSOR BEEP]]? Yep. That'd be me. But at least this time I didn't end up with an unfortunate tattoo on my behind. Ain't you all proud?

Jenny: I've done that many times, but I'm pleased to say I've never wound up with a tattoo on my bum. I suppose this is just one of the many ways I'm superior to you.

Radio, My *** )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! I think it's safe to say that it's some kinda miracle that we're parked next to America again. I mean, France was cool, Australia wasn't too bad, but Antarctica? Bermuda? What's wrong with this island? I ain't even from this world, and I gotta say it's good to be back in the U.S. of A, yo. And, you know, not gettin' lost in fog.

Jenny: I don't know what the bloody [censor beep] island you were on, but Australia was horrific. But yes, I'm glad to be back in America. Dear God, I never thought I would say that.

Reno: Australia was warm. Antarctica was... Antarctica. But hey, the bugs here are smaller. We got some real freaking huge ones on Gaia. Bigger'n those Aussie ones, even. The land of platypus didn't bug me none, yo.

News! Now with 100% less platypi! )

*crashing sound*

*static*
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: First, I can't find my way to the freakin' radio station. And then the freakin mic is wrapped in bubblewrap- *pop pop pop* - and now the booze is all bound up and my co-host ain't here, either. Tonight's broadcast is gonna be an adventure, yo.

*Chittering*

Bubble Wrap Radio )

Reno: ... It pops. *Pop!*

Jenny: So it does. *pop pop pop!*

*pop pop pop pop pop! POP!*
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: First squirrel that writes "Wark" at me gets their head held in a bottle of rum until they stop strugglin'. Just sayin'-- Oh, we on the air? Dammit. Uh. Yo, Fandom!

Jenny: I've missed something hilarious again, haven't I?

*Squirrel chittering!*

Reno: .... No. No you didn't. We, uh, got notes? We do, right? [[Censor beep]], I need some ru-- Jenny. There's a freaky little tusked thing swimmin' in our bottle tonight. I'm gonna need more rum, now.

Jenny: It'll pass out soon. Just drink around it.

Reno: Ain't half as bad as a mezcal worm, I guess. But at least the worms are dead and pickled. We got notes?

Jenny: We do indeed have notes! You start, I'll try to get the thingy out of our rum.

Reno: Good luck with that, yo.

Sober News? Say it isn't so! )

Jenny: There you go. Sometimes you have to say screw it and drink from the bottle with the bunyip. Also I am never going to stop laughing at you.

Reno: I hate you. Give me the marinated critter booze. Good night, Fandom. I'm gettin' drunk on bunyip.


[And once again, huge kudos to [livejournal.com profile] the_merriest, who saved me from serious coding fail tonight and she deserves pie. Give her pie, I say.]
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! Welcome to Booze 'n' News with Reno, a buncha squirrels, and this snarlin' fuzzy thing that fell on me as I walked into the radio station tonight. I dunno where my esteemed co-host is. Either she's off drunk somewhere, or she got eaten by a freakin' drop bear.

Drop Bear: Snarrrrrrrrrr.

Reno: Spoken like a true freaky fuzzy cute ninja teddy bear thing, yo.

Drop Bear: Snarrrrrrrr.

Reno: You need a name. I'll call you Jenny.

Radio, Snarrr! )

Reno: I think we're done here, yo. Rum got to the co-host.

Jenny: Let's run before it wakes up with a hangover.

Reno: Good call. Good night, Fandom!


[Many kudos to [livejournal.com profile] the_merriest, who helped with the coding when my brain revolted against me!]
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yooooo, Faaaaaandom! This has been the best freakin' day ever except for those days that were better and did I mention today was really freakin' awesome? Because it was, yoto.

Jenny: Hello Fandom High, and I really must concur, today has been smashing. I showered in beer people, so for once when people said I smelled like I'd been soaked in booze they were completely right! How crazy is that?

Reno: Craaaazy.

Mako: Honk!

Reno: Oooh. Haaaay. The ferret. Go play with the rodents, dude. So! Drunkenness. We got that! A lot! And it was totally freakin' free and I hope you all got spare bottles of that stuff, because this is Fandom and it ain't gonna last forever. If you didn't, then go, run, quick. Get a bottle an' fill it with tapwaterbooze and we'll totally wait. Pass the time by drinkin'. And... go!

*chugging sounds*

Drunken Radio is Drunken! )



[Thanks go to [livejournal.com profile] vkandis_son for letting us borrow the horse!]
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! Reno, Jenny, and a weird red bird-thing here to give you all the news you never wanted us to share, yo!

Parrot: Share, yo! Rrrawwwk! Yo!

Jenny: So did the ferret die and get replaced already, is that's what's going on here? Because I have to say, it was less annoying.

Reno: Nah, Mako's all well an' good, yo. Dunno where the parrot came from, but he's been good company today. Ain't you, stupid?

Parrot: Ain't you stupid?

Jenny: *snicker* The bird just called you stupid. And I thought its name was Dumbass.

Reno: He'll answer to both. He's a very flexible ferret that way, yo. We got notes?

Parrot: We got notes! We got notes!

Jenny: Oh my God, shut it up.

Reno: There's somethin' to be said for superglue on a chunk of cuttlebone, yo. First up, school.

News! Rrrawk! News! )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! There's a bear crossed with a marshmallow in here, or somethin', and he's givin' us mixers for the rum. Looks like it's gonna be a good night tonight, yo. Cheers!

Jenny: It's a polar bear, dingbat. With [[product placement beep]]. No clue why, mind you, but then I am not complaining because it is ice cold and refreshing. OW! Apparently that was too close to a shill for the squirrels. Just for that they can't have any. Because I said so.

The News That Refreshes )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
*There is the very distinct, slightly goose-like sound of honking. And the less goose-like sound of angry chittering in response.*

Reno: Awww, you little stupid, you can't go terrorizin' the squirrels, yo.

*Honk!*

Jenny: Keep it away from me. Also, it's too stupid to live.

Reno: ... I'd tell you to take that back, but the weird ninja-weasel-goose is pretty stupid, ain't he?

*Honk!*

Jenny: Make it stop antagonizing the squirrels; they'll take away our booze.

Reno: You have an oddly compelling point. C'mere, stupid. Naptime or somethin'.

Jenny: Maybe if you give it rum it'll fall asleep. Or. Die or something.

Reno: But I don't want it to die. No rum for you, Weasel-thing.

Honk! )

*Honk!*
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Jenny: --And one more thing, what the bloody [DEAD AIR] happened to your hair?

Reno: S' the new style, yo. Two feet of ponytail had to go, at the behest of the [DEAD AIR] Vice-[DEAD AIR] Principal and his flaming- Oh, [DEAD AIR], are we on the air already?

Jenny: At least before you could see where you were going with the whole postmodern hairstyle and whatnot. Now it's just...tragic. Oh, [DEAD AIR] me, we are. Hello, Fandom, and welcome to another week of Booze and News with Jenny and Reno, now with even more tragic hair.

Reno: It ain't that tragic, is it? I mean... hair grows? ... Took me, uh, six years to grow it to where it was. But hair grows! ... Right?

Jenny: I've heard rumors of a koala or something that lives in the woods, and when it bites you your hair grows. Wanna go look for it after the show?

Reno: ... The hell's a koala?

Jenny: They live in trees and they're cute, but they're from Australia so they can probably kill you six ways.

Reno: ... Was my ponytail worth dyin' for? It's a tough call, yo.

Jenny: You look like a [DEAD AIR]. But it's your call.

Reno: .... I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that. I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that, and I'm gonna pick up the notes, and I'm gonna read 'em, yo.

Jenny: You do that.

Reno: I will.

The News! )
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! It's time for another installment of Booze 'n News with Reno and Jenny, and I'm gonna open up by sayin' that if anyone pulls a weapon on someone I know again, I'm gonna [[DEAD AIR]].

Jenny: Have I missed something again? Or did you just forget to take your meds before you came down here?

Reno: .... I ain't on meds. Was just one of those weekends, yo.

Jenny: One of those weekends with weapons.

Reno: And foxes.

And news! )

Reno: How will I ever get by in life not knowin' the joy of watchin' guys throw a ball into a basket?

Jenny: I've managed so far. Just dull your pain with the liquor.

Reno: *chugging sounds* Oh, there it is. All the meanin' just came rushin' back into my dull, colorless life, yo. We done?

Jenny: I believe we are. Good night, Fandom! Drink one down for us!
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! It's another Tuesday night in Bali Ha'i, and you finally got your normal Tuesday radio staff in the studio. It's a bloody miracle, ain't it? I'm Reno, in case you all managed to forget, and that one over there- That'd be Jenny Sparks, who's too damn cool to give up her last name for the sake of fittin' in here in the studio, yo.

Jenny: Just because the squirrels don't appear to have last names doesn't make it a trend, Reno. Or are you comparing yourself favorably to rodents now?

Reno: Don't go talkin' down on the squirrels, Jenny. They know where you sleep at night.

Jenny: They know what I do to creatures who show up in my room unexpectedly, too, don't they?

*slightly nervous chittering*

Jenny: You see, the trick is to be scarier than everybody else.

Reno: ... I'm makin' a mental note here, scare the livin' [[DEAD AIR]] outta the rodents.

*The hollow thunk of an acorn hitting someone's head.*

Reno: That was real uncalled for, Pepito. We got notes, Jenny?

Of course there are notes! )

Reno: *Clears his throat* Say good night, Jenny? Before the squirrels kill me with *thunk* OKAY, I GET THE [[LOTS OF DEAD AIR]] IDEA. YOU WIN. Filthy freakin' roden- *thunk*

Jenny: Good night, all you little people out there. Now come on, Ginger, let's leave the squirrels in peace.
ashockingbitch: (Default)
[personal profile] ashockingbitch
Jenny: Hello, Fandom High, and welcome to another week of Booze and News with Jenny and--hold on a tick, you're not Reno.

Faith: *lighting a cigarette* You got good eyes, right there. Can't get nothin' past you. Nah, I just came to donate some booze to the cause.

Jenny: We can always use more booze! Want to stick around and drink some of it? I think the redhead's running late.

Faith: Do I gotta read sh- ... stuff? 'Cause last time I had to get beeped a lot 'cause I say sh- ... stuff you ain't s'posed to say on radio. Dale just kinda laid on that button.

Jenny: Yeah, Reno and I have our own dedicated squirrel for that. I have named him Pepito. Say hello, Pepito.

*thunk*

Jenny: Ow! Also, sometimes they throw acorns. But that's okay, because we have liquor to dull the pain.

Faith: Well, [[DEAD AIR]]. I'm in. Me an' Pepito can get acquainted in a hurry.

Jenny: Excellent! In that case, everyone, welcome to Booze and News with Jenny and Faith, and also Reno if he ever gets his [[DEAD AIR]] in here. We will be bringing you all the news that's not fit to print, because seriously, bollocksed if I know what's up with the newspaper. So let's get started with

Radio! Now With 100% Less Reno and 100% More Lesbian Subtext! )

Reno: Well, [[DEAD AIR]] yeah. To the bar! Next round's on me, yo. Say good night, Jenny!

Jenny: Good night, everyone. To the bar!

Faith: Last one there's gotta eat the worm. Night!
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! Another Tuesday, another installment of Booze and News with Reno and Jenny! ... There ain't words for how freakin' weird it was to have last Tuesday off, yo. It's like... I dunno. Like we missed a week. Weird.

Jenny: Speak for yourself; I've lost last Tuesday night in an absinthe-fueled haze. I could have been here, for all I know.

Reno: Nah, I think that was Murdock. I ain't sure if he brought his dog, though.

Jenny: If he did, I hope the squirrels have been through here with a vacuum and a lint roller.

*annoyed chittering*

There is Booze. And News. )

Reno: We're done notes, right? We should cue up the 80's playlist and then run for our lives. Or, as the case may be, drunkenly stumble, yo.

Jenny: This sounds like an excellent plan to me, co-host. Let's see...ah, here we go. It's got Devo.

Reno: I'll take that as a good bad sign or somethin'. Say good night, Jenny!

Jenny: Good night, Jenny!

*Thriller begins to play*
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! Second day of classes, and if you haven't learned how to turn on your respective radios by now, then there probably ain't any hope for you. And you won't even be insulted, because you won't be listenin' to the broadcast, will you? And as for the rest of you- shame on you for not showin' whoever ain't listenin' to this broadcast the wonders of modern technology or whatever. Radio's freakin' awesome! Enlighten them, yo!

Jenny: Whatever the bloody hell he said! Hello, Fandom High! And Fandom town, I suppose, and any bits of Greece that might accidentally be getting this broadcast. I'm Jenny Sparks, this is Reno 'I'm too sexy for a last name,' and this--

*slosh slosh*

Is Captain Morgan! We're here to bring you all the news that's not fit to print, because bollocks knows what's going on with the newspaper.

Reno: Newspaper's under new management and on summer break, yo. Kickass management. Just you gotta wait for it. First paper's gonna be good, yo.

*Chittering*

Reno: And no, I ain't just sayin' that because the new editor's my girlfriend. But while we're waitin' for newspaper, a news medium that you newbies from the past may be more familiar with, we on Pirate Radio have got notes! Loads... of... Notes. .... And ouzo! And rum! And... other booze! So we're well equipped to read 'em, ain't we, Jenny?

Jenny: The booze helps, it's true. So let's get started with...

Radio, which is going to be decidedly more alcohol-influenced than the paper... )

Jenny: You poor sot. Good night, Jenny!

Reno: Good night Fandom!

*Loud footfalls. Things crash. Dead air.*
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! Reno here on a mighty fine evening off the coast of Greece, which, I learned, ain't what you end up with after fryin' bacon. Who knew?

Jenny: Your knowledge of the history of the planet on which you are currently resident is positively tragic, I have to tell you this. Also, they're spelled completely differently.

Reno: There's a lot to this planet! More freakin' countries than we got on Gaia, anyhow. I ain't gonna memorize it all just for the sake of goin' to high school... Wait, they're spelled different? ... Whoa. I never would'a thought, yo.

Jenny: Note...to...self: Add western civ textbook to Reno's 'Welcome to Earth, Third Rock From the Sun' care package.

Reno: This is the third planet from the sun? Earth is freakin' weird, yo. We got notes?

Jenny: It's not weird at all. Believe me. I've seen weirder. And yes, as a matter of fact, we do have notes!

Reno: Oh, good. I'll start readin' 'em, then. Weird Earth notes written by weird Earth squirrels, who are drinkin' my quality Earth rum while we speak, yo.

The Weird Earth News )

Jenny: You're so weird. Good night, everyone. Eat a pig for us.
raspberryturk: (Default)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! Reno here, along with my co-host and mother-of-a-kid-that-ain't-gonna-ever-happen, Jenny Sparks! And we got, like, a break from school. I foresee drinkin' in my future, not a Tiny Evil, yo.

Jenny: I can't believe I'm saying this, but that child was cute. But so evil. So yes, never going to happen. Why? Because I will never be having sex with Reno, and also because I have the maternal instinct of week-old gum. And now you know.

Reno: Yeah, I might miss the kid, but I ain't that desperate to see the world end.

Jenny: I dedicated a hundred years to not letting the world end, I'm not throwing that all away, that's all I'm saying. Also, she stole my cigarettes.

The News! Now With 100% Less Weetiny! )

Reno: I think the squirrels are gonna forgive us, Jenny. I might've offered to treat them to the rum next week, yo.

Jenny: Oh, thank God. They were starting to creep me out, too. Don't anger the squirrels, people. For real.

Reno: They got freaky, beady little eyes. And they stare.

Jenny: And while they stare, they take notes. ANYWAY, we hope you all enjoy your vacation and drink lots of booze, don't we, Reno?

Reno: What was that? I was makin' the best of my vacation time by drinkin' lots of booze, yo.

Jenny: That's the spirit. Say good night, Reno!

Reno: Good night, Reno!

Jenny: And good night meta for John boy!
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Jenny: Gooooooooooood evening, Fandom High. This is Jenny Sparks here, completely undercaffeinated but highly intoxicated, with my dear, dear friend, a bottle of rum. Also this redheaded chappy. Say hello, redheaded chappy.

Reno: Chappy? Jenny, you're makin' me sound like I got a rash or somethin'.

Jenny: How is it that on whatever sodding planet you're from, they speak American English? This has been up my nose for weeks now.

Reno: I don't speak American English. I speak Midgar English, yo.

The News in English! )

Jenny: That is far from the only difference. Did anyone ever shoot a man in you just to watch him die?

Reno: ... Not that I'm... aware of. No. Near me? You mean near me, right?

Jenny: No. In you. "My mama told me, 'Son, always be a good boy, don't ever play with guns'?" Ringing any bells?

Reno: No. And you had a very confused mama, I'm thinkin'. Say good night, Jenny?

Jenny: My mother was a crazy bitch, it's true. Good night, Jenny!

Reno: Good night, Fandom!
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! This is Reno, and there's my co-host, Jenny Sparks, who's apparently too cool to go without a last name, yo.

Jenny: My last name is astonishingly appropriate, so I decided to keep it. We won't even go into what I think of my teammates, who apparently decided this meant Century Babies named Jenny with themed last names were the Done Thing. Ahem.

Reno: Here's the part where I smiiile and nod, right?

Jenny: Well, you could agree my former teammates suck. That might be nice.

Reno: Aiight. You obviously traded them in for a better partner here on the air anyhow, yoto. We got notes?

Jenny: We got notes.

The News Which is Newsy! )

Jenny: Hallelujah! Let's get drunk now.

Reno: I'll drink to that! *sloshy* I plan on startin' tomorrow with the king of all hangovers, yo.

Jenny: You can't have a hangover if you never stop drinking.

Reno: And there's the great thing about bein' paid in rum, yo. Say good night, Jenny!

Jenny: Good night, Jenny!
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom. This is Reno. And I got a Jenny here. And we got booze. And news. Woo.

Jenny: Well, you don't have to sound so bloody enthusiastic about it...

Reno: Enthusiasm costs extra tonight, zoto. Or you could just ask the stupid little creepy jester things to beat on the microphones for emphasis. That ought'a make things more interesting.

*A moment of exuberant thumpthumpthumping of bladders against the mic ensues*

*And then angry chittering*

Reno: You know, squirrels versus jesters in a match to the end is actually almost worth comin' in tonight for...

Jenny: Ten quid on the squirrels.

Reno: I'm tossin' fifty gil in on the jesters. They're armed. We got notes?

Jenny: We got notes. You want to begin, or should I?

Reno: I got it.

Gossip. And booze. And bladders. )

Reno: ... Yeah. Thanks. ... Uh. Say good night, Jenny?

Jenny: Good night, Jenny!

*bladder microphone-bopping and squirrel protesting, cutting to dead air*

[If Reno said he's sending you a fruit basket, feel free to handwave receiving it or to just ignore it entirely. But come on, who doesn't want a *microphone feedback* fruit basket?]
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Jenny: Helloooooo, Fandom High. I'm Jenny Sparks, here with Reno who thinks he's too good for last names or something, Captain Morgan, and a bunch of sodding squirrels. So it must be Tuesday!

Reno: Looks like Tuesday. Feels like Tuesday. Went to my Tuesday class today. Maybe it's Friday, yo.

TuesdayFriday Radio )

Reno: I'm thinkin' this public service announcement has opened up their eyes, yo. Say good night, Jenny.

Jenny: I don't want to say good night. You say good night.

Reno: ... Good night, Jenny.

Jenny: Good night, Reno. And good night, Fandom!
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Another Tuesday, another bottle of rum. Yo, Fandom, this is Reno, drinkin' the booze while I being you the news. Yo, squirrels, think you could grab me a few more bottles, here? It's gonna be a long night and I gotta have something to quench the thirst of readin' all these notes with. But you little fuzzy guys probably know that by now, yo.

*chittering*

No, I don't know where she is. Been a long week, she's probably off gettin' her bikini line waxed or somethin'. Hey, rum! You know, for fuzzy little rat-things, you guys ain't half bad, yo.
I better get this party started, yo. Sooner I finish readin' this stuff, the sooner I can drink myself to the floor.

The News, Yo! )

Jenny: You are substantially less fun than I hoped you would be. *sigh*

Reno: Good enough excuse as any to wrap up the show and get more to drink then, yo. Say goodnight, Jenny!

Jenny: Good night, Jenny!
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: You know it's gonna be an interestin' broadcast when the squirrels tell you you gotta sit down before startin' to read, yo. I'm almost afraid to look at these notes. They gonna make me start singin' again? I'm not up for another round of Modern Major General, here.

Jenny: There will be no singing. If the singing starts, I am out of here. You hear me? No. Singing.

Reno: It's a deal, yo. We got these notes here, the ones the squirrels are wavin' their little arm-things over. And we're gonna read 'em. And we ain't gonna sing. And if I do end up singin', someone is gonna get hurt. I mean it.

Jenny: Ahem. Hello and welcome to Booze and News with Reno and Jenny. Now with one hundred percent less singing if someone knows what's good for them.

Reno: Don't even matter who the someone is, yo. Just let it be known, singin' from here on in is gonna mean a world of pain for someone. Whoever's closest. Whatever.

The News! )

Jenny: We're done. Say good night, Reno!

Reno: Good night, Reno!


[Shiny OOC Notes from the paaaast, for your viewing pleasure!

London, 1936 - Aly gets an "Oh, Er!" from Bertie as she rolls across the pavement.
Chicago, 1933 - Sora has never hard of Chicago, and Turtle meets Bugsy Malone.
New York, 1930 - Lana arrives, and meets a Mrs. Parker that is not the Parker we know and love.
Cairo, 1923 - Barney likes the local ladies, and finds the Robin that isn't green at a local bar.
Paris, 1899 - Jeff has arrived, terrified. Romeo barters a donut for his freedom, and mistakes Toulouse for Tybalt. Deadpool gets a package from the fuuuuture! And also meets up with Jeff.]
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: What's the buzz, tell us what's-a-happenin'-- I officially have the most dangerous job on the island today, Fandom. Because unlike the rest of you, I gotta actually open my mouth and talk to communicate here. You need blackmail material, now would be the time to start tapin' this broadcast. At your own risk, zoto.

Jenny: If any of you attempt to blackmail me with whatever comes out of my mouth, I know where you live.

I knooooow where you liiiiiive--good God no. *glug glug*

Reno: I'm not gonna sing. I'm not. Except every now and then--

Every now and then I get a little bit musical and then you'll hear the sound of my voiiiice--Hate. HATE. *glug glug glug*

Jenny: This is officially the worst day ever. I would just like to point that out.

Reno: It's up there. Maybe if we juuuuuust get this partay started~ .... We can get it over with faster, yo.

Jenny: Yes, let's just get it over with. Before I sing again.

The Musical News )

Reno: ... And I'm a freakin' Turk. Can we just say good night to Fandom before we start singin' about weeds with our brave soldiers, yo?

*the music changes*

Jenny: I hate you. I just want you to know that before I start inviting you to fall on me, tell me everything you want me to be.

*violent smashing sounds*

*Dead air*
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Jenny: Hello Fandom High during this lovely spring break week. I'm Jenny Sparks, bringing you booze and news all by my lonesome this week as my co-host--the one who's not rum-shaped--has scarpered off somewhere, hopefully with a beach and bikini-clad

*chitter*

Jenny: Hang on a minute. The squirrel is handing me a phone.

*chitter chitter*

Jenny: You want me to hold the phone up to the microphone? Okay...

Wark! )

Reno: ... Used all my spare change on missin' 'em. I.O.U? I'll collect from number four's win after the broadcast? Which should be, like. Right now. You haven't drunk yourself into a coma yet over there, Jenny?

Jenny: No, I'm savin' that for Mexico. Viva tequila! Or something like that. Yes. Er. Good night, Fandom?

Reno: Tequila's from... Mexico? I only heard of the place today and I like it already. Good night, Fandom! I gotta go collect and put another twenty gil on the blue one.

[This broadcast has been brought to you by crack, a cameo from [livejournal.com profile] sarcasm_guy as Rude, the letter Z, and by viewers like you.]
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! It's Tuesday night again, which means you poor schmucks have to listen to us again. Sittin' here, drinkin' rum, hangin' out with the rodents without you. I bet you're all jealous, yoto.

Jenny: Unless of course, you're sitting around drinking rum without squirrels watching you with their beady little eyes. But then, it's rum we didn't have to pay for so I guess it balances out.

Reno: The rum really helps deal with the staring beady little eye thing, I think.

Jenny: This is true. *glug glug glug* Yes, I feel better already.

Reno: The things with the starin' little eyes seem to be handing us notes. Which ain't a shock, really, but I figured I ought to mention that. Sooner we read 'em, sooner we can take the rum somewhere that don't have starin' beady eye issues, yo.

Jenny: I like your plan. It's a good plan. Plan-shaped. Right, so. On with the news!

They're Watching You! )

Jenny: If they tune in for the mental scarring, they've come to the right place. That should be our tagline. If it isn't already. Remember, folks, the squirrels see you when you're sleeping. They know when you're awake. Take it, Reno!

Reno: ... The hell are you singing?

Jenny: ...at least it's not Danny Boy?

Reno: ... I'm never gonna understand you. I'm thinkin' that's a good thing, yo. Say goodnight, Jenny.

Jenny: Good night, Jenny.

*There's a moment of static, and then a heartbreaking rendition of Danny Boy.*
raspberryturk: (Blue Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: I would like to state for the record that I hate you all. *Chittering* Yes. You. No, you don't get to take pictures. Stop that.

Jenny: *hysterical laughter*

Reno: Yes, I hate you, too.

Jenny: *snicker* Oh, come on, you must admit it's funny.

Reno: I do. I just think it would be hilarious if your face was blue, too.

Jenny: Been there, done that. I'll pass.

Reno: Anyone out there actually listening? My face ain't blue. I just hate you all for no reason. Dammit.

Jenny: He's lying, his face is positively azure, if only you could see it, dear listening audience.

Reno: I am going to read the news now. And hate you all. A lot.

The News. Which is Blue. )

Reno: I hate everything. Are we done?

Jenny: Yes, my blue friend. We're done. Say good night, Reno!

Reno: I hope you all choke on rum and turn blue. Good night, Fandom.

Jenny: And from me as well. Without the choking wishes. Ta!
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo Fandom! Tuesday again. Last week, I asked the squirrels for whiskey. Go figure they'd turn around and bring pink drinks instead. That'll show me for wantin' somethin' other than rum, I guess? That said, I'm not one to turn down a fuzzy, feel-good drink either, yo. See, there's the mark of a real man for you. Drinkin' girly drinks on the radio and admittin' to liking it.

Cheers! )

Reno: We're done? I think I need to grab some Cuervo to do the thinkin' for me, too, yo.

Jenny: We're done. Until next week, kiddos.

Reno: Say good night, Jenny.

Jenny: Good night, Jenny.

Reno: Damn, Cuervo's awesome. Good night, Fandom! Have yourself some pink drinks or somethin', yo. They really ain't half bad.
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo Fandom! It's Tuesday night, which means that the squirrels have given us more booze to read you the news. In fact, my esteemed co-host decided last night over illegitimate eggy lovechild omelet that we're gonna call this program that from here on in. So, here we are, yo. Booze and News with Jenny and Reno. And more omelet. Because nothing goes with rum the same way as the relatives of your class assignment, yo.

Jenny: For the record, Reno's offspring and its relatives are delicious. Who knew?

Reno: Must be the chicken in Princess Ron's blood, yo. Just does somethin' to the egg, you know?

Jenny: You're really sodding weird, you know. I admire that about you.

Reno: Takes equal parts practice and rum. Spent the day working on the practice. Now it's time for the rum. And the news, yo!

The News. Which is Weird. )

Jenny: In that case, good night, Fandom. I have better things to do.

Reno: Good night, Fandom!
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Yo, Fandom! It's a Tuesday, isn't it? Pretty sure it's a Tuesday, yo. And we're all ourselves again, so I'm gonna call it a good day. And drink rum. The squirrels pay in rum. I like that. Might have started with today's paycheck a little early, yo. *slosh sloshy*

Jenny: Yes, Reno, it's Tuesday. I think. Might be Wednesday by now.

It's a day. That's good enough. )

Reno: Oh, good. I was just startin' to get... durnk or somethin'. Heh. Durnk.

Jenny: While I am clearly not drunk enough, because the shooting cheese at the moon thing isn't making sense yet. This state of affairs cannot be allowed to continue. Hand me my paycheck. *slosh*

Reno: I'm thinkin' this is some mighty fine employment, yo. I don't think I've ever wanted to hang onto a paycheck so much after earnin' it.

Jenny: I've decided, next time I sign on to save the world I'm asking them to pay me in rum. Remember this, kids! Rum is good!

Reno: And there's your moral of th'day, yo. Go to bed with that advice on your brain, and you'll enjoy your boring little lives so much more.

Jenny: Say good night, Reno!

Reno: G'niiight, Reno. *slooshyslooshysloosh*
raspberryturk: (Cynic Radio)
[personal profile] raspberryturk
Reno: Okay, you little rats really gotta stop starin' at me that way. Yes, I'm talkin' to you, yo. And you throw one more acorn at me, I'm gonna--

*thunk*

Reno: .... One of you rodents has a deathwish, don't you?

*rummaging sounds*

Jenny: Reno! Reno! It's full of rum!

Yes, Rum. )

Jenny: Don't let the squirrels get to you. They're squirrels.

Reno: It'd be a waste of good booze anyhow. We done?

*shuffling*

Jenny: Well, that's all the notes, so...yes. Yes, we are.

Reno: Good. Talkin' always slows the drinkin' process. I've got quality time to spend with our co-host and its friends.

Jenny: Funny, that's what I'm planning to do tonight, too. Good night, Fandom!

Reno: Hello, co-host!

Fandom High RPG



About the Game

---       Master Game Index
---       Thinking of Joining?
---       Application Information
---       Existing Character Directory

In-Character Comms

School and Grounds
---       Fandom High School
---       Staff Lounge
---       TA Lounge
---       Student Dorms

Around the Island
---       Fandom Town
---       Fandom Clinic

Communications
---       Radio News Recaps
---       Student Newspaper
---       IC Social Media Posts

Off-Island Travel
---       FH Trips

Once Upon a Time...
---       FH Wishverse AU


Out-of-Character Comms

---       Main OOC Comm
---       Plot Development
---       OOC-but-IC Fun





Disclaimer

Fandom High is a not-for-profit text-based game/group writing exercise, featuring fictional characters and settings from a variety of creators, used without permission but for entertainment purposes only.

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